Misty - astrodisiac - 呪術廻戦 (2024)

Chapter 1: it's called soup

Chapter Text

Nanami couldn’t read her mind, no matter how hard he tried, and he often did. And every time he tried to navigate the enigma that was named Tiana, he found himself perplexed as to why he tried so hard to untangle the mess that resided in her mind.

Brown skin, even bronzer eyes that shined with the same grace as the lonely moon on a sullen night. Hair in tight kinks and coils as they bounced around her shoulders when she walked down the tiled halls, lips in a slight frown, but not as deep as when she first arrived. Nanami didn’t know what to expect when his cousin Charlotte begged Nanami over the phone to give her friend a job.

Now, Lottie was always known to get whatever she wanted, especially when it came to her soft-hearted (and bodied) father. Nanami admits that even he would melt at her request; he couldn’t help it, he would spoil her rotten when they were kids and her request knew no bounds. It would also keep her from throwing a fit, which would in turn keep Eli La Bouff off his neck and make him obey her commands regardless. It was just easier to comply with her majesty.

But Nanami didn’t expect Lottie to ask such a request. Giving a random woman a job overseas with no qualifications? No credentials, and barely half a cent to her name? Nanami had a heart, but he was also a businessman, with emphasis on the business aspect. There were so many things to consider; what position would this mystery woman play at the company, or how to properly accommodate her stay in Japan. Whether they would be comfortable in a place where it’s mother tongue differed drastically in syllables and enunciation. He gave Lottie a firm-

“No. Charlotte,” He rarely called her that unless he was serious, “I can’t do that. And so suddenly?”

“Oh, Ken, please!” She begged over the phone, and Nanami could practically hear the tears splatter on the ground as she sputtered into the receiver. “I-I’m begging you! I-I promise I’ll never ask for anything again if you just do this one favor for me, please!”

Nanami ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. He hadn’t heard her cry in so long, especially to this extent. She was in turmoil, but this was a situation where he had to put his foot down. This wasn’t something as simple as a new car, or an exotic pet that she was asking for. Lottie was asking for him to break so many rules and regulations for someone he had never heard of or seen before. To skip processes and engage in underhanded acts that went against his own principles. He was a man who was fair and just, and he planned to keep it that way.

“Lottie,” He tried to soften his voice to ease her sorrows. “It’s not like that. My job is a place of business. Not a charity case. I can’t just go around giving out jobs to everyone in need all willy-nilly. It wouldn’t make a very sound business practice.”

“What do you need to know? I’ll tell you everything-” Lottie sniffled, and Nanami heard frantic shuffling in the background as static popped in his ear. “She knows a lot about business- she even owned one with her-” Lottie stops, gulping down her next set of words.

“She owned a restaurant.” She continues. “She was actually in the process of opening multiple chains-”

“And then what happened?” Nanami raised a brow. He leaned back in his office chair, the leather popping underneath him.

“W-well she…the business went under.” Lottie seemed ashamed to admit this, but it was a truth that was necessary for Nanami to know, and he couldn’t help but frown. “But it wasn’t her fault-!”

“Then whose was it?” Nanami asked in a bludgeoning tone. Lottie felt cold, Nanami never talked to her like this. Even when he told her no, or chastised her it was in a much more upbeat cadence and in good humor, then she would get what she requested regardless. She wondered if this was the same cousin who’d give her the world on a jeweled plate if she asked.

“Businesses don’t just ‘go under’. Her irresponsibility is proof enough that she would be more of a hindrance than a help.”

Lottie didn’t respond. Just soggy sniffles crackling into his ear.

“What do you want me to do? What will it take for you to say yes?” Lottie pushed.

“If you’re her friend, why won’t you help her?” Nanami said, quite more harshly than he meant to say. “Your father has hundreds of thousands to spare- why come to me?”

“Tia is…a very prideful person. Believe me, I’ve tried, and tried, and tried some more. But she is so hellbent on standing on her own, no matter how beaten and battered her legs are.”

Nanami scoffed. This kind of person sounded almost impossible to work with, especially on a team where multiple people are required to do specific tasks to achieve a common goal. If she decided to shoulder an entire project by herself and it fell through, or if she refused to ask for help from those more experienced than her, it could be disastrous.

“She won’t take anything from me. Not now, and not even when we were kids. She’s always been like that, and I admire her strong will. Sometimes I wish I could be as independent as her.” Lottie sounded reminiscent, her mind reeling memories Nanami couldn’t see. “But I’m not, hell, I’m not even mature enough to help her the way she really needs me to at this very moment. I can only rely on those around me and right now I am relying on you, Nanami. Please.”

“Even if I said yes, your plan has too many holes.” Nanami leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. “What happens when she finds out we're related and you used your power to get her such a high position? If you know she doesn’t appreciate your pity, won’t this make matters worse beyond repair?”

“That’s why she can’t find out, Ken.” Lottie exasperates. “I told her she needed a change of pace, new scenery, and she finally agreed to let me help her find a job out of this damn swamp. She doesn’t want to leave, but she needs this, Nanami. You just…you just wouldn’t understand.”

“But in order for me to comply I need to understand, Lottie. How dire can her situation be if she’s trying to leave the country?”

Lottie ignores his question, continuing to voice her good-hearted schemes.

“I’ll be helping her send out her resume everywhere, but I can’t keep an eye on her everywhere. I can’t leave her alone, but I can’t go with her, and I really want to. But you’re so ideal. You can keep an eye on her for me, it’s so simple and efficient, and-”

“And up to me to agree. I’m not a babysitter, Lottie.”

“You used to babysit me.” Nanami could hear her pout as she tried to conjure up justification out of thin air.

“When you were a baby. I’m not hovering over a woman. This is undignifying and unprofessional, and slightly inappropriate when taken out of context.”

“Please, Ken. Will you at least give her a chance?” Charlotte asked in a soft tone, not in forceful or pressing matters like her other demands. It was almost humbling, a sense of responsibility ringing through her hoarse voice.

Nanami purses his lips, fingers drumming on his metallic desk.

“You’ve grown, Lottie.” Nanami sighs, feeling his will bend at the hand of the woman on the opposite line. He couldn’t outright say yes, but the possibility of saying no had shrunk to near impossible. “She’ll still have to go through the process like everyone else, though. At least if she makes the cut, it will make it look more realistic on your end.”

Lottie exhales sharply, nodding her head frantically on the other line, though Nanami couldn’t see it. “Oh, thank you, Ken! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Her voice shrills at the end, and Nanami moves the phone away from his ear to protect his hearing.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” Nanami rubs his forehead, massaging his tense brows. “I’m not the only one who has a say in this. With the minimal credentials she has she may be offered an intern position, which can be beneficial because we offer housing; most interns are either in college or trying to stand on their own after graduating with thousands in debt.”

“Intern?” Charlotte says, disgust riddled in her words. “Tia ain’t everyone else, Ken. She’s too good for a lowly job like that. I was thinking more like assistant or-”

“Charlotte.” Nanami warns her, and she immediately clamps up.

“Right. Got it. Be grateful. Thank you, Ken! I love you so much!” Charlotte exclaims, an exaggerated “MUAH” sound followed by her praises before the line clicks.

All Nanami could ponder as the tone rang in his ear was what had he gotten himself into?

The question rang even louder when a few days later, he received an email titled “tia’s resume :)”, from [emailprotected]; not only was there a lack of capitalization, but also decorum. Nanami gritted his teeth, temple pulsing as he sent her a text.

You can’t just send me an email, especially to this degree

of pandering. It’s suspicious.

oopsies

Can you at least pretend that you care?

But i DO care ken :((

Send in her application through the website like

everyone else.

shes NOT everyone else >:((

Just do as I say.

This situation gave Nanami such a headache, and seemed to stress him out more than it should have. He doesn’t even know the woman, and her fate isn’t entirely in his hands alone. So why did it seem to weigh on him so heavily as he looked over her stacked resume?

“Well, it seems she has good work ethics.” Nanami muttered, flitting through the thin pages that seemed to make a short story of Tiana’s life. The other executives at the table seemed to agree, some huffing in annoyance as they tossed the booklet aside while others admired Tiana’s tenacity.

“She seems like a try hard, don’t you think?” Satoru said, leaning back in his chair as he propped his heels on the table. “All these different jobs, all this experience, yet can’t keep her own business from plummeting? Sounds too good to be true.”

“But her letters of recommendation are all there.” Getou spoke, eyes skimming the pages quickly, then pushing Gojo’s feet off the long table with a solid thud. “They all said she was a delight to work with: bright, energetic, and gung-ho for whatever she wants. I doubt her previous employers would lie on her behalf, but most are in food service which doesn’t quite translate well in what we do.” He continues flipping through the pages. “Even so, she has some letters from previous professors, though she didn’t finish her initial studies.”

“How would a culinary degree help us anyway? What’s she going to do, cook appetizers to appease our competitors?” Ijichi spoke, shifting his thin glasses.

“She minored in business.” Nanami said with a wary tone, which he covered with the clearing of his throat before anyone took notice. He couldn’t help but feel a slight tug in the back of his neck that made him shift in discomfort; torn between what was politically correct and following his heart. Acting as casual as possible, but not too nonchalant, but not too pushy. He had to let the chips fall where they may and be okay with the outcome no matter who got hurt. His eyes whisked around the table to view his colleagues' expressions: Gojo twiddled on his phone, his feet finding refuge in Getou’s lap, Shoko chewed the inside of her cheek, and the others look either interested in this woman’s debacle while some looked as though they wanted to be anywhere else but here.

“How’d she even open a business to begin with so young anyway, without a piece of paper to her name?” Shoko hummed, blinking slowly. “It took us ages to get to where we were, and we only own a portion.”

“You don’t need an education to start a food business, just yearly certifications and an up to date facility. Don’t be dense.” Mei said through upturned lips. Shoko shrugged indifferently, eyes heavy as she seemed to force herself to stay awake.

“But for it to be so grand? Someone with old money must have been involved.”

“Romantically, to be specific.” Gojo spoke up, his voice cherry as if he discovered a secret that was just too juicy to share. “A quick Google search tells you most of what you need to know.” His eyes lifted from his phone as he slid it across the table to Nanami. The device halted right before it tilted off the edge into his lap, displaying multiple links to articles and news outlets saying most of the same thing; something along the lines of a new restaurant opening in the heart of New Orleans by a bright young woman. But his eyebrows raised in shock when he saw a dark skinned woman standing affectionately close to a familiar young man, poised in front of a large brick building with the words “Tiana’s Palace” in bright, neon lights above the establishment. Nanami skimmed over the article summary, reading it aloud for his fellow friends.

“Tiana’s Palace foreclosed on the one year anniversary of the estranged ‘Prince’ of the Maldonia Estate’s tragic death?” Nanami blinked, eyebrows furrowed as he read the words. He clicks the link, eyes wandering over other facts and events that had been unbeknownst to him as the room filled with hushed murmurs.

“Remember Naveen? She was married to him.” Gojo hums in content, lips slightly curled at the end.

“The runaway son of one of our biggest competitors, Naveen?” Ichiji raises a brow, unable to believe such a statement. “The one who passed a few years ago, Naveen? Are you sure it’s that one?”

“I had heard he had eloped after being disowned by his family, but the fact that he kept his business and private endeavors so quiet even after his passing is quite admirable.” Getou spoke, rubbing his chin.

Gojo tutted his lips while folding his lanky arms. “Apparently their marriage wasn’t discovered by the majority of the public until a few months after his passing, and even now no one makes a fuss about this ‘Tiana’ woman. I’m guessing the Maldonia’s kept it under wraps not only for them but to keep the heat off that poor woman."

“Naveen f*cking died?” Shoko looked at the phone in disbelief after it was passed around by Nanami. Mei turns to look at her, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Don’t you remember? We signed a card and sent a care package to Ralph’s house?” Mei says. Again, Shoko shrugs.

“Where have you been for the past, like, four years?” Getou said while shaking his head. Nanami was intrigued, yet at the same time baffled by the information, all the more befuddled that Charlotte failed to mention a detail so important. He couldn't help but frown as he slid Tiana’s thick resume away from him.

“This doesn’t add up.” Nanami spoke in a frigid tone. “His family refused to lend him a dime when he ran away, I doubt they would prop up the woman who caused their son to derail off his path.”

“I mean have you seen her job credentials? The woman must have done some heavy saving.” Ichiji said, impressed as he circled her name on his list of applicants.

“Her tenacity plus Naveen’s keen sense of business probably made them a dangerous duo.” Mei said in agreement, highlighting her name as well. “She had to have worked her ass off. It’s respectable enough.”

“And?” Nanami said. “We have plenty of applicants who have ‘worked their asses’ off for the lowest clearance level that we have with far more qualifications. Are we really going to let her in because of a connection with our competitor?”

“If you put it that way, I don’t see why not.” Gojo smiled keenly. “Seems like a win for us. The silenced widow of the Maldonia family working for G Corps.? I’m sure we could use this to our benefit, bump her up to an assistant or something flashy.”

Nanami opened his mouth to interject but Getou stole the words right from him.

“We’re not using a woman’s grief to our advantage. If that’s the route you want to take, then I’m voting no.” Getou scribbled a quick “x” over her name, and turned away without a second thought. Nanami swallowed thickly. “Giving jobs because of status and connections is not how we do things, we go by work ethics. Bypassing all other levels and placing her into such a high position is absurd.”

“But her ethics are clearly there, you can’t deny it.” Gojo argued back, and Getou squinted his eyes at his partner.

“You’re trying to twist my words.” Getou seethed.

“You’re twisting mine.” Gojo poked out his tongue in a childlike manner. As tension built on one side of the table, Shoko spoke up.

“I’m gonna have to say no as well.” Shoko said. “Not because of Gojo’s scheme, but realistically, she doesn’t have any prospects. She never finished school, and the one business she owned failed miserably. It may have been because of grief, but it doesn’t matter. If you can’t separate your personal life and your business life then you have no reason to work with us.”

“That’s a bold statement to make when Getou and Gojo act the way that they do.” Mei mumbled, but Shoko continued.

“Does she even speak japanese? Will she be comfortable moving across, not the continent, but the world? Will she let her grief cloud her judgment and erode her motivation? If she’s using this job to ‘run away’ from her problems but ends up bringing them here, it could be an unnecessary headache. We aren’t a social club, nor are we some sort of therapy group.”

Nanami pursed his lips, his teeth gnawing at the fleshy part of the inside of his bottom lip.

“What’s that then? Three yes’ and two no’s?” Gojo said, as Getou glared at him. Gojo’s cerulean eyes landed on Nanami, piercing through him with a wicked look. “Nanamin, you’ve been really quiet. What does Mr. Logic have to say about all this?”

Nanami leaned over the table, thinking long and hard about this decision. The fact that he had power in the final say irked him beyond comparison. Too many pieces were in play. Lottie and her schemes, Gojo and his plans; everything seemed to muddle inside of his head as he voiced his decision.

“I said no, Lottie.” Nanami spoke into his office phone, and the other side simply crackled in between the silence.

“You’re dead to me, Nanami.” Charlotte’s initial excitement when her cousin called her with an update shriveled into something bitter.

“Lottie, listen.” Nanami blew a huff of air past his lips. “You…you lied to me.” Charlotte scoffed in disbelief on the other line.

“L-lied? I ain't lie about nothin’!” Charlotte exclaimed.

“You omitted the truth, that’s lying.” Nanami said in a stern voice that seemed to boil from his throat. “She was married to Naveen? You didn’t-” Nanami looked around his empty office, hoping his voice didn’t echo past these thin white walls. “You didn’t tell me that. What the hell, Charlotte?”

“Yeah, because you would have jumped for joy at the mention of that.” Charlotte said. “Why does that even matter?”

“He may have been estranged, but he was still once the heir of our biggest competitor. That puts Tiana in a rough position here.” Nanami’s foot tapped rhythmically on the tile as her name rolled off his tongue like the jade swells of a valley. “The wrong person gets their hands on information like that, and the quiet life you want her to live out here won’t be as such.”

“You said no anyways, so it looks like we’ll have to try for someplace else.” Charlotte said sharply. “Thanks for nothin’.” Charlotte went to hang up the phone, until Nanami’s smooth voice spoke through the speaker.

“I said no to her having an assistant position.” Nanami interjected. “One of my coworkers wanted her to work directly under him, and I disagreed. She’ll work as an intern for now. At least that way, she’ll have a place to stay.”

Nanami moved the phone away from his ear as Charlotte squealed like a pig on the other line, which made the corner's of his mouth tilt slightly at the comparison as he was reminded of her fascination with the color pink. He put the phone back to his ear just as Charlotte came to the end of her garbled praises and thank you’s.

“-ank you, Ken! Thank you so, so, so, so, so, so much!” Charlotte gushed on the other line, her excitement returning tenfold.

“No need to thank me, I was simply doing my job.” Nanami said with a sigh. When all was said and done, he still gave Charlotte what she wanted, even though it wasn’t wrapped in a glittery pink box and instead in the form of a much grander favor.

“But I must ask, Ken,” Charlotte said, her words dragging with a southern drawl. “Why didn’t you just let Tia work under you?”

“No.” Nanami immediately cut her off, severing the possibility from his own mind. “No, that’d be way too obvious, don’t you think, Lottie?”

Nanami didn’t understand why he had this premonition of impending doom lying within his heart. The foreboding feeling was so strong that it made him tug the collar of his ironed shirt away from his slightly damp neck. Maybe it was because he knew of Tiana by association, and didn’t want to cause trouble for her, or for himself in the near future. They would soon be working close together, but thankfully not too close. Keeping a close eye on interns was more so Shoko’s job, so thankfully he could use that excuse to get Charlotte off of his back. It would be suspicious otherwise; a man of great renown aiming to be promoted to CEO of the company interacting with an intern who wouldn’t even be a part of the branch in his current department? It was so absurdly hilarious that Nanami wanted to laugh.

So why was he being put in charge of picking the poor woman up?

“Shoko, aren’t you supposed to be picking up Tiana from the airport? You’re late. Really bad first impression for the company.” Nanami had asked the woman who was swamped with tilting stacks of paper, threatening to spill onto the floor of her office as she scrambled over each individual page.

“sh*t, sh*t, sh*t…” Shoko muttered, not slowing for a second. “I can’t right now. Nanami, you do it.”

Nanami scoffed, raising one of his blonde brows. “You can’t be serious? That’s your job.”

“Well as you can see,” She motioned to the papers, careful not to knock them over, “I’m busy doing my other jobs. I know you have nothing better to do.”

“Maybe if you didn’t slack off and let your work pile up on you…” Nanami began, and Shoko placed her hands firmly on her desk, looking up at Nanami with a tired look.

“I didn’t want her working here in the first place. I told you it was a bad idea.” She reiterated. “You gave the final say in her position here, so she should really be your responsibility.”

“Shoko-”

Shoko ignored him, picking up her office phone and dialing a specific set of numbers. “Y'know what, I’ll just get Gojo to-”

“No, no. Nevermind.” Nanami cut her off quickly, holding his hands up in defeat. The last thing he needed was for that fool to make her feel uncomfortable with his curiosity and overbearing personality. There was a silver lining to this; he could meet the woman his dear little cousin was so eager to stick her neck out for. “I got it.”

“I know you do.” Shoko says, returning to the papers. “And take the good company car. It works with everyone else. A ride in that luxury mobile usually makes up for most mistakes.”

Most not being this one.

Nanami stood with a sign in bold writing labeled “Tiana”, and he wasn’t there for ten seconds before a woman paced up to him.

Her expression was anything but happy, but who would be after flying for almost a full 24 hours, and the ride provided for them, which just so happened to be the company she would be working for, was almost two hours late? Nanami’s lips were pressed in a thin line, embarrassed and frustrated that he had to be the face of his company’s, or better yet, Shoko’s incompetence.

“Hm…” The woman hummed slightly, and Nanami’s face twisted into a scowl. He knew what she was thinking; it was knitted between her thin brows. She was dressed for comfort, but still looked very presentable despite being held hostage in an enclosed compartment for hours. She wore a yellow tracksuit with green detailing, and her luggage was a forest green with brown trim; for some reason the design reminded Nanami or something of the early 1900s. She had large brown eyes, a nose that was scrunched in distaste, and that frown. That frown that resided deep within her pigment, embossed in her forehead. Despite looking so soft, she looked bitter, angry at the world, and she had that right at this particular moment.

“I’ll grab that for you.” Nanami said in English, grabbing the large luggage by its handle, brushing her hand in the process. Tiana muttered a “thank you”, hesitating as the syllables spilled from her tongue in a foreign language as she clutched her chest.

Now from Tiana’s point of view, she was puzzled, and a bit dazed from the most recent events. She received an email about an online interview after her resume was approved, and it seemed to go well, but she didn’t expect to actually get the job. It was across the planet, she only did the interview because Lottie pushed her on the matter so much. But to her surprise, she received the position, and while it wasn’t the only job she got a call back from, Lottie was adamant that Tiana chose this specific one. Tiana didn’t even get to see what Lottie threw in her luggage as she shoved things in there, and the next day after she received the news she was out the door, headed to the airport. Tiana fought Charlotte on the plane tickets, but Charlotte claimed she “didn’t want the opportunity to go to waste” and that “Tia should leave right now”, so she allowed Charlotte to buy the tickets, only if they were basic economy with no added perks. After a 17 hour flight and then some, she was sure her ride from her new job would be there waiting for her, but lo and behold, here a man was almost two hours late to take her to her destination.

So CP time exists here too, she thought.

Tiana followed behind the man who definitely had more than an inch or two above her; he was pressed in a blue shirt with a very wacky tie decorating his neck and some loose khakis. A circular pair of shades rested on the bridge of his nose, which was very sharp. In fact, all of his features seemed sharp: his cheek bones, his jaw, even the strands of blonde that sprouted from his head and framed his face. Everything about him seemed so angular, neat, and pristine, he couldn’t just be a mere cabbie.

Tiana let out a sigh, blinking as she took in everything at one time, and it hit her so hard that it almost knocked the wind out of her. She was in Japan. Japan, of all places. No longer near the bayou, miles away from her childhood home, so far from her childhood friend. So far from everything that defined her while simultaneously destroying her. But this…this was good. Maybe this is what she needed, to start fresh. To start over, even if this method seemed a bit unorthodoxed. She hardens her heart, blinking rapidly as she twists the lonely silver band on her finger.

Tiana was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t realize she followed the strange man all the way to the parking garage. She didn’t ask the man any questions or anything; just followed a man who held her name written on a piece of printer paper up in the airport. She began to berate herself internally. He could have been anybody. What if this man were trying to kidnap her? Her mama didn’t teach her to follow strange men around all willy-nilly. And while Tiana seemed to be having a battle with herself on the inside, Nanami swallowed thickly, the silence eating him alive as he opened the passenger door to let the woman slide in.

As he shut the door gently, he rolled her heavy luggage to the trunk, popping it open. God, she was pissed, Nanami thought. The tension was so thick it was almost suffocating. Not only was a new employee slighted on their first day in a brand new environment, but Nanami was sure that Charlotte would chew him out for making her wait so long in an unfamiliar place.

Letting out a weighted sigh, he adjusted his tie as he climbed into the luxury vehicle; sinking into the peanut butter leather, pushing the bronze start button, and letting his free arm rest on the wide console as his fingers delicately curled around the steering wheel. The ac whisked around the compartment gently, repelling the late August heat. Nanami glanced at the woman next to him, she seemed to be swallowed by the seat with her back pressed into it as upright as the midday sun, hands folded neatly into her lap, and ankles crossed as she looked out the window. It was so awkward that all Nanami could do was purse his lips. This is why he didn’t deal with newbies, and it didn’t help that he now had a personal connection with her. He felt obligated to go out of his way more than he usually would.

“I apologize for the tardiness. This isn’t how we usually operate, and is a very bad first impression.” Nanami tried to joke, but it fell flat.

“Your name?” Tiana turned to the man, again trying to replicate the language that was foreign to her mouth. The lack of confidence in her cadence didn’t help, and it came out slightly garbled. She twisted her mouth as the man leaned his ear closer to her.

“Hm?”

Tiana felt herself moving away, clearing her throat as she gave up trying to communicate in Japanese.

“Your name? What is your name?” She said, and Nanami blinked as her real voice seemed to settle into his ears. It reminded him of Lottie’s voice, but warmer. A fuller, and stronger tone like the wide trunk of a sturdy oak. The way it dipped and climbed felt like joyfully riding a seesaw on a summer’s day.

“Kento Nanami.” He said. “I am the CMO of G. Corps.”

I knew he wasn’t a cabbie, Tiana thought, but now her nerves became restless as they overcame her initial anger. She smoothened out her sweats, sitting up even straighter (if that were even possible), nodding her head. This man was the boss of her boss's boss. If he caught an inkling of agitation, he would probably fire her on the spot, throw her out the car, and drive off leaving her stranded.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Nanami.” Tiana gripped her seats as she looked over at his hand. “My name is Tiana.”

“I know.” Nanami said a bit too quickly. “I reviewed your application. And had the sign.”

“Right.” She chuckled nervously, and the conversation died. The car crawls forward gently, as Nanami drives out of the dark garage, and makes his way to the busy streets. Battling the awkward silence, Nanami tries to revive the conversation.

“Again, I want to apologize for being so late. I promise this is not a reflection of how we operate as a business.”

Much to Tiana’s dismay, the man just kept talking. She would much rather wallow in her silence as they take her to the apartment complex, and avoid dry conversations such as this. But ignoring him wasn’t the best decision. She turns to him again, providing her undivided attention as she gives him a clear and concise reply.

“I understand. A man such as yourself must be really busy.”

“Well, no…” Nanami’s eyebrows furrowed as he glanced back at her, then returned his eyes to the road. While her voice held a sweetness to it, the emotion didn't reach those wide, brown eyes. Nanami wasn’t sure if it was towards him or something else, but a poorly hidden layer of resentment rested under her skin.

“My colleague Shoko was supposed to be the one to be here, and while it’s no excuse, she found herself overwhelmed, so I took the task from her.”

Though she knew it wasn’t personal, Tiana didn’t appreciate being referenced to as a task. She gives him a flat smile before turning back to the window, buildings blurring by as they speed down the road.

“How noble of you.”

Nanami was positive the conversation had a giant “DNR” plastered on it, so he clamped his mouth shut. This is why Shoko should have been here, he thought. She was much more easy going, capable of lightening any bad mood, even the damp one he had to sit in for a few more minutes. Though Shoko wasn’t a cherry person herself, she was always able to make someone comfortable enough to open up. Nanami bit the inside of his lower lip as they rode in silence.

In the silence, Tiana tried not to let her mind wander too far. She found herself repeating the same things over and over, practicing phrases in her head so she wouldn’t make a fool of herself at her new job. Every time her thoughts drifted to places she didn’t want to revisit, she’d repeat those same sentences again and again.

Hello, my name is Tiana. I’m a new intern from New Orleans.

She tried not to think of the subtle bumps on the rode, her senses suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of rough gravel underneath the spinning tires.

Hello, my name is Tiana. I’m a new intern from New Orleans.

She tried not to shake, gripping the armrest opposing Nanami, her nails bending into the leather. When was the last time she was the passenger in a car for more than five minutes? Were car rides always this long? Were the spaces always this compact?

Hello, my name is Tiana. I’m a new intern from New Orleans.

The ac was bone chilling, and the air was so sharp as she inhaled that it felt like it was slicing at her windpipes. She blinked, eyebrows scrunched as her vision became blotchy, as if someone had poked holes in her sight. Not now, she didn’t want to think of this now. The whole point of this was literally to not think about it; to forget about it. To forget about all of it. She wasn’t there anymore. She was okay. She was okay.

Hello, my name is-

“Tiana- Ms. Tiana…we’re here.” Nanami’s voice yanked her out of the memories she had begun to drown in, and she felt immense gratitude for him breaking the silence she was so keen on keeping. As her eyes fluttered, leveling her vision, she saw them pull up to a gated community. It was quite fancy, reminding Tiana of the ritzier parts of New Orleans, but not as lavish as Lottie's home. Nanami rolled down his window, punched in a few numbers in the code box, and the gates opened gracefully as if welcoming Tiana into heaven. Tiana settled herself into the seat as they pulled in, tuning into Nanami’s voice.

“Your apartment key, keycard, and gate code will be found in your apartment. You can change the code to your apartment door to anything, but the password to get in today is four consecutive zeros. Because we house interns and other employees, we do provide transportation to the different sites, including the main building which I believe is where you were assigned.” Nanami said, glancing briefly at Tiana. He had taken notice of her subtle trembling, but chalked it up to nerves. It wasn’t any of his business anyway, so he continued to give her a short tour of the small community. He circles the large pond and fountain, pointing out the pool which would be closing soon, the gym where you could work out, the bikes that employees could use at their disposal, the walking trail that outlined the entire facility. Tiana was impressed, all the buildings were white and trimmed in a sea foam blue. It was very pristine, modernized, and expected of such a large company. At least from here, it looked as if they treated their employees well. She twisted the silver band around her finger, the familiar grooves providing a sense of comfort.

“The main building is about a mile from here, so if you don’t want to take the bus you could have a nice morning walk or use the bikes. Or carpool with others, you become very close knit around here.” Nanami said, pulling up to a set of apartments labeled “A”. As the car stopped, he shifted the gear into park and the engine hummed gently. Tiana lets out a sigh of relief, quickly unbuckling her seatbelt and fumbling with the car door. After a couple tugs, she realizes it’s locked from the inside, and awkwardly turns to Nanami.

“Oh. My apologies.” Nanami says, hitting the unlock button on his side. The doors in the car click in response, and Tiana gives that same flat smile, lips curled into a long, thin line across her face.

“Thank you, Mr. Nanami.” Tiana says, swinging the door open. Nanami swings his door open as well, both closing the door at the same time. Tiana is a bit quicker, waving her foot under the bottom of the car and activating the trunk to open. She then begins clawing at her luggage,dragging it out of the trunk, until it lands on the asphalt with a loud smack. Nanami stands there, watching her struggle, his knuckles on his hips.

“Would you like me to carry that up?” Nanami raises a brow, activating the trunk so that it will close. Tiana shakes her head rapidly, pulling the latch up and balancing it on its two wheels.

“You’ve done more than enough, I appreciate it.” She says, flipping her yellow hood down. A heap of dark curls rest on top of her head, a few stray strands falling in front of those big brown eyes.

This must be the stubbornness Lottie was talking about, Nanami thought.

“I’m just doing my job.” Nanami says, adjusting his shades. Tiana nods, turning around to walk away, but Nanami calls something out to her before she is out of earshot.

“You don’t have to try to speak in Japanese if you’re not comfortable. A lot of people around here speak in English.” Nanami tries to reassure her. “If you need something, one of the admins should be able to help.” He throws in. Nanami, even if he wanted to, wouldn’t be able to cater to her solely, though that's what Charlotte intended for him to do. Tiana was not his responsibility, and it made him uncomfortable to think about hovering over a woman so closely. Plus, it would look so strange. She will just have to use the same resources as everyone else.

Tiana nods, rolling the large bag up the sidewalk, and begins hauling it up the stairs. Nanami stands there, carefully watching her to make sure she gets in without any hiccups. He watches her lean onto the door, punch in the code, and literally fall into the room with her luggage in tow. The door slams shut, and Nanami’s lips turn upwards into a weird expression.

“Alright then.” Nanami says, pulling out of the driveway.

“Alright then…” Tiana winces as she collects herself. She looks around the room, it being pretty standard for a single apartment. Tiana swallows hard at the word “single”, walking around the tidy abode. Everything was white and beige, and accents of the same seafoam green outside the building. It definitely lacked the cozy touches of home, but it was something she could fix over time. The kitchen had a tiny island with a single stool, a silver fridge with a touch screen and other basic appliances. She flipped on a light switch, a bright white light illuminating the area. As she walked past the open kitchen, she reached the living room, which already housed a large screen television on a wide media cabinet and two couches. A pair of curtains blocked the sliding door to the terrace; Tiana had observed that little detail from the outside when they pulled up. To the left led to the bedroom with a queen size mattress and a nice sized bathroom. Then to the right of the entrance was a small office with a computer resting in a large desk, which Tiana guessed was for working either from home or off the clock.

“They got money, money…” Tiana mumbled, lugging her bag to the fully furnished bedroom. Her body was exhausted, and definitely jet lagged, but she didn’t want to sleep. A small part of her was too nervous to sleep, afraid that memories would torment her during her time of rest. So instead, she found herself leaving the apartment as quickly as she came, and finding one of the bike pods Nanami was talking about. She picks one, scans her newly issued ID card, and starts pedaling. There was so much she had to do to properly get settled, and though she had about two more days until her first official day on the job, she didn’t want to waste it.

So she busied herself, getting lost in the city Sendai, trying to familiarize herself with the large city. Finding nearby stores, markets, and stalls, memorizing the route to the main building, and even purchasing some basic necessities to get her through the week. The beauty about Sendai was that the city followed Tiana’s philosophy of never sleeping. The daytime was loud, and the night was thunderous. So on the following Monday, she allowed herself to close her eyes for just a second in the break room, curled over her fifth cup of room temperature coffee.

“Tiana.” A sharp voice caused her to jump, knocking the coffee across the table, and spilling into her lap. Soft swears leave her lips as she jumps out of the chair. The brown drink seemed to creep everywhere, seeping into the floor, sliding across the white table, and staining Tiana’s gray pencil skirt.

“sh*t, I mean, shoot…” Tians mumbles, running to the counter of the room and grabbing a handful of paper towels, the cardboard dowel rattling against the metal rod as she yanks on them. She scurried to clean up the mess, wiping profusely at the table, the floor, then her skirt, and back to the table.

“Were you asleep?” The voice asks condescendingly, and Tiana looks up to a woman in a fitted navy suit with a tie to match. Her kitten heels clicked on the tile as she stood there with her arms folded, eyes glaring down her upturned nose.

“It was my break.” Tiana defends herself, standing and dumping the soggy paper towels into the nearby bin.

“I know it’s your first official day, so I’ll give you a pass. But you really shouldn't be so tired.”

“Well, Ms. Misha,” Tiana began, standing up over the petite woman. “I haven’t gotten quite used to this new sleep schedule. I’m still a bit jet lagged, is all.” Tiana said, swiping at the stain on her skirt. It was such a hideous blob on her outfit, and it frustrated her more than the obvious lack of sleep. The jet lag isn’t the only reason she was tired, her sleeping habits had been poor for a while now. The consequences just seemed to catch her at the worst time.

“I saw you biking over the weekend. Maybe you should have used that time to rest and prepare properly.” Misha said through a tight smile, and Tiana felt her eye twitch. Misha, her boss, had been on her ass like white on rice since she walked in at six in the morning. Upon her early arrival, she and the other new interns for the third quarter went through an initiation of sorts, going over company rules and policies, touring the building, then broken into separate groups. Between six this morning and 1:27pm, which Tiana noted on the clock on the wall, Misha was quick to pester Tiana all day. First she got dress-coded for her skirt being too tight, but how can you penalize someone for filling in their clothes in all the right places? Next it was her hair, and by God, Tiana wanted to pop the woman’s mouth when she referred to it as “untamed”. Then, it was her enunciation of Japanese words. Misha claimed she nor the other interns could understand her, and she will speak to her in English “if she must”. It was just micro-aggression after micro-aggression, and no one stood up for her, and God forbid she stand up for herself. Misha would simply wave her off, walking in the other direction, claiming she had “better things to do”. Now she was tormenting her on her break? Why was she keeping tabs on her outside of company time anyways?

Tiana clenches her hands, blinking softly, a wry smile playing on her lips.

“You’re right, Ms. Misha. I’ll be sure to take note of that.”

Misha gives Tiana a pitying look, her brows furrowed as she feigned concern, looking up at Tiana through her lashes.

“I know it may seem like I’m being harsher on you than anyone else, and the truth is, I am.” Misha says as she places a pale hand on Tiana’s shoulder, causing her to shudder. It took everything in Tiana not to shove the woman off of her. “But in reality, this business is tough. The people are tougher. If you still want to be here at the end of quarter two, you’re going to have to grow some tough skin, and take my corrections and run with it. I promise, it’s for your own good.”

Tiana blinks, adjusting the band on her finger, taking it off and putting it back on.

“I will keep that in mind, Ms. Misha.” Tiana says through pursed lips, knowing it was a load of bull. But there was nothing she could do about it right now. She will take this situation, and run with it until she achieves her goal.

“Good.” Misha smiles, flashing her pearly teeth. She glanced at the clock, pondering something before speaking to Tiana. “Also, can you run and go get some coffees?”

Tiana looked at the clock as time ate away at her break. Now it reads 1:35.

“But my break ends in less than 30 minutes?” Tiana says, then motions to the coffee pot in the room. “And we have coffee here. Why do you need me, again?”

“The managerial team is pretty swamped, and since you interns don’t have too much to do today, it would be smarter to send one of you.”

“And by ‘one of you’, you mean me.” Tiana smiles tightly, and Misha returns the expression.

“Exactly! You were the only one I could find on such short notice, everyone else seems busy. You’ll be doing us a huge favor, might even earn you a permanent position.”

Tiana grimaced. The idea of doing favors to one up someone made her sick. She would much rather prove her worth through her ethics.

“Mhm.” Tiana simply responds, holding her tongue. She begins walking out the room, Misha calling out to her as she leaves.

“And change your skirt while you’re at it.”

From that day on, Tiana became the resident errand girl, because the job wasn’t dignifying enough for a grown woman. Whether it was Misha, other admins, clerks, even interns on the same level as her, people were constantly asking her to make coffee runs for them while spewing bullsh*t excuses to justify themselves.

“It’ll help you memorize the city.”

“We’ll remember this favor in the future!”

“You can practice your Japanese with the cashiers.”

“We’ll treat you next time!”

“You’re not busy anyway.”

But Tiana was in fact busy. Not only did she have her own set of paperwork to do, but other interns and at some points, Misha herself, her own boss, would throw other tasks at her that were above her clearance level, and way above her paygrade. Through the oncoming weeks, she found herself taking her work home and completing it throughout the night, causing her to turn it in a day or two late. And of course, Misha had plenty to say about that.

“If you can’t handle this much as an intern, then how do you expect to work full time?” Misha would say, right before sending her on a lunch run or something. But Misha wasn’t the only person taking note of Tiana’s slacking.

“Your responsibility, Tiana, isn’t doing so hot.” Shoko told Nanami as she lounged in his office. Nanami exhaled loudly, turning away from his computer and to Shoko.

“Isn’t she in your department?” Nanami frowned.

“But whose fault is it that she’s there anyway?” Shoko said, sprawled on his office couch. Nanami’s frown deepened, and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“See, this is exactly why you’re always swamped in work. You’re here, letting others tend to your job without your careful watch. If she isn’t doing so well, and her admin is failing to correct her errors, shouldn’t you go do something about it?”

Shoko stares at the ceiling, pondering what Nanami suggested before shrugging.

“Nah.”

“Alright then.” Nanami turns back to his computer, aware that there was no victory for him within this discussion. “What do you want me to do about it?”

“Nothing, actually.” Shoko states. “If she can’t make it past the first quarter, let alone the end of quarter 2, her contract will immediately be terminated, and we can send her home. We’re taking the long way to get there, and wasting my precious raise money in the process, but it’ll prove my point.”

Nanami folds his arms, a bit frustrated. “Your point being?”

“That she used us as a little getaway. She’s a hindrance with a nice track record and we wasted our time.” Shoko said, wiggling her ankles as she threw her head over the armrest.

“I think you’re going way too far.” Nanami says. “What’s she even doing wrong that’s got you so hellbent on getting her out of here?”

“What’s she doing right that’s got you so hellbent on her staying?”

Nanami was taken aback by the question. Was he acting too defensive? He shakes his, waving away her accusations.

“It’s not that. You’re not even giving her a chance. You’re telling me she’s the only intern who's out there doing wrong?”

“No, she’s just the only one I constantly hear complaints about. And if that’s all she has to her name, then I don’t want to deal with her. Everyone else seems to be doing their job quietly, except her.”

“Fine.” Nanami says, an unsaid “I’ll do it” echoing within his skull. This annoyed him to hell and back, and he didn’t want to, but the obligation was evident.

“If things don’t improve, she’ll be terminated at our first quarter debriefing.” Shoko warns. “If she makes it that far.”

Nanami pondered those words, the memory of the conversation overwhelming his mind as he listened to Charlotte rant on and on about something her father failed to do. Suddenly, Charlotte asked the question that Nanami had been dreading to hear.

“How’s Tia?”

Nanami clenched his jaw, knowing that his answer would be far from fulfilling.

“She’s…alive?” Nanami says as a question, more than a statement, and Charlotte begins to fume over the phone.

“Well, that’s the bare minimum, Ken. You don’t know, do you?”

“I’m sorry, Lottie. I just don’t have the time to cater to everyone-”

“Tia isn’t everyone. She is one woman going through hell right now.” Charlotte whines. “She doesn't have any close friends there, Ken. And though she keeps trying to play it off, I know she is miserable right now. She needs someone who’s there right now, and that person can’t be me. Plus, the time-difference early morning calls are causing bags to form under my eyes, and they are not designer.”

“Lottie, what more do you want me to do? You wanted her to get the job, she got the job; I did that. But being a shoulder to cry on is not in my line of work.” Nanami says.

“I’m not asking you to coddle her, just to talk with her sometimes. Let her know that someone is in her corner, ‘s all.” Charlotte asks. Nanami sighs, thinking it over. This was bound to be disastrous. Nanami hadn’t spoken or seen Tiana since the stiff car ride home, and that was several weeks ago. How would he just strike a conversation with her randomly? Not to mention how strange that would look to any outsiders, and that doesn’t even take into account how Tiana will respond to his sudden friendliness.

“I’ll think of something.” Nanami promised, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to keep it. It wasn’t until a few weeks later on a chilly October night that the thought struck him again.

Across the street, he spotted her amongst the crowd; despite not seeing her in over a month he still remembered what she looked like, but admittedly she also stood out quite a bit amongst the hom*ogenous citizens peppered across the street. Her face caught the glow of the crescent moon, a gloved hand gripping a forest green hat as the other clutched a matching trench close to her chest while the wind whipped through the lonely streets. He watched her flee into the market, then found his feet stumbling after her.

I guess now is as good of a time as ever, he thought, his hands deep within his jacket pockets. He crossed the street with a slight jog, running into the market. His eyes adjusted to the yellow lights as his gaze swept across the aisles. Pursing his lips, he begins wandering the store, his work shoes clicking on the floor as he passes the shelves. He began to wonder, what could she possibly be buying this late at night, and why didn’t she go right after her shift ended? Interns didn’t work a full day, and even if they did, they wouldn’t get credited for it, which was the downside of this internship, and why interns had way more free time than full time workers. She should have had plenty of time to do what she needed to do, and head home, instead of endangering her wellbeing by commuting at night. While internships are easier, they can still be taxing. Maybe this is why her work has been subpar lately.

While her personal life shouldn’t be of any interest to Nanami, if it affected the corporation, then it was his business.

Only because of that. Nothing more, nothing less (if you didn’t count Charlotte’s death threats).

Suddenly, Nanami bumped into something, or rather, someone bumped into him. Nanami looked down, being met with those brown eyes that seemed to cause him so much duress lately. Tiana looked surprised for a moment, then that frown. That same frown she had when they first met. Nanami had no clue why she seemed so dissatisfied to see him. Nanami scoffed inwardly. It’s not like he showed up late to the store to pick her up tonight or something.

“Oh.” Tiana says softly. “Hello Mr. Nanami, funny seeing you here.”

“Well, for something so funny, you don’t look amused.”

“Hm.” Tiana’s shoulders bounce subtly as soft air blows through her nose.

Nanami tilts his head slightly. Was that supposed to be a laugh?

“You’re out late.” Nanami obviously states, unable to make his observation sound smooth.

“Just…making groceries.”

Nanami blinks at Tiana’s short answers. She left no opening to extend the conversation, making it obvious she didn’t want to be bothered. Nanami could practically hear Charlotte’s voice squealing at him in his head, mixed with this sense of obligation that he couldn’t seem to shake.

“What for? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Tiana’s eyebrows relax slightly as she looks up at the man. I do mind, she told herself, but a part of her knew that wasn’t the full truth. Her past few weeks had been so hellish, that she doubted she would ever have a friendly conversation with anyone here. She had been so used to being on the defense, even more on edge since moving here, that the thought of someone just striking a conversation with her “just because” puzzled her.

She massages the band on her hand, sliding it on different fingers while she answers.

“Well, Mr. Nanami…I’ve been looking for ingredients for the Halloween potluck on Friday.”

“Ah.” Nanami says, completely forgetting about the event. “I had forgotten all about that, honestly.”

“I thought you weren’t too busy of a man, Mr. Nanami.” Tiana chides.

“I’m not. I’m just a little behind on the task.”

“A little late. Hopefully no more than two hours this time.”

This time, it’s Nanami’s turn to let out a soft laugh, his head dropping slightly at the memory. Tiana was quite quick with her rebuttals, and to think a loaded tongue like hers would hide behind such a vexing expression.

“Alright, alright. You got me there.”

Tiana felt a bit warmer on the inside for the first time in years. But the warmth was soon sucked out of her when her phone rang, and one look at the caller ID made that frown appear on her face again. Nanami watched her carefully as she swiped across the phone screen, putting the phone to her ear.

“Hello, Ms. Misha. What can I do for you?”

Misha, Nanami thought. Why is she calling so late? And an intern at that.

“No, of course, I can do that for you. No problem.”

Nanami was perplexed. He watched Tiana finish the phone call, frown and all as she shoved her cell back into her pocket.

“Misha, she’s one of your admins, correct?”

“Yes, she is. Quite the lady, if I do say so myself.”

“I’ve worked with her very briefly in the past. That phrase is an understatement.”

Tiana’s eyes seem to shine when Nanami says that. A look of mischief followed by what Nanami assumed to be her version of a sly smile.

“Mr. Nanami, that isn’t quite professional of you to say about your employees to an intern.”

“We’re not confined to the building, so why be defined by those titles?”

Another puff of air exits the woman’s nose, her curls bouncing as she tilts her head to look up at the blonde. It wasn’t a genuine laugh, but amusem*nt lingered on the corner of her lips.

“Well it’s true.” Nanami says. “About Misha, that is. I’m sure you’re aware.”

“I’m aware of a lot of things, Mr. Nanami, and the things I perceive aren’t really yours to worry about, are they?”

So it’s none of my business, Nanami thought.

“If it affects my job then unfortunately it will keep me up at night.”

“But we’re not confined to the building, so why discuss such matters right now?”

There it was, that sharp tongue that Nanami had become perplexed with in such a short time. He couldn’t help but feel rather impressed, intrigued; not a lot of people dared go toe to toe with him from his title alone, and even if they did, Mr. Logic was always the victor. But out here, under the light of the buzzing fluorescents, they were almost equals.

“Misha.” Nanami says, ignoring her statement. “What did she want this late?”

Tiana’s eyes shift to the ground. “Just a favor for the party.”

“Are you sure? It looked like a lot more than that.”

Tiana blinks, sighing lightly.

“Look, Mr. Nanami. I appreciate your concern, but I promise I am alright. Yes, there are some moments, but every job has them, whether you work across the seas or across the street. It’s just an adjustment, s’all.”

Tiana’s voice sounded so reassuring that Nanami wasn’t sure if she was lying or not. It felt as though more needed to be said than she was allowed to slip, but he didn’t really have the right to pry, at least not right now. Her work performance had proved his suspicion a thousand times over.

“All right. I’ll let it go.”

“Thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me…” Tiana said, nodding towards the shelves. Nanami became conscious of how long he had held the woman up from completing her task. Nanami nodded, backing up away from her so that she could continue on without his pestering.

“Right, right. My apologies for holding you up.”

“S’alright.” Tiana shrugs, turning towards the shelves, but still glancing at Nanami over her shoulder.

“G’night, Mr. Nanami.”

“Goodnight, Ms. Tiana.”

The conversation left Nanami quite energized as he sat in the car, thumbs tapping on the leathered steering wheel, or maybe the right word was amused. The exchange caused Nanami to gaze through his window at the blue moon, which was carved into a thin crescent. Nanami stared so long that he could still catch its glow whenever he closed his eyes for a brief second. He wasn’t sure how long he was there, before a blur of green whisked past his car. He sat up quickly, watching Tiana stagger with a plethora of paper bags. Raising a brow, he started his car, pulled forward, and rolled down his window.

“Ms. Tiana-”

“Jesus!” Tiana shouted, almost dropping the bags as she jumped at least half a foot into the air. Nanami winced slightly, feeling a bit of shame as Tiana turned towards him. “Lord, Mr. Nanami, you can’t just creep up onto a woman like that in the middle of the night.”

“I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“What are you still doing here?”

What am I still doing here, he thought. Nanami waves his hand, shrugging.

“I got lost in the moon.” He gestures towards the sky. “It’s kind of easy to.”

Tiana huffs, a curly strand brushing out of her face, giving him a questioning look that told that she wasn’t buying his story at all. Nanami turns back to the steering wheel, hands tracing it briefly before turning back to her.

“I was also wondering if you needed help. A ride home, perhaps?”

Tiana quickly shook her head no. The car was an automatic no for her, regardless of if it was Nanami or not. Nanami noticed the way her eyes flickered to the vehicle, so quick to shut him down.

“No thank you, Mr. Nanami, that’s quite alright.”

Nanami looked out into the dark streets. He couldn’t possibly let her walk out here alone. The apartments were almost a 30 minute walk from here.

“Isn’t it a bit dark?”

Tiana scoffs. “I’ve had worse nights in the bayous.”

“I don’t know how I feel about that, Ms. Tiana.”

“What a gentleman you are.” Tiana says. “But even a gentleman respects a lady’s wish.”

Nanami’s lips skew to the side as Tiana refuses to budge. She then sighs, looking up at the bedazzled sky.

“I’m sure you’ll relate to my sentiments with the moon. I like the walk. It helps clear my mind.”

Again, that frown appeared, but it was much lonelier. As sorrowful as the moon when its beauty was shrouded in the earth’s shadow. Nanami’s eyes catch a glint on Tiana’s hand in the moonlight, that silver band he noticed that she took refuge in when anxious.

“I understand.” Nanami concedes, nodding gently. “Enjoy your night.”

Tiana nods back, grateful to finally be let go. Nanami rolls up the window as Tiana continues her staggering stroll into the night. After a while of just her heels echoing on the cold pavement, she heaves a heavy sigh, one that brought a familiar sensation to her eyes.

“Naveen.” She begins, but can’t find herself to continue as his name gets caught in her throat. “It’s been…a minute.”

“I’m so sorry, Naveen. I know I only come to you to apologize, when my heart gets too heavy, but it’s all I have the strength to do.”

Of course, there was no answer. How could he? He was long gone, resting horizontally and abandoned on the other side of the world.

“Did you hear me Naveen?” Tiana called into the night, stalling her steps, waiting for her love to call back to her, to send her a sign, something.

“I said I am sorry. Please…”

She feels her knees grow weak, and pauses for a second, crouching down on the side of the road. Her stomach churned as memories flashed rapidly across her eyes. Reliving her turmoil over and over. The feeling of metal grinding against bone, skin peeling, screams of agony, and finally sinking in a bone chilling liquid.

“Naveen…”

The name didn’t leave Nanami’s head as he recalled Tiana’s stubbornness, simultaneously dialing Charlotte’s number. It was nearing midnight for him, so he was sure it was early morning for Charlotte. After attempting to call her twice, she finally picked up on the third try, groaning in annoyance while her voice was riddled with sleep.

“Nanami, I swear on all that is holy, this better be-”

“What happened to Naveen?”

Silence envelops both of them as Nanami awaits an answer. Suddenly, he hears the creak of bed springs, Charlotte sitting up as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“What?”

“Naveen…what happened to him?” Nanami repeated. “The articles I found don't say much.”

“Ken…” Charlotte’s voice softened, barely a whisper over the line. “You don’ know what you’re asking.”

“I’m fully aware.”

“That’s not my business to tell.”

“I’m not asking about Tiana.”

“You are, you’re just being indirect.”

“Naveen and I were colleagues once.”

“Competitors.”

“Same difference.”

“Nanami.” Charlotte interrupts, so blunt it causes Nanami’s heart to stall in his chest. “I can’t believe you called me about this. That’s…that’s personal, and it’s something I nor Tiana want to relive. It’s not just Naveen involved, okay? It’s…it’s hard, and I don’t want to discuss it behind her back.”

“Was she- he in an accident? With a car, perhaps?” Nanami pushed, recalling his interactions with her. On the drive from the airport, her trembling and shallow breaths. The way she would rather struggle carrying multiple bags in her hands and strung onto her arms than take the ride home. Nanami could have chalked it up to being unfamiliar, but a tame version of terror resided in those brown eyes.

“I know you said she’s stubborn and refuses help, but walking by herself at night when-”

“That’s enough.” Charlotte immediately shut him down, voice as cold as the tundra. “I asked you to make sure she was comfortable, and sticking your nose where you don’t belong was not in that job description.”

“That’s rich coming from you after asking me for so much.” Nanami threw back in her face, and Charlotte gasped.

“That is not my business to tell. It isn’t- it’s not and you’re just gonna have to wait until Tia’s ready. If she’s ever ready.”

Nanami grew quiet. There has never been this much tension between them, this cloud of animosity. Charlotte had never been this serious with him, nor had Nanami ever pressured her this much. It was like a damn one raindrop away from breaking and flooding their delicate paradise. Nanami clenched his jaw, looking down at his wooden floor.

“Now goodnight, Nanami. Well, it’s morning for me but- well you get the point.”

And the line dies.

Nanami tosses his phone onto his nightstand with a loud clatter. He leans back on his pillows, hands resting behind his head as he stared up at his dark ceiling.

Tiana was a mystery, a woman riddled with secrets that Nanami was cursed to deduce, and all he could do was place the blame on Charlotte to ease that nagging feeling residing in the throbbing muscle hidden between his ribs. Maybe it was because of her history, or maybe it was because of this usual amount of empathy he was beginning to feel towards her. It was strange, and that same strangeness seemed to lure him.

“She’s so stubborn.” Nanami muttered behind his cup, eying Tiana across the office. Everything was so lively in the main office: employees of all levels mixing and mingling, eating food and being grateful for their much needed break, even if the holiday wasn’t as serious. People still took the opportunity to indulge in the recreation. Some were dressed up as simple things like black cats or witches, and a few went all out with fully organized costumes. And then there was Tiana, bustling around as if she were a server instead of an attendee, tending to others instead of relaxing herself.

“Who is?” Gojo said, trying to find who was in Nanami’s line of sight, bright eyes peering over those circular shades that he wore year round, in every environment where the accessory wasn’t even required.

“Ah, no one.” Nanami concluded, walking towards the table filled to the brim with different foods. Now Nanami wasn’t a picky person, but he didn’t eat from just anyone’s house. Some food looked appetizing, made with tender love and care, some looked like it was just stripped of its store packaging, and some looked rather repulsive. But there was one food that caught his eye.

A sweet, tantalizing smell wafted up towards him and it took him aback. He had never smelled something so sweet, yet at the same time it wasn’t overbearingly so, it was as gentle as the tickle of a feather. He wasn’t sure what it was, a pastry of sorts, dusted in flour? Or maybe powdered sugar? Either way, it kissed the dish like a blanket of fresh snow on a golden beach. Suddenly, he felt a gentle jab at his side, and he looked down to see those brown eyes.

Tiana looked rather warm; that same shade of green wrapped around her in a mock neck sweater dress that stopped right below her knees, and thigh high boots. She wore a green headband with two cartoonishly wide eyes on it, and lilypad earrings. Nanami let out an airy laugh, looking her up and down.

“Are you a frog?”

Tiana gave a slight smile, shrugging her shoulders. “How’d you guess?”

Nanami took another sip of his punch. “Frogs aren’t scary.”

“You’re right, they’re terrifying.” Tiana said matter-of-factly, leaning in. Nanami leaned down to hear her, the scent of honey filling his nose.

“When I was a girl, I had a nightmare that I turned into one. Got chased by some birds, an alligator, then got lost in the swamp. Then to top it all off, when I woke up, there was a frog sitting in my window sill.” Tiana said softly, followed by a nervous giggle. She shook her head after sharing the embarrassing secret, feeling as though she had shared a little more than was asked of her. When she looked at Nanami’s face, she saw a hint of amusem*nt, and cleared her throat.

“And what are you supposed to be?” Tiana said, motion towards his clothes. Nanami looked down; he was still in his work attire. He hadn’t had time to go home and change like the majority, not like he had planned to anyway. Nanami raises his hands, imitating claws with a deadpan face.

“I’m every adult’s worst nightmare.” He pauses for dramatic effect. “Working a nine to five for 60 plus years with no promise of retirement. Boo.”

And Tiana giggles.

Not the airy, single shoulder bounce she normally did. Though it was still restrained, it sounded as mystical as windchimes carried by the breeze.

“Very scary.” Tiana says, composing herself.

“Yet not too far from true.” Nanami chuckles.

“Is that so?” Tiana asks. “I’m sure you don’t plan on staying here forever.”

Nanami looks up, lips puckered in thought.

“That’s not the initial plan, but who knows what could happen.”

“Well then what do you want to do, Mr. Nanami?”

The question perplexes Nanami. No one has ever asked him what he wanted to do, not the chairman when he was thrusted into promotion after promotion without ever wanting the responsibility, not his colleagues, no one. He had never told anyone before, let alone been asked. Since Tiana shared a piece of herself, Nanami decided he should as well, at least to make things fair.

“To travel.” He says. “Doesn’t matter where or how. As long as the scenery is beautiful.”

Tiana nods, soaking in the new information. Tiana didn’t take Nanami for a man with the desire of exploration, but with their few interactions, she knew he was more than just a regular salaryman. There was a beat of silence as the two got lost in their own thoughts, until Tiana shook her head. She gestures to the table.

“I saw you eying my beignets.”

“Ben…yay’s?” Nanami says, confused. Tiana nods her head, her cheeks rosy as a small smile begins to break through.

“Made ‘em myself. It was, uh…a favorite back home.” Tiana’s eyes flit to the side briefly. Nanami, while not knowing the specifics, had a feeling she was referencing her restaurant. Though there was this unwavering itch to ask, he wasn’t supposed to know about that. He had to respect her boundaries, even if she hadn’t voiced them personally to him yet.

“Really?” Nanami doesn’t miss a beat, eyeing the pastry. He could say he was uninterested in trying it, but he would be lying to himself. Tiana nods a bit eagerly.

“It’s been a minute since I made them, so I may be a little rusty.” She admits, fiddling with a loose curl from her hair. “And the ingredients are slightly different…either way, I loved getting opinions on my cooking, so if you’re going to try one I have to be here.”

“Is that so?” Nanami looks at the pastry, and Tiana nods her head again.

“Well, go on. What are you waiting for?” Tiana asks, a glint in her eye as she waves Nanami away. Nanami uses a pair of tongs, grabs one, and places it into a napkin. He held it gently; it was so soft, and still warm. He raises a brow at Tiana, and she waves at him again, waiting for him to continue. Nanami looks back at the pastry, and takes a bite.

Nanami’s eyes widen, then his eyebrows furrow as he chews the pastry; the outside was flakey but after that layer was soft bread, his canines tearing into it easily. There was a hint of honey, the substance mixing with the generous amount of confection sugar that dusted the corners of his mouth, the sticky substance sliding down the back of his throat as he made a loud gulping noise. Nanami had never, ever, never in his life tried a dessert such as this. It wasn’t too sweet, and the thick dough used was fried perfectly. It was perfect for a man like Nanami who didn’t care for sweets; something light on his palette. He brought a hand to his mouth, stifling the sound threatening to escape his throat.

Tiana, watching his expression, tilted her head. She felt her throat close, fiddling with that damned silver ban.

“Do you…you don’t like it?” She asks softly, voice breaking as it was barely heard over the chaos of the crowd. She shouldn't of gotten her hopes up so high. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

Nanami coughs, shaking his head, quick to reassure her.

“No, no, I like it-” I love it, Nanami almost blurted out, but it felt a bit out of touch. “I really like it. It’s really good.”

Nanami watched as Tiana’s disappointment shrunk as an unsure smile cracked across her face.

“Really?”

“Really, really.”

“You’re not lying to me, are you?” Tiana eyes him, suspiciously. “If you’re doing this to make me feel better, then-”

“No, no I promise. I wouldn't lie-” Nanami pauses. He quickly changes the conversation, holding up the bitten pastry. “I’m not much of a sweets person, so this is perfect for me.” He says, watching Tiana’s face flow with pride. Suddenly, her eyes seem to fill with water, and she turns away, fanning her dewy eyes.

“Ms. Tiana?” Nanami asked, reaching out towards her. “Are you alright?”

Tiana was having a moment; one filled with relief and sadness at the same time. Her heart felt full yet so empty as she clutched her chest.

“I’m fine, I’m fine…it’s just been a while.”

It had been so long since Tiana felt anything but sorrow. She didn’t know how bad she needed this.

“Been a while since what?” A smooth voice interrupts the two, and they both turn to see a silver haired man, arm linked with another man with long black and cat-like eyes. The one with silver hair was dressed close to a mummy, face covered in tan toilet paper and revealing a bright, cerulean eye behind dark shades. The long haired man had on a tux of sorts, a high collar cape, and fake blood running down his lip. Tiana quickly wipes her face, not wanting to be seen crying over something like this, especially with no context.

“Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve been over the stove.” Tiana says with a sweet smile, and Nanami catches a bit genuinity. Tiana sticks out her hand, her pearly teeth peeking from behind her glossed lips.

“Hello, my name is Tiana. I’m a new intern from New Orleans.”

“Nice to formally meet you, Tiana.” Gojo is quick to take her hand with a tight grip, shaking so hard it sends vibrations up Tiana’s body. She voices her surprise with a slight “oh”, but he didn’t hear it. “I’m Satoru Gojo. I remember you quite well.”

Tiana raises a brow as the long haired man takes her now free hand, shaking it once gently. “Suguru Getou. A pleasure to meet you. I was quite impressed with your resume.”

Tiana’s face flushes quickly, feeling awkward. These people had to be on Nanami’s level to have gone over her resume personally. Awkwardly, she bows her head slightly, about to apologize profusely in Japanese for talking with them so casually, when Gojo stops her.

“Hey, relax. This is a party, not an interrogation.” Gojo says with a shrug. “But like Getou said, we were quite impressed with your resume, right Nanami?” Gojo flashes a look to Nanami, who was clenching his teeth. Nanami wasn’t sure what chaos Gojo was trying to brew, but he knew had to stop it.

“That is correct.” Nanami said, wiping the white from his mouth.

Tiana nods deeply, not far enough to be a full bow, but still displaying recognition as she looked a bit bashful.

“Well thank you, I’m quite honored, and very grateful for this opportunity.”

“Wow.” Gojo says, acting as if he were wiping a tear from his eye. “That makes me feel so full, considering it’s all thanks to me out of the three of us standing here.”

“All thanks to…?” Tiana questions, and Getou gives Gojo a hard jab in his rib, causing him to keel over.

“You know better.” Getou muttered, as Nanami cleared his throat, reaching for another beignet. He grabs one swiftly, as Gojo straightens himself up, wincing slightly.

“Hey, have you tried Tiana’s homemade ben yay’s? They’re really good.” Nanami rambles on, and before Gojo can retort with something to deter Tiana’s credulousness, he shoves the pastry in his mouth. “It’s good, right? Really good.”

Tiana watches the exchange, yet her senses are keen. Obviously the silver haired man was discussing something rather private, and she was the subject of it. She purses her lips as she watches Nanami steer the conversation in another direction, avoiding her eyes in the process.

Gojo stops muffling protest behind the dessert as he takes a bite, and Getou takes the rest of the pastry before it can fall to the floor. Gojo’s face lights up as he chews, humming in satisfaction as Getou takes a bite as well, nodding with his eyebrows raised.

“Oh, that is good.” Getou says, going for another bite, before the pastry is snatched from his hand by Gojo. Tiana stared at the three men with a look of disapproval. Were these really the men in charge around here?

“Hey, that's mine.” Gojo says, cradling the pastry delicately in his hand while shoving Geto with the other. “This is really good. Really, really good.” Gojo tears his teeth into the dessert, swallowing between short breaths. Tiana’s nose scrunched as Nanami shook his head in disappointment. But at least for now, Gojo was distracted.

“Can you make more of these?” Gojo said, a pleading look. “Can I place a personal order?” He bent down, getting really close to Tiana’s face, and she backed up unconsciously into Nanami’s personal space.

“I-I don’t know…” Tiana’s face was anything but pleased. She felt herself grow more and more uncomfortable under this man’s glare. The pride she felt earlier had shriveled up and died. “I haven’t really cooked or baked in a while…I don’t know.”

“That’s a shame.” Gojo said with a wide smile. “You sure you wanna work here? With food this tasty, you could open a restaurant.”

Nanami felt Tiana go rigid, and Nanami knew he had spoken too soon when he assumed Gojo would play nice for once. Tiana didn’t blink; she couldn’t even breathe. All she could do was stare up into that man’s cold, unforgiving, and prying eyes. Her lip quivered as she tried to mouth something, anything.

“Have you ever thought about that?” Gojo pressed. “Opening a restaurant? I feel you’d be very success-”

“Gojo.” Nanami warned, and Getou yanked his arm, whispering a harsh “Satoru” into his ear. Gojo looked as innocent as a child as he shrugged with his lanky arms up.

“What? I’m just saying.” Gojo said. He then cupped his hand around his mouth and shouted into the office, every syllable hitting off the roof of his mouth.

“Hey, everyone! Come try Tiana’s ben yay’s! They’re absolutely delicious!”

Tiana couldn’t quite understand everything he said, but with one mention of her name and the way the party-goers began to swarm the table, she could put two and two together. Her breath began to shorten as she tried to compose herself, her ear ringing with Gojo’s words as people pushed up against her. Her eyes squinted close.

She felt as if she were drowning all over again.

As the crowd rocked to and fro, Tiana found herself being jostled like a battered raft lost in a rush of stormy waves. She wasn’t sure if the feeling swelling in her chest was fear, sadness, or vomit. She had to get out of there, now. Tiana fought through the crowd, biting her tongue to keep the contents of her stomach and mind from spilling onto the floor. As she darted away, she couldn’t hear Nanami calling after her.

“Tiana!” Nanami called again as he watched her headband get knocked from scalp and scattered across the room. Nanami furiously looked at Gojo, who simply shrugged with a goofy look.

“Are you serious?” Nanami seethed, his brows furrowed in distaste as he marched up to him, shouldering through the crowd, his hands balled at his side. “Was that necessary?”

Before he could get any closer, Getou placed a firm hand on his shoulder, giving Nanami a look of warning.

“Let’s discuss this another time.” Getou whispered, gazing among the crowd, trying to deescalate the situation. It wouldn’t be good to have such a tense conversation amongst the party, especially with inquisitive ears around. But Nanami didn’t care.

“You provoked her.” Nanami said slowly, glaring at Gojo.

“I only asked a question.” Gojo simply replied.

“What are we talking about?” A shrill voice said. Nanami looked down to a shorter woman dressed as a witch. It took him a minute to recognize her because it had been so long, but it clicked as soon as Gojo spoke her name.

“Misha! Right?” Gojo spoke cheerily. Misha nodded her head, but her attention seemed to be focused on Nanami as she stood uncomfortably close to him.

“Yes, we worked together last year.” She said, looking up at Nanami with a sweet smile.

“Right.” Nanami said, obviously irritated. He looked above the crowd swarming the table, trying to pinpoint where Tiana had run off to.

“So, what were you guys talking about?” Misha asked again, bouncing on her toes. “Or was it some sort of corporate secret?”

“We were talking about how good Tiana’s dish was.” Getou smiled seamlessly.

“They were good.” Nanami muttered, glaring at Gojo. “But now they’ve gone sour.”

“Oh, well that’s too bad!” Misha said, waving her hands, dismissing the comment without a care. “I’m sure one taste of what I brought will cleanse your palette. It’s kind of like a soup-”

“I’m not really in the mood, right now.” Nanami said, continuing to look above the crowd. Suddenly, he sees a flurry of dark curls whisk away in the distance, headed towards the elevator. As Nanami continues to try to duck around the people, Misha moves to stand in front of him, blocking his movements.

“But Nanami-”

“Not now.” He says bluntly, gently moving her aside by her waist, and sliding past her with ease. Gojo stifles a laugh while Getou frowns at the interaction. Misha sighs in defeat, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What’s wrong with him?” She asks, watching him scurry to the elevator.

“Nothing.” Gojo says, turning to Misha. “So where’s this dish you were talking about? I’m still kind of hungry.”

Misha gives a small smile, leading them down the table.

“Right over there in the giant brown pot.” She says, pointing to a pot at the end of the table that had bumps and scratches on the outside that proved it was well loved. Gojo’s eyes glint as he rubs his chin.

“I never knew you were a cook, Misha.”

Misha gives a bashful smile, swaying slightly. “It’s a secret hobby of mine.”

“Really?” Gojo draws out, and she nods. They walk up to the pot, and Misha uncovers the contents, a savory aroma filling the air with a mixture of seasonings and a hint of spice, maybe some sort of hot sauce? The steam rising from the dish mixed with the smell made almost everyone in the area’s mouth begin to salivate. Misha grabs a plastic bowl, scoops a serving in, and hands it to Gojo. Gojo eyed the dish, and tried to restrain from laughing as he swirled the dark contents in the bowl.

“And what did you call this dish?” Gojo asked, a rich sense of amusem*nt in his voice. He watches as Misha tongues the inside of her cheek, then gives a meek smile.

“Soup.”

Chapter 2: the lone moon and the star

Chapter Text

Nanami finally gets to an area where the crowd has thinned, just as he watches the elevator doors slide shut with Tiana inside. He briskly walks up to the doors, trying not to draw too much attention to himself. The last thing he needed was people asking questions, or stalling him any longer.

When he reached the elevator, he looked at the top of the doors that had a thin panel that indicated what floor it stopped on. The numbers kept climbing up, and up until the letter “R” was lit up in a bright yellow light, indicating she made it to the roof. Nanami quickly presses the up button repetitively as if it would speed up the descent of the elevator. He huffed as he seemed to wait for an eternity for the doors to slide open, and he hoped inside. He quickly clicks the button to close the silver doors, then clicks the button that will take him to Tiana. The elevator creeps up at a snail's pace, and gives Nanami time to battle his abnormal sense of impatience.

What will I do once I get up there, Nanami asked himself. In the moment, he couldn’t help but rush to her aid as quickly as possible, but now that he was physically on his way, he wasn’t sure how he would comfort her properly. He didn’t know the details of her mourning, he wasn’t even supposed to know that she was in mourning to begin with. He gulped, adjusting his glasses as his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. He wipes the corner of his mouth, chewing on his bottom lip as a sensation of nerves washed over him.

He didn’t know how he would tackle this, but he did know that he couldn’t let her go up there alone. This wasn’t even about what Lottie wanted him to do, but what his heart urged him to do. The right thing to do.

The doors slide open and a whipping breeze hits Nanami so hard, it blows his jacket around his body. He shoves his hands into his pockets to keep the fabric in place as he steps out of the metallic room, the doors sliding closed behind him. It was bound to be cold up here, they were hundreds of feet above the ground on the last night of October. If it weren’t for the dire situation that had ensued, he would have loved sitting up here admiring the skyline by himself, or with newfound company; the way the stars seemed to reflect off the glass panes of the surrounding buildings, and the lonely half moon that never seemed to be whole these days. He walked around the cemented roof; a place where people often came to smoke or have lunch, or even to run away from their work. Multiple benches were stationed about, and a few shrubs and plants strewn about for a bit of greenery. Nanami paced about, looking for a flash of brown or the heap of tight coils, any detail that led him to Tiana. As he turned the corner of the tiny enclosed space that hid the stairwell behind some sturdy doors, he saw her. Well, more so her back.

She was crouched down, hands squeezing the metallic bars that enclosed the roof for safety reasons, tremors rolling through her body. Over the sound of wind whistling in Nanami’s ears, he could hear her shortened breath mixed with sniffles and a few restrained gags. Nanami wasn’t sure if she was crying, hyperventilating, or trying not to vomit; maybe a mixture of all three. Nanami took a step forward, his shoe scuffling against the ground, and causing Tiana to scramble up at the grating noise, turning around abruptly. It was so fast that Nanami himself jumped. As Nanami gazed upon her face, he couldn’t help but feel his own heart squeeze. Her arms hugged herself, guarded as tears poured endlessly from those big brown eyes, making them look much larger as the light of the moon was caught in her irises. Her ankles wobbled slightly, as her body curled over.

“Mr. Nanami, I’m…” She shook, lips trembling as the wind dried the streaks on her face. She used her hands to wipe her mouth. “My apologies, I just need a moment.”

You need more than a moment, Nanami thought, his eyebrows furrowed with worry. “Are you alright?” He asked, and immediately tried to correct himself; the question was so cliche and insensitive. Of course she wasn’t alright. “No, I mean-”

“I’m fine. I just…need a moment.” Tiana repeated, her voice bending with the breeze. Nanami pursed his lips, tilting his head.

“Ms. Tiana, I’m not trying to pry…”

“But you are.” Tiana rebuttaled, using the sleeve of her dress to wipe her face as she glared at him with dissatisfaction. Tiana didn’t have a good enough excuse to explain why she ran off the way that she did, and based on the silver haired man’s choice of words, she had an inkling that Nanami knew more about her than he let on, despite missing the more gruesome details of her past. Either way, it wasn’t any of his business, and regurgitating those memories was not on her list of things to do tonight, or ever for that matter.

“Mr. Nanami, I…appreciate your worry.” Tiana lied, forcing the words to come out of her trembling mouth. “But I don’t appreciate you fussing over me like a child. I don’t know what you know, and I don’t want to. I just want to get through this job and be treated like everyone else.”

Nanami’s mouth twisted at her words. Everyone else, he pondered. He couldn’t in good conscience leave her alone up here, but it was obvious she wanted to be left by her lonesome. It wasn’t just the fact that Lottie would berate him, or that it would make him seem like an insensitive boss.

It would make him look like a heartless man, and Nanami wouldn’t be able to go on with his night knowing that Tiana was suffering by herself; he wouldn’t be able to stand it. It was supposed to be a festive night, and even though he couldn’t control what Gojo would do, he could control his own actions. He could control right now, maybe decompress the stress lines that seemed to find their way back to her forehead after a fleeting vacation.

“I’m not hovering over you, that’s not very dignifying for either party.” Nanami said, shrugging and looking up at the sky. He did so to avoid Tiana’s look of disbelief.

“Then why are you still here?”

Nanami continued to stare at the darkened sky; this was the only way to appease Tiana without poking the sleeping lioness that was her stubbornness and pride, though it meant Nanami had to awaken his own sense of dignity.

“The moon.” Nanami spoke into the crisp night. “I find myself fascinated with it on nights like this.”

Tiana frowned. Why was he trying so hard to keep her company?

“Really?” She voiced her disdain.

“Really.” Nanami nodded. “Even with a sky full of stars, there are some nights where it’s still never whole.”

Even though Nanami was talking about the moon, Tiana knew he wasn’t really referring to the celestial body. She felt her eyes water again as she hugged herself, her body feeling cold and empty inside and out.

“So why?” Tiana chokes out. “Why do the stars continue to try?” Tiana looked wistfully at the sky, her hair whipping through the wind. She was sure it was a nest resting on her head, giving Nanami a wider peak into her vulnerability, but she couldn’t help but ask. Why did he continue to try to console her knowing her loneliness had seeped so deep into her skin it had become part of her marrow? It had coagulated into her DNA, congealed itself to her heart, to the point where nothing could penetrate the hardened tissue.

“Why do the stars keep coming out, every single night, knowing it won’t ease the moon's loneliness?”

“A single star can only do so much.” Nanami says. “It tries its best to help provide light to places the moon can’t reach. But if you bring a star closer…” Nanami blinked as the words seemed to fall from his mouth so effortlessly. “It becomes the sun.”

Tiana choked, covering her mouth with her hand as she keeled over. The last time she let a star get close, she watched it dissipate into a watery grave. The last time she let a star get close, it grew cold leaving her world dark and barren, and with no light to reflect, it dimmed her own shine. She couldn’t bear doing it all over again. She refused. The only semblance of the sun that she had left was Lottie, but she was so distant now that she had become a lone star in Tiana’s midnight sky.

Tiana wiped her face profusely, angry with herself, angry with Lottie, angry with Nanami, and angry with Naveen. She was mad at the world, the sky, the bodies that occupied it. She was furious, but at the same time felt so insignificant. She wanted to be better, but the road to get there was treacherous. She wanted to smile, genuinely smile, but it’s like her muscles forgot the sensation. She wanted her heart, that damned muscle aching in her chest, to stop squeezing so tightly whenever she thought of Naveen, what she had done to Naveen. She wanted the air that she inhaled to not taste so stale on her palette.

Maybe, just maybe, the apparition of a new star in her sky would make her nights a little less lonely.

Suddenly, Tiana felt something thrown over her shoulders. She looked to see that Nanami had thrown his khaki jacket over her body, leaving him in nothing but a thin blue button up. Tiana’s eyebrows furrowed as she attempted to paw the jacket off.

“Mr. Nanami, I can’t take this.”

“Why not?” Nanami raised a brow. “It must be freezing.”

It was very cold, though Tiana didn’t want to admit that fact. She also didn’t want to admit the amount of comfort the small gesture provided her.

“You’re fussing again.”

“Tell you what, how about you just hold it for me. It is a bit stifling.”

“You just said it was cold out.”

“I assumed it was.”

“So can I make the assumption that you’re coddling me again?”

“Perhaps your assumptions are wrong and I’m simply being a gentleman.”

Tiana scoffed, wisps of warm breath wafting from her mouth. Her eyes were a bit red, and slightly swollen; not to mention the warm color that dusted the tip of her nose and cheeks, either from embarrassment or the chill.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Mr. Nanami.”

Nanami let out a breathy laugh, because this would in fact help him sleep tonight; his consciousness felt a bit more clear now. But only a bit, because there was something else that seemed to irk him as he glanced back at the woman for only a moment.

Just as the two began to settle in their new found silence, they heard the wail of sirens in the distance, the sound amplifying as what was assumed to be an ambulance grew closer. Confused, Nanami and Tiana both walked to the safety rail, peeking over to see what was going on. They watched as the emergency vehicle flew down the street, screeching to a halt once it reached the base of the building. The two watch as paramedics spill out like clowns emerging from a cartoonishly small car, and then they look at each other. Without another word, the two hurry to the elevator, Nanami clicking the down button as he watches the numbers on top of the silver door climb to the floor which holds the party.

“Oh no.” Nanami muttered as his legs bounced, waiting for the elevator. No doubt it was being occupied by whatever chaos was ensuing downstairs.

“Mr. Nanami?” Tiana muttered, clutching the jacket to her being. Nanami simply shook his head, before grabbing Tiana’s arm and gently pulling her to the double doors that led to the staircase. Tiana couldn’t help but squeak in surprise as the man tugged her along; it wasn’t a bruising grip, it was gentle, yet firm as if providing an act of support rather than dragging her around.

“My apologies, but there is no time.” Nanami said, pulling the metallic doors open, and immediately rushing down the stairs, Tiana in tow.

Now, Tiana knew how to maneuver in heels, but sprinting in them down the stairs wasn’t necessarily in her field of expertise. As Nanami’s shoes thundered down the stairs, Tiana’s echoing footsteps seemed to be an afterthought, clicking down the wide staircase with an uncharted rhythm. Nanami’s hold on her forearm soon slid down to her wrist to properly accommodate for the difference in levels.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Tiana’s voice echoed in the stairwell. “S-slow down!” She tried to get Nanami’s attention, but he was a man on a mission, not even providing a reply. The two kept descending, both of them breathing quite heavily as Nanami came to a sudden halt, Tiana hitting herself on his back gently. He then rushed through another set of doors, and a warm yellow light flooded the dark staircase, and then walked into complete disarray.

Some people were yelling, others trying to rush out of the room, a few EMTs seemed to be talking to a few people, and in the center of it all stood Misha; the chaos revolving around her like satellites around the Earth. Nanami continued to pull Tiana with him, not wanting her to get lost in the confusion, as Misha stood there talking with an EMT.

“-didn’t know there was seafood in the damn dish. Seafood wasn’t even supposed to be brought in the building tonight.” Nanami caught the end of her sentence as he got closer to the short woman.

“What’s going on here?” Nanami said, Tiana standing by his side. Misha turned to look at him, relief flooding her face.

“Finally, someone of authority.” Misha said in a dramatic tone to Nanami, Tiana not quite understanding. “I couldn’t find Gojo, or Shoko-”

“What’s going on?” Nanami asked again, wishing Misha would get straight to the point. Misha looked taken aback, then glanced at Tiana, taking notice of her stature and how close she stood to Nanami; Nanami stood in a way that seemed to shield her. Not to mention the tan jacket that adorned her shoulder, or the fact that Nanami was practically holding her hand under the fabric. Misha frowned.

“One of the interns had a major allergic reaction.” Misha said. “Someone brought in seafood, which was explicitly stated not to be brought.” Misha folded her arms matter-of-factly, gazing directly at Tiana.

“Which dish was it?” Nanami said, looking back at the table. That’s when Misha said it, at the top of her lungs, and clear enough for Tiana and everyone in the area to understand.

“The one Tiana brought.”

There were a few murmurs, and as Tiana looked around, a few dirty glances were thrown her way as if she had murdered someone (well, she could have). Nanami looked from Tiana to Misha, to the glowering crowd, then to Misha again.

“What are you talking about? Ms. Tiana brought pastries? The ben yay’s.” Nanami said with a brow raised.

Misha scoffed. “What you don’t know is that she brought two, the other some sort of soup. Kind of an overachiever don’t you think?”

Tiana looked at Nanami, who looked back at her confused. Lips stammering, she shook her head quickly, eyes widening like a doe caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle.

“N-no, that’s not…” Her voice got caught in her throat as she looked around, the overwhelming feeling of being swarmed overtaking her again. She watched as one by one, the crowd turned against her, faces shrouded with murky expressions. “Mr. Nanami, that’s not what happened-”

“It’s bad enough that you’ve been slacking on the job, celebrating with the rest of us as if you’ve earned the break.” Misha snided. “Now you’re putting your coworkers in danger? Well, Nanami ‘ought to have you-”

“Didn’t you say that was your dish, Misha?” Nanami griped. Misha halted mid-sentence, the coy smile on her lips immediately fading to shock. Now it was her turn to trip over her words.

“What?”

“Earlier you mentioned making a soup dish. You offered some to me and I declined.” He takes a step towards Misha, who begins to shrink backwards. She quakes with each step.

“No, well actually-”

“No, you didn’t bring the dish? Or you were the actual perpetrator?”

Misha seems to well up, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Her shoulders rise as she balls her fist, waving at Tiana as she tries to turn the tables once more.

“Tiana made it!” Misha said defensively. “Regardless, she still added seafood to the dish, which I explicitly stated not to! She can be so scatterbr-”

“Regardless, you tried to pass the dish as your own.” Nanami gritted, towering over the poor woman as she trembled like a leaf in autumn. “Then you tried to pin this chaos on her, when you’re her admin. Instead of shaming her, why don’t you perform your job properly and provide aid. As her superior, this is your responsibility, yes?”

Misha’s face reddened as her mouth tried to formulate a coherent sentence, some sort of out for herself. As she looked around, she could see the troop she had attempted to rally slowly turn against her, mumbling about her incompetence, or agreeing with Nanami. Nanami knew what he was doing. In times like this, status mattered, and as much as he hated using his title to sway the opinion of others, he would do so in the name of justice.

He would do so if it meant clearing Tiana’s name. No one would dare disagree with his observation, and would follow what he said whether it were fact or fiction, or whether they truly believed his word or not.

“And, if I remember correctly…” Nanami added, his face grim as the veins in his temple pulsed. Misha continued to shrink, her attitude as potent as a withered seed. “You called Ms. Tiana personally after hours to request a favor for the party. Is this non-traditional soup the result of said favor? Is it even a soup to begin with?”

“Mr. Nanami.” Tiana’s voice rang clear through his mind, similar to the bells that chime on the hour, as refreshing as a morsel of water found in the sandiest dunes. “That’s quite enough.” She said firmly, and Nanami felt a tug at the sleeve of his shirt. He looked down to see her hand gripping the fabric that enclosed his balled fist, and briefly glanced behind himself to see her standing behind him, face grim.

“How did you hear…?” Misha started, but didn’t finish the sentence, and Nanami was glad she lost the nerve midway. He knew what she wanted to ask; how was he privy to their call? That would hint that Nanami was in Tiana’s company after hours, and the gossip would bring them right back to square one, and nothing can save an employee from the exaggerated whispers in an office. But at least for now, the heat was off Tiana. That’s all that mattered.

Nanami looked around, a hush falling upon the crowd as people awaited their next instruction. Nanami removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighed in agitation.

“Pack it up. Everyone go home.”

Like roaches caught congregating in the dark, everyone scattered; grabbing their dishes or extra food before the shutdown was complete, or tripping over themselves to get to the exit. Tiana watched in slight awe, but at the same time knew what was going on. When the boss said move now, you move yesterday. It panged her slightly as it reminded her of a bustling kitchen during rush hour.

Misha stood there with a deep frown, watching Tiana watch Nanami, and Nanami’s eyes glaring into her soul. His voice was frosted over as he spoke with much disdain, and disappointment.

“Go on to the hospital. I will meet you there to make sure they are all right, but this?” Nanami motions to the event that had rushed to clear out. “This is your responsibility to clear up, and you better make it right. This is not how we operate, is that clear?”

“Yes, Nanami.” Misha cowered.

“Don’t be so friendly with me, either.” Nanami said, stalking away. Tiana followed behind quietly, still clutching the jacket to her shoulders as relief flooded over her, or something similar to it? Whatever it was, she couldn’t help but look back at Misha, suddenly feeling merry as if Christmas came over as she saw her mortified face. Eyes blown, chest rising and falling rapidly, the squeezing and unfurling of her appendages.

Tiana's twinkling teeth began to peak out from her round lips.

“Ms. Tiana.” Nanami called, snapping the woman’s neck to look at him. Her eyebrows were raised at the sound of her name, lips in a thin line but cheeks slightly raised. Nanami caught wind of the exchange; watching the subtle interaction with a puzzling aura. He then nods his head in the opposite direction in a beckoning motion, and Tiana simply nods, following behind him like an imprinted duckling. As Nanami walked, he couldn’t help but ponder Tiana’s actions.

Did she do that on purpose?

Nanami asked himself, and wanted to ask the woman, but instead chose a more tactful question.

“Are you alright?”

Tiana looked up, eyes slightly droopy, her eyebrows knitted together like a cozy blanket. They stood in a secluded corner, away from prying eyes and ears, flickering fluorescent light being their only witness as the sounds of the party faded into nothingness.

“I’ll be alright. I wasn’t prepared for this much exertion.”

“You should go home. Get some rest. You had a long night.” Nanami said, his voice sturdy.

“Let me come with you.” Tiana interjected. “I should shoulder some blame, it’s not all Ms. Misha’s fault.”

Nanami had a feeling, based on Tiana’s expression, that after the adrenaline and anxiety faded she would begin to feel the weight of her guilt, but Nanami shook his head, refusing her request.

“I will take care of it. Just…” Nanami tried to find the right words to ease the tension between those brows that had her entire vessel wound up so tight. “Next time, let me know if you need help. You don’t have to handle these things on your own. You could have just told me that day, when I asked.”

Tiana felt herself shrink. Not because he was reprimanding her, it was in fact the opposite. His voice was so calm, so understanding, so gentle as he spoke to her that it made her feel bad for going to these lengths in the first place; ruining the festivities just to possibly get back at someone, when in reality if Nanami wasn’t there, it would have gone to hell.

“I know, I know.” Tiana caved, a small part of her cracking open. “I know, and I want to properly apologize. I’m sorry.” Tiana huffed, her pride bruised slightly. Though she didn’t want to admit it, Nanami had saved her twice tonight, and she knew she was indebted to him, though she hated the idea of owing people.

“Don’t be sorry. Be careful.” Nanami said, pulling out his phone, he began typing a message to multiple numbers. “I’m going to get in contact with one of the office chauffeurs at the party, though I would rather take you home, I have other matters to attend to.”

“I would much rather walk, Mr. Nanami.” Tiana was quick to say, but Nanami refuted her statement, and though he wanted to press about her dislike for vehicles, he knew now wasn’t the time and that it may be too taxing to discuss it right now.

“I let you walk the last time, and I couldn’t bear it.” He said, and Tiana raised a brow. “It is far too late, and we wouldn’t want any lingering adversaries following you home.”

“Now, Mr. Nanami-”

“You said earlier, ‘whatever helps you sleep at night’, am I correct?”

“Well, I did say that earlier…”

“This would help me get a good night’s rest.” Nanami reassured her, head tilted as his voice came out in a plea. “Please, Ms. Tiana.”

Tiana blinked owlishly, lips pursed. Was this man really worried about her so much that the thought of her soldering through the night would cause him to toss and turn?

“You’re coddling again.”

“Protecting.” Nanami argued lightly, taking notice of how his jacket began slipping off her shoulders. He gently grabs the collars, adjusting them around her body, pulling them back into place as Tiana stood there, in some sort of state of parity.

“You can hold onto this tonight.” Nanami said, voice unwavering. His phone chimes, and he looks down at the message displayed in content. “The car will be parked out front. Just show your ID, and they’ll take care of the rest.”

Tiana nodded, taking a few steps back, her shoes clicking on the floor as she began to leave Nanami; he stood there with a wide stance, feet apart and his hands shoved deep into his pockets. Tiana couldn’t help but feel immense gratitude bubbling up within her. She held the jacket to her body one more time, allowing its warmth to soothe her. It reminded her of a hug from an old friend, and the comfort almost made her knees wobble.

“Thank you, Mr. Nanami.” Tiana said, still trailing backwards, ever so slowly. A small part of her didn’t want to depart just yet; wanted to revel in this feeling a while longer. She missed this feeling.

“Thank you for everything.”

The words echoed in Nanami’s core, vibrating so fast that the friction caused a warm feeling to bloom within him. And though his face was still aloof, his eyes were as soft as butter left out on the counter before baking a cake.

“Anytime, Ms. Tiana.”

And Nanami meant that.

The only issue is that neither party had a way of contacting the other.

Tiana sat on her bed, looking at Nanami’s tan jacket; it was wrapped in plastic after just arriving back from the dry cleaner’s. She didn’t want to return it soiled; she had accidentally gotten tears on it, it was wrinkled from how hard she clenched it on the car ride home, and some brown foundation found itself on the collar and sleeves. It had been two weeks since she borrowed it, and she had a feeling he was missing an important piece to his wardrobe. And even if he wasn’t, she had no need for it in her home. She couldn’t remember the last time a man’s article of clothing occupied her space.

But her first assumption rang true, as Nanami sat on his bed, half dressed, realizing that his jacket was gone, and he had no way of contacting her properly to get it back.

“sh*t.” He muttered, rubbing his face. His blue shirt was halfway buttoned, and the leather garter belts hung loosely off his shoulders, unfastened at the torso. He meant to get in contact with Tiana earlier, but between work and cleaning up the mess from the Halloween party, he had been so distracted.

He was first going to ask Lottie for Tiana’s number, but didn’t want it taken out of context. So, after some slight digging, and avoiding Misha’s watchful gaze, he was able to get her number from Shoko, who was very nonchalant since he would finally be “taking his responsibility seriously”.

But, after receiving the information, he still couldn’t use it. How would he justify calling her personal line during or after hours? Especially over something as trivial as a suit jacket? How would he explain receiving it in the first place? He wanted to be sure he didn’t cause a problem for her like Misha, but at the same time, he needed to complete his wardrobe once more.

So, when he received an office call from the front desk saying an annoying and persistent intern kept calling the office to get in contact with him, he was eager to answer.

“Hello?” Nanami answered once the call was transferred, a bit quicker than he wanted to admit.

“This is Kento Nanami.” His voice deepened cartoonishly so after clearing his voice into the receiver.

“Mr. Nanami?” Tiana’s voice crackled through the line. Nanami took note of how her voice sounded slightly different over the phone; how her voice seemed to be siphoned of its usual warmth when heard in person, yet the way she said his name tickled his ear with how close she sounded.

“Hello, Mr. Nanami. It’s Tiana.”

“Ms. Tiana, what a pleasant surprise.” Nanami shifted in his seat, his legs pressing against the undersides of his desk. The phone hung lazily in his hand as his back pressed against his chair.

“I apologize if I’m calling you at a bad time.” Tiana said. “I tried calling earlier, but the receptionist said you were fairly busy today, and declined my request to speak with you.”

“I heard you were quite persistent.”

“Well, I didn’t mean to pester.”

“No, no. You’re fine. My schedule is officially clear for the day.”

“Well, I’m glad.”

The line goes silent for a moment, before Tiana interjects with the sudden clearing of her throat.

“I called because I wanted to return your jacket. The one you let me borrow a while ago?”

“Oh, that old jacket?” Nanami attempted to joke, but his sarcasm weighed too heavily on his words to the point where it sounded true. “I didn’t even notice it was gone.”

Tiana blinks.

“Oh, really?”

Nanami squeezes his eyes, his mouth scrunched as he raises his fist to his lips.

“No, I’m sorry. I was joking. I missed it quite a bit today.”

“Oh lord, I’m so sorry.” Nanami could practically see Tiana’s forehead scrunch together. “I wanted to return it sooner, but I didn’t have your cell.”

“It’s fine, it’s okay.” Nanami reassured her. “It’s not too big of a deal, and I wouldn’t want you lugging it here.” Nanami imagined all the comments that Tiana would be subject to if she brought something as innocent as a man’s jacket to the office. Even though the situation had been settled, it was best to keep a low profile for now and not cause any unnecessary troubles for her.

“I can understand why…” Tiana had a feeling that he was insinuating, but didn’t want to dwell on it longer than she should.

“Would you rather me come by and pick it up?”

“No, no, I wouldn’t want you going out of your way.”

“Are you sure? I still remember how to get there.”

“I’m positive. Let me bring it to you, it’s the least I could do for your kindness.”

Nanami pursed his lips. Tiana was a woman who wouldn’t budge, but he was also the unstoppable force to Tiana’s immovable object. There was only one way to properly settle.

“How about we meet halfway?” Nanami asked. “Some place not too far from either of us, that way neither of us are going out of our way.”

Nanami had begun to catch on; the easiest way to grasp onto Tiana was to compromise, and Nanami found that stubborn yet understandable. He too hated the idea of being indebted to someone, or being a bother.

The line was silent for a moment.

“What about the market?” Tiana seemed to hum, and Nanami could remember it crystal clear; the night when Nanami bumped into her while she was out shopping. He nodded.

“I recall.” He said, caressing the phone with his thumb. “I’ll be there in about 15.”

“Alright. See you soon.”

Nanami found himself there a lot sooner than he said, and when he spotted Tiana a ways down the street, carrying his jacket, he took long strides up to her, shoulders broad and wide as his arms swayed meticulously beside him.

Tiana strutted to him, his plastic wrapped jacket draped over her arms as her black heels clicked rhythmically on the cement. She wore black pants that flared at the bottom, but hugged her hips tightly, and a white blouse that ruffle at the sleeve and collar. Her hair, that Nanami usually saw in an updo or ponytail, flurried out like a dark halo around her head, tight ringlets springing with every step as she grew closer.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” Tiana curled a brow, huffing as she stood before Nanami.

“I’m just early.”

“If you arrive after the boss, you’re late.”

Nanami blew air from his nose, never hearing such a phrase; it amused him.

“Who told you that?”

Tiana pauses for a moment, swallowing away the wad that seemed to grow in her chest. She ignored the tightening of her heart, tilting her head with a painful grin; her lips were tight as she looked up at him under her lashes.

“I came up with it myself.”

Nanami tried to restrain a frown, instead blinking slowly. Though the principle was commendable, he could only imagine how painful it was to expose those painful roots to him.

“Are you hungry?”

Tiana looks slightly taken aback by his question. She hadn’t eaten all day, with Misha and whoever else running her ragged during the day and even through her lunch break. But with the timing of the question, she couldn't help but feel a bit weary.

“Why?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just wanted to…check on you.”

“Check on me?”

“Was that too forward?”

“Mr. Nanami, do you normally check on the interns?”

“Not unless they’re causing trouble for me.”

“Does this have to do with those sleepless nights?”

Nanami tongued the inside of his cheek, amused at the banter. Tiana, a woman so quick-witter yet shrouded in a mystery he felt compelled to deduce.

“Cheeky.” Nanami muttered as he blew air from his nostrils, and Tiana simply raised a brow, her lips pursed as she gave him a knowing look. Tiana was not a dumb woman, and Nanami knew this just from being in her presence. No matter how he spun or tried to flip his words, Tiana would pick them apart and reveal his true intentions. It would just be better if he chose to be honest, so Tiana gave him that chance.

“Mr. Nanami, are you checking on me, or interrogating me?”

Nanami bit the inside of his cheek.

“If I was completely transparent with you, would you decline?”

“You’re very keen on asking me questions when I ask for answers, Mr. Nanami.”

“Well, would you?”

Tiana squints her eyes at the man. She was disoriented by his game. While his actions could be rooted in kindness, even a sliver of empathy, she couldn’t help but question his sudden barrage of concern. Was he actually considering her, or was he searching for something else? Was this actually out of the kindness of his heart?

“I’m more inclined to believe someone when they’re honest the first time.” Tiana shifts her stance, then hands Nanami the wrapped jacket. “Just…don’t lie to me.”

Nanami graciously grabbed the jacket, the plastic crinkling in his touch as Tiana looked up at him with her round lips skewed. The expression on her face held nothing but uncertainty, a subtle fear as she stood there unsure. The way her nerves wafted off of her body made Nanami’s heart feel heavy with guilt, but he couldn’t get a reign on his own curiosity.

“Come on, I know a place nearby.” Nanami said, walking in the opposing direction. He then turns to look back over his shoulder, lips in a playfully snide smile.

“That is, if you’ll trust me with the restaurant selection.”

Tiana let a scoff bubble from her throat, shaking her head, her hair bouncing effortlessly.

“Don’t push your luck.”

Tiana took quick steps to catch up to Nanami’s strides, looking up at him with curiosity.

“How far is it?” Tiana asked. She didn’t want to complain too much, but her feet were starting to cramp in her heels.

“About a 10 minute walk. Why do you ask?”

Tiana shrugged, not wanting to answer, so Nanami answered for her.

“Would you rather take my car? If your feet are hurting-”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Tiana was quick to dismiss him, and Nanami chose not to fight it. He simply nodded. He then took notice of Tiana’s pace, the way her heels snipped so quickly to his left. Shortening his own steps, he gently puts a hand on Tiana’s shoulder and guides her to his right side, away from the busy street. Tiana raises her brows slightly, but keeps quiet as Nanami shoves his hands into his pants pockets.

The walk was quiet, and if it weren’t for the gentle hum of patrons at the dimly lit restaurant, it would have been suffocatingly silent. Nanami had offered to order for Tiana, but she was very adamant on ordering for herself. Nanami was surprised at how well she seemed to speak and interact with the server, her enunciation seemed to have excelled since the last time he heard her attempt his language.

“Well color me impressed.” Nanami said, his fist on the table as his thumb ran circles on his pointer finger. “Have you been practicing?”

“Well, when your boss and coworkers send you all over Timbuktu with no sort of help or guidance, you kind of have to adapt whether you like it or not.” Tiana says, taking a sip or her water. She tried to blame the lone lemon in her sweating glass for the tart taste in her mouth.

“That’s one of the things I wanted to discuss with you.” Nanami leaned forward slightly. “Are Misha and the others tormenting you?”

“Tormenting is a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Are they bothering you?”

“They’re helping me build character.”

“Why don’t you want to tell me?” Nanami questioned. “Are you scared you’ll get her fired?”

“Not necessarily…” Tiana muttered.

“Whatever you tell me, it will be confidential.” Nanami says, doing his best to reassure her. “I won’t bring it with any company outside of us, let alone work.”

“Like attorney-client privilege?” Tiana said, swirling her straw around the glass.

Nanami blows air through his nose. “If you want to call it that.”

“You said ‘company outside of us’.” Tiana emphasized, her voice teeming with frustration. “Are you saying there will be more times like this?”

Nanami frowned slightly at her tone. Is that really such a problem?

“If you would like, Ms. Tiana.”

“Mr. Nanami, what are you getting at?” Tiana restrained herself from bubbling over. “I heard what Mr. Gojo said that night at the party, and I feel like you all are holding something over me, or analyzing me and I don’t appreciate that.”

“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“Do you worry about all the interns' comfort? Or anyone at work, for that matter?”

Nanami blinked. Of course he was keeping a closer eye on her, and it wasn’t just because of Lottie.

“Does it bother you that much?” Nanami asked.

“It does, actually.” Tiana flattens her left hand on the table, enough to rattle the ice cubes in their respective glasses. “Because it doesn’t feel purely genuine, especially after what Mr. Gojo said. It feels like you’re trying to get something out of me, or use me for some hidden vendetta, and I don’t like that. I just want to blend in with everyone else.”

“But why? Why would you, when your…” Nanami didn’t bother finishing his sentence. Tiana’s fists ball, the silver band on her finger gnawing into her pigment. She chews on the inside of her cheek, her nostrils flaring as she deduces what Nanami was itching to ask.

“He gave up everything for me because I was too prideful. He took my last name because I didn’t want to bear the weight and wealth of his. I couldn’t handle that title. He was drawn to the more lavish things in life, and I simply wanted to live quietly. We were met with backlash, but we pulled through. I just…I just wanted to be normal, and earn my keep. He did more than I could ever repay, and feeling indebted to your significant other doesn’t make for good talks at the dinner table.”

Nanami stayed quiet. He watched Tiana’s body language shift; her rigged exterior seemed to melt and puddle into nothing but grief in her leathered seat. She fiddled with her ring; alternating fingers or twirling it in her palm, trying to calm herself. Tiana didn’t think she would be spilling her bowels to this man, but it was as if the cracking dam within her being had finally collapsed and caused all her memories to surge forth.

“But fighting so hard to be everyone else when it seems you’re destined for a greater purpose seems kind of intuitive, don’t you think?”

Tiana drops her head, and Nanami watches a shiny drop of fall from her face. She couldn’t bear looking up, the wad in her throat weighed her neck down.

“You sound just like my sister.”

“Sister?”

“We ain’t cut from the same cloth, heaven knows we don’t look it.” Tiana raised her face slightly, and though her eyes had begun to redden, her face still shone with pride. “But she’s the closest thing to flesh and blood that I have now.”

Nanami swallowed thickly. He picked up his glass, swirling the contents around, a mini whirlpool forming as he avoided Tiana’s eye.

“Her name?”

“Charlotte.” Tiana seemed to say her name breathlessly, and it sure did steal the air from Nanami as his chest tightened. He saw the way Tiana’s face seemed to glitter like the fabric on a sparkling dress.

“She’s a cute lil’ thang, a bit loud and nosey but her heart is always in the right place.” Tiana hummed. “She’s always hovering over me, but for good reasons….” Her voice trailed.

Nanami stayed silent.

“You know, she’s the one that pushed me to take this job so much, even though it’s so far away.”

“Hm.”

“I can’t help but wonder why, sometimes. I’m surprised she didn’t pick something closer so she could breathe down my neck.”

“Mm.” Nanami cleared his throat aggressively, the cough rattling in his chest. As he brought a fist to his mouth to cover it, Tiana looked at him with concern.

“Are you alright?” She asked, so innocently.

“As rain.” Nanami said, taking a sip from his glass. He took a large gulp, downing more than half of the dark drink, before placing it down. He tries to discreetly change the subject, his lips jutting out.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything else to drink?”

Tiana shook her head. “Just water is fine.”

“I don’t mind if you want something else, it’s on me.”

“I’m not much of a drinker.”

“Lightweight?”

Tiana scoffs. “You have no idea.” She then ponders, tapping a finger on the table. “There is one drink I used to love though.”

“Oh?”

“It was about ninety-nine percent juice, but it was nice to sip on to look the part.” She pauses, the name just on the tip of her tongue. “An amaretto sour.”

“Delicate and sweet.” Nanami said, referring to the drink, and Tiana hummed in agreement. Nanami then flags down their waiter, mumbling something to them, and they scurry off.

“What did you ask for?”

Nanami swallowed the rest of his liquor, running his tongue behind his teeth as he felt a growing hearth in the pit of his abdomen.

“Something that’s ninety-nine percent juice.” Nanami said, and just as he finished his sentence, the waiter brought back two glasses filled with a green drink with a white foam layered on top, and what smelled like cinnamon in the shape of a waterlily. He placed the items down, the glass clinking as Tiana watched the dazzling citrus push against the cubes of ice delicately. The waiter scoops up Nanami’s empty glass, nodding his head, and retreating to the kitchen.

Tiana mouthed a quick “oh” in surprise, her eyes flitting from her glass back to Nanami, who seemed to look content.

“Let’s see what you were raving about.” Nanami says, taking the thin black straw and placing it between his lips. He took a quick sip, knowing the drink opposed his usual preference, and was grateful because it was literally just a shot of juice and sugar. He smacks his lips slightly, his face scrunched up, and Tiana’s unease seems to fade into a nervous giggle behind her hand. He shakes his head, a low chuckle rolling through his chest.

“Well, you were right about the juice part.”

“I told you so.” Tiana seemed to rejoice in a mocking tone, and it warmed Nanami up a bit more. “I thought you weren’t much of a sweets man.”

I guess I did say that before, Nanami thought. He shrugged.

“But I can grow accustomed to them.”

Tiana lets out an airy laugh. She looks down at the glass, memories of the first time she ordered this drink; Naveen being the one to initially introduce it to her when she admitted her distaste for alcohol. She remembers the first time she took a sip, and how Naveen laughed at how she drank it so eagerly, and decided for old times sake to relive that old memory in the present.

Discarding her straw, she lifts the sweaty glass up delicately, and drinks straight from it. The slight carbonation mixed with the sugar and cinnamon seems to jumpstart something within her, and she can’t help but giggle behind her cup. After not so gracefully, chugging the beverage down, she places it on the table; nothing but foam residing at the bottom.

Nanami sat there with a raised brow, which soon turned into a playful tug at his lips when he noticed the foam line across Tiana’s upper lip, which was curved into a soft grin. It was nice to see her loosen up; it was so rare to see anything but a frown knitted between those brows, or pressed firmly across her mouth. So instead of correcting her manners or pointing out the white stache, he decided to live in the moment with her. With squinted eyes, he chugged the sugary beverage, slamming the glass down with exhaustion as he scrunched his nose in slight distaste.

Tiana sat there, mildly impressed that a businessman like Nanami, with such a large title and prestige was here in his sharp suit, chugging down juiced up alcoholic beverages with her as if she had just turned 21 and not as though she were knocking on 27. She pointed out, and audibly chuckled at the thick foam that adorned his mouth and the tip of his nose. But her laughter came to a halt as Nanami frivolously wiped away at his face, and he momentarily became someone else in her eyes. Someone she didn’t think she’d get to see again in this lifetime.

“What?” Nanami said, as they trotted slowly down the sidewalk with Tiana away from the street, both buzzed with warmth, but at the same time lost in their own thoughts; Tiana’s just seemed a lot louder than his at the moment.

“What are you thinking about?” Nanami asked gently, his words coming out in white wisps as his plastic wrapped jacket laid across his arms. Tiana walked in silence for a moment, before speaking up.

“You’re just going to leave your car?” Tiana asks, looking back towards the direction of Nanami’s car, and Nanami follows her gaze. He shrugs, continuing forward.

“You’d just decline.” Nanami said. “But I’m starting to like the walk.”

“I’m sorry if I’m inconveniencing you.” Tiana muttered, looking away.

“You have nothing to apologize for, I don’t mind.” Nanami reassured her.

“You’re…you’re really kind to me, Mr. Nanami, and I really appreciate it. And…I’m sorry if I blew up on you back there.” Tiana admits with a heavy sigh. “It’s very hard to find a friendly face around here, so I was quick to misjudge you, when in reality…I feel better having one around.”

Though it’s hard to admit, Tiana thought.

“I’m glad I can provide you with ease.” Nanami says, but he feels a twinge of guilt. Though he is genuine with his interactions with her, he knew their newfound friendship was essentially built on a set-up.

“I don’t mean to sour the mood…” Nanami started, covering his mouth with his palm. Instead of liquid courage, the sugar seemed to amplify his nerves. But he just had to ask. “But why do you despise car rides so much?”

Nanami was sure Tiana would berate him for such a question, one that toed the line of something so personal, especially after they finally found common ground. But instead, Tiana’s cheeks bubbled with a dismissive laugh, as if he had asked her something so utterly ridiculous.

It wasn’t that Tiana found the question to be harmless, she could sense the weight of curiosity hanging on each word, and the way his voice dipped in concern. But she felt as giddy as a five year old surged with artificial sugars. It was kind of embarrassing, but it felt nice to have her cheeks sting from laughter instead of the usual tears.

“You’re going to have to give me a few more amarettos to get that out of me, Mr. Nanami.” She seemed to sing her words as their steps seemed to grow longer in the night. As silence befell them, Nanami listened to the sounds of the city; the whisk of passing cars that cause the wind to whip around his body, the sound of leaves bending in the chilling breeze, the crunch of gravel beneath their feet, the way their steps fell out of rhythm with each others as Tiana’s clicks delayed behind for just a millisecond. He didn’t know why, but his sense of sound seemed more amplified.

He looked down to see Tiana’s shoes catching on the pavement, as she tried to hide the slight limp forming.

“Do your feet hurt?” Nanami asked, watching the denial form on her lips. He already knew the answer. She had subtly kicked them off while they were at the restaurant, and when she apologized for accidentally kicking him under the table, he felt a delicate brush instead of the sting of a stiletto.

“It’s fine.” Tiana was quick, but not that convincing, even when she tried to throw in a slight giggle to ease his worry. Nanami pursed his lips, looking past Tiana and to his right at the stores that provided an urban backdrop. His eyes caught something, and he gently brushed past Tiana as he approached one of the shops.

“Wait here.” He asked her, and though confused, Tiana did just that. She watched him enter the store swiftly, the bell above the door signaling his entrance. She turns toward the street, rocking back and forth on her heels in silence. As she stared up at the glittered sky, the door to the shop opened again. She turned to see Nanami holding a pair of slippers wrapped delicately in plastic. As she took a closer look she noticed the shape and color; a lime green with yellow lining, and two beady eyes on each shoe. She scoffs, folding her arms across her chest as she looks at Nanami.

“Very funny.” She says, looking at the frog slippers. Nanami looks at her with an amusing expression as he holds them up.

“I know they don’t match your outfit, but they’re amusing, no?” His voice is sly but the playfulness in the air keeps everything light. Tiana simply laughs, taking the shoes.

“Thank you.” She says, unwrapping the shoes. Nanami takes the plastic as she tears it off and shoves it into his pockets, then he puts his free arm out to give her some balance.

“I’ve got you.” He mutters, and Tiana takes the opportunity and latches on to his arm as she slips off each shoe and replaces it with the goofy, albeit comfy slippers. Nanami grabs the heels from her hand as she adjusts herself, and takes notice of how much she shrunk in height. She wasn’t a petite woman in physical features at all, but the shoes definitely knocked her down a few inches. Nanami had never noticed that before, every time they were in each other's presence, she wore heels of some sort.

Nanami let the shoes dangle on his middle and index fingers as they began walking again.

“Make sure to wear more comfortable shoes next time.” Nanami says.

“Next time?”

Nanami’s steps stutter slightly as he realizes what he had said so carelessly. All he could do was blame the sugar coursing through his veins for the slip in his tongue, and the sudden spark in his chest.

He would not be drinking any more amaretto sours anytime soon.

“Is that alright?” He asked, focusing on the way his shoes hit the pavement, instead of the look Tiana was giving him. “A friendly face providing friendly company?”

Nanami awaits her answer with baited breath, watching her ponder and think with that frown, but it wasn’t as firm. As she came to her decision, she sighed, nodding her head. She couldn’t refute him for some odd reason, and she didn’t want to. She found that odd, but not as odd as him trying so hard to make her feel comfortable.

“Sure, Mr. Nanami.” She agreed, pulling her phone from her pocket. “Here, I’ll give you my cell.”

Nanami had to bite his tongue from sharing the fact that he had already acquired her number. He simply nods as Tiana recites her digits, and he dials them, ignoring how her name popped up on his phone as he dialed. He called the number, and her phone chimed. She showed her screen to confirm that she had it. Nanami raised a brow, gesturing to her ringing phone.

“Are you not going to answer?” He said jokingly. Again, all he could do was blame the liquid sucrose for his childish antics. Tiana laughed, sliding her thumb across the screen to answer.

“Hello Mr. Nanami.” Tiana said into the line, and Nanami was able to compare how her delayed voice in his ear didn’t quite match the warmth of her voice as she stood in front of him.

“Hello, Ms. Tiana.” Nanami said, playing along, looking into her eyes. The stars seemed to twinkle in them. “How are you?”

Another laugh. A real laugh. Each time she laughed, it seemed to shed another layer, demolish another wall. It seemed fuller, much more so compared to the airy breath she would do to feign happiness.

“Mr. Nanami, you do realize we’re right next to each other?”

“I’m aware.”

With a shake of her shoulders, she drops the phone in disbelief, hanging up. Nanami does the same, putting his phone back into the depths of his pocket.

“Thank you, Mr. Nanami.” Tiana says gently as water seems to line her bottom lid. “I…I really needed this.”

“It’s good to get out of your own head sometimes, right?”

Tiana simply nods, humming in agreement. They turn, continuing down the pavement, relishing in the silence. Tiana hadn’t felt this light in years, and for once, she didn’t feel guilty sharing that burden with someone who became the unlikeliest of acquaintances. Though there were still some things she wanted to get to the bottom of, a few things she wanted to investigate, and a goal she still wanted to accomplish before the termination of her internship, she wanted to relish in this sugary warmth, allow the taste of foam to linger on her tongue a little longer. To walk into the night a little farther. She didn’t want to worry about those things until tomorrow, but at the same time didn’t want the sun to do its job and allow tomorrow to arrive.

She looks up at the sky, and for the first time since she’s been here, she noticed how the moon wasn’t a thin crescent, nor was it cowering behind the dark clouds; it wasn’t even half. It was full, a white hole projecting its light onto the earth below. It seemed so close, she could almost count the craters on its face, and it felt like if she reached her hand far enough, she’d be able to touch it. The stars seemed to frame it perfectly, twinkling like diamonds.

“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” Tiana asks Nanami, staring up at the sky. Nanami glances up at the celestial body, and briefly lets his gaze fall on her, then back to the moon. Though it was brief, no more than half a second, the detail had been imprinted into his memory. The way her face shone with the moon’s grace, the light catching in those brown eyes that looked like honey were drizzled into her irises. The way the breeze gently brushed against her curls, and lastly the serene expression that fell on her features. She looked so relaxed, so sure, so content, and Nanami returned the sentiment. He allowed his shoulders to relax as he took a deep breath.

"It really is."

Chapter 3: together, they are alone

Chapter Text

“It is, isn’t it?” Shoko complains, slouching on Nanami’s couch yet again instead of doing her work. “It’s a damn shame, I was looking forward to the Thanksgiving Feast this year. But your new friend kind of ruined it for us, didn’t she?” Shoko yells across the room as Nanami types feverishly on his computer.

“I thought we agreed that Misha would take the blame.” Nanami said, a bit more on the defense than he meant to be. “She made her make the dish, and then tried to take credit for it. Therefore, she takes credit for the mishap as well.”

“Made her? Tiana has free will. She sabotaged that dish, and you can’t convince me otherwise.” Shoko mutters. “I just want to know why.”

Nanami shrugs, not taking his eyes off the screen. “Maybe she had her reasons.” He mutters.

Shoko sits up abruptly, looking at Nanami in disbelief. “Are you serious, Kento?” She throws her hands up in disbelief, unable to believe the words coming out of Nanami’s mouth. Mr. Logic, making excuses for someone who probably wouldn’t be on their payroll permanently? Who was this man?

“She almost cost us a lot more than a f*cking hospital bill, Kento. If she pulls another stunt like that, we will have to get rid of her. I told you she would become a liability.”

“Even so, I’m sure there has to be a logical explanation for her actions.” Nanami ensures Shoko, and all she can do is roll her eyes.

“And you haven’t found that out yet?” Shoko raises a brow. “You’ve been hanging around her a lot more, even skipping corporate dinners.”

Now it’s Nanami’s turn to roll his eyes. “I never went to the corporate dinners.”

“Exactly.”

At the same time, Nanami’s phone chimes, a text message appears from Charlotte, simply reading “SOS” in all caps. Nanami raises a brow, calling her immediately.

“Is that her?” Shoko stands with her hand on her hip, and Nanami waves her off. Scoffing, Shoko leaves the office grumbling under her breath as she closes his door. Charlotte picks up on the second ring, practically screeching in Nanami’s ear. He jolts, pushing his cell away from his face.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Nanami says, bringing the phone back to his ear. “I can’t understand you, stop screaming.”

“Ken, were you still planning on coming here for the holidays?” Lottie sounded nervous. Nanami eyebrows bridge together, mouth upturned in confusion.

“I mean, I was-”

“Well, you can’t!” Lottie shouts. “I forgot Tia’s coming down and I do not need you mucking it all up for me.”

Nanami’s face morphed into an expression of surprise. Tiana hadn’t told him anything about her leaving for the holiday, but he retracted the thought when he realized she wasn’t really obligated to do that anyway. He frowned slightly, still feeling a bit slighted, but he chalked it up to being unable to visit Lottie for the holidays.

“You’ve been begging me to visit for years.” Nanami pointed out.

“I know, but there is absolutely no way for me to explain why her boss is in New Orleans for supper.” Lottie sounded stressed. “Even if I threw you a bone and gave Tia the greenlight for a plus one, then I’d have to pretend I don’t know you, and you know daddy’s a horrible liar. That’s way too much for me.”

“I understand.” Nanami said, slightly disappointed. And for a brief second, the disappointment worsened when the broken idea flashed across his mind of spending his usually bleak holiday with his cousin and uncle, gathered around a full dinner table for the first time in years, but sitting next to a specific woman with brown eyes and curly hair. He drummed his fingers impatiently on his desk.

“Is there anything I can do?” Nanami asked diligently.

Charlotte blew air rapidly from her lips, annoyed at the turn of events. Maybe one day she will be able to sit at the table with everyone she holds near, and a small part of her prayed that the circ*mstances would shift for that greedy desire.

“Make sure she gets to the airport safely?”

Nanami felt so irritated by the request; was being a cabbie boy all he was good for? Tiana didn’t even like car rides, but walking was a thousand percent out of the question.

I guess that’s why Charlotte keeps putting me in charge as her chaperone, he thought as he blew hair from his nose. To ensure her comfortability. As Nanami thought on that last part, it didn’t seem so bad.

“What’s got you in a tizzy?” Tiana asked him from across their booth. Going out for an early lunch or a late dinner had somehow become a newfound tradition between the two. They would alternate picking restaurants, bars, or food stalls within a walking distance, and just talk. It was rarely anything of substance or too deep for either party to handle, but it kept each other’s loneliness at bay; neither would ever admit that fact out loud for personal reasons.

“Just…thinking about what I might do for the upcoming holiday.” Nanami said. “My initial plans didn’t go the way I expected them to.”

“Oh?” Tiana says, placing her fork down on the glassware. “Why is that?”

Nanami tongued his cheek, unable to provide an honest answer.

“Flight was canceled.”

“Oh, that’s so disappointing.” Tiana said, voice full of concern. “I hope mine doesn’t get canceled.”

Nanami stifled a sigh of relief as he thanked whatever omnipotent being above that she didn’t ask where to.

“Going back home?” Nanami feigned ignorance, and Tiana hummed in confirmation.

“To see my Lottie.” She says, and Nanami’s eyebrows shoot up briefly. “I’ve never spent a holiday without her, and I miss her way too much. She called to triple check that I would be coming home soon. I’m sure she wants to see me in person to make sure I’m actually taking care of myself.”

Sounds like her, Nanami thought.

“She must adore you.” Nanami said, prodding his food with his fork as he looked at Tiana. She seems to try and suppress her smile as her hands flew to her cheeks, hiding the smile blooming on her face.

“She deserves the adoration.” Tiana says, brushing off Nanami's comment. “She’s supported me so much…I don’t know what I would have done without her.”

Nanami smiles in content; it was heartwarming seeing the two fawn over each other with him being the median. They both seemed to hold each other in high regards, yet humbled themselves so much by belittling their own strengths. Nanami wanted to reassure Tiana that she deserved just as much adoration as Charlotte and not to question her own worth, but he knew that would probably sound so strange out of context. He could see the charm and charisma in both of them.

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” Nanami asks, and Tiana simply squints her eyes at him. “What? You weren’t planning on walking there, were you?”

The woman chews on the inside of her cheek.

“I…contemplated it.”

“Ms. Tiana…” Nanami raised a brow at her, and all Tiana could do was give a nervous smile while her shoulders tensed to her ears. “I can’t allow that.”

She blew a curl from her face, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as her fingers drummed the side of her face.

“Yeah, I figured.” She admitted. “It won’t be too much trouble for you, will it?” She asks him. She couldn’t help the guilt threatening to shred through her. “If you’re too busy, then I can take a cab or-”

“Though you pointed it out before, you must have forgotten that I’m not that busy.” Nanami said coyly. This earned a slight laugh from Tiana, her shoulders bouncing slightly.

“How could I let a detail like that slip my mind?” She jokes. “What even is your job as CMO?”

“Lately, it’s been making sure interns like you don’t cause anymore trouble.” Nanami quips, taking a sip from his drink with a cunning smile. Tiana cringes slightly, but tries not to take the joke to heart.

“Again, I’m sorry about the potluck fiasco.” Tiana says, slightly embarrassed. “It was very immature of me. I won’t pull any more surprises like that.”

“Mm.” Nanami hums gently. “Or if you do decide to, at least give me a heads up.”

“Wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I did that. You’d probably stop me.”

“Only if you’re in over your head.” Nanami reassures her.

“So all the time?” Tiana scoffs, looking away. “It hasn’t been too bad as of late.”

“What hasn’t?”

“My head.” She mumbled, just barely above a whisper. She didn’t want to ruin the moment though, so she shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Nanami wanted to kick himself as he watched Tiana’s demeanor sink.

“I’m sorry.” He rushed to apologize. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I’m not.” Tiana said just as quickly. “Really. Just…thinking”

She saw the way Nanami looked at her; the way he seemed to poke and prod her mind. His eyes always seemed to scan over her, as if he were reading something, or rather looking for something. She shifted in her seat as her mouth twisted to the side.

“I want to ask you something. Well, two things.”

“Feeling inquisitive tonight?” Nanami says as cool as possible, but he felt his hands go clammy. He gripped his fork to keep it from slipping from his hands.

“As if you’ve never been curious about me.”

“As sharp as ever.”

Tiana hums, looking down at her empty plate. She knew she would have to tell Nanami eventually; she couldn’t keep the information from him forever, especially since it's been implied that he is aware of her previously failed business. Tiana knew that Naveen came from a family that had connections in high places, and the chances that Nanami was one of those connections would be far from slim. She laughed to herself. When did the world get so small?

“I’ll answer one of your questions if you answer both of mine.”

“A two for one deal?”

“Is that too greedy?” Tiana asks, and Nanami laughs inwardly.

“You forget that I’m a businessman, greed has become an inherent part of my character.” Nanami attempts to joke, but Tiana just stares at him like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi. He clears his throat, eyes closing gently.

“I’m sorry. It was a joke. Not the time. It’s fine, of course. You deserve answers.” Nanami says, pushing his empty plate away.

Their server comes by, and scoops up their barren plates, and Tiana folds her hands together on the table. She blurts out her question before her throat attempts to close on her.

“My restaurant with…Naveen.” She starts. “Who told you? No, actually…how long did you know?” She wasn’t sure how to phrase it at the moment, her tongue kept tying in her own mouth.

Nanami knew this question was coming, and before he fixed his mouth to answer, Tiana gave him a word of warning.

“Please don’t lie.”

Nanami kept his expression calm, though he crossed and uncrossed his legs underneath the table as he held eye contact with her. Nanami didn’t like people who lied, and he wasn’t keen on people telling half truths. The question, if phrased any other way, would toe too close to the truth. Yet the words still stung as he came to terms with this betrayal.

“Gojo found an article during our new hires meeting, a singular one. We were only aware of the singular business and that it was owned by you. It wasn’t until that article that we were aware that it was a partnership.”

Shoot, Tiana thought. A singular article flew under her nose?

“Could you send it to me?” Tiana asked, but it sounded way more demanding.

“Is that one of your questions?” Nanami says, pulling out his phone and searching for the article.

“Nanami.” Tiana’s voice sounds irritated, before she clamped her mouth shut. Nanami’s brows rise slightly, but it would barely be noticeable if it weren’t for the jumping sensation on his forehead.

“I’m sorry.” Tiana apologized. When did she get so comfortable that she would refer to him so informally?

“It’s fine…” Nanami hesitates. “Tiana.”

The sensation of her name rolling off his tongue like that was odd, but a feeling he didn’t mind getting used to.

Ignoring her own embarrassment, she asked the next question to avoid dwelling on it any longer.

“How did you know Naveen?”

Nanami knew this question would be asked sooner or later, but he wasn’t exactly prepared to answer right now. But in order to pacify Tiana’s request and aid his own nosiness, he answered clearly and concisely.

“I didn’t know him personally, we’ve only spoken occasionally at seminars or business events held between our two companies and other competitors. We attended the same board meetings at times, but I never knew about his private life. Our relationship was strictly business related, and because we were…are each other’s largest competitors there was a bit of strain here and there.”

Tiana hung onto every word as Nanami recalled that distant past.

“He was fairly young, but it was expected of him to participate when he was the oldest of his family’s estate. It wasn’t until after I climbed the ranks that we began to eat at the same table.” Nanami stopped there, not wanting to get into any more detail. To be truthful, Nanami only spent a few months in the same playing field with Naveen before he eloped, then years later heard of his passing.

Nanami wasn’t jealous of Naveen’s position, maybe a bit annoyed, yet it was a given. Naveen, a child born with a jewel encrusted spoon in his mouth and a vicuna bib around his neck was bound to glide through whatever his family decided to lay their hands on. Juxtaposed to Nanami, who came from a middle class home, having everything he needed to grow into a functioning adult: a roof, running water, clothes on his back to keep him warm, but what he wanted was money. All he saw was green, not in an envious way, but in a way that would secure his future; hoping that overworking himself in his 20s and 30s would be enough to insure that he would have to do absolutely nothing from his 40s onward.

But, as Nanami stared at the woman in front of him whose face was grimmer than the reaper of death, he saw the woman who Naveen gave all that up for; the plush life Nanami wanted so badly. Naveen, who he had witnessed being a spoiled brat on an occasion or two, humbled himself and gave up his cushioned life for her. Gave up everything to live almost at the very bottom, gave up everything to start over. It made Nanami wonder, what did she have that Naveen couldn’t buy?

Could Naveen really love a singular human being that much?

Would Nanami ever love a singular human being that much?

“So, you didn’t really know him like that.” Tiana’s face seemed to sink, though her eyes were reminiscent. “He only told me so much about his time working with his family, and in all truthfulness, I’m too ashamed to ask them myself.”

Nanami listened intently.

“We met in our late teens, on a whim really.” She lets out a dry laugh. “I was working at the local cafe, he happened to be passing by on a visit with his family. He sat down, tried a few experimental dishes I had whipped up, and we just…” Tiana exhaled, her shoulders sinking. “We clicked. Like flour and yeast. Just talking the night away. We stayed way past closing; I got chewed out by his boss and he got yanked out by the ear by his ma. Kept shouting how he would come back and marry me.” Tiana giggled, her cheeks stinging from how hard she seemed to blush at the memory. She can’t remember the last time she recalled the happier times with him.

“He always got what he wanted.” Nanami quips, watching Tiana brighten. He smiles softly, tilting his head as he watches her.

“That he did.” Tiana holds her left hand up, revealing the silver band that she often found solace in. It gleamed in the yellow light of the restaurant. As Nanami looked closer at the ring, he noticed how loosely it fit on her manicured finger. Not only that, but the band was as plain as a blank sheet of printer paper. Nanami didn’t mean for his observations to be voiced, but before he could grapple the words back into his mouth they rang into the air, a sort of bite in them.

“No rock?”

Nanami wanted to use the silverware to gouge out his own tongue for such an insensitive comment. He covered his mouth instinctually, hoping no other tone deaf remarks would fall from his mouth.

“That was uncalled f-”

“Is that one of your questions?” Tiana raises a brow, not skipping a beat. Her face wasn’t pissed just yet, but the comment definitely touched someplace where he shouldn’t dare have grazed. He took a hard swallow as Tiana looked at the ring, biting the inside of her cheeks to keep from lashing out.

“It was- it is his.”

Nanami simply nodded his head as Tiana crossed her arms, resting her limbs on the table. She looked at him, slightly glaring, and testing him.

“Well, go on. You ain’t want to ask me nothin’?” She stated, waving towards him. She wanted him to hurry before she changed her mind. Nanami adjusts his tie, pulling it away from his neck to loosen some tension. He leaned forward, mimicking Tiana’s posture as he became eye level with her.

“Were you in an accident?” Nanami asked.

“That’s what you want to waste your question on?” Tiana co*cked her head to the side, looking down her nose at him. Nanami watched as her irritation began to simmer into something else.

“Try again. What did you really want to ask me?”

“How did he…?” Come on, don’t lose your nerve now, Nanami thought.

“How did he pass?”

“Car accident.” She simply stated, but her lips were in a tight line.

“Is that why you avoid car rides?”

“I think that’s one question too many.”

“Seems so.” Nanami said, sitting back in his chair. He avoided eye contact, counting crumbs on the table, while Tiana stared at the bar. It was crowded with pairs, and she couldn’t help but assume they were couples. What she would give to be there with her other half right now.

“Yeah…it is.” Tiana muttered an answer to his question, picking up the white fabric napkin and wiping her mouth harshly, and placing it back on the table. “I’ll be outside.”

“Tiana-” Nanami called out, but she had already scuttled out of the booth, walking quickly to the exit.

Nanami slumped into his seat, nostrils flaring. Every time he talked to her, he seemed to lose all tact. It’s as if he were programmed to immediately say the wrong thing to her no matter how he phrased it, always speaking the first unfiltered thought that came to his mind. It was frustrating him how much he seemed to frustrate her, though he intended to be a friend in her corner. He seemed to fail continuously.

Even now, as he sat there alone, he couldn’t help but be torn between rushing out there or giving her time to herself. He didn’t want to force his opinion or ideals onto her, especially when she was feeling so vulnerable. But at the same time, he didn’t want to leave her alone too long.

He didn’t want to keep her waiting.

He didn’t want her to leave.

He throws a few large bills onto the table, not bothering to count them, and rushes to the exit. He adjusts his suit jacket, buttoning and unbuttoning the snug fabric. As he swung the door open, a wave of tranquility seemed to wash over him when he saw Tiana still standing there, clutching her hands to her chest as the long green trench coat that she wore seemed to float around the bottom of her calves. Nanami was perplexed by the feeling; was that fear he felt earlier? What was he even afraid of?

The two seemed to always find themselves here; on the dimly lit streets of Sendai with the company of the moon. It had become some sort of comfortable pattern. Walking the sidewalks after a full stomach, and what seemed to be confused hearts. It was silent, save for the wind whistling between them. Tiana then spoke.

“Can I ask you something else?”

Nanami, attempting to lighten the mood, feigns shock with a sharp gasp.

“Three questions for one? You’re breaking my pockets.” He jokes, and Tiana laughs a bit.

“Nanami, I’m serious.” The way she spoke his name, somewhere between a laugh and a taunt, it was warm. So warm that it seemed to repel the numbing cold at the tip of his fingers.

Nanami shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders. “Alright, alright. Go ahead.”

Tiana hums, the warm breath from her nose exiting like white steam.

“Were you looking forward to the holiday thing? The one we were supposed to have at the office?”

Nanami’s face contorted into a look of confusion. He wasn’t really expecting such a question; it was so unrelated and kind of random. But, at least she was talking to him.

“Not really?” Nanami said. “I go more to save face.”

“But your flight for the holidays got canceled?” She said, a bit worried. “What are you gonna do for dinner?”

Nanami didn’t really think of that. Most places would be closed, except for a convenience store or two.

“I guess the holiday party would have saved that.” Nanami chuckles as he keeps walking forward. Tiana stares up at him, eyebrows furrowed. “But it’s fine. It’s not the first time I spent the holiday alone.”

Tiana’s cheeks seem to puff out, and Nanami takes notice of this. As he looks at her, he sees a familiar expression, one he hadn’t seen in years. Nanami wonders if Tiana picked up this pouty expression from Lottie, because it looks so much like her that he can’t help what he does next. He taps her forehead with his pointer finger, tilting his head. The tension leaves her face, replaced with slight bewilderment.

“Don’t you worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

Nanami keeps walking, but Tiana stops in her tracks. She goes to touch her forehead; he didn’t flick her nor hit her too hard. It was kind of silly, and she couldn’t help the goofy expression resting on her face as she ran to catch up.

“I can’t help it, I have to do something.” Tiana mumbles.

“And what do you want me to do about it?” Misha sneers. She scurried around her cubicle, stacking papers and getting ready to leave for the day. “You know, this whole thing is your fault anyway, so maybe you should plan this by yourself.”

Tiana swallowed thickly, and with that went her pride. She puts on a smile for show, following Misha around, but keeping enough distance not to be in her way.

“But Ms. Misha.” Tiana said, trying her best to be convincing, “If we do this together, it could be a testament of our friendship, it shows we can work together. It would make us both, but mainly you, look as though you took the initiative to make amends. I’m sure there are a lot of other people who spend the holiday alone who probably felt disappointed by the cancellation. But this could make a lot of people happy, maybe make a few people feel less alone…?” Tiana slowed the end of her sentence when she saw the way Misha looked at her, lips upturned in disgust as if Tiana had said the most ungodly thing known to man.

“I don’t care about any of that. Maybe if you didn’t try and sabotage me to begin with, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Misha seethed, and Tiana had to bite her tongue to keep her retorts at bay. She smiles again, trying one more time to change this bitter woman’s mind. She decides to use a rendition of the words that Misha threw at her months ago, hoping to appease her.

“You’ll be doing us a huge favor. You’ll be doing me a huge favor.” Tiana emphasizes, placing her hand over her heart to seem as sincere as possible. “You invite the right people, might even earn you a promotion…” Tiana shrugs slightly, and that makes Misha’s ears perk up with interest.

Tiana could see the gears in the little woman’s head turning as she contemplated Tiana’s plan. She brought her thumb to her mouth, chewing on her nail as she squinted her eyes. Tiana watches her cave, throwing her arms in the air in defeat.

“Oh, what the hell.”

“No, what the actual hell?” Getou looks up at the minka styled house with a splash of modern day architecture. Lights were twinkling outside, and there seemed to be a low bass coming from the thumping music inside the home; it rumbled through the earth into the souls of his feet. He looked at the barrage cars parked along the street, eyebrows raised.

“I thought this was supposed to be a small get together?” Getou turns to look at his colleagues, but Gojo seems very entertained, almost giddy as he watches the party from outside the building.

“It got a little out of hand.” Nanami says, walking up the porch. “Tiana told me it was supposed to be a small event at her apartment, but it got a little out of hand, so they are holding it at Ms. Misha’s.”

“Tiana?” Gojo says slyly, sliding up to Nanami’s side. Nanami gritted his teeth, and shoved him off his body.

“Ah, the trouble maker.” Shoko mumbles, stomping her cigarette onto the asphalt. Nanami could feel the veins in his forehead pulse. Could tonight get any more annoying?

“She’s making up for it, don’t you think?” Nanami defends her. Shoko shrugs, her eyes closed.

“At least if she f*cks this up, it won’t be on company grounds.”

As the quartet entered the building, Tiana found herself bustling about inside. Most people were thanking her for putting this together, or applauding her for being able to make amends with someone like Misha after what went down last time. Tiana took every compliment with a grain of salt, putting on her best smile for her coworkers; they were so quick to turn on her before. Not only that, a few of them aided Misha in making her time at work a living hell. The only opinion she cared for was for the person she did all this for in the first place. And as she shuffled through the crowd, she found herself searching not only for him, but his company.

“Nanami, you’ve been wall hogging for almost two hours now.” Gojo came up to Nanami as the event seemed to jumpstart into something of a riot. What was supposed to be a quaint banquet seemed to turn into a full house party, employees letting loose even more than usual since they weren’t in the confines of the office. Music blasted in the speakers as people danced about, played games in the living room, or hung around the alcohol bottles. Nanami didn’t mind how his subordinates and colleagues acted outside of the office walls, that was their prerogative, but it was a bit much for him. The air was a bit too dense, the crowd was a bit too close, and the music was a bit too loud. He didn’t mean to be a killjoy, but he found comfort in the cool walls.

“What are you, an old man? You’ve been standing there the entire time?” Gojo continued as he looked at his friend. “Did you even eat?”

Nanami shook his head, tugging the hem of his turtleneck down as he stood off the wall. “I wasn’t too hungry.” He admitted, which was only half true. The food didn’t look as appetizing alone.

“You haven’t eaten anything all day.” Gojo said, shoving Nanami into the crowd. “Go eat something before you pass out.”

Nanami stumbled over his feet momentarily before regaining his balance. He turns to throw Gojo a dirty look, and the silver haired man simply shrugs with his tongue out like a child. Swearing under his breath, Nanami wanders through the people until he finds himself in the kitchen, some of the food completely ravaged through, some untouched, but relatively still appetizing and warm. He picked up a paper plate from the stack on the crowded counter, and started putting things on his plate. He drove here separately, so he decided he’d snack on something then go home, maybe catch up with Tiana if she weren’t too tired.

No, Nanami thought as he carried the plate through the house. She was one of the hosts, she wouldn’t leave early. She was busy, probably bustling around and catering to everyone’s individual needs. The thought made him laugh as he found a sliding door leading to what seemed to be the backyard. Since it was pretty cold out, no one would dare bother him out here; they would be much too busy being cramped up inside.

As he placed a free hand on the handle of the door, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Filled with hope, he turns around expecting to see someone he’d been wondering about all night, but he was disappointed to find Misha standing there, grinning from ear to ear.

His mouth is in a straight line as he nods to her. Misha watched his expression; it definitely wasn’t a happy one but it wasn’t distaste.

It was just indifferent.

“Ken- Nanami-sama…!” She corrects herself quickly. “I’m glad you could make it tonight!” She yelled over the music with much enthusiasm. She motions to the back door. “Why are you heading out there? Are you not enjoying yourself?”

“The music is a bit much.” Nanami points to his ear. Misha nods apologetically.

“I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t supposed to get this wild.” She laughs nervously. “Go on, there’s a fire pit out there. I’ll grab a lighter.”

Before Nanami could decline, Misha was off, fulfilling a request no one asked for. He sighs in defeat, opening the door.

He’d rather be alone than entertain unwanted company.

The backyard stepped down into a tile and brick lounging area, circulating around the fire pit Misha was talking about. It was illuminated slightly by string lights above him. There was a stone seating area, along with some wooden folding chairs decorated with throw pillows. Nanami sat in one of the wooden chairs facing away from the door and ate some of the food that sat on his plate and was growing colder by the minute. Just as he was about to grow accustomed to the silence, the sliding door opened abruptly, Misha sliding out the house and closing the door behind her.

She silently walks to the pit, grabbing one of the smaller logs and lighting the corner of it. First it started as a small orange ember, but with one blow of air from Misha, the flame caught on the end of the wood. Yelping, she tosses it into the pit. She looks over at Nanami, laughing nervously before she sits across from him. She looked cozy, an oversized navy sweater, fleece leggings, and boots that stopped right below her calves.

“How do you plan on spending your holiday, Nanami-sama?” Misha asks as the area begins to brighten with a warm orange color, the pit crackling. “We won’t be back to work until Monday; that’s about six days of rest.”

“I won’t be able to sit still the entire time.” Nanami answered, only to be kind. He couldn’t exactly ignore her.

“Working on your break? That’s admirable.” Misha compliments. “You’re always hard at work.”

“I would like to retire early, that’s all.”

The two sit in silence for a moment, before Misha asks him something else.

“How did you do it?”

“Do what, exactly?”

“You rose in the ranks so fast, you’re the example everyone aspires to be. Even now, people are waiting for your next promotion at the fourth quarter event.”

Nanami waves her away. “You don’t know whether I’ll get promoted or not. It’s not guaranteed.”

“But I do know.” Misha says matter-of-factly, looking into the hearth of the fire. “Between your work ethics and the other members of the board, it’s definitely not going to be Gojo getting promoted…” She muttered, and Nanami stifled a laugh.

“We can at least agree on that.”

Misha’s face felt warm, and not because she was leaning so close to the pit.

“I want to leave my mark on the company, just as you did. Even if I can’t sit at the top, I at least want to get a glimpse of what it looks like.” She says wistfully, and for a moment, Nanami felt an inkling of sympathy for her. He had been there once.

“It’s hard to see the mountaintop when you’re at the very bottom.” Nanami says, and Misha nods her head in agreement.

“Yeah…” She mutters, crossing her arms over her legs, and placing her chin in the crook of her elbows.

“But there’s this old quote.” Nanami says. “Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge. Enjoy the air and behold the view.”

“Hm?”

“Sometimes when you’re rushing to the top, you miss out on the little things.” Nanami says, thinking of the things he left behind when he went into this job. Family, friends, relationships. People to share his dreams with. “I don’t want to tell you how to achieve your goal, but just make sure you can do so without having any regrets.”

Misha blinks at him for a moment, eyes wide. Nanami simply scratches the back of his neck. Was that too much?

“That was…” Misha pauses as she tries to find the right words. “Very profound.”

“I feel it was pretty straightforward.” Nanami says.

“Do you have any more words of wisdom to spare?” Misha jokes as she sits up. Nanami can think of one.

“Maybe be nicer to the interns.” He raises a brow, and Misha shrinks away, as if to hide herself from the fire’s light and become one with the darkness behind them.

“It wasn’t…my proudest moment.”

“And it shouldn’t be.” Nanami agrees, but there is no malice in his voice. “I don’t know what was going on with you and Tiana, but it’s very unprofessional on both ends.”

“I know, I know, but-”

“But-” Nanami cuts her off. “The fact that you two came together to do this, putting aside your differences to make things right…that’s what’s expected. It’s what makes a great team leader. If you’re too harsh, your team will lean on their own understanding instead of asking you for help, and you’ll be blamed for their impending failure. You may be the leader, but you still have to work with your team for it to be efficient.”

Misha blew air out of her nose, a bit frustrated by how right Nanami was. It’s as if he were forcing her to swallow her own pride. She throws her head into her hands, reviewing everything she did to Tiana, everything she said to her.

All because she couldn’t separate business and her personal life.

All because she was jealous, since the day she saw Nanami chauffeuring her to the apartments. She was envious at how close she got to him, how quickly it seemed to happen, even though she pranced around twiddling that damned silver band on her ring finger. But maybe, just maybe, she was a bit too quick to react.

“I have to apologize.” Misha grumbled.

“That you do. She does too, and I expect it to be cleared up before the next event.” Nanami says with a slight smile. Misha simply sighs, standing up.

“I’ll let her enjoy the rest of her night at least.” She says, walking towards the sliding doors. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Nanami simply nods.

A reassured air around her, Misha opens the door, the music from inside becoming clear as it echoed into the night. She steps in, and before she closes the door, she gives him a sincere and soft look.

“Goodnight, Nanami-sama.”

“Don’t be so stiff. We’re at a party.” Nanami nods kindly. “Goodnight, Misha.”

Misha nods eagerly, her cheeks flushing as she thanked the gods that it was a bit too dark to see.

“Right. Night, Nanami.” She said, closing the door and cutting him off from the chaos inside.

Nanami sighs, placing his half eaten food down. He begins humming along to the muffled music playing outside, taking in his environment. The roar of the flames, the twinkle of the stars, the whistle of the wind.

Then the sliding door opens once again, and Nanami feels his patience thin. Could he just get one moment to himself?

As he preps his mouth to chastise the perpetrator, a voice as warm as spring fills his ears.

“Ugh, finally some damn peace and quiet.” Tiana exasperated, her southern drawl peppered throughout her statement. “If I have to deal with one more mess, I swear I’ll-”

“That’s not how a host should talk about their guest.” Nanami says, turning around to see Tiana practically jump out of her skin. He watched the color drain for her face as she stammered over her words.

“N-Nanami?” She asks, walking round him and plopping into the chair next to him. She had an owlish look on her face as if she had seen a ghost. “Jesus, you scared me- I’m sorry for my poor language.” She covers her mouth in shock as she realizes what she had just said.

“It doesn’t make you any less of a lady.” Nanami laughs, leaning towards her slightly. “If I say a few vulgar words, will it make you feel better?”

“Don’t you dare.” Tiana warns, but her facade doesn’t last long before she’s laughing along with him.

“I was wondering where you were.” Nanami says as they settle down, and Tiana puts a hand on her chest.

“I was wondering where you were!” Tiana exclaims. “No wonder I couldn’t find you, you were hiding out here.”

“You thought I wouldn’t show?” He asked gently, and Tiana nodded slightly. The main reason she did this was for him anyway, so the thought of him bailing tore her up a bit inside. Nanami gives her a reassuring look.

“I always show up to things like this, even if it’s only for a minute.”

“Well I’m glad you stayed longer than that.” Tiana says, a bit relieved. She tilts her head, looking past the flames to the half eaten plate on the stone seating. “Did you get enough to eat?” She asks, then cringes as she realizes how much like her mother she sounds.

Nanami shrugs. “I got what was left. A few dishes looked completely cleaned out. I’m guessing those were yours?”

Tiana sinks into her wooden chair bashfully. “Yeah, they demolished everything I made as soon as they entered the building.” She didn’t want to seem as if she were bragging, but it was very true. “No seafood this time, scout’s honor.”

“And here I was hoping for a little excitement.” Nanami jokes, and the pair find themselves laughing again. Nanami rubs the back of his neck.

“To be truthful, I would have loved to taste what you brought.”

“Really?” Tiana seems to hum in a whimsical tune, and Nanami nods in confirmation.

“Well, lucky you, I have quite a bit of leftovers left at my place.” Tiana says. “I don’t want to leave all that in my fridge while I'm away.”

Nanami tilts his head at the woman, her warm face emboldened in the light of the flames. She simply raises her brows, copying his expression. His heart seemed to delay behind his ribs.

“You can take the rest. You know, when you come pick me up for the airport that is.”

Nanami felt disheartened as his lips attempted to retreat into a thin line. Again, his mind began to conjure these wild delusions; the thought of him sitting at a dinner table and sharing a meal with her. He nodded his head.

“Right, right. Of course. But are you sure? I don’t want to impose-”

“Don’t try to decline, that’s my job.” Tiana waves him off without hearing him speak another word. “Just return my dishes. They’re very dear to me.”

Sometime during her stay, Charlotte shipped some dishware to Tiana, but not just any pots of pans, but the ones that belonged to her mother and were later passed on to her. Tiana berated Charlotte at first, horrified that the items held so closely to her heart were sent halfway around the world with the possibility of being stolen, damaged, or lost. But once Charlotte admitted she knew Tiana would feel less lonely with them back in her possession, she cried over the items for almost an hour, thankful and apologetic to her friend. Tiana smiles, the spirit of her mother seemingly possessing her as she repeated a line her mom would always say when it came to the opposite sex.

“A man’s gotta eat.” She shrugged. Nanami chuckled at the strange phrase; in a more literal sense it was obvious that everyone needed to eat. But he didn’t question her as they both distracted themselves with the stars.

And because of the laws that nature constraints itself to, the stars began to fade as the sun attempted to wake on the horizon. Tiana scurried down the complex driveway to the vehicle Nanami was driving, different from the last one her chauffeured her in. Nanami watched as Tiana scurried to the trunk of the vehicle, popping in a singular duffle bag. She then placed a paper brown grocery bag on the floor of the back seat, then finally walked to the passenger side door, which he was holding open for her. He watched her hesitate briefly before she crept into the seat. After making sure her limbs were tucked in, he closed the door, and walked to the other side.

As he situated himself on the drivers side, he noticed her body language; how she tensed up and sat with her back pressed against the black leather. He looked at her, and her eyes briefly flitted to him before she stared out the windshield.

“Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Why?” She rushed out. Nanami frowns.

“I’ll go slow.”

Tiana nods her head swiftly, her eyes closing as the car lurched out of the parking lot. She felt her stomach knot as she gripped the console, and wasn’t privy to Nanami glancing down to her hand.

“You-” Nanami starts, but immediately clamps up, his head throbbing. You can hold my hand?, Nanami thought as he berated himself. He would have to be so idiotic to pull something like that right now, so inconsiderate. Why’d he even think of that first to begin with?

“You noticed this is a different car than the last time right?” Nanami started, trying to fill the tense silence.

“Hm.”

“The last one was a company car. A bit too luxurious for my taste.”

“Mm.”

“It doesn’t beat the classics.”

“Mhm.”

“Tiana?” Nanami glanced over to the tense woman next to him, then went back to the oncoming traffic. She didn’t respond.

“Tiana, you can look at me.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Is it better in the dark?”

Tiana was about to fib, but what comfort would that bring her? She didn’t want to look out the windows, but memories found themselves resurfacing behind her squeezed eyelids. It was one of those moments where you had to pick your poison, but Nanami seemed to be offering some sort of antidote.

So she did. She looked at Nanami, who’s eyes seemed to pry into hers through his glasses. Nanami did his best not to stare into those doe eyes, those wide eyes that held the color of soil and everything that crawled in between its particles.

“I’m lookin’.” Tiana said, fidgeting with her fingers.

“That you are.”

“And you look at the road.”

Nanami chuckled, turning back to the windshield.

“But of course. So…”

And Nanami talked. He talked about nothing, everything, and all things at once. Tiana, slowly finding solace in his attempt to distract her, finally began laughing as the world blurred past around her, and time as well. It touched her heart that Nanami went out of his way to make sure she was comfortable, even if he had to keep blabbering about whatever came to mind to do it. It became almost too much for her, clenching her stomach as they pulled up to the terminal.

The two got out of the vehicle, Nanami grabbing her duffle bag as they walked inside.

“You only brought this?” Nanami questioned, as Tiana looked at her bag. She shrugged.

“I have so much at home already.” She then sighs, her head dropping. “I just hope Lottie took care of the place while I was gone.”

Nanami chuckles to himself, knowing that Charlotte had spent quite a few nights there while Tiana was away.

As the two walked into the warm building, Tiana grabbed her bag from Nanami, hoisting it onto her shoulder.

“Thank you again, Nanami.” She said with a graceful smile.

“Of course.” He says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Yeah, and then you can finish your story from earlier.” Tiana giggled behind her hand, walking towards the TSA line. “Oh, and let me know how you liked the food!” She waved while looking back. Nanami raised his palm with a slight wave, a soft smile on his lips as Tiana walked well out of earshot. The way she had an extra bounce in her step made it so evident that she was excited to go back home, even if it was only for a few days.

“I will.” He gently speaks, watching her dark curls disappear.

He doesn’t know how long he stood there, well after Tiana was through the line, and probably long enough to arouse suspicion with the officers littered around the facility. With his hands settled into his pockets, he kicked at a loose tile on the ground, before making his way back to the car. As he settled into the driver’s seat, hands gripping firmly onto the steering wheel, he placed his head on the wheel. The leather cooled his warm face as he huffed in frustration.

“What am I doing?”

He sat up in slight distress, looking at the backseat to the bag that was tucked away on the floor. Shaking his head, he starts the car, and pulls out of the parking lot.

“Why am I doing this?”

“Because I asked oh so kindly!” Charlotte said as she pranced around the kitchen, watching Tiana work her magic over the stove. “And because you love me.”

“Well, at least one of those statements is true.” Tiana teased with a sly smile, which earned a gasp-swat combo hit from Charlotte.

“I haven’t had a beignet in soooooooo long.” Charlotte said dramatically, putting her hand on her forehead like a damsel in distress. “I’ve been craving them like crazy!”

Tiana laughed as she pinched Charlotte’s cheek. “I can tell you stuffed yourself with those processed desserts. The weight went straight to your cheeks.”

Tiana turned away, back to the stove, missing the falter in Charlotte’s smile.

Is it obvious, Charlotte asked herself.

“Anyways, is Travis coming tonight? I want to make sure he’s treating my older sister right.” Tiana says.

“You don’t mind, do ya’?” Charlotte says, her voice shrinking as she fidgets with the hem of her blouse. Tiana turned to her, giving her an attempted look of reassurance, but Charlotte could see the sadness in her eyes.

“Why would I?” Tiana places both her hands on Charlotte's shoulders, looking into her blue eyes. “I’m happy if you’re happy.”

“But…I’m sad when you’re sad.” Charlotte strains, but Tiana brushes her comment off.

“Don’t worry about me.” Tiana looks at her work, wiping the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand. “Beignets weren’t originally on the menu for tonight, so they’ll be a while.”

“We can eat while they cool. Let’s set the table before daddy shows up.” Charlotte hums, dragging Tiana into the grandiose dining room. Tiana thought Charlotte’s childhood home was over the top growing up, but her current abode outdid itself tenfold. Nothing but the best for the daughter of the wealthiest man in New Orleans.

As the two got the table together, Tiana took note of the tune Charlotte was humming under her. It was nothing familiar, just the word “beignets” spoken over and over at different octaves, and it made Tiana giggle, reminding her of the funny way Nanami pronounced the dish.

“What’s got you all smiley?” Charlotte said, wriggling her hips as she did a strange little dance.

“Nothin’, nothin’.” Tiana said, focusing back on the task at hand. “I just thought of something.”

Soon, the table is bustling with joy and excitement, loud conversations being exchanged over the table as food is grabbed and passed around. As Tiana is grabbing her second helping of greens, the conversation topic shifts onto her.

“So…” Eli La Bouff starts. “Meet anyone sweet in Japan?”

Cranberry juice shoots out of Charlotte’s nose as Tiana drops the spoon she was holding, her eyes wide. Travis grabs a couple napkins for Charlotte as she chokes on her own words of anger.

“Daddy!” She half shouts, half coughs.

“Mr. La Bouff!” Tiana half shouts in astonishment, a bit vexed at the question.

“I’ve told you a million times to just call me daddy.” Eli puts his hand to his chest, hurt by Tiana’s words. Tiana blinks a few times, trying to choose her words carefully.

“Mr. La Bouff, aren’t I a bit too old to call you that? I’m almost 27.” She half smiles. Now it’s Charlotte’s turn to be hurt.

“I still call him that…” She pouts, eyes almost dewed over.

“I do too…” Travis mutters.

“And I told you not to! You don’t get to call me that!” Eli’s voice booms as he points one of his fat fingers to the lean red head, who seemed to quake under the man’s gaze.

“Daddy, you said you’d be nice!” Charlotte whined, and Tiana could feel the whole night begin to derail, not that she thought the night would be a hundred percent normal with these three, but she hoped it would be somewhat manageable.

“I am being nice! I’m just looking out for my girls!” Eli shouted, his brown and silver mustache twitching. “Gotta make sure these spineless, wimpy ass, sorry excuses for men out here are worthy of my water lilies!”

“Daddy.” Charlotte shouted, nose scrunched in distaste as her lips curled. “No foul language at the dinner table.”

“Let’s change the subject…” Tiana suggested, shoveling the greens in her mouth before they grew cold.

“Alright, fine.” Eli says, adjusting his vest. “How about your new job? You sound more proper than before, you’re losing your southern charm!” Eli sounds troubled as his own twang rings through the dining room. “They treating you right over there?”

“It’s gotten…better…” Tiana mutters, not really wanting to tell the truth. Charlotte got her dramatics from her father, and one thing about him is that he will put on a show.

“Better?” He says, shocked. “B-Better? I know a few people over there, I’ll rough ‘em up if need be!” He booms, belly shaking as he grows more upset for Tiana than Tiana was for herself.

“Actually,” Tiana starts in hopes to deescalate the conversation, “There is this one man there. He’s been really kind to me as of late. His name is Na-”

“Naaaaaauseous!” Charlotte jumps up, holding her stomach. She knew who Tiana was about to say, and she didn’t need her father blabbering. He didn’t know Charlotte sent her to work for Nanami. “Nauseous! I feel so, so nauseous!”

“You do?!” Travis stood in a panic, fussing over her. “Are you okay?”

“Not now, Travis.” Charlotte said through gritted teeth, hoping he would get the message.

“Should we tell them?” Travis whispers, but not too well because Eli’s ears perk up.

“Tell ‘them’ what exactly?” Eli says, voice low and threatening as Travis shakes in his shoes. Eli’s eyes flit from Travis to Charlotte, trying to come to some sort of conclusion. “You two hidin’ somethin’ from me?”

“No.” They both say, but a bit too quickly. It doesn’t deter Eli’s suspicions at all, but Tiana swiftly comes to their rescue to escape the man’s wrath.

“Well, if you’re so nauseous, no dessert for you missy.” Tiana says behind her sweet potatoes, earning a whine from Charlotte.

“I tried to get Travis to make some like you, Tia, and they were God awful!” Charlotte practically wails as Travis stands there offended. “I wouldn’t feed ‘em to Stella if she were still around!”

“Hey!” Travis says, Charlotte sitting back down in her chair. “Sorry I’m not a five star chef.” He grumbles, and Tiana feels a shiver run down her spine. Noticing her discomfort, Charlotte tries to lighten the situation, laughing off the comment.

“Ya’ darn right!” Charlotte exclaims, putting on the works. “You shoulda seen Tia rippin’ and runnin’ that kitchen like a well oiled machine! Ain’t that right, Tia?” Charlotte's voice is uneasy as she watches her friend sit in silence.

“Tia?” She calls her again, and the table falls silent, no one daring to speak. Tiana grimaced, putting down her utensils, her famished appetite immediately dispelled.

“I…I guess.” Tiana responds, a bit unsure. She didn’t want to think of the past, but coming home was sure to make her face it once again. It was bound to be attached to her forever, and there was nothing she could do to shake it off her.

“I’m…going to clean off my plate…and dust the beignets.” Her voice is solemn as she stands, grabbing her half eaten food. As she wanders to the kitchen, the other three watch her with grave expressions. When she’s out of earshot, Charlotte stands, going after her.

“Good job, Travis.” Charlotte fumed.

The two men sat at the table, Eli glaring at Travis, who simply gulped with nerves. Eli sighs, covering his face with both his hands as he mumbled into his hands.

“I’ll never understand what she sees.”

Tiana dusted the desserts after scraping her food into the trash bin, trying not to get lost in her own thoughts. She heard a pair of footsteps behind her, and stalled her movements a moment, before going back to the pastries.

“Coming to steal a few before everyone else, Lottie?” Tiana says with her back turned, not wanting to look her in the eye.

“Tia, you know I love you so much right?”

“Of course, Lottie. I love you too.”

“So why aren’t you looking at me when you say it?”

Charlotte felt a slight pang of shame saying such a selfish thing, but a part of her wanted to ease her own guilt. Tiana’s eyebrows furrow as she turns around.

“Lottie, you know I love you.” Tiana folds her arms. “What’s gotten into you?”

Charlotte rushes in for a hug, and though Tiana is shocked at first at the sudden action, she allows her arms to encapture Charlotte back.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about the past a lot and getting really emotional lately.” Charlotte says with her chin on Tiana’s shoulder. She squeezes her hard, and Tiana squeezes back. “I miss you, Tia.”

Tiana rubs her back. “I missed you too, Lottie.”

“No, I miss you.” Lottie's voice sounds pained. “I miss the old you. When we would smile and laugh at nothing and everything at the same time. You and me against the world.”

Tiana frowned. “Now, Lottie-”

“I know things are different now. I know things have changed, you’ve changed. I know you’ve lost a lot.” Lottie whispers, as thought if she spoke any louder Tiana would crumble in her hands. “I just want you to look back and smile sometimes, and it doesn’t have to be all the time. I want to be able to laugh at old times with you again. The past doesn’t always have to seem to bleak. It can be as vibrant as the sun if we make it.”

Tiana simply nods, her heart filling up once more, as if Lottie started a spark in her chest. She was so glad to have someone like her around, to pick her up. Tiana hoped that one day she would be strong enough to pick herself up.

“Because not everything was so bad back then.” Lottie says softly. “Remember when we went to the bayou to kiss frogs?”

Tiana blew air from her nose. “I only went to stop you so you wouldn’t get warts.”

“Or prom night? When we were each other’s dates because daddy didn’t like the guys who asked us?”

“My mama had to stop him from using his rifle.”

“Or when you walked down the aisle.” Charlotte strained, her fingers digging into Tiana’s skin. “And daddy couldn’t stop blubbering and crying as he linked his arms with yours, tripping over himself because he couldn't see.” Charlotte giggled, thinking of her father’s beet red face smudged with tears, and Tiana couldn’t help but laugh too, it was an infectious feeling.

“See, there you go.” Charlotte says, pulling away. “I’ve missed that sound. I want to hear you laugh more often.”

“I promise I’m not always so…down.” Tiana says, a bit embarrassed.

“Oh? Someone else making you laugh besides me?” Charlotte asks playfully, poking Tiana’s cheek. Tiana looks up, thinking about how to answer.

“You could say that.” Tiana says with a slight shrug. “There’s this man at my job who’s been kind to me. He ain’t you, but he’s alright company.”

“Oh? Oh, oh, oh?” Charlotte raises a brow, and Tiana pushes herself away as she rolls her eyes. Charlotte couldn't help but feel giddy. If Tiana were developing feelings for anyone else, she would consider it a miracle. But the possibility that it could possibly be her cousin? It would make things so easy.

“Oh, please, Lottie. Don’t start with me.” Tiana says, and Charlotte just shrugs with her mouth gaping open like a fish.

“What? I ain't say anything…” Charlotte says, putting her hands behind her back, rocking back and forth on her heels. Tiana purses her lips, tilting her head at the woman as she asks something else.

“So, ya’ like ‘em?”

“Lottie!” Tiana frowns, but it’s over exaggerated to keep the small smile forming at bay. She wasn’t sure why, but the thought made her want to laugh and cry simultaneously. Charlotte raises her hands defensively.

“I’m just sayin'! I don’t see why not-”

“Lottie…”

“If he makes you happy, I think you should-”

“Lottie.” Tiana firmly states, lips jutted out. “I-I can’t do that. Even if I wanted to, I just can’t.”

Charlotte looks at her friend, her sister who was so keen on making sure everyone else around her was happy. Putting everyone else before herself. She wanted Tiana to be happy, to find her own happiness again, even if it meant finding solace in someone else.

“Tia…I’m sure he would want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, Charlotte. I’m happy right now. I’m happy here with you. And that's enough.” Tiana smiled, determined to steer the conversation away from her. Tiana turns back to the fresh beignets stacked up on a silver tray. She picks them up, handing it to Charlotte, who still looks unsure.

“Now, go take these to the table. Don’t wanna serve 'em cold.” Tiana brushes Charlotte’s chin gently, before giving her a soft push out of the kitchen.

“I wonder how long that happiness will last.” Charlotte mumbled. She trots to the table, placing the stacked desserts onto the table, Eli and Travis’ mouth watering at the sight.

“This looks delicious.” Nanami said, uncovering the lids of the various dishes Tiana left with him; it was almost too much for a single man to eat. As he took the containers out of the bag, a sticky note fluttered out onto his kitchen counter. Eyebrows raised, he picks it up, examining it.

Happy Holidays, it read in neat handwriting with the doodle of a frog on the corner. Nanami chuckled, looking over the different meals. The items were foreign to him, but he could smell an array of spices despite the food still being cold. He picks a random container by chance, and pops it into the microwave. He hopes the high watts don’t disturb the food’s natural charm, but as his kitchen fills with strong seasonings, he knows that he will enjoy the meal regardless.

Before the time reaches zero, he snatches the container out and is welcomed with white steam emitting from the food. He looked over it, wondering what the name of this dish may be. It was rice adorned with other vegetables and meats, and it had a heavenly garlic smell mixed with parsley. His own curiosity got the better of him; he didn’t say grace or even sit down at his table. He took a spoon from his drawer, and shoveled a hefty portion into his mouth.

The first taste on tongue was almost explosive, the unfamiliar flavor causing his palette to dance. Next was the kick that followed shortly after, his taste buds tingling at the sensation. The crunch of peppers and celery, the tenderness of the beef and pork mixed in was enough to make an ungodly sound escape Nanami’s throat. His face was inflamed, not only from the heat, but from being so embarrassed about how his own body reacted to something as simple as eating food. If these walls could talk, they would spill all his secrets as he downed the food again, again, and again without leaving time to properly chew.

“I hope the food wasn’t too hot for Nanami.” Tiana muttered to herself as she put the lash plate in the sink. She was so used to her own heat tolerance that she didn’t think to ask him about his preference. She will have to ask him later, when she gets back, and make a proper note of it.

“Tia, tia, bo bia~” Charlotte hummed, twirling into the kitchen.

“Lottie.” Tiana sung back in a harmonious tone, laughing as the sink filled with hot, soapy water.

“How about you go sit down, you did all the cookin’.” Charlotte said, tying her blonde locks into a high ponytail. “It’s the least I could do.”

“Ya’ sure?” Tiana asks, knuckles deep into the water.

“Go on, rest up. You just got back yesterday, you must be as tired as a dog after a long run.”

Tiana flicks the water from her hands, then dries them on a nearby towel. “Well…I am a little tired-”

“I knew it!” Charlotte said, shoving Tiana from the kitchen. “Now git, git!”

“Alright, alright!” Tiana laughs, stumbling. After regaining her footing, and side-eying a giggling Charlotte, she made her way to the luxurious living room, decorated from roof to ceiling with pink and white furniture and decor. It’s as if Tiana had stepped into a glamorous version of the Barbie Dreamhouse. Exhaling deeply, she sinks into the plush couch, closing her eyes for a moment. She felt happy, full, and content being surrounded by those she loved and those who loved her.

But the feeling was short lived when someone called her name softly, snatching the idea of rest from her.

“Tiana? I’m sorry, do you have a moment?” Travis said.

Tiana frowned, nose scrunched as her eyes stayed closed.

“Travis, I don’t mean to be rude, but is it really that important right now?” Tiana couldn't hide her annoyance.

“I-It is…” He mutters, tapping the tips of his fingers together. Tiana notices the way his voice shrunk, and sat up abruptly, eyebrows furrowed as she stared up at the man.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…I just-” He stammered, rubbing his sweaty palms onto his pants. Then, he sits down on the couch, avoiding eye contact with Tiana

“Well, go on.” Tiana said, her patience thinning as she sits on the edge of her seat.

“I wanted to ask for your blessing.”

Tiana’s heart stops.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, Charlotte told me not to ask you, she told me not to bring it up again-” Travis rambled on, rubbing the back of his neck as his red hair fell into his face. “But you’re her best friend. You’re family to her, and it just wouldn’t be right.”

Tiana went rigid.

“I want to marry Charlotte.” Travis says, looking at Tiana with utmost sincerity. “I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to make her happy. She said she wanted to have a small reception, just go to the courthouse, but I know she’s lying. I know she doesn’t want to seem like she’s flaunting her happiness around-”

Travis just kept saying the wrong thing as Tiana struggled to breathe.

“You know she always wanted to have a big wedding. Always dreamed of an over the top, royal-style event. Something whimsical that makes her feel like a princess. Even though she's my queen..” Travis spoke gently as he looks to the kitchen. Tiana follows his gaze to find Eli and Charlotte laughing as they attack each other with the sudsy water. Tiana couldn’t tell if the pain within her was bittersweet or not. Has Charlotte really been holding back for Tiana’s sake?

“I’ve been wanting to propose to her for a while, with this.” Travis says, pulling out a pink velvet box. As he opened it, Tiana couldn’t help but gasp. It was a rose gold princess cut ring with a peach sapphire in the middle, and framed with tiny diamonds. A phrase rang in Tiana’s head, in the voice of Nanami.

No rock?

“I’ve been trying to find the perfect time, but I wanted to make sure you were around. I didn’t want it to seem like we were hiding from you, but I knew Charlotte wouldn’t forgive me if you weren’t there next to her.”

Tiana blinked. Is this what the two were trying to hide at the dinner table?

“What about Mr. La Bouff?” She strains.

“Ah, he’s putting on more of a front than usual, but when I asked him he started blubbering. Said he was happy to welcome me in as the son he never had.” Travis shook his head, a whimsical look in his eyes. The way his cheeks brightened, and his lips curled into a soft, loving smile made Tiana’s heart ache. Those words were the same words Eli used when Naveen had proposed to her. Travis turns back to Tiana.

“Tiana, I just…” He closes the box, clutching it to his chest. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t wait anymore. I’m asking-no…I’m begging you.”

Tiana was speechless as the man asked her this, putting such a decision in her hands as if she really had the right or the courage to decline. This was just a formality.

She was even more speechless when he proposed to her in the living room once Charlotte and Eli returned. Before Travis could even properly pop the question, before he could even get down on one knee, Charlotte belted out a shrilling “yes”, sobbing as he slid the beautiful accessory onto her manicure finger. It made Tiana twist her own silver band on her left hand.

And the two shared a passionate kiss, filled with emotions Tiana hadn’t felt or witnessed in a long time. Tiana then noticed that since the parting of Naveen, Charlotte and Travis were very keen on walking on eggshells when the three hung out, probably so Tiana wouldn’t feel like a third wheel. It made Tiana feel even more bitter as she choked on her own pride.

Then after all that, with Eli crying and patting Travis on the back with loud claps, Charlotte finally looked at Tiana. It was a look of guilt, shame, and restrained happiness as if she were asking her friend permission to celebrate her own engagement. Tiana simply gave her a tight smile, mouthing the words “congratulations” as tears filled her eyes. Though Charlotte told herself they were happy tears as she turned back to her new fiancé to kiss him once more, Tiana couldn’t tell the same lie to herself.

He should have never done this with her here.

She should have never come back home.

“That…was too f*cking good.” Nanami said, wiping the loose tears falling from his eyes. While the spice left his lips burning and eyes running long after he ate, he couldn't help but feel satisfied. He also felt like a bit of a glutton as he stared at the abundance of empty dishes that littered his lone kitchen table.

Nanami had never felt so full while being on his own, while Tiana had never felt so empty in the company of others.

Chapter 4: the concept of selfishness

Chapter Text

Tiana wiped feverishly at the filthy table, wiping away the loose crumbs and smeared sauces to prepare for the next customer. Today had been so busy, customer after customer, relentless crowds swarming in droves, keeping her on her toes as she tended to their every need. Refills, napkins, desserts, you named it, Tiana would bring it to you with a beaming smile, her dimples adorning her cheeks with a perfect set of teeth gleaming behind her plump lips. She was happiest on busy days like this, it made the time pass way faster.

As she finished cleaning the table to the point where she got a glimpse of her own reflection, she heard the bell above the restaurant ring, signaling the entry of a new customer. Putting on a rich smile, she turns to greet them with warmth and joy.

“Welcome to Duke’s-”

And her voice gets lodged in her throat.

Everything around her goes dark, except for a single light that illuminates the dashing young man across the room. Eyes lively and expressive as ever, his paperboy hat clutched to his chest. Tiana felt a surge of emotions come forth as she looked at his familiar face. He held this goofy grin, nose scrunched up like a rabbit.

“Naveen?”

Naveen holds his arms out and Tiana immediately runs into them, sobbing her heart out. She couldn’t do anything but wail into his shoulder, knowing her make-up likely ruined his white shirt. He snaked his arms around her resting his chin on the top of her head as she quaked like the earth when its plates moved. He exhaled in relief, massaging her shoulders.

“I told you I’d be back to marry you.” He smiled, pulling away from her to get a look at her face. He scanned over him with his eyes, taking in her features as if it were a breath of fresh air, as if it were the last time he would get a chance to look. Tiana continued to cry fat tears that streamed to the ground, bottom lip quivering as she tried to figure out what to say.

“Stop crying.” He cooed, wiping at her face lovingly as he chuckled. Tiana closed her eyes, not believing in her own sight, shutting them instead. Naveen took the opportunity to lean in and kiss her eyelids, Tiana whining like a wounded animal every time she felt his touch. It was like electricity coursed through every place he touched, stinging her skin, and her heart.

“You’re making a mess, my love.”

Tiana opened her eyes and looked down, realizing she had cried a puddle at her and Naveen’s feet. How could a person cry so much? It was like years of tears had accumulated at the soles of her feet.

Embarrassed, she gives a throaty laugh as she wipes her face. As she brings the back of her hand to her face, she feels something sharp poke her cheek. Brows wrinkling, she looks at her left hand, taking note of the silver band on her finger, but it wasn’t Naveen’s ring that she usually wore. It was the actual ring that he gave her when he proposed; a silver band with a small yet elegant diamond adorning the center. She stares at it, blinking rapidly as she examines it.

No rock?

The voice thunders as it echoes through the darkness, startling her as she looks around, trying to find where the disembodied voice was coming from. She looked at Naveen, who was now pressed in a classic tux.

“What did you say?” She squinted at him.

Nanami grabs Tiana’s left hand, studying the ring with a dissatisfied look on his face. He brought the hand to his lips, kissing her fingers gently.

“I said, are you sure you didn’t want another ring? This one is kind of…” He didn’t finish his sentence, but Tiana knew what he was going to say.

“Plain?” She finishes for him, hand on her jutted out hip. “It’s fine, Naveen. You know I don’t care about things like that. And I don’t want it to overpower Mama’s dress.” She says, twisting as she looks at herself in the tall mirror. She felt like a princess, each thread and layer sewn with love and care. Her mother spared no expense making this for her, it had always been her dream to make her daughter's wedding dress. She was so meticulous with her seams, the fabric giving and curving around Tiana’s body, and a veil attached to a crown. Tiana felt the dress was more than enough, and didn’t want to seem greedy by asking for more, though she knew Naveen would bend over backwards for her even if she was stubborn.

“I want to make sure everything goes exactly the way you want it to. It’s your day, my love.”

Tiana felt Naveen come behind her, snaking his arms around her waist. He buried his face into the crook of her neck as they swayed back and forth, relishing in each other’s presence.

“It’s our day.” Tiana hums, allowing her hands to rest on top of his. “It’s already more than what I could ever ask for.” She brings a hand to his hair, massaging it gently as he places gentle kisses on her collarbone. She giggled like a child as she felt this tickling sensation.

“Naveen, you know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, right?”

He raised his face to look at hers, their noses practically touching as he grinned. “You still believe in superstitions like that?”

“In a place like New Orleans? Yes.” She teases him. Laughing into each other, Tiana takes a step forward, and steps into something wet. She looks down and see’s water resting at her ankles, causing the bottom of her handmade dress to be soggy and heavy. Gasping, she picks up the dress, water trickling back to the ground.

“Oh no, see Naveen? I told you.” She whined, feeling a bit dejected that her supposed perfect day was ruined. She turned to Naveen, who looked as if he had seen a ghost. His face was pale as if he had gotten a glimpse of Death himself, and his curls had fallen victim to gravity as they fell from their usual style. Tiana’s face was shrouded in concern as she brought a hand to his cheek, consoling him.

“Naveen, hey…I was just joking…”

“I’m sorry.” He leaned into her touch, eyes filled with sorrow. “It’s my fault that you’re like this.”

He put his large hands around her swollen belly that had been moving a lot lately, and causing her body to ache more than usual.

“Naveen, this is natural.” Tiana reassures him, looking into his brown eyes with a gentle gaze. “My back is gonna hurt, my joints are gonna swell. I’m gonna be a lot more tired, and a lot less active. It’s not your fault. I wanted this too.”

“But the restaurant. Your dream.” He sounded so upset, as if he should shoulder all the guilt for Tiana putting her life on pause. Tiana grabs Naveen’s face with both her hands, bringing his forehead to hers as if to connect their minds, and not just their hearts.

“My dream wouldn’t be complete…without you in it.” She says gently as she squeezes his cheeks. He can’t help but chuckle deeply, his laugh vibrating through Tiana’s body as well as his own. Tiana loved the sound of his laugh, it was like a hymn on a record that she’d play all day, the needle skipping over the grooves representing her own heartbeat. It was the perfect compliment to her own whenever they talked, laughed, cried, or sung together, it produced something so harmonious, so beautiful. And now those concepts would take a physical form.

“I can never live up to the legend herself, but I promise I’ll do my best at the Palace.” Naveen said, referencing her restaurant. Tiana’s cheeks turned rosy until she felt a kick in her belly that caused her to keel over with a sharp inhale. Immediately, Naveen was over her, gripping her forearms to steady her as she stood back up.

“I’m alright, I’m alright.” She says, holding the base of her back with her hand, exhaling through puckered lips.

“Let’s get you in bed. You need to rest.” Naveen says, one hand around her waist and the other almost shielding her stomach. “Hey, little tadpole, stop kicking your mother.”

“Baby, I told you to stop calling her that.” Tiana giggled, but despite her hatred of frogs, the nickname for the child had grown on her.

They waded through the water that seemed to keep rising, sloshing through the darkness until they came to their bed. After propping up a few pillows on the headboard, Naveen helped Tiana into her side of the bed, then walked to the right side, the water almost waist deep now as it kept rising. The sound of rushing water filled Tiana’s ears as she began to panic, the murky water producing a muddy smell around her. She looked over at Naveen, who was calmly crawling into bed. He scooted closer to Tiana, nuzzling his face in the space between her protruding stomach and her swollen breasts, almost immediately falling asleep. Tiana was rendered speechless that her husband could fall asleep so easily in a situation like this, the water lapping at their duvet as it left grassy stains around the edge of the bed. She grabbed his shoulder, shaking his limp body aggressively as her breathing seemed to speed up.

“Naveen? Naveen!” She yelled his name over and over, but nothing seemed to disturb his slumber, even when the water had risen past their bed, and began seeping into Tiana’s pajamas. The water was freezing, so cold that it numbed every part of her. Naveen stayed blissfully unaware as he was fully submerged in water, but Tiana bore witness to everything. She began hyperventilating, eyes flitting around in the dark. The water seemed to rise even quicker, lining with Tiana's shoulders. She stretched her neck in an attempt to keep her face above the water, but resistance was futile. The last thing she heard was her own gasps before even she was fully submerged in the green waters.

She began floating upward, only realizing this when she looked down to see Naveen still sprawled on the bed, unconscious to everything that was going on. So she swam with all her might to reach him, hands cupped and arms slicing through the murky water, but he still seemed to sink. Tiana kicked her legs sporadically, inching to him as she fought the liquid. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, she reached him, only to find that he was beyond saving.

The bed seemed to swallow Naveen whole, his lifeless body being engulfed into the mattress. Tiana grabbed his left arm, almost yanking it out the socket, refusing to let him sink any further, but it was useless. Slowly, his body continued to descend into the bed. Tiana clawed at his arm, but he continued to slip out of her grasp since she couldn’t get a good grip on him. The only thing she was able to grab off his body was his silver ring, which floated towards her so effortlessly. She grabbed it with one swipe, and just as she was about to turn to Naveen, hands began grabbing her from the heaven’s above, pulling her towards the surface.

Tiana fought against them, smacking their arms away, but she felt heavy in the water, her movements slowed as she struggled.

No, no, no!

The breath Tiana had been saving began to bubble from her throat as she tried to scream, yell, cry out, something, anything. But her struggles went unheard as she continued to be pulled upwards, watching her husband disappear within the depths.

As water filled her orifices, she tasted something metallic, the water stained with a deep red as it leaked out of her. Her stomach produced a sharp pain as she convulsed in the water, tussling with whoever dared to stop her from saving her husband. The love of her life, the daytime to her night, the sun to her moon.

She choked on the swampy water, the liquid filling her lungs as she fought and prayed that someone would get Naveen. That whatever higher power up there would have mercy on them and stop this feeling of hurt, pain, and loss.

Please, she thought as she reached her hand into the depths, unable to fight off whoever was pulling her anymore. Save them, not me.

She was tired, body heavy as it refused to keep up with her will to fight.

Save them, not me. Save them, not me. Save them, not me! Please, please, please, pleasepleasepleaseplease-

“Please!” Tiana lets out a strangled gasp as she shoots up from her bed, swallowing gulps of air as if it would be sucked away again. She looked around her room, trying to remember where she was, and where she wasn’t. What was reality, and what was a dream. She clutched her duvet to her chest, trembling as her eyes filled with tears, and the way she sobbed into her covers she was sure she would drown in them just like in her nightmare.

Her heart felt as if it were rung out and left to dry in the sun, and her stomach felt so queasy as she curled over, wiping her face aggressively to stop the tears, but they kept falling. All she could do was moan in agony, temples pulsing as the visions replayed over and over, succumbing to the overwhelming feeling of despair. She hated this, she hated this empty feeling, she hated being alone. But the one person she wanted the most had become unobtainable.

She looked at her digital clock, the time reading 12:04am. Nanami told her he would be working late again today, so Tiana replaced her dinner plans with sleep instead, which she concluded to be one of the worst mistakes of her life. Ever since she got back from home, her dreams were plagued with different renditions of the past, but the order of events were more or less the same. The first time she and Naveen had met, her wedding day, a memory during her pregnancy, then finally the night everything went to hell; each night the ghosts of her pasts grew more vivid and violent. She always ended up drowning in her own tears, her own sorrows, and her own memories at the end. The only thing that seemed to continue on was her hollow life.

Which she had tried to end, only to fail all three times.

The first time, she tried overdosing which only led her back to the hospital to get her stomach pumped. The second time, Lottie scrambled in, sobbing into Tiana’s thighs to stop her from dangling from the ceiling, which is what led her to Japan. The third time, Nanami came to check on her at the top of the office building after she had just made up her mind to jump off.

Nanami, she thought. Sniffling, she grabbed her phone from where it was charging on her nightstand, hands shaking as she unlocked it.

He had saved her in more ways than anyone could ever imagine. Not only did he save her life, but he seemed to always save her from her own bout of loneliness.

It wasn’t the first time she had called him pertaining to her visions, because she couldn’t swallow her pride long enough to call Lottie. It had been well over two weeks, the thankful month of November had slipped into mid-December, and she was still ignoring her best friend’s calls. She told herself it was so she could spend time with her new fiancé, but she was telling such a bold lie that even the devil himself would be impressed by her tenacity.

So, when her nights turned restless, she would call Nanami, and he would answer every time, sometimes right after the first ring. The first time, she had called him on impulse, and immediately hung up the phone. He called her back in slight distress, wondering if she was alright. And she cried. She didn’t tell him all the details of her dream, just said it was a hellish nightmare, paired with the information that her sister Lottie had gotten engaged. How she felt awful that she couldn’t even find a glimmer of happiness in her heart to congratulate her sincerely. It tore Tiana apart that she couldn't find the strength to support her as Lottie had cared for her.

Tiana asked Nanami to stay on the phone with her, at least until she fell asleep. She didn’t know who else to call, and she knew the request was a strange one, but Nanami obliged without any questions. His own voice riddled with sleep in the early hours of the morning, he talked to her gently, his voice soothing her back into a peaceful dream. Tiana wasn’t sure why, but it gave her some comfort, as if someone were still sleeping next to her, talking into her ear. It reminded her of how Lottie would spend countless nights cuddled up next to Tiana to help the widow fall asleep. It gave her a sense of security she had been lacking. And Nanami, being the gentleman that he was, would stay on the phone call well past Tiana’s slumber, listening to her soft exhales through the speaker. He’d watch the sun rise, unable to sleep because the muscle pounding between his ribcage was too loud, and he would prevent his hands from shaking by balling the comforter into his fists. He wished he could do more for her, but work had gotten the best of him.

Due to the fourth quarter's ending approaching faster than expected, and his colleagues and subordinates scrambling to do extra work before the promotional event, he was thrown into countless other projects that were teamed with other departments and people. One of those people being Misha.

Nanami had worked with Misha only once before, a few years back when she was an intern and he was her admin. She was an annoying little thing, going out of her way to impress everyone with a big name around the facility. Though she did her job, and quite well for an intern too, she was always in the face of the higher ups. It annoyed Nanami to hell and back how sickeningly sweet she would act with everyone, running their errands, getting them coffee, even trying to do their work for them. Nanami thought it to be shallow, and when she tried that with him, he shut her down firmly. He hated superficial people like that who were ready to brown their nose and mouth for a raise of a couple pennies, especially when he worked the way that he did to get to where he was as quickly as possible.

This encounter led Nanami to have a negative opinion formed on her already, and when Tiana mentioned how the woman was a bother, it definitely caused him to dislike her even more. But as of late, since the party, Misha had mellowed out quite a bit.

It could have also been because the promotional season was so close, but she seemed so hyper focused on everything. She didn’t miss a beat, and when she was put in charge of the fourth quarter theme because her own party went so well, she didn’t bat an eye. Maybe it was because of the forced proximity, but Nanami couldn’t help but get to know her. Her ambitions, dreams, goals. He felt bad for prejudging her, she was truly just another human being trying to get through life by the skin of her teeth. So, as Nanami exited the building with the group of workers, he felt it would be unjust of him to voice his thoughts.

“Misha.” He called her, and she fell back from the crowd, looking at him quizzically. Her pale face was tinted with pink as she nuzzled into her scarf in an attempt to ward off the cold. Her dark eyes gazed up at him from her light brown bangs.

“Nanami?” She asks as she tilts her head.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m impressed.” Nanami says with his hands stuffed deep into his coat pockets. “I even looked at your work from way back in August. You’ve been doing well.”

“August?” Misha questions nervously. Up until recently, Misha’s work has not been her own. She swallows thickly, looking at the ground. She couldn’t properly say thank you, just bowed her head in shame. She couldn’t look into Nanami’s honest and sincere gaze.

Nanami, mistaking this action as bashfulness, smiles softly. He raises a hand, patting her shoulder while nodding his head.

“Good job. Keep it up.”

He then walks past her, the group ahead that stopped briefly to watch was riddled with whispers and giggles, but Nanami didn’t care about any of that. He was planning on leaving the crowd to their vices, head home before it got later than it already was, when Misha called his name.

“Wait, Nanami!” She exclaimed, running up to catch up with him.

“Hm?”

He turns around just as she’s back in front of him with slightly shortened breath. She clutches her arms to herself as she tries to work up the courage to make her request.

“Nanami, I-I was wondering if you were going to the bar with us tonight?” Her voice was small as she spoke, looking up at his intimidating gaze. Nanami hummed, thinking about the offer. He was a bit hungry, and he didn’t get to hang out with Tiana, nor had he for a while. He balanced out the pros and cons of going, deciding on whether it was worth it or not.

“Well…maybe I can-”

Suddenly his phone chimed. He looked at the screen, Tiana’s name accompanied with a frog emoji brightening his wallpaper. He moved his phone screen from public eyes, turning the opposite direction as he answered immediately, but Misha had already caught it.

She also caught bits and pieces of the conversation.

“Are you alright?...Of course not, I just got off…Don’t be…You don’t sound alright…”

Then there was a long pause as Nanami listened intently to each word said between wet sniffles. He then whispered lowly into the receiver, but not low enough.

“Do you want me to come over?”

Of course Tiana was quick to decline, but Nanami was much faster.

“I’m coming right now.”

He hung up the phone before she could offer a rebuttal. Misha watched him shake his head, his neck hung low. Her frown deepened. He was going over to her house? Right now?

“Nanami?” She urged him, and he turned around to face her. “Are you coming?”

She just wanted to put him on the spot in front of everyone else. But she should have known he wasn’t one to cave so easily to the pressure of his peers.

“I’m sorry, something came up. I’ll have to decline.” He said quickly, pivoting his foot to leave the other way, but she called after him, determined not to let him go without receiving a proper explanation.

“What happened?”

“I don’t have any time to explain. It’s an emergency.”

“If it’s that serious, I can come with you-” She insists, but he cuts her off.

“No, it’s not that important.”

Her frown deepens as she hides it in her scarf. “You just said it was an emergency?”

“I mean, it’s nothing for you to worry about. I will be sure to join you all next time.”

And he was gone before she could question him anymore.

“Don’t worry.” Someone said behind her, voice oozing with sympathy. “Nanami-sama is a tough nut to crack.”

“I guess.” Misha said, but she wasn’t sure that statement rang true.

Someone did in a couple months what she couldn’t do in a couple years.

Nanami’s foot was practically through the bottom of the car as he sped to Tiana’s place. He didn’t like how she sounded over the phone; restrained and tired. Downright drained, and he had a bit of an inkling why. Nanami blamed himself partly for being unavailable, the electrifying nights they used to vent out stale air and rid themselves of their grievances was replaced with late work nights and cold TV dinners. He tried talking to her over the phone, but it wasn’t the same. It felt so artificial and out of touch, and he felt the urge to hear her naturally, to be near her. But he’d allow the thoughts to be pulled out of him as he got roped back into work every night. Thoughts like that were useless, and they were leading him down places he was too fearful to tread. So he stood outside Tiana’s door, trying to work up the nerve to knock as he organized his disheveled thoughts.

He had completely lost his mind. He looked at the watch on his wrist, blowing air through his cheeks as the clock's face stared back at him. The numbers 12:43am had never looked so immodest.

This is for her, he told himself. I am simply doing her a favor.

His attempts at reassurance failed miserably as he pulled excuses out of his ass.

Running a shaky hand through his hair, he knocks rapidly on the wooden door. Tiana, who had been pacing on the other side, barefoot in her silk set and robe, paused as she looked at the door.

There’s no way, she thought. Her heart slammed against her ribcage before dropping into her lower intestines. There’s just no way.

She pattered to the door, looking out the peephole to see Nanami tired and his appearance slightly disordered from his day at work.

“There’s no way.” She muttered, unlocking the door with shaky hands. She swung it open, her hand clutched to her tightened chest as a numbing breeze combs through her home.

“Nanami.” Tiana's voice is filled with grief, and her mind is confused. Her brows narrowed, eyes puffy as she tried to keep her lips in a straight line, but Nanami could see her chin threatening to wobble. Nanami didn’t know how to respond; she didn’t sound exactly pleased to see him. Her arms were folded across her chest, she kept pressing her toes into the floorboards, and her nails seemed to dig into her robbed arms. Nanami felt frustrated, unsure of what to do next. Here he was, yet again, attempting to comfort her without a definitive plan. He felt so useless. He opens his mouth, immediately closing it as he is unable to say anything intelligible. Finally, he runs his hands through his hair, his sight finding the detailing in the doorframe quite interesting at the moment. His jaw clenched as he swallowed hard. What could he do for her right now? What could he say to her right now?

Think, think, think.

“I’m sorry.” Tiana’s voice comes out garbled, a strangled cry escaping her throat as she chokes on the words. Nanami turns to look at her, unable to understand. What could she be apologizing for?

“I’m sorry.” She seemed to gasp for air between each syllable, shaking her head as she leaned forward. She wilted with every tear that escaped her reddened eyes, the silent cry building into something much more raw as her knees gave in with each step forward.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nanami.”

Seemingly falling into his arms, Nanami catches her with ease as she wails into his chest, clutching the fabric of his sweater. Nanami immediately goes to cradle her, an arm draped around her shoulders and one hand holding her head close to his chest as her screams are muffled in the fabric. Nanami had never heard a cry so desperate, so raw, and so painful. Each ear splitting sound rushing from the woman’s esophagus seemed to sing a wretched ballad of unadulterated misery. It felt as though each shout were piercing into his own heart as he grimaced, holding her tightly as if he could wring the pain out of her. Tiana could barely control her body, all her energy being poured into absolute hysterics as her lungs jerked in her chest, making it almost impossible to breathe properly.

“I’m sorry, Tiana.” Nanami said pained, his hair falling in front of his face as he held her tightly. Nanami hoped that the apology didn’t sound empty, insensitive, or that it was poorly timed. He meant it, and he wanted her to feel that he shared her grief, maybe not to the same extent, but that her feelings were heard, and that he would listen even if he went deaf. He would still see her even if he went blind. He would still feel her even if she wasn’t in his arms.

Nanami also apologized for the guilt.

He was sorry that he couldn’t do anything more. He was sorry that he couldn’t feel anything less.

He was sorry that he felt a sense of elatement due to her resting in his arms, even at the expense of crying herself dry.

A seed of selfishness had rooted inside his body, unbeknownst to him. And that seed was watered with the satisfaction of Tiana finally opening up to him.

“I’m sorry.”

Tiana had found refuge in the center of her brown loveseat, curled into a ball with a fuzzy blanket as her shell. She hiccuped and sniffed, trying to ease herself back into some state of tranquility as she watched Nanami busy himself in her kitchen- it was so strange, comforting, yet agonizing. Every now and then, his back looked like someone else’s, and it would send her spiraling all over again. The domestic feeling of it all was so painful that she had to gnaw on her bottom lip to keep herself sane, as if the pain produced by her teeth in her flesh was the only thing keeping her in the present.

Nanami fiddled around in the kitchen, getting acquainted with Tiana’s living area. The place was unrecognizable from the empty apartment that it was before, and it felt so warm, as if he had been embraced by a vanilla scented hug. Albeit, Tiana was holding onto him tightly a few minutes prior, and her perfume still lingered on his sweater.

The seafoam decor had been accented with different shades of brown, as if to mimic a river bed lapping at the ridges of soil that enclose it as it rushed to the next large body of water that it could find. Throw pillows, artworks of black and brown silhouettes, statuettes with exaggerated proportions, and a few candles that flickered in the abode. The bright, industrial light bulbs seemed to be replaced with warm, yellow lowlights, and if the situation wasn’t dire, Nanami would admit that there was a sensual appeal. The balcony curtains were drawn, and past the sliding door seemed to be a piece of the jungle; flora and fauna decorated the railings and floor of the balcony, the leaves swaying in the gentle night breeze. A few plants were huddled in various corners of the room, and it seemed to add a freshness to the air that was palatable. Nanami took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling gently as he poured some tea into two mugs. Grabbing them with both hands, he walks towards Tiana, whose piercing gaze he felt even when his back was turned, and settled down next to her, putting the mugs on the coffee table in front of them. Tiana shuffled to sit up, escaping the blanket briefly to grab the steaming cup. She blew gently over the top of the scorching beverage, not sure of how to proceed. She felt overwhelmed, yet at ease simultaneously, and that mixture of emotions made her head throb at the contradiction.

“I’m-” Tiana hesitates, not wanting to get into another quarrel with Nanami, who told her to stop apologizing before he ordered her to sit on the couch. An airy laugh leaves her nose as she shakes her head.

“I’m glad you’re here.” She admits, staring into the cup as the steam from the drink fanned across her face with heat.

“Of course.” Nanami said, leaning his back on the couch as he stared up at the ceiling with a half smile of sorts. “That’s what I’m here for.”

“I thought you were here to keep interns like me out of trouble?” Tiana jokes, though it was a bit half-hearted.

“I mean, there’s that too…” Nanami prods Tiana’s side gently with his elbow. “But I’ll always be there.”

That line made Tiana feel sick. That line will always be a lie no matter who’s mouth it slipped from.

The two sat there, restrained by their own thoughts as the silence settled in the room, so quiet that you could hear the flames flickering in the candles. So quiet that both of them were mortified that the other would hear their heart drumming in their chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Nanami asked gently, looking at her with a soft gaze. Tiana’s mouth dried up, so she sipped on her tea silently as Nanami waited patiently for her to respond. He didn’t want to push her, if all she needed was someone around then he would be that. The door was open, and it was her decision to shut it.

“What do you think of love, Mr. Nanami?”

Nanami paused the mug right before the heated glass grazed his lips, blinking rapidly.

What was he to make of a question like that?

“What do you mean?” He asked, putting the mug back down, and turning his shoulders to face the blanketed woman. She shuffled uneasily, tucking her feet into the blanket as she turned to him as well, her knees gently prodding his thigh as she turned.

“I mean-” Tiana spoke softly, leaning her head on the couch as she looked at him. She looked so delicate. “I’m sorry if this sounds a bit intrusive, but have you ever loved someone?”

Nanami paused, memories of his teen years flashing briefly before his eyes. He tilted his head as he looked at her with sincerity.

“I think I almost did.”

Tiana’s eyebrows jolt on her forehead in a bit of confusion.

“Almost?”

Nanami gave a weary smile, propping his arm on the couch as he leaned into the palm of his hand.

“I lost them before I could fully figure that out.”

“Oh…” Tiana’s voice wavers. She didn’t think Nanami might have experienced the same level of loss she has. But a part of her felt seen that he admitted that to her, empathetic, and felt their connection reach a whole ‘nother depth.

“It’s okay, I was just a kid then…” Nanami brushes it off. “I was too afraid back then to take that chance.” Nanami ponders for a moment, tilting his head as he looks into her big brown eyes.

“I regret that.”

“How so?”

“Isn’t it better to have loved and lost, than to never experience it at all?”

Tiana’s bottom lip jutted out, the statement gutting out her wretched insides.

“To love and lose, or to never give or receive it; both will leave you emptier than an alcoholic’s wine glass.” Tiana let out a dry laugh, her head lolling to the side. “Substance always being poured into you, but you’re emptied just as quick. It’s never enough. Just a temporary high that feels like the space underneath hell when you come down.” She rambled on like drunkard.

Tiana looked at the blonde, glancing over his face to watch his reaction. The way his brows furrowed, the way his eyes zipped across her face with concern. The small points of contact; the way his thigh seemed to jitter as her knees gently pressed into them. The shortened proximity, how Tiana could smell a hint of mint from his mouth from the tea, how her home seemed to be infiltrated with the smell of cedarwood that complimented the earthy tones of her home. That fact that her space was being occupied by a man after God knows how long made her chest tighten with how familiar yet foreign the sensation was.

Tiana didn’t love Nanami. Not in the slightest. She doubts she ever truly could. But she loved his company. She loved the fact that he provided her a sense of security. She loved that she could call on him at any time of the day or night, and he would be there to lend her a shoulder to cry on.

Yet she hated that dependency. She hated that when he wasn’t around, she seemed to sink back into her loneliness. He kept that at bay for her, and she would forever be grateful for his kindness, and that kindness would be paired with an immense amount of guilt.

Nanami was her high. Nanami was her alcohol, and without him she would have to suffer in sobriety as she battled against the truth.

Unbeknownst to her, she had become an alcoholic, abusing the substance that was his kindness to ease her own discomfort. She couldn’t help but wonder if Nanami was aware of this; he was far from a dumb man. But if he was aware, wouldn't he have drawn the line tonight? Wouldn't he have stated his boundaries, or uncomfortability?

She felt obligated to ask him this, as if it were to test the theories residing in the back of her mind.

“There’s nothing more endlessly beautiful, yet endlessly terrifying than loving someone. Don’t you think so, Nanami?”

Nanami paused as Tiana looked for some sort of reaction. The twitch of a leg, the jolt of the brow, the flicker of the eye, maybe even an audible slip up or a sign of blush. But Nanami stared back at her with intent as if to study her like a subject. His eyes were low as he looked back, maybe from drowsiness, maybe from feeling sly; she couldn’t tell. The answer he gave was much more surprising than Tiana could ever guess.

“I wouldn’t know yet.” He said it was as calm as a summer breeze.

“Yet?”

“I would like to.” He shrugs with a low chuckle, and though she was looking for Nanami to slip up, she ended up reacting with the crinkle of her nose. “I’m not getting any younger, and the thought of sharing my retirement with someone has its appeal.” Nanami hums. The question peppers on Tiana’s tongue, itching to get out.

“How old are you, Nanami?”

Humored, Nanami answers.

“28.”

Tiana blew air from her nose. “About a year younger than you but it feels like I’ve lived almost two lifetimes.”

“One in love, one in grief?” Nanami asked, and Tiana nodded.

“It’s a lot for a woman turning 27.”

“When?”

“Hm?”

“When is your birthday?”

“Why?” Tiana leans her head as she laughs gently. “Planning on doing something nice for me?”

“And if I was?”

“Hmph.” Tiana huffs, her eyes in a playful squint. “December 25th.”

“On Christmas?” Nanami asked, his brows arched in surprise. “That’s so soon.”

Tiana tried not to let her expression fall. “You’re going somewhere, aren’t you?” Nanami nodded.

“Visiting family. I was going to get back on the 25th, the day before the banquet, but I can-”

“Oh, stop fussing.” Tiana said, swatting at him playfully, but her heart seemed to crumble. She couldn’t go home, she wasn’t ready yet. But since Naveen passed, Lottie wouldn’t dare let her spend the day alone, especially since Tiana had no one of blood relations left in her corner. Having Lottie, Travis, and Mr. La Bouff kept the bleakness away, but it started feeling like babysitting to make sure the seasonal depression didn’t overwhelm her. The joyous holiday that was aimed to be filled with a family of three turned into a pain for one person alone to bear.

So she leaned her head on Nanami’s shoulder, sighing deeply as she closed her eyes.

“You’re here right now. That’s enough.”

“The day I get back.” Nanami said. “We’ll do something. I promise.”

Tiana didn’t believe in promises, but something told her it was okay to put her faith in this one.

Tiana would just shove this memory into her personal flask, whipping it out to sip from whenever she needed it.

Nanami’s skin was flushed so warmly that he felt cold, as if a fever had overtaken his being. Noticing how tense he was, and how that may be uncomfortable for Tiana, he sank into the couch, pushing his back into the seat as he closed his eyes as well.

Nanami couldn’t help but think everything over, his thoughts swarmed by the dark skinned woman next to him. Those brown eyes that shone like a bushel of constellations, her nose that crinkled when she smiled an actual smile; Nanami had come to the fact that she was pretty a while ago. But it seemed that everything she did was draped in grace, a softness that couldn’t be mimicked, and he slowly found himself finding even the most mundane things beautiful. These past few days, he couldn’t help but think about their small interactions, playing them over and over as he found new details etched in them. The way her words sung a melancholic song, the way her eyes would brighten when he took her to dine someplace new, and she would start spilling cooking techniques and facts that would amass the same dish. Even now, he was going over the little things. The weight of her head on his shoulder, her soft breaths that lacked the aggressive hiccups from before, the way her right hand covered her left so intricately to hide the wedding band as if it were a secret, the way his senses seemed to be consumed by her. Those little things had stacked up on his chest into something unbearably heavy, and the weight made him want to choke.

He knew where this was going. He didn’t want it to go this way, but the doom lying within his heart wasn’t the only thing he had been feeling as of late.

He didn’t want to fall for her, at least not without her permission. Nanami knew that she was still grieving hard, a part of her frozen in time alongside the man she once loved. He knew that she had grown dependent on him, more than a subordinate should. God, even the word “subordinate” made him want to gag, the power imbalance making what his heart seemed to crave so badly so childish and unrealistic. But he liked moments like these. Moments when the two of them seemed to be in their own bubble and those titles didn’t matter, and to them they never really did matter. Moments like these where he used her misery as an excuse to dote on her. He’s always wanted to be wanted, and God dammit, the method was unorthodox and shameful but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t sure if he craved connection, or interaction.

Both of them were selfish in their own right. Both of them felt immense guilt for using the other to fill their own voids.

How could one ease their own iniquity right now?

“I lost the love of my life, and the life created from that love in one single night.” Tiana’s voice seemed to break as she opened her eyes to keep the visions at bay. “I wanted to love and be loved for a long time, even after death. But he’s gone, they’re gone. A part of me went with them.”

A warning, Nanami thought. He looked down at her only to be met with those beautiful brown eyes, ones that he seemed to be enraptured in. They were so close that Nanami could see himself reflected in them. Nanami wondered what he looked like to her, what those wide brown eyes saw when she looked at him. A friend? A boss? A close confidant?

A replacement?

“I think that can still happen.”

“Hm?”

“That you can still love and be loved.” Nanami’s voice was low, and his minty breath tickled her face. “It’s not a ridiculous request, every human being with a soul craves that.”

Nanami had a soft look about him when he said that, and Tiana listened in earnest as he continued to speak.

“You lost a part of yourself. Not all of it.”

Hope, Tiana thought to herself. Nanami looked so honest here, and his tongue was as keen as ever. Unable to hold her gaze anymore, she rested her head back on his shoulder.

“You’re hopeful.” She says.

“I’m just being logical.” He retorts just as fast, and she laughs softly.

“And cheeky.” Tiana says, raising her pointer finger, and poking his cheek. She let her hand fall heavily back into place as her eyes fluttered closed. She felt her body grow tired in one swoop, as if she had exhausted the last of her energy.

“Oh, you think so?” Nanami said, a sort of sarcastic feel still radiating off of him as Tiana tried to force her eyes open to no avail. She weakly hummed a response.

“Mhm.”

Nanami chuckles as he watches Tiana try to ward off the sleep.

“Tiana, just go to sleep.”

“No.” She refused.

“Why not?”

“I don’t wanna.” She mumbled, her eyebrows knitted tightly on her forehead. “You’re going to leave.”

Sighing softly, Nanami pressed his finger into her brows, and they immediately relaxed.

“I’ll be here when you wake up.” He says gently, sinking into the couch and closing his own eyes. “Scout’s honor.” He says with a weak smile.

I’ll hold you to that, Tiana wanted to say, but her mouth refused to move. All she could do was let sleep wash over her, the feeling akin to a warm bath instead of the usual fear for what lies beyond.

She winced, sunlight piercing into her closed eyes as she shakily sat herself up. Once out of the beaming sun, she allowed her dry eyes to open slowly. Somehow, she ended up sprawled on the couch, the blanket tucked around her. Smacking her lips, she looked around, immediately noticing the absence of a specific presence.

“Nanami?” She called groggily, her throat a bit raspy. But he wasn’t there. She was alone. She put her face in her palms, the ring cooling her warm skin as her head throbbed.

“Shoot.” Tiana mumbled into her hands. God, was she really expecting for him to still be there when she woke up? If it wasn’t for the faint smell of his cologne on her blanket, she would have thought she made the whole interaction from last night up in her head to find a way to cope with her nightmares. Despite waking up feeling like absolute garbage, she actually slept through the night for the first time in weeks. She rubbed her face aggressively, massaging her temples and forehead as she tried to knead the headache from her skull.

She looked over to the clock hanging on the wall, the face reading 9:37a.m.

“Shoot!” Tiana yelled, scrambling up, tossing the blanket aside. She was supposed to be at work three hours ago. But as soon as she jumped to her feet, the room seemed to tilt.

“Oh-” She voices her surprise as she plops back onto the couch, feeling defeated. She couldn’t just sit here and ditch work, she would have to properly call in, but she will definitely be penalized for it. As she tried to figure out where the last place she had her phone was, her door made four consecutive beeps.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Someone was entering her password.

A long beep sounds, followed by the unlocking and opening of her front door. She sits there gobsmacked as Nanami walks in with two bags, and in much more casual clothes compared to last night; jeans and a sweater.

Tiana’s heart gets lodged in her throat as she looks at him in bewilderment.

“Good morning.” He says, bumping the door closed with his hip as he makes his way to the kitchen. Tiana couldn’t even give him a proper greeting, the words lashing out before she had a chance to control them.

“You said you would be here.”

Nanami pauses, looking at Tiana from across the room, who felt as if she were going to pop any second. Why would she say that? Was she really that lonely that something as simple as this would piss her off?

“I’m sorry, Tiana.” Nanami was quick to apologize for going back on his word. “Your fridge was pretty empty, so I-”

“No, nope, nope. Stop.” Tiana halts him hastily, putting her hands up as if to physically stop his words from reaching her ears. “Don’t apologize. I’m sorry, I think I’m still sleepy.” She says as an excuse, mushing her own face.

Nanami gave a soft smile, watching the sun brighten her skin to the point where it looked like bronze, and her eyes seemed to flicker back a shimmering gold. He turns back to one of the bags, unpacking one of them.

“What’s that?” Tiana calls.

“Breakfast.” Nanami says, glancing over the different items. Milk, eggs, sliced ham, a tomato, a few whole fruits.

“You’re making it?”

“Well, you helped me on Thanksgiving. I’ve been wanting to return the favor.” He hums, then gestures towards her. “It’s nothing fancy like your food, but you aren’t in the condition to do so.”

“Ah, that’s right. I have to call in.” Tiana says, the stress returning.

“Don’t worry about that.” Nanami says cooly as he rummages around the kitchen. Thankfully he familiarized himself with the items last night.

“Don’t you have to go to work too?” Tiana asks.

“I called out sick.” He says, finding the spatula, and pointing it towards her. “And so did you.”

“I-I did?” Tiana was confused, the news was new to her.

“I’ve never taken a sick day, so I have plenty stacked up. Misha took care of you once I asked her to.”

The name made Tiana feel bitter, and she frowned slightly. She never wants to owe that woman anything. So to ward off her name like a bad omen, she changes the subject.

“How did you know my password?”

“I asked you before I left.” He says matter-of-factly, thinking back to the early hours in the morning. “You were kind of out of it, and you were sweating a bit in your sleep. I picked up some medicine too, so go shower and get comfortable.”

Tiana looked at him, dumbfounded at how he could be so casual about this. Maybe she had him all wrong, maybe he was simply looking out for her with no kind of romantic interest at all. But even so…

“Alright. Just don’t burn the place down.” Tiana says, lacking the energy to refuse. As she got up, trudging to her room with her back to the kitchen, she missed the flustered look on Nanami’s face. He felt his face redden in bated frustration as he tried to focus on the task at hand.

Tiana sits on the floor of the tub, the chilling water streaming down her body as she tries to cool it. Despite the knob being turned all the way to the right, her body still felt overbearingly warm, so hot that she was sure steam would rise from her skin. Her headache slowly dissipated as the water was soaked into her scalp. She sighed, wrapping her arms around herself and allowing her forehead to rest onto her knees.

Despite trying his hardest, Nanami couldn’t focus in the slightest. His mind kept drifting to last night and right now. Over and over, his brain kept reminding him of the things he would never dare to say if he weren’t so tired, things he would never admit in the daylight as those words were more comfortable nestling in the dark. He gritted his teeth, wanting so badly to bash his face into the pan of eggs that were now a bit too dark to be considered edible. Swearing under his breath, he grabs the pan and tosses it into the steel sink, running the cold water immediately. The pan hisses like a threatened viper, steam rising and clouding the kitchen. The smell of burnt eggs replaced the vanilla scent, and Nanami began fanning the dense air. As he fanned aggressively, Tiana’s bedroom door swung open, her face tighter than a pair of spandex. She marches over to the balcony, throwing the doors open as a crisp winter breeze rushes into the room.

She turns to face Nanami, her arms folded over a plain shirt and cardigan, a fitted pair of jeans hugging her hips. Nanami grimaced, feeling as small as a child awaiting their parents' chastisem*nt. Her gaze was fierce as her eyes darted around the smokey room.

“Ken, don’t worry about it. I’ll do it.” Immediately, Tiana was in the kitchen, hands tying her hair into a low ponytail as she gently pushed him out of her area. Nanami was baffled, and so embarrassed that he began stammering.

“W-wait- Tiana, no-”

“It’s alright.”

“I’m sorry…we can just go out?”

“I don’t know, Ken…” Tiana said, eyes closed as she rubbed her temples.

“No please, it’s on me.” Nanami begged, his cheeks growing pink. He couldn't believe that be flubbed up so badly, especially when Tiana wasn’t feeling well and most likely hungry. Not only that, she’s a literal chef. She could shred him to pieces for messing up such a simple dish, not to mention staining her kitchen.

“Mmmm…” Tiana thought about it long and hard, but ended up giving up. She didn’t feel like cooking right now, which was saying a lot. “Alright, alright. But let’s make sure it’s close by. My head still hurts a little.”

“Ah…” Nanami scrambles to find a bowl, then using the knife that he was previously using on the cutting board, he scoots the fruits into the glass. He then grabs the medicine off the counter and hands both to her.

“Here.” He says quickly, and Tiana was amused at how he was breaking so easily. “Take this and snack on these while I clean up my mess.”

Tiana obliged, shooting him one more dirty look, although it was a playful one. She then sits on the couch, and follows her instructions. She takes the prescribed dose, and begins to snack on the delicately cut fruits as she watches Nanami fumble around the kitchen, grumbling under his breath. Despite the numbing cold whisking around the room because of the opened balcony door, his face refused to cool. Tiana giggles, her feet tapping on the wood floor as she watches.

“I’m sorry, again, really.” Nanami apologizes yet again, scrubbing the pan as he watches the residue swirl down the drain.

“It’s okay, Nanami.” Tiana shakes her head to reassure him.

“I can get you a new set, if you would like?”

Tiana’s mouth twists to the side as her nose scrunches, and Nanami’s lips fold inward.

“Oh, don’t give me that look.” Nanami exasperates, gently placing the pan back into the sink. “I know that look.”

“There’s no amount of money that could replace those, Nanami.” Tiana laughs softly, tilting her hand as she watches the usually stoic man fill with panic. That set was a gift from her mother when she opened the restaurant, but Nanami didn’t need to know that.

“Oh-” Nanami sounded taken aback, swallowing hard. Tiana picks up her empty bowl, walking to the kitchen. She pats him on his shoulder, dropping the empty bowl into the sink as she fills it with scalding hot water. The stains weren’t too bad, so she decided to let him off easy today.

“Hey, it’s fine. We’ll just let it soak.” Tiana says softly. Nanami just nods silently as he begins cleaning up everything else, wiping down the counters and the stove. Turning on her heels, she walks to her room to put on warmer clothes.

“I’ll be back.” She hums, shutting the door gently. Moments later, she comes out in a red winter trench and black knee high boots, paired with a scully, hat, scarf, and gloves. She closes the balcony door as Nanami begins putting his shoes on as well. Tiana looks over Nanami’s outfit once, and gives him a quizzical look.

“Nanami, where’s your coat?”

“The rest of my stuff is in the car. I’ll grab it once we head down.” He says. Tiana simply nods.

When they step outside, the air seems to bite and nip at Tiana’s flesh even with all of her winter gear on. New Orleans got cold at times, being near the gulf and all sometimes it would snow a bit, but this type of chill was different. It felt much crisper, much cleaner, and it was almost too cold to properly breathe. She tucked her face into her scarf as Nanami opened the passenger door for her, letting her slide in. Nanami didn’t even offer her the option of walking, maybe it was because she didn’t feel good, or maybe it was because she was shaking like a leaf. Either way, the little fear that seemed to accumulate in the pit of her stomach was pushed aside once Nanami started the car, the heat on full blast and the seats warming up.

“This isn’t your car.” Tiana said, recognizing the peanut butter color.

“I grabbed a company car this morning, that’s why it took so long.” Nanami said, pulling out of the parking lot. “Never know who might be watching.”

Tiana nodded, settling into her seat. If word got out about this, it would surely cause problems, no matter what she said. How would you even properly excuse something like this? No matter what angle you looked at it, it would always be interpreted wrong.

The drive wasn’t long, about five minutes from the complex, courtesy of both of their hunger and because Nanami didn’t want to keep her in the car longer than she needed to be. They stopped at a simple noodle bar, the restaurant quite packed because of it being lunchtime with people trying to escape the cold. The two were seated, and immediately dove into their own world, talking about this and that. Despite his curiosity, Nanami didn’t ask about the details about what Tiana said last night; he got the general picture. Tiana’s heart felt warmed by this, so warm that her voice seemed to have an extra shot of pep in it. So warm that the lights seemed a bit brighter. Warmer than the steaming food that was placed in front of them. Times like this felt good to her.

She hoped they felt good to him as well.

The two left the restaurant, buzzed with pure energy, and Tiana’s ailments seemed to have whisked away in the winter wind. The two decided to just walk around, Tiana humming a holiday song as their shoes scuffed the pavement. Nanami chuckled lightly, wisps of air escaping his mouth as a gust of wind blew by, causing both of them to clutch their hats to their scalps tightly.

“Whew!” Tiana laughed, adjusting her hat and scarf, shoving her hands deep within her pockets. Nanami chuckles, glancing down at her.

“Had enough yet?” Nanami asks.

Tiana pretends to ponder on the question.

“Mmmm…? No.” She says with a bright smile, her cheeks plump as her eyes squeeze close. Nanami was amused; he was so glad to see that bright smile back on her face. His eyes softened as he walked beside her, yet a step behind so that he may follow wherever she decided to lead him.

As the two walked, Nanami overheard some familiar voices, one so peppy that it drowned out the opposing, melancholic tone. He stops, but Tiana keeps strolling, not paying attention. Turning towards the voices on the opposite side of the road, he sees a head of white, followed by a head full of raven colored hair. Though those blue eyes were dressed in dark tints, he knew they were piercing through him as they turned towards each other at the same time.

“Oi, Nanami!” Gojo called, waving energetically.

“Tiana.” Nanami calls through chattering teeth. Luckily, she was standing slightly ahead of him, one of the street advertisem*nt signs conveniently blocking her body from view.

“Hm?” She calls, stopping to turn around.

“What time is it?”

“Mmm…” She takes out her phone, glancing at it once over. “12.”

“Na-na-min-kun!” Gojo sings out, practically jumping up and down, waving his arms around sporadically.

“They don’t usually take lunch this early.” Nanami says, turning towards Tiana, walking to her nonchalantly.

“Nanamin!” Gojo calls again. “Didn’t you see me?” The man begins skipping across the street, leaving Getou by his lonesome.

Nanami gritted his teeth as he hooked arms with Tiana, pulling her along gently. All of Sendai could see that fool.

Tiana, taking note of the voice and Nanami’s sudden desperation to leave, turns to see Gojo hot on their heels.

“Is that-?” Tiana turns back around, keeping her feet in time with Nanami’s. “Is that Gojo-sama?”

Nanami squints his eyes, but doesn’t reduce his walking speed, weaving through the people. “When did you start using Japanese honorifics?”

Tiana gives him a dumbfounded look. “Are you really asking that right now? Why are we running to begin with?”

“So he doesn’t get the wrong idea.”

“I think it’s too late for that, Nanami-sama.”

Nanami’s cheeks seem to puff up as he refuses to look at the brown woman, who had such a cheeky air about her.

“Don’t patronize me.”

The two take a sharp right, turning the corner into a bricked alleyway. The two pressed their backs onto the cool building as the crowd of people whirled by, both breathing a bit heavy as white clouds puff from their mouths. Tiana tucked her lips into her scarf while Nanami peaked subtly around the corner. Nanami heard Gojo call him a few more times, before finally hearing Getou’s voice.

“Satoru.” Getou sounded out of breath.

“I swear I saw Nanami going this way.” Gojo said.

“So what?” Getou questioned.

“So? That little sh*t never takes sick days. He’s skipping out on work.”

Nanami, feeling offended by Gojo’s statement, gears up to go defend himself. The one day he takes a day for himself, to aid someone in their hour of need (though they were just going on a winter stroll) was his choice, especially when Gojo seemed to take whatever days off as he pleased. But before Nanami could even take half a step forward, Tiana grabs his arm. He looks down to see her shaking her head, a strong “no''. Nanami frowns, settling back into the wall as if he meant to melt into it.

“As if you don’t do the same.” Getou goes to Nanami’s defense, and for once, he feels grateful.

“It looked as though he were on some sort of escapade with Tiana.”

“I thought she was sick?”

“Guess we have two slackers on our hands.”

Now, it was Tiana’s turn to fume. Slacker? Oh, she was far from it. Little did they know that she had been doing work that was beyond her pay grade, leading to long days and sleepless nights. She worked like a dog from sun up to sun down, never looking for praise nor sympathy. When did those attributes make her a slacker?

Nanami, watching her boil over, put his hand on her shoulder, shaking his head in return. Tiana cuts her eyes, grumbling as she leans onto the wall, looking the opposite way.

“Stop that.” Getou says, his voice receding in the opposite direction. “You know that’s not true, and even if it was, so what?”

Tiana’s ears perk up as she catches Getou’s last few words before his and Gojo’s presence completely disappear.

“She’s been through enough already.”

The two stand there silently, side by side as their minds attempt to catch up with their bodies in the present. Nanami glances at Tiana, who is staring at her shoes, neck bent in an awkward downangle as her hair falls over her face. Nanami sighs, hooking arms with Tiana once again, leading her out of the dim alleyway.

“Come on.” Nanami says, his face tucked into the collar of his jacket. Tiana doesn’t say anything, abiding by his request and following him.

The two walk in silence, their sides pressed together as warmth accumulates between them. The space between them shrunk even more when the two of them ended up putting their hands in their own pockets, limbs seemingly entangled; if it weren’t for the opposing colors of their coats, Tiana wouldn’t know where her arms began, and where Nanami’s ended.

“Thank you, Nanami.” Tiana said gently.

“Hm?” Nanami was pulled from his thoughts, as he looked at Tiana. “Oh, of course.”

The wind blew a bit harsher as the two seemed to force themselves through the air as they walked. The sun seemed to dim as a few stray clouds rolled in.

“I don’t think you understand, Nanami.” Tiana retracted her arm, her side feeling barren and cold, but inside she felt full. The people around them kept passing by, but the two seemed to be standing in their own little gap of the world as they faced each other.

“You’ve been so much of a help to me since I got here.” Tiana said, pulling a loose strand of hair from her lips as it clumped on her gloss. “I…didn’t think this change would be good for me, but here I am, standing here and now because of you.”

Nanami’s heart seems to stall. Tiana looked so serene standing there, bundled in the whipping wind with tinted cheeks and a plump smile.

“You quite literally saved my life.” The words seemed to spill before Tiana properly thought about them. “All because you listened to me…thank you.”

A white flurry falls from the sky.

Then five, and then a dozen. Then a continuous descent of soft snowflakes from the grayish sky. A few people who walked by gasped, or voiced their joy as snow finally graced the land of the rising sun.

Tiana and Nanami both stare up towards the heavens, watching a soft blanket of white fall to the earth at a steady pace. Both stare in childlike awe and wonder, ignoring the numbing feeling that their skin produced on the outside in favor of the hearth warming them up on the inside.

“The first snow.” Nanami exhaled softly as he looked at Tiana. She was salted in white, her clothes staining slightly with droplets as the snow clung to her and melted.

Tiana playfully blows a puff of air, watching the snow whisk around her face. As if to combat her, the wind blows back sharply, snatching her scully off. She squints her eyes, hiding her face within her scarf to shield herself. Her hair rustles wildly around her face, no doubt akin to a nest on the top of her head now that her hat hair was revealed.

She uses her gloved hand to push it back into place as best she could, pulling her scarf over her nose as Nanami laughs. With a single movement, he swipes his own scully off, and uses both hands to snuggly place it over Tiana’s head as she huddles over in the cold. He gently tucks the swaying strands behind her ears before pulling the hat over them in a secure manner.

Tiana shivered, but it was only because she was cold.

Arms guarding herself, she looks up at Nanami, whose hair was tossed and unkempt in the wind, blonde strands entangled with delicate snowflakes. His face was flushed across his cheeks and nose, a vibrant streak of red as an infectious smile spread across his lips, crinkling the corners of his mouth and eyes. His blonde eyelashes were adorned with white snowflakes, and Tiana felt a wretched feeling tear through her. Her eyes seemed to burn, as if she were staring directly into the sun.

“Thank you, Tiana.”

The two found themselves back at Tiana’s place after carefully dodging other employees, shaking off the water and snow at her doorway as they entered the vanilla scented home. They remove their shoes, feet pattering on the wood as Nanami makes his way to the couch, and Tiana finds herself in the kitchen. She so desperately needed to do something with her hands, something to take her mind off of what she saw when Nanami looked at her, or rather what she felt when Nanami looked at her.

So she decided to make hot chocolate. A simple sweet beverage that could melt even the coldest of hearts with just one sip. She stood there, stirring the milk in with semi-sweet chocolates, watching the white shift hues into a hazelnut color. Anything to keep her mind from drifting to that expression, the number of snowflakes that had rested on his half lidded eyes, the feeling that seemed to make her stomach churn. She couldn’t bring herself to talk to him right now, so she just stirred in silence as he leaned against the armrest.

After pouring the drink into two mugs, dressing them in whipped cream, and bringing them to the living room that the two had become rather acquainted with over the past 24 hours. But Tiana didn’t sit next to him, she simply put the mug in front of him and found herself on the couch adjacent to his. Not wanting to sit in the weighted silence, she turns on her TV to distract herself with the vibrant, flickering images.

“Have you ever seen snow?” Nanami asked as he held onto the warm mug.

“Only a few times.” Tiana said behind the drink, not looking at him. She didn’t go into detail, so Nanami just nodded his head, turning to the TV as well. She was putting up that wall again, that sort of bubble that encased her vulnerability. He didn’t pry, just waited patiently for when she decided to share that part of her, if she decided to share that part of her at all.

And like a bee to a flower, she found herself giving up a piece of her heart without any rhyme or reason.

“It was a special occasion.” She said, still looking at the TV. “Ma would make some hot chocolate, like this, but her and my daddy would have it with ‘adult juice’.” Tiana laughed at the memory as she recounted every small detail of that little ol’ house in her mind. Nanami listened intently, her voice dipping into that southern charm, transforming back into that little girl from her memory as she shed that layer of maturity.

“She and pa would put on a record; they were so old fashioned.” Tiana sipped. “We would dance around the kitchen, snacking on baked goods that I made. And then-” Tiana stops.

“Then?” Nanami said, his interest peaking as he hung on her words. Tiana’s body grew warm as she paused, thinking about how her dad would offer to dance with her. The two would attempt to swing around the kitchen, her father crouched over to reach his daughter’s height. She would step on his toes constantly, but he wouldn't berate her or frown. He’d encourage her until their steps were in sync, both in giggling fits until her mother was queued in. Her mother and father would dance so elegantly around the house, swaying in such an intimate way that it made child Tiana uncomfortable and pretend to gag. She didn’t understand then. But once she got older, she realized that she wanted a love just like that; one that was delicate and warm, like the tickling hum of the needle as is traced over the grooves of each record that spun on its table.

She yearned for it after Naveen passed, but now the feeling had grown into something almost insatiable.

So Tiana shrugs, looking off into the distance.

“And then we danced.”

And an idea struck Nanami, like lightning on a copper rod. He hummed in response, the two having nothing left to say.

Time passed at a snail’s pace, and that was when Nanami decided to stop stalling and invading Tiana’s space. Caught up in his own sense of greed, it had slipped his mind on how she felt physically and mentally. He stood, taking his emptied mug into the kitchen. He rinses it out, and places it upside down in the sink. He shuffles to the front door, sliding on his shoes , and throwing his coat back on. Tiana, who had seemed to be in some sort of daze, snapped her neck to look at the man. Her chest tightened as she scurried up.

“You’re leaving.” She stated the obvious as clear as day, and despite trying to sound neutral, she sounded so desperate.

“I have to work in the morning. Unfortunately.” He said, and Tiana felt reassured that he sounded as disheartened as she felt. “But I filled in a form for you to have tomorrow off, if you would like.”

“Mm.” Tiana hummed gently. She walked towards the door to where he was adjusting the hem of his pants. It seemed as if he were stalling. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” He said softly, eyes reflecting the same shade and sentiment as Tiana’s.

Tiana found herself extending the conversation, even if it was just a single syllable longer she wanted him to stay. She didn’t have the gall to ask him to spend the night again, that was a line of intimacy she was afraid to cross again.

“When do you leave? For the holidays?” She asks.

Nanami adjusts his collar. “I’ll be leaving on the 19th.” Tiana seemed to stare into nothingness; that was right around the corner. Today is the 15th, and the sun had already begun to bleed across the sky as it died on the horizon.

“How are you going to get to the airport?” Tiana asked. She couldn’t drive him, and even though a miniscule part of her was willing to swallow that wad of fear to return the favor and take him there herself, she didn’t have a permit, let alone a license.

Nanami’s lip jutted slightly, as if he had never really thought of that. “Maybe a chauffeur from the job. Maybe a taxi.”

Tiana began twiddling with her fingers, pressing on her nails individually. Nanami watched, and took note of how her fingers barely grazed that band.

“I..um-” Tiana seemed to lose her nerve, so Nanami helped her.

“Do you want to come with me?”

“Yes.” Tiana responded a bit quickly, her words mingling with his. She clears her throat, feeling as though he made it too easy for her. She should be clear and concise with her request. “May I go with you?”

“You may.”

Silence befell the duo, so quiet you could hear their eyes blink. Tiana sighed heavily. The moment felt very…odd to say the least. They were parting ways, but the mood called for some sort of closing statement, as if the two needed to hug to bid a proper farewell. Tiana shook her head, tossing the thoughts from her ears as Nanami cleared his throat. He felt a dense heat creep up his neck.

“Well.” Tiana rushed, unlocking and opening the door.

“Well…” Nanami repeated, rocking onto the balls of his feet awkwardly. “Goodnight, Tiana.” He bowed slightly, feeling awkward as he exited.

“G’night. Be careful.” She called softly, not wanting to disturb the other residents. She watched him thump down the wooden stairs, turning back to watch her every other step, then entered the car. She watched him drive off, easing out of the parking lot, tire tracks left in the soft layer of snow that rested on the ground.

Tiana closes the door, pressing her back into the wood. She allows her head to fall back, thudding against the door, her eyebrows knitted in frustration. She lifted her left hand, looking at the lonely ring on her finger, swallowing thickly.

“Is this okay?”

Misha asked Tiana as the two sat in a secluded booth at the back of a barbecue joint, a “yakiniku”. She remembered the term from a place Nanami had taken her before, except that one was a lot nicer. This one was an abandoned, hole-in-the-wall place; paint peeling off the walls and ceiling. Misha obviously didn’t care enough to take the time to find something a bit more chic. Tiana had taken Nanami’s advice and decided to take the following day off. She was enjoying her peaceful day, when Misha called her unexpectedly. Tiana’s nerves were high strung when the woman asked to meet with her, claiming it was something important. Tiana, feeling as though she was indebted to her for covering her shift the past two days, obliged to her request. So here they were, during Misha’s lunch break, barbecuing different slices of meat on a thin grill built into the middle of the table. It warded off the cold, and Tiana’s appetite.

“Sure.” Tiana said, a bit quietly.

The woman sat in silence, a stale air about them. Both of them seemed to shift uncomfortably in their respective seats, glaring beams at the meat which seemed to cook even faster under their heated gazes. Misha huffed, prodding at the food.

“Let me get to the point.” Misha finally looked up, and Tiana followed, mouth still glued shut. “There’s no point in stalling, and neither of us really want to be here…”

Tiana kept quiet.

“Look, I-” Misha hesitated, her lips curled inward. “I want to say sorry.”

Tiana was taken aback. Did she just…?

“No, not sorry. I want to properly apologize.” Misha seemed to shrink a bit in her seat as Tiana gawked at her. “For everything.” Misha then began listing off her transgressions.

“For talking down on you. I want to apologize for making you run all those errands, and forcing you to do extra work.” Misha cringed as she heard her own crimes. “For the whole potluck fiasco. I sincerely apologize.” Then she did something Tiana didn’t expect. She downed deeply, forehead nearly touching her side of the table as she kowtowed to the brown woman across from her. “I know it’s not enough, but I really, really, truly am sorry.”

Tiana’s eyes were wide, and muddled with confusion. What caused the sudden change of mind? There’s no way this woman felt sorry for her actions, maybe sorry for being caught. But she had repetitively disrespected Tiana, threw her under the bus, and was downright awful to her. There had to be a reason she was rude to her, just like there had to be a reason she was apologizing to her now, and Tiana wanted to hear it. Even if the answer wasn’t sensible.

“Why?” Tiana’s voice croaked. “Why are you apologizing now?”

Misha cringed. Her motive was nothing but selfish, and it would expose this apology for the fraud that it was. At first it was just to save face, to look good and responsible in front of everyone. Then Nanami took notice and instructed her to do so, so she felt as if she had no choice. Not just because he was her boss, but because she wanted to make him happy. And lastly, only today did it cross her mind how much of an asshole she had been, how unreasonable she was to this woman because she couldn’t contain her own jealousy. While it was embarrassing and childish, she decided to go with the latter.

“I realized that I was being…a bitch.” She muttered the last part, and Tiana’s eyes widened in surprise. “I know it’s cliche, and a lame excuse, but it’s true. It took someone else for me to see that, and I feel like an idiot.”

Tiana frowned. “Someone else?” So this apology wasn’t of her own volition?

Misha knew she said too much. She swallowed thickly.

“I was jealous.” She blurted out, cheeks inflamed. Tiana’s neck recoiled back, a nasty expression on her face. Misha had never seen a face so utterly disgruntled; her top lip snarled in the corner as her eyebrows furrowed disapprovingly.

“Jealous?” Tiana seemed to spit. Misha felt as if she were drowning, thrashing words around to save herself.

“Of you and Nanami.” Misha said, and Tiana didn’t think it was possible for her neck to whip so fast. “I just…I saw him drop you off on your first day here, and I don’t know…my emotions just got the best of me. I mean, you’re married-”

Tiana’s mind seemed to throb, exhaustion overtaking her, the effort that she and Nanami put in to unwind made completely irrelevant. All of this, the aggressive comments, the extra work, the sabotage, all because Misha wanted to mimic a dog in heat? All because Misha didn’t have the maturity of a woman to simply speak with her, she just decided to lean on her own understanding? What kind of nasty rumors could this woman have said about her behind her back, in a language she couldn’t fully understand back then?

But there was one thing Tiana had to get straight first.

“Married?” She interrupted Misha’s spiel, a half laugh, half choke. “Marri- I’m not married.”

Misha paused, her eyes darting to the silver band. Tiana covered it, as if to shield it from prying eyes.

“But?” Misha tilted her head to the side, confused. “But the band? Are you divorced?”

Tiana was baffled at the gall of this woman. Was everyone here so goddamn nosey? Was everyone here so goddamn hasty to make assumptions about her without properly getting to know her?

“Are you-” Tiana stammered, so heated that she couldn’t even find the right words to say. “I’m not divorced. He…I’m a widow.”

Misha’s face turned several colors. First a ghostly white, face fallen and eyes wide. Then a sickly yellow, as if she were swallowing her own vomit. Then it finally settled on a reddish-purple, as if all the oxygen had been sucked from her brain.

“Oh.” She said quietly, voice squeaking like a rusty hinge. “Oh, oh, oh.”

Tiana couldn’t muster the courage to say anything.

“Oh, oh…” Misha kept voice like a broken record. Suddenly, her hands thrashed out, clasping her hands around Tiana’s as she began to plead for forgiveness, almost as if she were begging for her life to be spared.

“Oh, Tiana. I…I am so sorry. I had no idea.”

Tiana’s hands seemed to sting, her skin inflamed in the places where Misha touched. She retracted quickly, disgusted and offended by the sudden contact.

“Yeah, of course you didn’t.” Tiana seethed. “You didn’t bother to ask, or get to know me, or anything.” Tiana’s head throbbed in sync with her hammering heart. “But Nanami did. He was kind and understanding to me, something you couldn’t find in your heart to do because of your own lust. And you turned that kindness into something tainted.”

Misha's face seemed to swell with embarrassment as if she were a red balloon being inflated with helium.

“I’m-”

“No you’re not. You’re just embarrassed and offended that I won’t take this apology, which you don't even mean. And not only have you offended me and my husband's name, but also Nanami’s sense of worth. He’s a man of business, and the fact that you let such silly emotions fill your mind with nonsense-”

“Wait, please!” Misha’s hands pressed on the table. Her voice was full of panic, and she seemed to be trembling. “Please…don’t….”

Tiana couldn’t believe this. How could this woman, after feigning an apology for treating her like absolute sh*t, ask for such a request at the expense of her standing with Nanami? She wanted Tiana to keep this secret just so she could still look like the hard working saint in his eyes? Did she like him that much?

It wasn’t any of Tiana’s business. And it wasn’t really her business to sabotage a possible relationship because of her personal issues with this woman. If Misha was Nanami’s type, then all she could do was question why he would prefer to shack up with someone like her. If she made Nanami happy, who was she to interfere? He didn’t belong to her solely, he wasn’t bound to her by anything but a friendship with hazy boundaries.

It wasn’t any of Tiana’s business. She refused to make it her business. She didn’t really want to know.

Tiana threw a few hundred yen on the table, enough to pay for her half of the meal that she didn’t even get to indulge in. She stood up, adjusting her purse onto her shoulder. She couldn’t stand this madness any longer.

“Enjoy the rest of your day, Ms. Misha.”

Tiana thought about the interaction day in and day out. When at home, she was left to tend to her thoughts alone. At work, for some reason people were giving her sympathizing looks, and she knew Misha had let the cat out of the bag. It was better than the glares she would normally get, but Tiana didn’t want to be seen at all. She didn’t want to be coddled, or babied on the job because of her own misfortune. She just wanted to do her job like everyone else, and go home.

She didn’t even get to tell Nanami about it, or it was more like she refused to tell him about it. So when he nudged her arm as the two sat in the back of the taxi as they rode to the airport, interrupting her train of thought, she knew what question was coming.

“I know that look…” He was concerned. She had been frowning so deeply since he had entered the car. She had sat in the back so Nanami could have leg space in the passenger side, but Nanami couldn’t bear to leave her back there alone. So he squeezed into the back, watching her frown at the scenery that whizzed outside the window. Nanami was glad she wasn’t scared, but that frown resembled the same one she wore when she first got to Japan. It couldn’t have been anything good.

“It’s nothing.” Tiana said, turning back to him. Nanami gave her a knowing look, and she retracted her lie. “I mean, it’s not nothing, it’s something. But I don’t want you to worry about it before your trip.”

“So what, you’re supposed to worry by yourself while I’m gone?” Nanami raised a brow. “I told you, that-”

“I know, I know.” Tiana reassured him. “I don’t have to go through things alone. But this one is…slightly different.”

“Different?” Nanami asked. “How so?”

Tiana thought back to Misha’s confession. It wasn’t in her place to out her like that. Plus, a small part of her was terrified at how Nanami would react to the information. If those two ended up getting together, she didn’t want to be privy to it. It wasn’t any of her business.

“It’s a secret.” Tiana hums. Nanami simply blows air from his nose, frustrated. He thought that they were past secrets by now.

“Where are you going, anyway?” Tiana asked. She knew Nanami didn’t have any parents to visit, like her. He had told her that in an attempt to relate to her before, and it worked. “You never told me.”

“To America.” Nanami said, not even thinking about his answer properly. Tiana’s eyes seemed to brighten with mischief.

“You have family in America?” Tiana asks with excitement, recalling the conversation they had on the night of her spiral.

“Well, sort of…” Nanami tried to backtrack, but it was too late.

“Why ain’t you tell me!” Tiana swatted at his arm playfully. “The world is so small.”

“Too small.” Nanami muttered. “We’re not super close, or anything-” He lied, but Tiana was on a roll.

“Oh, we should plan a trip together one day!” Her eyes glistened at first, but then she shrunk as if she blurted something that she shouldn’t have. “I mean- you always talk about traveling. We can make it a thing; I can show you around the bayous or something.” Her voice was soft now, but so was Nanami’s heart. He looked out the window, unable to hide in the light of those innocent eyes. He felt the convoluted lie that he helped fabricate begin to unravel.

“When are you going to tell her?” Nanami’s voice was a bit grim as he looked at his cousin, not seeing her in person in years. The last time he recalled seeing her was when they were both in their early 20s, Lottie coming to visit him in Japan because he was much too busy climbing his ranks to properly visit her. Now that he was in her presence after almost a decade, he felt his eyes were playing tricks on him.

She still had that glowing tan from the southern sun, all the times she was outside playing in the bayous or swimming in lakes doing her justice. She seemed to have grown into her body, not just a bumbling 20 year old still awkwardly figuring themselves out; there was this air or sureness and maturity that he never really expected to see from Charlotte. Not because he didn’t think it was possible, but because to him he was still a little girl. But not only did she grow into her body, her body had grown.

She was pregnant. At the beginning of her second trimester.

Now, Nanami was privy to this information; she had told him over the phone while sobbing about her incident with Tiana. How Travis proposed to her, and how she was a bit bitter that her “sister from another mister” couldn’t even be happy for her, hell, couldn't even throw on a fake smile for her sake. So Nanami, unable to believe his ears, chose to seek the truth with his eyes, but he still couldn’t believe them. That’s why he rushed out to New Orleans so soon, leaving Tiana by her lonesome, so he could witness the unfathomable in person, and find some sort of solution to the mess the two were diving deeper into.

Charlotte was propped up in her bed, encased in fluffy, pink down pillows that mimicked the comfortability of cotton candy. She was draped in silk, pink pajamas that drowned her body, and hid her forming bump very well, but you could see it in her face. Travis was out running errands for his highness while Eli slept in Charlotte’s guest room, acting as her guard dog as he growled in his sleep.

“I don’t know.” Charlotte drummed her manicured fingers on her cheek. “It’s a bit much to just…spring onto her.”

“Yeah, no sh*t.” Nanami said defensively. Charlotte looked hurt.

“Oh, come on, Ken.” Charlotte exasperated. “Cut me some slack. Do you know how hard it is to hide this?” She motioned to her stomach. “It’s hard enough pretending that we don’t know each other.”

“Which is why I didn’t want to do it in the first place.” Nanami gritted. “Why is it that whenever you want to get your way, you always drag me into things?”

Charlotte went to clutch the white pearls adorning her neck, offended by the statement as her mouth gaped. “That is not true!”

Nanami cut his eyes, Charlotte noting how the expression looked a lot like Tiana’s infamous eye roll. He then began listing some examples.

“When you were seven and asked me to buy you pink paint, and proceeded to paint Stella’s fur. When you were ten and asked me to grab your father’s checkbook because he ‘asked you to grab it for him’, but you bought thousands of dollars worth of collectible Barbie’s, mind you, they weren’t even in mint condition. When you turned 16 and asked me for a foreign car, but didn’t tell me that you failed your driving test seven times, then you failed to tell me you totaled it until I got a call from your father in the hospital. When it was your prom and you wanted an extravagant dress, but didn’t tell me it was outside your father’s strict budget. When you were 20, and you defiled a famous piece at the Mori with lipstick because you felt the subjects ‘lips looked dry'. When you were 21-”

“Alright! Jesus Christ.” Charlotte said, feeling winded as she clutched her stomach. “I was younger, and a whole lotta stupid. I thought that was water under the bridge, but it feels as though you were waiting for the perfect moment to throw it all back in my face.”

“Charlotte, I’m not. But this-” He motioned to her body, her left hand that was caressing her stomach gleaming with a glittering ring, juxtaposed to Tiana’s lonely band. “This is different. Money can’t fix this. Connections can’t fix this. Your father can’t fix this, and neither can I.”

“So what, you wish I aborted it?” Charlotte snarled, and Nanami felt as if the conversation were hopeless as he threw his hands up in defeat.

“Abort- Charlotte, you know that’s not what I’m saying. Why didn’t you just talk to her?” Nanami’s heart seemed to ache with a pain he had never felt before. “Why not ask her how she would feel about this?”

Charlotte scoffed, face upturned as her eyes darted around the room. “How Tia feels? How Tia feels?” Her voice seemed to grow louder. “What about what I feel? What about what I want? I want to get married, I’ve always wanted to have a baby. I’ve had to tiptoe around with Travis so Tia wouldn’t feel so miserable, but it’s tiring. I want to move on, I want to grow up and start a family! Tia lost that, and now she’s stuck and I don’t know what more I can do for her!”

Nanami was silent as Charlotte kept talking, seemingly going on a rampage as if the past few years of shoving her own wants down built up so thickly in her chest that she had to spew it out like a projectile.

“Do you know how I found her on the day that I called you?” Charlotte’s eyes seemed to sting, and Nanami watched tears slide down her waterline. “I found her in her mama’s old home, trying to hang from the ceiling like a damn light fixture.”

Nanami felt his heart drop to his feet. His skin grew clammy and pale.

“I clung to her thighs and cried, Nanami.” Charlotte seemed to get choked up, her voice getting caught in her throat. “I wept like Jesus. I couldn’t bear it anymore.” Charlotte’s hand tossed through her hair. “So yes, I sent her to Japan. I couldn’t…I couldn’t do it anymore. That was the second time she tried something like that, and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I couldn’t sleep at night, worried that I would walk into my sister's house and see her brains splattered on the wall, or her wrists shredded into ribbons, or her drowning in her own vomit. So I sent her away. At least then-”

Charlotte paused, shaking her head as tears streamed down her face, but there was a painful smile paired with it. It was as if the world had played a joke on her that was so cruel, she couldn’t help but laugh it off.

“At least then…I wouldn’t have to see that anymore. At least then, I could pretend she went on a long, long trip far, far away and move on with my life. I just…I didn't know what else to do.”

“You don’t mean that.” Nanami’s voice seemed to break. “You can’t mean that. In a time where she needed you most, you sent her to die alone?” he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

“You’re making me sound like a selfish bitch.” Charlotte wiped at her face. “And you know what, maybe I am. I’m self-centered, spoiled, a f*cking brat.” Charlotte grimaced. “But I know what I want. I know what I feel. I can admit these things. It’s true, even if it’s from the depths of my heart, buried underneath all my love and care for her. It’s the truth, Nanami.”

“If you’re her best friend or sister, you would have gotten her help.” Nanami gritted. “Not send her on a journey of exile.”

Charlotte threw her hands up. “Oh, for f*cks sake, Nanami. You don’t think I tried that?” Charlotte's voice seemed to pierce through him. “Every f*cking doctor and therapist in New Orleans had a patient named Tiana Maldonia. She doesn’t want the help. She doesn’t want to talk. Hell, she doesn't even know what she wants. She does that face- I know you know the one.” Charlotte mimicked Tiana’s expressions, and Nanami had to admit that they were spot on. “She sits there with a deep frown, forehead wrinkled and lips downturned, something obviously on that pretty little mind. Then you ask her about it, and she gives you this airy look with those big brown eyes, acting like she don' know what you're talking about, or like everything is right with the world.”

Nanami could picture it, he knew it was true.

“But even so.” Nanami came to Tiana’s defense. “Even so, that wasn’t right, Charlotte. You’re supposed to keep trying.”

“For how long?” Charlotte yelled. “Until I’m old and gray, and my ovaries are all shriveled up? You think because you two became friends over the past few months that you know her better than me?” Charlotte clutched her stomach, her face red, and that line struck a chord with him. One day, he plans on retiring, hopefully with someone at his side who he can spend the rest of his days with since his younger years were spent working to the bone. If he stayed by Tiana’s side, would he be fated to spend the rest of his life so close to her, yet so far apart? To ignore his own wants in favor of hers?

“But you know me, Nanami.” Charlotte seemed to whine. “You’re my cousin. Why can’t you just be…happy for me? For my accomplishments? Why can’t you take my side for once?”

Nanami frowned. He was always on her side. He was always at her beck and call. But this wasn’t about the "right side" anymore.

“Whas’ goin’ on in here?” Eli La Bouff entered Charlotte’s bedroom, stirred from his sleep. It was probably from the insolent tones being hurled across the room, or maybe he could sense when Charlotte was in distress, and those senses were heightened because she was carrying his grandchild. His eyes widened, disturbed by the scene presented to him. His cheeks swelled, and his shock was replaced with a growing anger.

“I was just leaving.” Nanami said, making his way to the door. Eli seemed to bumble, stammering as he watched his nephew practically stomp out.

“L-Leavin’?” Eli’s drawl voiced his disappointment.

“Y-You can’t just leave, Ken!” Charlotte called to his back, but Nanami didn’t even turn around to look. “It’s the holidays! You can’t just abandon-!”

But the words got caught in her throat. Can’t just what? Abandon family? Who was Charlotte to criticize Nanami, when she had already done that herself?

Nanami stalked out the front door, and Charlotte winced when she heard it slam shut. Charlotte brought her knees to her chest, hunched over as she hugged her legs. Her tears stained her silk pajamas as she hiccuped silently. She felt the bed dip, her father sitting at her side.

“Daddy…” Charlotte sobbed, feeling nauseous as she squeezed her eyes shut, but that didn’t stop the tears from trickling down her cheeks. “Daddy, I don’t know what to do.”

Eli sat there, lips in a thin line. His baby wasn’t a baby anymore, she had grown from a seedling into a budding, golden magnolia. And he was a large oak. He feared that the longer he shrouded her in his shadow, the longer his roots dug into her, the longer he kept spoiling her, she would never flourish to her full potential. He had to let her grow up.

“My little flower…” He said in earnest, but with a tinge of sadness. It was hard watching your children grow up before your eyes, no longer depending on you. It was hard watching your baby begin to grow into her body, and begin to grow another body within her. It was hard watching your little girl go to another man for help when her father was right there, and would always be there. He had gone through it with Tiana, and he had lost it all with Tiana. But he had to let her flourish.

“My precious child.” Eli raised a thick hand to cup his daughter's face, and she leaned into it. The pain resonating off of her was unbearable, but he couldn't look away. “I think you know what to do.”

Her tears fell faster against his hand, sliding down his arms.

“You just don’t want to do it.”

Nanami had made his way to the airport, bag packed messily and threatening to burst free of the zipper. He needed to see Tiana. He wanted to see Tiana.

Now.

“I need the earliest flight to Japan. I would like to trade it for my flight tomorrow, on the 24th.” Nanami said at the desk, trying to keep his bearings. The clerk nodded her head, a bit unsure, typing furiously at her computer. She clicked the enter button, then shook her head solemnly.

“I’m sorry sir, all the flights today are booked. And because it’s the holidays, not a lot of people will be willing to give up their seats.” The woman sounded a bit nervous, as if Nanami would reach for the counter and jack her up by her ponytail if she didn’t comply with his request.

Nanami drummed his fingers on the desk, nodding grimly, his lips folded in.

“Alright. Okay.” He sounded so defeated. “But please, let me know if something opens up.” The woman sensed the desperation, and simply nodded.

So Nanami waited in the airport terminal for his original flight. He thought about staying at one of the hotels not too far from here, but was scared he'd miss an opportunity to board an earlier flight.

The opportunity never came. Instead, it got worse.

“I’m sorry, sir. But flight 555 seems to have a 4 hour delay, and is pending. The latest being a departure on Christmas morning.” The clerk told him the next day. “There seems to be a snow storm heading in. It has never been this bad either, so the whole county’s in a bit of a tizzy.”

Nanami felt his whole world crush in a matter of seconds. He couldn’t go earlier, and now he would arrive much later than he intended. He swallowed thickly, remembering the promise he made to Tiana that night, words that feel as though he said it in the spur of the moment now.

If he leaves Christmas morning, he will get back to Japan early the next day, less than half a day before the banquet. He prayed silently that he could get back even just an hour earlier, so he could at least spend a singular second with Tiana, so she could at least spend one moment in the company of someone.

He sat in his chair, looking at his phone. Japan was about 15 hours ahead, the time reading 8:53am. If he called Tiana now, he would be just shy of 12:00am; Christmas morning. A part of him told her she was most likely wide awake for a multitude of reasons. He clicked on her name, putting the phone to his ear.

The phone rang once. Twice. Five times. Seven. Then it went to voicemail.

She must be asleep, Nanami thought. Just as he was about to shove his phone into his pocket, it rang abruptly, buzzing in his hand erratically. He looked at the phone, Tiana’s name adorned with a frog emoji flashing across his screen. He answers it.

“Tiana.” Nanami seemed to say breathlessly.

“Nanami?” Tiana’s voice was groggy as it cracked. He heard the creak of bed springs and the shuffling of sheets, the woman sitting up on the other line.

“You’re awake?” Nanami asked in a silly tone. Of course she was awake now, he had woke her up.

“Mm.” Tiana hummed in his ear, her voice seemed to sing a soft song of slumber. “Did you forget about the timezone?” Tiana giggled sleepily, and Nanami found heat creeping up his neck. She sounded so charming, dare he even say, adorable. Her voice had an almost sultry tone, brushing against his ear as if it were being caressed by velvet whispers.

“No,” Nanami sounded nervous, his hands clammy as he rubbed them on the knees of his jeans. “My flight was delayed.”

The line went silent. Finally, Tiana mustered up a silent “oh”. Nanami felt as if he needed to explain himself.

“I tried to get an earlier flight, but it was impossible.”

“Nanam-”

“And because of the weather, the delay could possibly be longer.”

“Nana-”

“I just really wanted to-”

“Kento.” Tiana said sternly, her words jutting into his sentence.

“-let you know…” Nanami’s voice trailed off as Tiana let out an amused laugh. He could almost see an apparition of her in front of him. He could imagine the crinkle of her nose, the flash of her teeth, the squint of her eyes. He settled into his seat, rubbing his face.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled into the line.

“Sorry?” Tiana laughed again. “Nanami, you have nothing to be sorry for.” More shuffling in the background, Tiana’s voice is much more awake now. “You went through all that trouble for me?”

Nanami couldn’t answer. He was so flustered, dropping his face to hide his expression from the entire airport.

“Things happen, Nanami.” Tiana continued in an understanding tone. “It’s not your fault. This is expected; I thought you were the logical one.”

Nanami’s lips broke out into a grin. “I just wanted to make sure I was there.”

“Don’t sweat the little things.” Tiana said with a reassuring tone. “I’ll see you when you get back, okay?”

Nanami hesitated. It was a surreal moment, Tiana audibly admitting that she would be waiting for his return, and Nanami unable to contain the excitement that crept into his being.

“Okay.” He said gently, trying to keep his voice from swaying. He crossed and uncrossed his legs. “Have you been sleeping alright?”

On the other side of the line, Tiana hugged herself, laying down. Her head laid in her pillows as her phone rested on the nightstand, the device on speaker as his voice echoed in the dark room. It created the illusion that he was in her presence, and she’d be lying if she said the comfortability didn’t make her drowsy.

“I mean, there’s no night terrors, so...” Tiana said, staring up at the dark ceiling. Ever since she talked to Nanami, she hadn’t had a single nightmare, but she still couldn’t sleep properly. It wasn’t as though she were lying awake every night, she would eventually fall asleep, but it felt as if she closed her eyes for a second and it was the next day. She wasn’t resting properly, probably from stress. But right now, she felt fine, almost like a slight buzz were ricocheting through her body, rocking her to sleep. She closes her eyes and sighs, sinking into her mattress.

“Do you…want me to stay on the line?” Nanami asked hesitantly, and Tiana turned her body to curl towards the phone, her eyes still closed.

“Is that alright?” Tiana asks. “I was just going to try and go back to sleep…”

Nanami let out a soft laugh. “That’s why I’m asking you.”

Tiana nods, feeling as though he were right there.

“Yes, please.”

The line went silent, and Nanami took the opportunity to check his phone. 9:00am on the dot. He brings the phone back to his ear.

“Tiana, before you go to sleep.” Nanami’s voice sounded like a summer’s breeze, unfurling and warping through Tiana’s space. “There’s one more thing.”

“What?” Tiana responded sleepily. She heard him smile on the line.

“Happy birthday.”

Chapter 5: the perfect pair

Chapter Text

Tiana stared at herself in the mirror as she inserted golden earrings that mimicked dangling chandeliers. She could barely recognize herself; when was the last time she got dolled up to this extreme?

Why was she getting dolled up to this extreme?

Her face had a light layer of makeup, but it was a bit heavier than the tinted sunscreen she usually used, and she had to keep herself from wiping her face profusely. She didn’t want to do too much and be unrecognizable, and if it weren’t for the gala, surely people would think she was trying too hard to dress up. Her eyebrows were accentuated in thin brown lines, eyelids dusted with a light purple and glitter shadow. Her lips were traced in a dark brown and colored in with a wine red that made her lips much more luscious. She put the back into her earring and brought her lips together, smearing the color a bit more.

She took a step back from the bathroom mirror, only able to see from the waist up. She wore a slim white, delicately shimmering dress that pooled at her feet which were decorated in white heels, the high slit threatening to reveal much more than a little bit of thigh. She tugged at the bustier, pulling it up to attempt to hide her cleavage. Her proportions seemed exaggerated in this dress; the only thing slim on her body seemed to be her waist. Every other part of the body seemed to fill in the dress in the places that mattered, but she still felt self conscious at how it hugged her. She felt exposed.

The straps of the dress were golden plates, the cool metal waning the heat forming in her collar bones. A gilded choker rested around her neck, and a matching gold bracelet adorned her right arm. Her dark curls delicately framed her face, furling around her ears. She blew a curl back into place, scowling in the mirror as she ran her fingers through the long, white, decorative feather pinned in her hair.

“What am I doing?” She asks herself, but her reflection simply repeats the question back to her, unable to provide her an intelligible answer. She didn’t really have to attend the gala, but everyone was making such a big deal over it, especially interns who were hoping to be awarded a permanent position before their contracts ended. Tiana had a feeling she wouldn't even be considered for that, so why else would she go?

Was she using this an excuse to get dolled up?

Was she only doing this because someone in particular encouraged her to participate?

A rapid knock on the front door caused Tiana to jolt four feet high, knocking over her makeup brushes in the sudden commotion.

“Shi-shoot!” She whispers a shout, scurrying to pick up the items that scattered on the floor. She carefully picks them up, holding the brushes far from her so the brown wouldn’t stain her dress. “Come in!” She yells out, hoping Nanami had heard her.

She hears four consecutive beeps followed by a long one, then the opening of her front door. She feels her stomach clench, and finds herself smoothening out her dress.

God, she felt so nervous she could choke.

“Tiana?” Nanami called outside her bedroom door, followed by a soft knock.

“Hm?” She called, but it was because it was all she could muster. “Yeah?”

“You almost ready?” He said gently, not in a pressuring or rushing tone, but one of much concern. Tiana shook her head, fanning her face to keep from wiping at it.

“Yeah, yeah…I’m almost done.” She says, exiting the bathroom and clicking her way to her bed. She grabs the small clutch to complete her look. She moves a curl back into place, then finds herself fussing over her outfit again; tugging the bottom down so it didn’t fit so tight, tugging the top up so nothing would seem too loose. An endless cycle that was surely stretching the delicate fabric of the dress. “Just…give me a second.”

“Take your time, I’m in no rush.” He says, his voice receding with a pair of thudded steps, he was undoubtedly wearing a fancy type of dress shoe. Tiana’s curiosity seemed to tug at her; Nanami always had an eccentric, yet charming sense of style. She couldn’t help but wonder how he decided to dress up tonight

She stood there, psyching herself out, breathing deeply. Her eyes fluttered close, dread filling her as she began to detest the idea of going out. A part of her wanted to stay home, maybe drink some hot chocolate and chat with Nanami about his trip because she wanted to hear about it, maybe curl up and let a movie watch her from the confinements of the screen, and she knew Nanami would cave if she asked. But that feeling, that same bout of fear is what had kept her feeling so alone all this time, so terrified of making connections with others. She didn’t want to be bound by that fear anymore, and it petrified her how the world kept moving regardless of how much she seemed to stand still. A small spark seemed to ignite her insides, the feeling of wanting to move forward with it.

Her hands fidgeted for a second, and she shook them aggressively, her finger snapping in the process. The thought had struck her head a thousand times over the past few years, but she could never go through with it. It was like it was branded into her skin, suffocating that specific appendage. She paced on the wooden floor, fiddling with her ring, working up the nerve. Then, before she could stop herself, she slips it off, tosses it into the nightstand, and slams it shut with an aggressive rattle. She heaves, as if she had just carried a heavy load across the room. Her hand clutches her chest as her heart seems to hammer against her ribcage. She lets out a shaky breath, peeking at her left hand as if afraid to see her ring finger detached from her being. But the finger was still there, a light indention wrapped around her finger. It was lighter than the rest of her complexion, almost wrinkled, the area having not seen the sun in ages. Tiana blinked, tilting her head as she stared in a blank manner. After a few seconds, she shakes her hand as if she had touched something hot, then brings it to her chest, scratching at the spot. It felt different. Her hand felt lighter.

Her heart felt lighter, as if the ring being out of sight meant it was out of mind as well.

Tonight’s going to be different, Tiana thought. It has to be.

She allows herself to breathe in one more time, and with a mighty exhale, she exits her room.

“Nanami?” Her voice is shaky, nerves rumbling in her stomach. She turns the corner of the dimly lit room to find Nanami sitting on the couch, pressed in an all black button down and tuxedo. A golden tie hung from his neck, and his hands were sheathed in black leather gloves. Tiana’s eyebrows jolted slightly; the noir style complimented him well. The way the suit seemed to be cinched around specific parts of his body to the point where the fabric seemed to be one with him, she knew he got it tailored specifically for his body because it reminded Tiana of her mother’s work. His shoulders and chest seemed to look extra broad, but the black was slimming, and his thighs seemed to swell in the dark pants as he sat there in a slight manspread. His hair framed his face neatly, his sharp proportions on full display as he looked up at the call of his name, blinking rapidly as he shifted in the seat.

Tiana looked ethereal, the moonlight from the balcony dusting her body in a celestial glow. If it weren’t for the high slit exposing her leg, Nanami would have mistaken her for a spirit floating off the ground; coincidentally that’s how looking at Tiana made him feel. Nanami didn’t mean to, but his eyes did a double take. The dress was draped over her body like a river of milk and honey, and Nanami struggled to keep a straight face.

The two seemed to stare at each other for an eternity, gazing at each other as respectfully as they could manage. Tiana, feeling a slight pressure in her chest, pulling the dress down a bit more as she gives a nervous laugh.

“It’s too much, right?” She says, unsure of the reaction Nanami was giving. Honestly, she wasn’t sure what reaction she wanted, but the fact that he didn’t say anything was a bit concerning.

“Not at all.” Nanami chuckled lightly to feign confidence as he stared into her eyes, but really he was scared to look anywhere else. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, what compliment would be the most appropriate?

“I think you look beautiful.” He states as if it were a fact, standing up from the couch. I think you always look beautiful, he thought. Nanami was sure that if she wore a bathrobe to the gala she would still have an undeniable elegance about her.

“But…” He says gently, picking up the large feather boa that had been resting next to him like an oversized polar bear. “It’s going to be a bit cold tonight.”

Nanami, with the large accessory in both hands, puts his arms over Tiana’s head as she just stands there, eyes misted over. He drapes it around her neck, his fingertip sometimes accidentally connecting with her shimmering skin as he adjusted the wrap. It was warm, almost too warm.

“I wish I had called my sister.” Tiana says, trying to fan the awkward air around them; they were so close. She could see her reflection in his eyes. “She would have had a better choice. She’s really good at this…” Her voice trails off as she watches Nanami frown slightly.

“You’re still not talking to her?” He lets his arms fall from the feathers, and Tiana grabs them, retreating into them for a sense of comfort. Upon this, Nanami notices her barren finger, and his eyebrows raise. Tiana took her ring off? But why? She was so attached to it.

Nanami couldn’t help but bubble with curiosity, and Tiana seemed to sense this and provided him a stale answer.

“Ah, my ring?” She says, flashing her left hand. “It didn’t match my jewelry, so…”

That was a lie, a bold one, and Nanami knew that. Tiana had worn many different forms of jewelry and accessories over the last few months, and never has she ever removed her band.

But whatever the reason, the ring was absent, which meant a step forward for Tiana. And that made Nanami swell with a sort of proudness.

“As long as you’re comfortable.” He says gently. He fishes his keys from his pockets, and begins walking to the door. “Our masks are in the car.”

Tiana nods, following his lead, cheeks tinted as she stares at the ground. Nanami seemed so cool and collected from her point of view, while she waded in an abundance of emotions. But because his back was to her as they walked down the complex stairs, and because of the dark sky, she couldn't see how red his face had gotten. The pink tinged on the tip of his ears, and he found himself rubbing the back of his neck to massage the frustration out of him.

The two halted their descent down the stairs at the slight commotion going on outside, a light layer of snow salted on the ground. Tiana squinted her eyes in the dark, a group of people crowding around individual vehicles in the parking lot. Tiana recognized most of them as other interns or staff who lived in the complex. She frowned, trying to speed up her movements to Nanami’s car, but the two are immediately flagged down by a voice Tiana would have preferred to avoid tonight.

“Tiana! Nanami!” Misha called from the huddled group in the dark. Tiana felt her eye twitch, turning to the woman with a tight smile. Nanami glanced down at Tiana briefly, the air about her changing. It made the weather almost ten degrees colder.

“Ms. Misha.” Tiana said, walking towards the group. Everyone else continued chattering, or was it bickering? Tiana couldn’t make it out as Misha came into view, and she almost made Tiana trip onto her face in the snow.

If Tiana thought she were doing too much before, Misha definitely took the cake. She wore a gown as if she were a princess awaiting her coronation. The dress was layered in different shades of green as if she were trying to camouflage with the vegetation in swamps back home. Honestly, the theatrics of it all reminded Tiana of Lottie’s sense of style, except this dress was so gaudy that Lottie would have found this garment to be absolutely repulsive and an insult to human kind. But that isn’t what gobsmacked Tiana. What left her jaw hanging in the snow was her hair. The light brown, bone straight hair that she usually wore was now dyed almost black, with permed ringlets tangled across her scalp. Her bangs seemed to fade into some sort of extensions. It wasn’t an afro, Tiana would have ripped it out of the woman’s head by now, but Tiana knew what she had tried to attempt and ended up failing at.

“Oh, Misha…your hair.” Nanami muttered as if it were a question.

“Do you like it?” She said, fluffing it at the shoulder.

“It’s…” Nanami catches a glimpse of Tiana side-eyeing him, and fear engulfs his body. Why was she glaring at him like that?

“It’s…different?” He says, which was true. He didn’t love or hate the style, but it deviated from Misha’s usual hair so much that he couldn’t help but stare.

“‘Good’ different?” Misha presses, and Tiana can’t stand it anymore.

“What’s going on?” She asks, gesturing towards everyone else to change the subject.

Misha lets out a light laugh, turning back to the group briefly. “We’re having some carpool issues. We underestimated the amount of people who needed to ride together, and we’re a bit short on space. Not to mention-” She gestures to her large dress. “I take up an entire back seat by myself.”

I can tell, Tiana frowned. “I didn’t know y'all were carpooling?”

Misha tilts her head with a slight shrug. “I missed a few people in the blast email, which is why we’re having problems tonight. I’m sorry!” She says with a slight bow with her hands together in a prayer motion, curly hair flying over her face.

Tiana wouldn’t have joined the carpooling anyway, she didn’t know anyone well enough, nor did she trust them to drive her around. But she did feel bitter for not being included.

Misha raises her head, eyes darting between Tiana and Nanami, and Tiana goes to clutch her necklace.

“But it looks like you already had a ride.” Misha detests. Tiana’s frown deepens, and Misha clasps her hands together.

“I know! How about I ride with you two?” Misha announces with enthusiasm.

“Or just call a cab.” Tiana mutters, and Nanami takes this chance to step forward.

“That’s fine.” Nanami attempts to diffuse the situation, but he can feel Tiana staring daggers into the back of his head. He couldn’t understand why Tiana was being so cold, especially when she had told him that Misha apologized for the potluck stunt. He didn’t expect them to be best friends, but Tiana could at least make an effort to be cordial. Even so, he didn’t appreciate Misha invading their space, and it was hard to decline with everyone else around without a proper excuse. And Misha knew this, because Nanami didn’t play favorites when it came to business.

“Yay!” Misha clasps her hands together in excitement, and Tiana can tell she’s overacting. Tiana cuts her eyes, turning sharply to Nanami’s car as Misha explains everything to the group. Nanami bids everyone farewell as the two make their way to the car.

“I call shotgun!” Misha shrills as she prances to the car, just before Tiana can touch the door handle. Tiana bites the inside of her cheek, throwing her hands up in defeat as she backs away from the door. Misha opens the door in a rush, swinging it with such force that it almost knocks over Nanami, who was trying to be a gentleman and open it for her. Misha flashes him a cheeky smile as she shoves herself into the car, and Nanami closes it after her, a small part of her gown sticking out the bottom.

He glances over at Tiana, whose face was scrunched in distaste. It had been a while since he had seen a facial expression so disgruntled from her.

“Are you…” Nanami paused, lowering his voice. “Are you going to be okay?”

“It’s fine.” Tiana is quick, putting her hand on the door handle, but Nanami places his gloved hand on top of her’s. The leather is warm.

“I asked about you.” He emphasizes. “I know this isn’t ideal, but-”

“Nanami, please.” Tiana begs him to drop the conversation, eyes darting to the passenger side of the car. Tiana didn’t want Misha overhearing something that wasn’t for her ears, nor did she want her making any more strange assumptions. Nanami seems to get the hint, nodding as Tiana removes her hand from the handle, allowing Nanami to open the door for her.

“Thank you.” She says softly, climbing into the back seat.

“Of course.” He replies, shutting the door gently.

The car ride is suffocating, Misha trying to interject by rambling on about whatever, but everything she talked about seemed to be directed towards Nanami and excluded Tiana. It was only natural, Tiana knows that the two have worked together on multiple occasions, but it made it even more evident that without Nanami, Tiana was stranded. She didn’t know anyone, and she was so warped inside her mind that she couldn’t bear to start over again and make those reconnections with someone else. For some reason, Nanami was enough. It took so much energy to the point where she'd rather not let anyone else in, so she would just have to face the consequences of that when they came, even though she didn't want to. Tiana sat in the back seat, as tight as a clam as Misha droned on and on, Nanami pacifying her with an occasional answer. At the midway point, there was a bit of traffic on the road that halted the car, and so did Misha’s mouth as she stalled to find something else relevant to talk about, but all she had was work. And though Tiana had plenty she wanted to talk about, she felt it would invade their privacy. When the tension reached its peak, Nanami turned the radio on, melodic tunes of Christmastime and cheer spilling from the speakers at a low volume. Nanami had never turned on the radio before when it was just him and Tiana.

Maybe it was because her voice was like music to him. Her warm laughter, the hum in her throat when her tone dipped into that southern drawl. But now she was stunted in silence, like a canary in a coal mine. He sighed, pressing his back into his chair, his left hand dropping from the steering wheel.

Tiana had found refuge in the night, the stars glittering in the sky all by there lonesome, because the moon was nowhere in sight. The bright hole in the sky was nowhere to be found, and despite the multitude of suns burning lightyears away in the crowded sky, it still looked so dim. So cold.

Cold like water. Chilling, murky water in the center of a flooding swamp. She takes a sharp exhale, shaking her head, undoubtedly ruining the placement of her curls.

Tiana knew then and there that she should have stayed home. She should have stayed a coward for one more night, and dragged Nanami back upstairs when she saw the crowd in the parking lot. She shouldn’t have put so much effort into how she looked. She shouldn’t have agreed to go with Nanami to the banquet, shouldn’t have agreed to step so far outside of her comfort zone. She should have convinced Nanami to stay at her house that night, or even if he went to the event by himself, at least to come see her afterwards. So many should’ves and shouldn’ts swam through her mind, that she instinctively went to twirl that damned silver band whenever her hands needed something to do, only to feel nothing but her skin, having forgotten that she removed it.

She shouldn't have taken it off.

Suddenly, she feels something hit her calf repetitively, almost as if to grab her attention. Because it was so dark, she couldn’t exactly see what she hit, or what was hitting her, so she jolted slightly in surprise, but no one seemed to pay her any mind. Misha kept talking about whatever random thing popped into her mind, while Nanami kept facing forward.

Tiana looks down towards her feet, her eyes barely adjusted to the dark. She scrunches her nose and squints her eyes as she reaches her hand, and touches something made of leather that flinches back. She retracts her hand, until she feels that soft tap on her leg again.

It was Nanami. Or rather, Nanami’s hand.

Tiana’s heart bloomed with nerves as they spread to her fingertips, her hands trembling as she reached forward once more. Because it was dark, it took a minute to get right; her soft delicate hand brushing across leather as their fingers found a comfortable way to clasp into each other. Tiana could hear the leather of his glove squeak slightly, but when she looked up to see if Misha had noticed, the woman wasn’t paying her any mind. Just talking, never suspecting that the man she kept diverting all her attention to was playing handsies with the woman in the back seat.

Finally, their hands intertwined, perfectly nestled within each other. Fingers mended together. And finally, Tiana exhaled. She allows her body to fall forward, her forehead hitting the back of Nanami’s seat with a slight thump.

“Tiana? You okay back there?” Misha finally addressed Tiana, and Tiana let her eyes flutter shut, focused on the rhythmic circles Nanami’s thumb traced against her skin. For now, she was okay, just that. But that didn’t change her mind about wanting to go home.

“Yeah, I’m just…nervous.” Tiana said, barely above the jingles ringing from the radio.

“Oh, this is your first gala!” Misha says, immediately harping on something new. “Don’t worry, it’s a big deal, but only to those who aren’t big deals!”

Tiana wasn’t sure if Misha was trying to make her feel better or worse.

“Right.” Tiana said as she squeezed Nanami’s hand.

When the three pulled up to the venue, Tiana was able to gauge how large the company actually was. She knew that G. Corps had international reach, but when that reach was compacted into one space you could kind of grasp just how large it was.

The center looked like any other convention center on the outside, but the inside was decorated lavishly in gold, silver, black, and a velvet red. The theme that Misha picked was masquerade, kind of cliche, but can be a gorgeous concept if participated in thoroughly, and the employees of the corporation did not disappoint. There were flowing gowns, cinched suits, and heavily jeweled face masks with a feather or two here and there. There were a few oddballs whose masks were a bit camp for a masquerade theme, but the participation was there. Tiana watched as people filed into the building after her, going through the same process she had; an ID check, the ticket booth, and then a quick screening through the metal detector. There were so many people clumped about, some heading into the venue room filled to the brim with tables, and some striking conversations in the hall as they took photos. There was even a red carpet area with a backdrop with the companies biggest sponsors for people to have their own photoshoots. Tiana was in awe; she had never been to an event so grand. It was almost overwhelming, masked strangers brushing into her repetitively as the swarm of people grew from a rustle of sea foam to large waves.

“Tiana.” Nanami called, and Tiana whips her head around to see Nanami standing there with a mask in his hand, Misha not too far behind. “You almost forgot.”

“Ah.” She says, taking it. She examined it; it was so beautiful that she was scared her brown foundation would rub off on it. It was gold with golden thread, pearls, and silver beads embroidered into it. They bent into flowing shapes and patterns, and the gaps where the thread didn’t touch were filled in with silver rhinestones that glinted in the yellow light. Under the eye slits of the mask was a white matter that seemed to crack like dry soil, adding a fragile texture to it. But despite the intricate designs or the gleam of its gems, what stunned Tiana the most was that the top of the mask was shaped like a crescent moon, a golden lace trim around its edges that mimicked the craters on the moon's face.

“Oh, it’s beautiful.” Tiana swallowed, holding the black ribbon meant to tie behind her head. Her fingers traced over the lace and threading, the ridges giving her a sense of comfort.

“I thought it was befitting.” Without even looking at him, Tiana could hear the smile in his voice. “Do you need help?” He asks. The two were completely disregarding Misha, and all of a sudden she felt like a stranger. Tiana glanced up at Nanami, then to Misha who had a makeshift pout on her face as if Tiana and Nanami were insulting her.

“No, no, I got it.” Tiana shook her head, a bit flustered as she aligned the mask with her eyes, reaching around her head to tie it comfortably around her face. The delicate ribbons tickled the back of her neck as they hung. Once she straightened up, she saw Nanami and Misha also putting on their masks. Misha’s mask was nothing to really gawk at, a green mask with tinted rhinestones and feathers, but Tiana’s heart seemed to do triplets when she saw Nanami’s. While her mask seemed delicate to the touch, Nanami’s was sharp, as sharp and strong as his facial features. It was a glossy black mask, raised parts of the mask were a matte gold spiraling into multiple designs on its edges. And in the center of the mask, acting as a third eye, was an embossed sun, its spikes almost threatening as they prodded out above his forehead. And when Nanami tilted his head, a golden sheen shined on the mask wherever the light hit.

Tiana was grateful that the mask hid the way her eyebrows raised. The masks they wore were obviously a pair, meant to match. But to Tiana it went deeper than that, and obviously it meant that much to him as well. The masks had so much sentimental meaning. The late nights under the moon after a full stomach. The afternoon of the first snow when Nanami’s smile burned into her retinas with the power of a thousand suns.

Their conversation on the roof, the night Nanami saved her life without knowing. The memories swept her up to the point where she was drowning in them, choking on the flask she had made to aid herself when she felt too low.

She should have stayed home.

Tiana swallowed thickly, the inside of her bottom lip latched between her teeth. She didn’t know what to say, afraid that her voice would betray her. If it weren’t for the mask, everyone in a few feet’s radius would be able to see how broken she looked. But Nanami could sense it, mask or not. The mask may have been able to hide her expression, but one look into those brown eyes and he knew that something was tormenting her on the inside. But he knew asking her something as shallow as “are you okay” would be the worst possible thing to say.

He instead focused on the way the mask seemed a bit tilted on her face, his gloved hands reaching out to adjust it. His fingertips grazed over her cheeks as he gently shifted it over her eyes, moving the curls that were squashed behind the shorter side of the mask to the front.

“There.” He says, his fingers lingering a bit before they fall back to his side. Tiana’s hands fidget with the fabric of her dress, pinching and releasing the fabric at her sides. Nanami watches her in silence, and slight guilt. Maybe he had pushed her a bit too hard. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked her to come. Maybe he should have been firm with Misha so that Tiana could be more comfortable. Maybe he shouldn’t have overstepped his boundaries to begin with, even if they weren’t completely clear.

Tiana blinked owlishly, throat dry as she tried to speak.

“Than-”

“Nanami, your mask is crooked!” Misha seemed to sing her words as she brought Nanami’s face down to fix his mask, which wasn’t misaligned in the slightest.

“Oh, it’s fine-” Nanami tried to protest, but Misha wasn’t having it.

“Nonsense! I’ll fix it for you.” Misha said as she tugged at the mask, Nanami bent over awkwardly. Misha was terribly short, shorter than Tiana with heels on, so Nanami had to stoop way lower than what was comfortable for the women to reach his face.

Once she was done fussing over Nanami like a mother would, she beckoned the two with a head nod into the main venue.

“Alright, let’s go!” Misha said, grinning from ear to ear with unrestrained excitement. Tiana couldn’t force herself to feign half the energy of that expression. Hugging the feather boa to herself for security, she follows behind Misha, Nanami only one step behind her.

The three entered the decorated double doors to see a crowd of velveted tables circled by matching chairs, and a glamorous stage with a seated panel. One quick look around, and Tiana noticed how the seats closest to her had name tags on them. The seats were predetermined.

Her stomach clenched, and she flattened her palm over her abdomen.

Misha had wandered off to a table nearby, and Nanami had caught wind of Tiana’s demeanor. The glossy look in her eyes, the frown that had become the night’s accessory, and he just knew her brows were scrunched. He leans down slightly, his voice low as he speaks calmly into her ear.

“Hey, don’t worry too much.” Nanami spoke in a soothing manner, his hand finding the small of Tiana’s back. Tiana’s stomach tightened even more. Why was he so touchy tonight? Holding her delicately as if she would crack like the surface of her mask.

“After the award ceremony, it’s a free-for-all. I’ll come find you afterwards, okay?”

His breath fanned the side of her face mixed with the cologne in his suit jacket, a fresh smell of clean linen, mint, and that cedarwood scent. It was comforting, reminding Tiana of the night she spent crying on her shoulder, and the memory seemed to engulf her in a strange hug.

“Mkay.” Tiana said, nodding her head feverishly as she scanned the room. His hand dropped, and he moved from the side of her face, giving her a reassuring smile.

“And don’t let anyone try to intimidate you, either.” He said. Tiana nodded again, trying to return the smile. It wasn’t that anyone here scared her, she could hold her own if need be. She was more scared of being alone.

“Okay.”

“Nanami, I found our seats!” Misha waved as she pranced up to the duo, immediately hooking arms with him so tight that it looked as if Nanami had merged into her side. Tiana’s eye twitches, Misha knew where their seats were, there was no reason to pretend. Hell, she was technically in charge of the venue. It was even more apparent that Misha knew what she was doing when she waved to the opposite side of the room, saying that Tiana’s seat was “most likely over there somewhere”. So much for the hospitality.

She should have stayed home.

Squeezing past the chairs, Tiana finally made it to the opposite side of the room. Her table was at the front of the room, pretty close to the stage and a jazz band, the lights shining on her table along with the decorative moving lights that flashed around the room for ambience. She was far from Nanami, but not far enough where she couldn’t see Misha all up in his face. Though Misha and Nanami were sitting at two separate tables, their chairs were right next to each other, and Misha seemed to be talking that poor man’s ear off. Sighing, she settles into her seat labeled “Tiana Baker”. Looking at the tag brought back memories, memories of her refusing to take Naveen’s last name, but how he and Lottie would still refer to her as Ms. Maldonia when teasing her. She flips the tag down, resting her chin inside the palm of her hands.

People began filing in more, Tiana checking the time as it neared 8:00pm. Her people started arriving at her table one by one, throwing her kind smiles and delicate waves as they found their respective seats. The first one to sit down was an averagely tall man in a raisin colored suit with a black mask that had these red crystals etched into them. His hair was in two spiky ponytails while the rest of his hair fell over the mask. He bowed silently, taking his seat across from her.

The next person almost made Tiana jolt out of her seat, a man in an all black sweatsuit bounding over to the table to give the ponytailed man a high five while yelling “Choso!” at him. While Tiana found the outfit a bit unorthodox for the event, what terrified her the most was that instead of a masquerade mask, the man had a black beanie pulled over his face as if he were going to rob someone. Trying to compose herself, Tiana held her hand over her chest, her heart hammering. The man named Choso stared at the robber’s hand and brushed it off with a sound of disapproval.

“Why are you dressed like a conman?” Choso asked in perfected English, waving towards Tiana. “You almost scared the poor woman.”

The masked man turned to Tiana abruptly, and she had to keep her soul from ascending to heaven.

“What? Scared? I’m a nice guy.” His voice was muffled as the mask moved around his mouth. He then pulled the bottom of the mask up to reveal his face; he looked fairly young with wide eyes, tufts of brown hair peeking from the back. His hand went to rest under his chin in a pointed position, as if he were posing for a photo.

“See?” He says, but it didn’t reassure Tiana in the slightest, even when he spoke in English to make her more comfortable. But she gave the eccentric man a tight smile, and a slow nod. He then reaches his hand out, as if to shake hers. Tiana hesitates at first, and brings her hand out. But instead of shaking it as you would when formally meeting someone, he claps his palm against hers, giving her a sharp high-five.

“Takuma.” He says proudly with sharp syllables, and Tiana is so bewildered by the interaction that she momentarily forgets her own name.

“Uh…Tiana.” She replies.

“Oh, the woman from New Orleans interning in sales, right?” Takuma says so casually, and Tiana gets a bit nervous. Had he heard something bad about her? It didn’t sound like it was anything good.

“Don’t be so nervous.” Takuma says reassuringly, slinging himself into his seat which just so happened to be to Tiana’s right. “I try to familiarize myself with everyone who works in the main building, even if I never get to know them personally.” He says with his arms folded, legs crossed, and a satisfying smile. “It’s what Nanami would do.”

“You know Nanami?” Tiana says stupidly, and she’s embarrassed by how much her voice perks up.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I always forget-” He backtracks. “You know how Nanamin is the CMO? Well I get the privilege of working beside him as the VP.”

Tiana’s brows jolt up. This man was the vice president?

“I know what you’re thinking.” Takuma puts his hands up in defense. “I don’t look the part, but Nanami says that’s what adds edge to my status here.” He sounds proud, but Choso scoffs.

“Yeah, if that edge is being a freak.” Choso mumbles.

“Yeah, yeah, well this freak’s gonna get promoted to CMO. Just watch.” Takuma says, but it’s not in a co*cky way. It’s in a more “watch and see” kind of way, putting all his faith into proving Choso wrong. Choso just rolls his eyes, glaring at his phone.

“Well, I think you’re very…” Tiana tries to enhance the conversation, but she still doesn’t know how to gauge these people. “Charismatic. And you take pride in your job, like Nanami.”

Choso snorts, but Takuma pays no mind.

“Well, thank you, Tiana.” He says with a smug smile.

The next person was a woman in a white cape dress with blonde hair that shimmered like gold. For a second, Tiana thought that Lottie somehow made it to the event. The cape around her shoulders seemed to flutter like wings as she glided to the table, which was befitting to the theme she had going on. Her mask was so intricately detailed that it reminded Tiana of a seraphim, gilded gold shaped into different sized wings that protruded from her face, enclosed in a thin circle that looked like a vertical halo around her head. Cross chains dangled above her head, swinging everytime she moved, and her eyes were barely visible as they were covered with a thin gold lace. Tiana jaw had dropped, the woman looked so elegant and dainty, yet her voice was strong and commanding when she spoke.

“Hello, everyone!” She said, her English not as refined as the others, but Tiana understood her just fine. Tiana cleared her throat, deciding to test her skills in Japanese. She sat at Tiana’s left, hands folded neatly in her lap.

“Ah, hello. It’s nice to meet you.” Tiana said, the syllables hitting the roof of her mouth efficiently, but not perfectly. It was definitely a step up from a few months ago, but it could use some work. The woman gasps, bringing her hand to her lips.

“Oh, your Japanese is so good!” The woman voices her surprise as she switches to her mother tongue. Her voice sounded so light and airy in her natural dialect. “You sound so natural.”

“Er, thank you?” Tiana laughs nervously, hoping the woman didn’t plan on talking to her in Japanese the whole night. While she could understand it at a higher level, it took a minute for her brain and tongue to sync up and respond. The delay caused a lot of awkward pauses in conversations that she was still learning to maneuver, but it was good to put the skill to use at an event such as this.

Takuma tilts his head, surprised. “You can speak Japanese?”

Tiana nods, pausing to formulate her response. “It kind of had to happen. You kind of have to learn it to survive around here.”

Choso twists one of his bang strands. “You’d think they’d make it a requirement for interns instead of a one off skill. Puts you in a strange predicament.”

Tiana nodded in agreement. It was strange that it wasn’t a demand of her to know the language to get the job, especially when a language barrier could hinder work. But because of this, she had to learn to swim instead of sink. A small part of her was grateful for that.

“Man.” Takuma says, feigning disappointment. “Oh well. Guess we can’t talk trash about her in Japanese, right in front of her face.”

No one laughs, everyone just staring at him blankly. He quickly puts his hands up, apologetic.

“I’m sorry. I was joking, I swear.” He clasps his hands together, twiddling his thumbs. “Don’t tell Nanami.”

Lastly, a boy strolled up who barely looked old enough to be a highschooler. His mask rested on his forehead, and Tiana took notice of his long lashes that circled his deep blue eyes. His lips were in a thin line, but he looked polite enough, bowing slightly at his seniors.

“I almost didn’t make it.” The teen mumbled, the syllables sharp on his tongue. “Gojo-senpai made me change my hair style.”

“Wish you kept it down, the spikes aren’t very formal.” Choso interjected from across the table, causing the boy to scowl.

“Yeah, because ponytails really scream professional.” He said with a bit of bite, his fists balled on the table cloth. Tiana’s eyes flickered between the two, a strong dislike radiating from the both of them. Tiana pursed her lips, not wanting to disturb the tension between them. Thankfully, her phone buzzed, giving her the perfect excuse to immerse herself in it.

It was a text from Nanami.

How’s it going over there?

Tiana smiled softly, typing quickly.

It’s pretty bro heavy, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.

She sends the message, looking in his direction, but he is already looking at her. He then looks down, probably looking at the message he just received.

That crowd is a bit on the eccentric side.

I’ve been made aware, but they are all very sweet to me.

Nanami smiled again, but it wavered slightly. He watched every person who sat at the table, Takuma was his junior in age and position, and though Choso was the same age as him he wasn’t on the same caliber of work, nor did he necessarily care about things such as positions. Megumi was still a child, a part of a situation that he strongly disagreed with Gojo about. He was glad Hana was over there, but the other two he wasn’t so sure about.

You don’t need me to come over there?

Hold your horses, I’m fine. I promise.

Tiana smiled, looking back at Nanami. He was so concerned for her, especially tonight, the coddling reminding her of the night of the potluck. She shakes her head with a small smile at him, Nanami tilting his head and pointing towards his phone. Tiana looks down, just as it buzzes once more.

Are we still okay for tomorrow? For your birthday?

When Tiana went to pick Nanami up, he would not stop asking if she still wanted to do something for her birthday, despite it being celebrated a bit lit. She rolls her eyes playfully.

Can we at least get through tonight?

I was just checking.

You’re so eager. It must be good.

I’m hoping that you enjoy yourself.

I’m sure I will. You have yet to disappoint me.

Nanami’s smile falters, just as the jazz band on the left side of the venue begins to play an overture of sorts, brass and strings blaring around the room. People begin shuffling to their seats, concluding their individual conversations as the ceremony begins. Misha hits his arm in excitement, jittering in her chair. Nanami raised a brow, her excitement tonight seemed to be on ten. Either she knew something he didn’t, or she was a little tipsy.

Their chairs were close, and every time she leaned in to talk to him, he could smell something sharp and fruity lingering from her mouth, and it wasn’t the cloud of perfume wafting from her body.

“Misha...” Nanami starts, when she leans in once more. He keeps his voice low. “Are you drunk?”

Misha lets out a nervous laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. “I may have had a little something. I need the buzz tonight.”

Nanami isn’t sure what she means by that. While it wasn’t the most dignifying way to act during such a prestigious event, it didn’t really concern him; she was an adult and could consciously make her own choices. So he simply turned his attention back to the stage. The table up there was filled with the more important people, the chairmen and women, along with the CEO, Masamishi Yaga. Tiana finds herself asking about the different people up there to the people at her table.

“Yaga has been here for almost two decades, shooting up to his position pretty quickly too.” Takuma says, joining the crowd in applause as two men walk onto the stage. One has on a white, one-eyed cat mask of sorts, and the other person's mask looks as if it were mechanical, green orbs for eyes and a robotic smile. Did anyone here understand the concept of masquerade?

“Yaga is pretty strict, but he has a big heart. If I remember correctly, he was Gojo and Getou’s keeper when they were interns.” Takuma says, then ponders for a moment. “I think Shoko was a part of their group too. The way those two go off and do their own thing, you’d think the three hadn’t grown up together.”

“Shoko?” Tiana asks, trying to put a face to the name.

Choso speaks up from across the table. “Long, brown haired women with the beauty mark? Always chewing on candy but smells like smoke?”

Tiana thinks back to her times in the office. She’s seen a woman like that talking to Misha a few times, always in dark blue clothing adorned with a large lab coat. Tiana nods, putting the pieces together as she turns back to the stage just as the man with the mecha mask begins to speak.

“Good evening, everyone.” The man with the mechanical masks speaks lacking the gusto that an announcer should have, even with the sharp syllables leaving his mouth. It sounded as if he didn’t really want to be there, and even though his voice was firm, Tiana had to focus a bit to completely comprehend everything in its full context. “My name is Kokichi Muta, and I would like to welcome you all to Gegeshin Corporations 47th Anniversary and Awarding Ceremony.”

The crowd erupted in polite applause, and Tiana joined in. It dies down as Kokishi speaks again.

“47 years ago, our founder and head chairman Gege Akutami built this corporation from the ground up with barely a cent to his name, and now we have become a global superpower under his careful watch and tutelage.”

Kokishi pauses to let the crowd clap once more.

“Of course, this is a night that will be filled with many thanks, recognitions, and awards for your accomplishments this past year, along with the celebration of the upcoming new year as a team and family.”

At the word family, Choso scoffs, and Hana giggles behind her hand.

“First, let’s give a warm round of applause and thanks to Misha Akou for coordinating this event, it turned out absolutely wonderful…”

Tiana turns to Misha’s direction, who is basking in a bright spotlight as she waves at everyone, and bows gently. Tiana accidentally lets out a huff of breath as she claps. Catching herself, she covers her mouth abruptly with her hand, looking around the table to see if anyone picked up her disdain. Everyone else’s attention seemed to be averted to Misha, except when she looked to her left, Hana seemed to be giggling at her. Tiana felt a bit flustered as she turned back around, hoping Hana didn’t judge her entire character by her slip up.

“Now, we will be following the itinerary as quickly as possible, because we all know we’re really here to eat.”

The crowd erupts into laughter.

“So, without further ado…”

The ceremony went on as any corporate event would, and the group at the table helped Tiana understand things that she didn’t pick up as quickly, along with each person’s position in the company. Tiana listened intently as she watched people go up and receive accolades, and give a heartfelt speech filled with thanks and gratitude.

Misha was awarded for most sales in her department, and then awarded again as the department's admin of the year for her “superb work and dedication” through the year and quarter. When she went up to receive her plaques, dewy eyed and jittering, Tiana had to plaster a smile on her face to keep her expression from devolving into something of utter disgust. The “superb work and dedication” that she was being awarded was at Tiana’s expense, and the fact that her work landed her a place on that stage not once, but twice, caused her blood to writhe beneath her skin. As Tiana clapped, Hana nudged her gently with her elbow, waving for Tiana to come closer. Tiana leant her an ear, and Hana brought a hand up to cover her mouth as she hummed in a low tone into Tiana’s ear.

“I get it.” Hana said, then sat back into her seat, giving her a knowing look. Tiana raised a brow, not exactly sure what there was to get, but she couldn’t even ask for an elaboration before Takuma began questioning them.

“What are you two ladies gossiping about?” He asked in a joking manner.

Hana simply shrugged, the simple English words gliding off her tongue.

“Girl stuff.”

Tiana giggled, a genuine one at Hana’s sweet yet serious expression. Takuma squinted his eyes through his mask, then turned back to the stage as the girls tried to contain their laughs. The night seemed to be going a lot better than Tiana initially thought, and everyone at the table seemed to be very welcoming and understanding of her. Even the teen sitting across the table, who said that he was practically forced into a student program here by his “uncle”.

“Who's your uncle?” Tiana asked Megumi, just as Kokichi announced the next award.

“Now this award may seem a bit unorthodox because these recipients are the youngest in this company’s history to receive accolades to this grand of scale.” Kokichi says. “But I was able to work alongside them this quarter because of the new work study program for highschool students looking for career pathways in business that specialized in cyber-security and the infrastructure of a company's database. They truly deserve this, even if their leader is known for his history of exploiting his employees.”

Some people in the crowd guffaw, while some voice their surprise at Kokishi’s bold words, especially when he was saying such things to his possible future employers, but the air stays light at the assumed “joke”.

“Exploit is an understatement.” Nanami mutters, looking at Gojo who was seated on his right. Gojo does his infamous shrug, his tongue poked out in a childish manner. He was pressed in a classic tuxedo, the tie hanging loosely around his neck with the top button undone, which defeated the purpose of the attire. His mask was solid black, literally; there were no eye slits. When Nanami first saw him, he couldn’t help but question how he was able to maneuver with his vision restricted like that, but this was Gojo Satoru he was thinking about. That man was known to do the strangest things yet still succeed, further proved by tonight when Kokishi called the children’s names.

“For their teamwork in creating a new and improved security and automation system to project our company even further than before, I present the first ever Youth Apprenticeship Award to Yuji Itadori, Megumi Fushiguro, and Nobara Kugisaki.”

The crowd roars in applause.

“Exploitation is a strong word.” Gojo hummed, clapping for his underlings.

“They’re still kids.” Nanami said, disagreeing with Gojo’s methods. It was men like Gojo that got Nanami into the job he was in today, abusing the ambitions of bright eyed kids to sell their life to a corporation that would never nurture them as well as a human connection could. It was men like Gojo that took advantage of his childhood friend, causing him so much stress that it ended his life. When Nanami gazed into the eyes of those kids, he saw the youthful moments they deserved being stripped away from them and replaced with suffocating environments and lonely nights. The regrets that plagued him from not slowing down and smelling the flowers every once in a while, and how he was now trying to play catch up with a woman who was adamant on being left behind.

“Nanamin, you’re always talking about retiring early.” Gojo leans back in his chair with a cheery smile. “Who do you think is gonna fill those vacant spots? Can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

Nanami pauses, realizing the flaw in his thinking. No matter how much he saw Gojo’s actions as being unjust, he was right. It was selfish and contradictory for Nanami to think that way.

“Then I guess I’ll just have to stick around longer.” Nanami folded his arms, looking towards the stage.

“Just think of it as me doing you a favor.”

“Well, on behalf of myself and everyone else you seem to come in contact with, don’t find yourself doing anymore.”

“Oh, come on, Nanamin. It’s not the first time I’ve done something for your benefit.” Gojo says, putting his fingers underneath his chin. “I’d say this is number two, actually, since I just started keeping count.”

Nanami raised a brow, turning back to Gojo. “Number two? When have I ever even asked for one?”

“Oh, the first one was purely accidental.” Gojo continued to smile, and the way the lights darted over his face caused an eerie shadow to form around the outline of his mask; highlighting the sunken areas where his eyes should be. “But since you’re having such a good time, I’d like a proper thanks in the near future.”

Nanami gritted his teeth. “Not another word.”

“I’m just saying, if it wasn’t for me saying yes to her internship, who knows how lonely you would be-”

“Don’t, Gojo. Don’t say anything else.” Nanami was stern as he looked at Gojo, who seemed just as lucid as ever. He didn’t appreciate him calling Tiana a favor, she was more than that, and the fact that Gojo reduced her to something so insignificant and tried to downplay their relationship proved that Gojo never had the best intentions when hiring Tiana in the first place. Nanami knew that Gojo was one to use and exploit people, whether for his own personal boost or just to entertain himself. But Nanami still wasn't sure what Gojo had up his sleeve just yet, and it made him nervous.

“And of course, we can’t award the apprentices without awarding their team leader, Satoru Gojo.” Kokishi said, a light shining down on Gojo as he adjusted his loose collar and stood to go on stage. Nanami’s blood seemed to boil as he watched the lanky man prance on stage, throwing up peace signs as he clung to his team, who all seemed very reluctant to have a grown man hugging them.

“Gojo is Megumi’s uncle?” Tiana asked in bewilderment, her jaw practically laying on the table. Besides the spiky hair the two seemed to adorn tonight, she could not see the resemblance at all. Choso sighed, shaking his head.

“Not biological.” Choso said with a shrug. “Ever since Gojo interned here, Megumi was right there ;earning the trade, glaring everyone down as if he’d rather be doing anything else.”

Takuma then leans in as the applause dies down. “It’s funny because as much as Megumi voices his distaste about Gojo, he truly adores him.” Takuma’s voice seemed to grow soft. “I think he sees him as more of a father.”

Tiana’s eyes trail to the stage, Gojo bent over as he rubs cheeks with his apprentices, Megumi’s mask tilted on his forehead as he tries to push the man away in protests as a boy with pinkish hair and a girl in a bob laugh at the two. Tiana's head tilts as her eyes mist over with distant memories of her parents cuddling against her, and how she too would wear that same face of sheer embarrassment and disapproval. She felt herself grow to understand Megumi, even though it would only be considered surface level.

“Choso, isn’t that your half brother?” Takuma asked as the quartet made their way back to their seats, Megumi shuffling over as he tried to fix his hair. Tiana knew they couldn’t be talking about Megumi or Gojo, and it wasn’t the young lady with the bob. Takuma had to be referring to the pink haired boy with a blinding smile.

“Not half.” Choso said, folding his arms over his chest as he leaned back with a satisfied smile. He looked proud. “That’s my brother.”

And that was the end of that particular conversation, Choso leaving no room to argue.

Everyone at the table congratulated a shy looking Megumi as other awards were given out. Kokishi stepped to the mic once more.

“Now for the moment we have all been waiting for, me included. It is time for the promotional part of the event.”

The crowd fills with whoops and hollers, and a few mutters of excitement as people begin adjusting their clothing and masks, hoping to come out of the venue tonight one title higher than before. Even Tiana found herself sitting up straighter as she watched people get called to the stage.

“First we will have the Sales Department.”

Kokishi called names that were very unfamiliar to Tiana, but she applauded them in a congratulatory way regardless. Promotions always brought a good feeling, no matter what line of work you were in.

“And for our final promotional announcement in the Sales Department.” Kokishi states, reading off of a golden sheet of paper, a hush falls amongst the crowd. That’s when Choso mutters.

“3,000 yen says that it’s going to be Misha.” He says in a low tone, and Takuma scoffs.

“What, no way.” Takuma says with his arms folded, and Tiana finds herself agreeing with him silently. “It would be way too obvious. I’ll even double it.”

“The final promotion in the Sales Department, going to tonight's coordinator and highlighted employee, Misha Akou, being promoted from Business Manager to Sales Director.”

The crowd goes wild, and Tiana feels bile rise in her throat. Takuma swears under his breath, digging into his pocket and tossing a few crumpled bills towards Choso, who swipes them up with a cheeky grin. Tiana felt absolutely appalled, but she had no one to blame but herself. She was the one who piggybacked Misha to that pedestal, and here she was, sitting in the sidelines basking in Misha’s interpretation of honor.

Tiana looked over towards Misha, watching her practically strangle Nanami in a neck crushing hug as a spotlight shines on the two. Tiana felt that bitterness creep up on her again, her stomach growing more empty as reality showed its rear end at her once more. She couldn’t help but stare from afar, the two looking like shining jewels in this corporate setting while she wallowed in their midnight shadows. She bites her lip, swallowing her pride as she applauded Misha who scurried up the stairs, removing the alligator mask to reveal a runny face, her make-up streaming down her cheeks as she sniffled at the mic.

“Um-” She said loudly, the mic picking up feedback as it squealed through the speakers. She cringes back, along with a gasp from the audience, then leans forward to try again. “Ah, I’m sorry-”

“I just…I don’t want to talk your heads off for a third time in a row…” Misha says, and despite sounding sentimental, Tiana could pick up the bragging in her statement. And as she scanned the crowd around her, she realized she wasn’t the only one annoyed by her words.

“But, I would just like to thank Gege, of course, our founder whom without this wouldn’t even be possible.” She said, and Tiana felt sick with the amount of honey sullying her words. “Of course the chairmen and women who sit before us, and Yaga, our CEO, for his guidance.”

“Can she hurry up?” Megumi mutters, and Hana snorts.

“But I have to get personal now.” Misha says, her voice wavering, and Tiana could tell she was nervous about what she was fixing to say next, and those same nerves seemed to electrocute her.

“I have to thank Nanami-senpai.” Misha sniffles, and Tiana clenches her stomach. “He was my admin when I first interned here, and I’ve always looked up to him. He’s kind, hardworking, and I hope to be a model leader for those under me, as he has been for me. Nanami is proof that the only way to soar that high is through hard work, though he has warned me to stop and enjoy the little things at times. I just want him to know that he means so much to me.”

Tiana frowns. Nanami wasn’t bound to talk to and give advice to her only, but it made those moments between the two of them seem a bit more dull and no longer personalized to her. Each word Misha said jabbed at her heart. She looked at Nanami, who was gazing up at the stage intently, but she couldn’t read his face as it was covered. She wondered what expression he was wearing right now. Was he happy? Surprised? Elated?

Maybe even infatuated?

“So I’m gonna enjoy the little things, starting tonight.” Misha grins, wiping her face. “And I will continue to work hard and make you all proud!”

Misha gives a deep bow, almost knocking over the mic stand with her head. The crowd applauses in response, but Tiana can’t bear to lift a finger as she stares blankly at the stage.

The rest of the ceremony seems to blur past, Tiana in and out of her own mind, trying her best not to dwell too much on what Misha said. Tiana had a feeling that Misha said those things on purpose, specifically to get a rise out of her, and it made Tiana upset that it worked.

Not only that, she claimed she would “continue” to work hard, and how she wanted so badly to follow in Nanami’s footsteps when she had already tarnished his work ethics by treating Tiana the way that she had. If Misha looked up to Nanami so much, and wanted to be so much like him, then she would have never acted the way that she did, let alone take credit for work she never did. The more Tiana thought about it, the more worry seemed to rise and recede on the shores of her mind.

She snapped out of it briefly, only because Takuma got up to receive the final promotional announcement in the Marketing Department, and when Takuma thanked everyone for their decision to make him to Chief Marketing Officer (along with a heartfelt thanks to Nanami, who seemed so popular tonight), Tiana’s ears perk up. Chief Marketing Officer was Nanami’s title. So either he was getting promoted, or he was getting a demotion, and the murmurs in the crowd seemed to come to the same conclusion.

Tiana’s heart seemed to stall in her chest as Masamichi Yaga walked to the stand, clearing his throat in the mic.

“I know everyone is on the edge of their seats, but I must make this announcement to make sure the event proceeds smoothly.”

“No way…” Gojo mutters, and Nanami, who was trying his best to hide his nerves, whipped his head to look at the silver haired man.

“What?” Nanami asked, but Gojo didn’t provide him an answer. Just that usual sly smile.

“That old dog…” Gojo muttered, rubbing his bottom lip.

“Now, as you all know…” The bearded man began, his voice booming on the speakers. “I have dedicated 20 years of my life to this corporation. I was privileged to watch it grow into something so large, and I’ve never been more proud to be a part of something so grand.”

“But, that time for me has come to an end.”

The entire venue seems to combust in protests, some people in agreement while some people disapprove. Yaga holds up his hand as if to physically stop the comments, and the noise seizes immediately. Tiana is impressed by his power to command.

“These past 20 years have had many ups and downs, and I feel blessed to have connected with so many of you, and to connect so many people who were once outsiders into our extended family. But, it is time to pass the torch.”

“It’s just an excuse.” Megumi says, unimpressed. “He just wants to make dolls for a living.”

“What better way to live out the rest of your mortal days by doing what you love?” Hana asks gently, eyes still glued on Yaga.

“So,” Yaga continues, “I will be presenting this award and promotion to someone who has always put the company first and had the team’s best interest at heart. Who has never taken a sick day, and spends more time in their office than they do at their own home. Hell, they’ve even covered for me at times, and I’m their boss.”

The crowd laughs as Tiana finds herself gripping the arms of her seat.

“There’s so much more I could say, but it would never be enough. But I want this person to know that we have always been watching them grow from above, but now we’ll be staring up at them from below as they continue to soar to heights never before seen in this company, and eventually drag us up there with them.”

“So, without stalling anymore, because I can practically hear your stomach rumbling-” Yaga laughs, and a few people in the crowd whoop in agreement. “I will now be stepping down from CEO, and rising to this station as your new Chief Executive Officer, who I know will outshine even my work, is Kento Nanami.”

Tiana’s eardrums seem to erupt as all decorum is abandoned by the employees as unadulterated cheers explode in the venue, as if a touchdown were made instead of someone being promoted to a higher position. As Tiana looked around the venue, her senses slightly muted, she realized just how popular Nanami actually was. Just how many people he had inspired, how many people he had seemed to befriend in his time here. And as that reality sunk in, Tiana wondered if her presence was a hindrance to him, or if she were even that special to him at all. Was she one in a million, or a million to one?

Instead of feeling happy for Nanami, she found a feeling of loathing bloom from her stomach and spread like a disease through her body.

And that scared her, because it was the same feeling that fell upon her the night Lottie got engaged.

Nanami was shell shocked and in a bit of a daze as he walked towards the stage being met with strong shoulder claps and congratulations. He was on cloud nine, he had been aiming for such a high position for so long, not so much because he wanted the title, but he wanted the financial security that came with it. He could practically taste the salty water on the beaches of Malaysia. He could feel the soothing canals in Venice. He could hear the Bossa Nova ringing in his ears from the streets of Brazil. And for some reason, so vividly, he could see a pair of crinkling, brown eyes gazing back into his as they were enclosed in a tropic scenery. It was so surreal, so calming, yet so nerve wracking. He wanted to do it all, and he wanted to do it all right now. As he climbed the stairs, blinded by the spotlights, he imagined it was the sun's rays beaming down on him, kissing his skin. He made it to the mic, removing his mask, and the words seem to escape him without proper thought.

“I really don’t know what to say.” Nanami says, staring out into the crowd after removing his mask. “I am truly honored, especially because so many of you look up to me for strength when I find myself looking to you for the same thing.”

Tiana’s stomach seems to clench, as her eyes dart around the room, unable to look at Nanami at the moment. He was almost blinding, her eyes searing with the same sensation as staring at the midday sun for too long. Tiana’s eyes seem to land on Misha instead, who is dramatically standing at her table with her hands covering her mouth. She wasn’t the only one standing, but she was the only one who seemed to be putting on such theatrics for no reason other than to be seen, and it irked Tiana to her core. She wanted to criticize Misha so much for not just sitting down and being happy for him, yet here Tiana was, sitting down without an ounce of contentment. And once she came head to head with her own judgment, she didn’t know what annoyed her more; Misha’s overcompensated act, or her inability to even mimic a fraction of that for Nanami.

“I have unfortunately been a hypocrite.” Nanami says, his voice carrying through the speakers and ringing throughout the hall. “I’ve always been the one preaching about enjoying the little things, the moments that may seem so insignificant in passing, but I’ve never been one to practice it.”

Tiana took a peek at Nanami, eyebrows furrowed as she watched him talk directly to Misha, or at least in her general direction. From where she was seated, it looked as though those two were having their own conversation amongst prying eyes, and to Misha it felt that way too.

Until he spoke again, changing his line of sight to the opposite side of the room.

“It wasn’t until recently that I was able to truly experience it.”

Tiana’s heart seemed to inflate, the world crumbling at her feet as Nanami gazed at her with such a warm look that it could cause snow to catch fire in the middle of the coldest winter night. She felt as if she would fall out of her seat, the pressure of his eyes and seemingly a million others being applied to her bronze skin. She swallowed hard, trying her damndest not to look away.

“Such simple things like visiting food stalls late at night and never feeling full, or trampling through the snow bundled up as tightly as you could be but still feeling a chill run down your spine.”

He was talking to her. Talking directly to Tiana as if no one else were around. It’s as if he willed time to stop in the space between their connected eyes. Regaling memories so vivid to her that her body seemed to revisit them against her will. She could feel the snow flurries kissing her skin, she could taste the crisp night of the full moon. Her stomach lurched with each word.

“Long nights basking in the moon, hoping that day would never come because it would bring a reality too heavy to bear.” Nanami’s voice seemed to grow soft momentarily, his hands tugging the bottom of his suit jacket. He laughs, looking down in a bashful manner. “Ah, I’m rambling…”

Someone in the crowd hollers in a way to encourage him, and Nanami nods his head, looking straight ahead.

“What I mean to say is that those small things that seem like nothing at the moment, that may seem so mundane, when added together create something larger than your arms can hold. It’s overwhelming, but in a good way. And even if I’m two years behind, or twenty, I am grateful that I get to experience them now. So here’s to many more.”

Nanami concluded the speech just like that, receiving his plaque with a round of confused cheers, as if they were waiting on him to say something more, but to Tiana, he had said more than enough. Tiana heard people around her table mutter about how they didn’t take Nanami as the poetic or sentimental type, yet Tiana had gotten to know something even deeper than that. Nanami, with crisp collars and seams, always wore his heart on his sleeves in the most professional manner, to which you would think he was just blunt when in reality he was putting it all on the line. It just took him standing in a glaring spotlight with thousands of eyes on him for Tiana to truly notice this.

Nanami is an open and honest man, always clear and concise when it counts. And that honesty was infectious, because she would find herself in the condition of spilling her heart to him every chance she got, as if she would grow ill otherwise.

And in that room full of people, Tiana could see just how contagious of a man that he was. Everyone seemed to hold a look of adoration, it didn’t matter the gender or the position. All eyes were on him, and everyone had such high expectations for him, which is why he is able to sit on a throne so high above the rest.

Yet Tiana had been to that hilltop, she clawed her way there and was casted down because of one mistake. As she watched Nanami jog down the stairs, shaking hands, receiving strong claps on the back, and even full body hugs with chaste kisses on the cheek, Tiana came to the conclusion that she wouldn’t be able to survive a fall from that height a second time. She couldn’t bear to dim his shine and eclipse over him with her gloom, tarnishing that gleam that radiated off of him. He was finally at the top where he always wanted, and it felt unrighteous to even be in his presence with how much she groveled on the ground.

So when Nanami made a bee line for Tiana’s table, it was both surprising and not at all. Because Nanami said that he would, and he was a man of his word, but Tiana was hoping that he would forget so he wouldn’t have to watch her be so reserved at such a celebratory time like this.

Nanami was high. He wasn’t sure what it was, maybe the giant pay raise he was going to get, maybe it was the vivid visions of the islands and tropics, or maybe it was because of the words he seemed to gush out on stage with no coherent meaning. But it did mean something, and he knew it meant something to that particular person as soon as he locked eyes with them. And that was all that mattered, that the message reached her before anyone else. He felt as if he had fumbled yet succeeded at the same time, and those jitters caused his extremities to course with a strange electricity. So as he was bombarded with congratulations, there was only one thing on his mind. One person on his mind. One woman on his mind that he wanted to reach out to with more than just his words. He just couldn’t contain himself, the poised and pressed man abandoned and in its place the wonder of a young boy that he thought had faded into nothingness.

It just made so much sense now. Tiana brought those long lost feelings to the forefront. Those hopes, dreams, and jitters that he hadn’t felt in years. She made him feel young again, as if he had never given up on his youth to begin with. Everything was just so much brighter, new, and much more exciting, so he couldn’t help but almost bound in her direction to get to her.

Most people at Tiana’s table had disappeared, Hana went to the buffet line while Choso set off to find his brother. The others joined the swarming group around Nanami, buzzing around him with the same hivemind. Nanami paid them no mind, not daring to break eye contact with Tiana as he pulled out the empty chair next to Tiana and slid in it backwards. Placing the shiny plaque on the table, he sits in the chair with it’s back against his chest and abdomen, his arms folded neatly over as his chin rested in his limbs. He had such a wild smile about him, and his brown eyes kept flitting around Tiana’s face. She blinks, swallowing thickly as she crosses and uncrosses her ankles. Guilt began gnawing at her insides, because even now it was hard to muster up a half smile. Nanami had supported her through so much, and she can’t even give him a flash of the teeth? Why not?

“Congratulations.” She says softly, and Nanami’s face seems to beam even brighter. He was so high, that he seemed to abandon his sharp senses and discernment.

“Thank you, Tiana.” He laughs in such a charming way, the swelling sound resonating from his chest.

People were surrounding the table now, still vying for Nanami’s attention, but he didn’t even spare them a glance. All eyes were on him, yet his eyes were on Tiana. The crowd’s bodies brushed up against Tiana’s shoulders and legs, and she felt herself grow smaller.

“You’re one step closer to your dream.” Tiana says, trying to ignore the people loitering her table. “That wasn’t no small feat either.”

“A lot of blood, sweat, and tears.” Nanami said, then pondered for a moment. “Mostly tears.”

Nanami laughs, and Tiana joins on instinct, though her heart wasn’t really in it. Something strange was stirring inside her stomach, and it perturbed her soul. She couldn’t come to terms with the feelings writhing inside her core. As she looked at Nanami’s golden face, pearly teeth peeking behind his lips, the same cold chill running down her spine from that afternoon in the snow. She couldn’t help the way her eyes flitted to his crinkled ones, his lashes still curled but without the wet kisses of snow.

“Do you think the tears were worth it?” Tiana asks. She doesn’t know why she asked that, the answer she was looking for was more so for her own comfort.

“Absolutely.” Nanami answers, without hesitation, and Tiana’s lips skew to the side. She shouldn’t have expected him to answer in any other way, especially when his newfound view had everything else behind him in a vanishing point. She wanted him to say no, but why would he when he hadn’t tumbled from grace yet?

Why was a part of her scorned that he couldn’t relate to her that way? Because to Tiana, the tears she shed over everything she gained and lost amounted to nothing as she drowned in her sorrows every single day.

“The past is the past, but there’s always something to look forward to tomorrow.”

Of course he would say that, Tiana thought, his optimism irritating her. Because he had something to look forward to. What did Tiana’s tomorrow have?

“For example, I look forward to tomorrow with you.” Nanami sits up a bit straighter, but he still has that goofy grin. Then he sticks his hand out.

“And I look forward to dancing with you tonight.”

Tiana’s heart stalls in her chest, and it feels as though one of her valves had closed. Maybe she misheard him due to the loud music and bustling people.

“D-Dance?” Her eyebrows knitted together as she stumbles on her words.

“Yes, dance.” Nanami chuckles, his palm still out, beckoning her. Tiana was too stunned to notice that his fingers were trembling.

“I don’t know…” Her voice grew small as she became warm all over, mainly her face. Damn, was it always this hot in here?

“I’m sorry, did I ask too informally?” Nanami rushes to correct himself. “Can I please have a dance?”

“I have two left feet.” Tiana lies. “I don’t think I’d make a good dancing partner.”

Tiana’s skin was inflamed now, and beads of sweat seemed to gather under her mask, which felt as if it had begun to melt into her face. God, she needed some space.

“I don’t care about that.” Nanami laughs, and it’s so sweet that it makes Tiana’s stomach do a barrel roll. “I just want to celebrate with you.”

Tiana felt as if she were boiling in a vat of oil, submerged in this overwhelming feeling that she just couldn’t place. There were so many people around, so much so that her senses felt clogged up. She tries to slow her thumping heart to form an answer as Nanami waited expectantly, but her breaths come out as shallow puffs as she tries to get a grip on reality. Maybe it’s because it felt like everyone in the room was awaiting her answer, and not just Nanami. So she stood abruptly, knocking the back of her chair into the pelvis of the poor soul standing behind her, shaking her head no.

“No, not right now…” Tiana’s voice sounds strained and panicked, and Nanami is snapped out of his intoxication and knocked into instant sobriety.

“Maybe later, when you’re not so busy-” Tiana quickly states, forcing her way through the crowd of people, as Nanami sits there a bit dumbfounded. He rubs his brows, his palm moving to cover the lower half of his face. Temporarily blinded by his own happiness, he had gotten a bit carried away.

But a small, selfish part of him wanted Tiana to at least give him a genuine smile tonight.

Tiana found herself on the same wall as the jazz band, ripping her mask off as if it had bitten her. She tried not to run her hands through her hair, fiddling with the curls around her ears instead as she brushed them back with her fingertips. She couldn’t even fidget with the ring around her fingers because she left it at home. So instead, she found herself picking at the mask; pulling at the intricate threading and lace. It begins unraveling with ease, as if waiting for the moment to release all that tension. A few gems and beads fell off, and it made her feel worse as if she didn’t know that would happen.

She should have stayed home.

“Shi-” She stops herself mid-swear as she sees a bundle of spiky hair flit by, accompanied by that girl with the bob and the boy with pink hair. Clearing her throat, she calls out to him.

“Megumi.” She squeaks, and he turns around, along with his two friends. The other two look quizzically at Tiana, before their jaws drop, both of them practically having stars in their eyes.

“Ms. Baker.” Megumi says, walking to her. “What is it?”

“Um-” Tiana holds out her mask with both hands, words getting caught in her throat. “The mask messed up a bit. Can you take it back to my seat? I don’t want the beads all over the floor.” She lies again, her mouth feeling unsavory with each fib she told.

Megumi nods his head. “We were just heading that way.”

“I’ll do it.” The pink haired bow seemingly slides into view, a determined look etched onto his face. The girl with the bob came into view as well, smacking Megumi on the back repeatedly.

“Megumi, who's this pretty woman?” She says rather loudly, Megumi losing his cool with each slap on his spine.

“Please excuse us.” Megumi bows quickly, yanking his little entourage with him. Tiana caught the tail end of their conversation, the brown haired girl gushing over Tiana’s outfit while the pink haired boy said something about her face putting Jennifer Lawrence’s to shame.

Tiana huffed, leaning back onto the wall, her head thudding against it. She was exhausted, yet she hadn’t even done much. It felt as if she had depleted the last of her strength getting over here. She closes her eyes, listening to the soft brass coming from the jazz band to her right. For a moment, she thought about being carried away with the music, the soft quarter notes carrying her to distant memories filled with music, dancing, and laughter. Her heart ached so badly that she put her palm on her chest, exhaling shakily.

“Kids, right?” A voice interrupts her, causing her to jolt. She opens her eyes to see Getou in a midnight colored suit with a navy button down and a red tie. He didn’t have on a mask, his thin eyes closed as he smiled warmly at Tiana. Tiana settles back on the wall, and Getou joins her at her left.

“Yeah.” She mutters, looking off into the crowd. Tiana would have rather suffered on her own without a guest to witness, and she couldn’t help but wonder what the man wanted. They weren’t even in the same line of work, let alone colleagues to that level.

“Did you enjoy your first gala?” Getou asked, his voice came off as a slight hum.

“Oh, uh…yeah, yeah.” Tiana said, though it wasn’t convincing. “It was, um…very nice. Really.”

Ghetto tilts his head downward, giving her a look as if she could sense that she was lying. Tiana straightens up slightly, smoothing out her dress.

“Really.” She says again, more to convince herself rather than him.

“Hm…” Getou says in response, and the two return to silence, both people watching.

Tiana watched the different groups of people mixing and mingling, and she realized just how dependent she had become on Nanami. The gaping hole in her heart from loneliness showed her that besides the people she had met only today, she hadn’t made a single worthwhile connection outside of him. Her life had suddenly revolved around him, similar to everyone else in this room. Except everyone in this room had something that made them somebody, yet here she was, a bumbling woman unable to keep her bearings at such an important event. Nanami fit the part so well, and Tiana couldn’t even find the heart to be remolded and grafted in. She just knows she would embarrass him as a pearly decor attached to his side. You were the company that you kept, and if being around Nanami tonight could possibly tarnish his reputation, then she refused to just stand there and be ignored the entire night.

“Does it bother you?” Getou asks Tiana, and she turns to look at him.

“What?”

“Nanami. Being chased around like this.” Getou says, gesturing towards the crowd. Tiana begins to stammer, the question catching her off guard.

“I…why would- I don’t know what you mean.” Tiana feels herself grow defensive, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You seem worried.” Ghetto says, and Tiana scoffs.

“Worried? I’m not- I don’t…I don’t care, really…”

“I think you care too much.”

Tiana feels herself grow angry. This man knew nothing about her, yet here he was, reading her like the Sunday paper. What even made him come to this conclusion? They weren’t friends, so what gave him the right to say this about her, even if it were inherently true?

“You remind me of, well, me.” Getou states. “When I was younger.”

Tiana continues to watch the crowd, hoping Getou would get the message and walk away.

“When it was Satoru and I.” Getou says, and his voice is reminiscent. When he said his partner’s name, it sounded like a soft hymn.

“Back then, Saturo was good at everything, and he still is. I was going through the worst moments of my life, but Satoru seemed to shine so brightly. Instead of admiring his glow, I detested being in his shadow.” Getou says, a slight glint in his eyes. “And then, what made it worse, he got an office job because of me. At the same company. And I wanted to damn him for all eternity for setting me up like that.”

He laughed behind his hand, and Tiana spared him a glance. Where was going with this?

“I thought, back then, how could I ever amount to anything on my standing next to him? Surely I wasn’t worthy enough to be in his presence, especially when I felt despair instead of happiness for his ongoing success.” He pauses, looking at her softly. "I know our situations aren't entirely the same, but the parallels are still there to learn from."

And those words struck a chord with Tiana. It hit so hard that it felt like a punch to her gut, and she physically recoiled. Tears stung the corners of her eyes as she bit her lower lip.

When did complete strangers become so relatable?

“Oh, Megumi!” Misha said, stopping him and his friends in their tracks. She caught the flash of something familiar in his hands, and suddenly it became the most important article of clothing she had ever laid eyes on. She points to it, tilting her head sideways. “Why do you have Tiana’s mask?”

Megumi looks at the mask, then at Misha. “You know Ms. Tiana?”

Misha smiles. “Yeah, we're practically best friends!”

Megumi frowned slightly. If they were such close friends, then why was Tiana standing alone?

“Actually, I’ll take it off your hands.” Misha says, going for a swipe at it, but Megumi moves it away gently.

“I don’t know…” Megumi sounds unsure. “She asked me to put it at her table-”

“Oh, what a coincidence!” Misha says, grabbing the mask from his grip. “I was just heading over there to congratulate Nanami.”

Megumi’s eyes squint. “Are you sure?”

Misha waves him off. “Yeah, the three of us carpooled here together.” She then places her free hand on his shoulder. “I promise, it’s in good hands.”

Megumi shuffles his feet for a moment, then bows slightly, muttering a soft “thank you” before leaving with his friends.

The smile Misha had on slowly faded off her face as it dropped into an expression much more annoyed than before. She pulls the mask up, looking over it, the intricate lace that had frayed and a few gems and jewels absent. A mask so beautiful, treated so roughly. A handpicked gift from Nanami himself, something Misha couldn’t say she has ever received. Misha would have at least had the decency to properly take care of it and not leave it around. Jealousy wasn’t the proper word to describe how she felt.

Pulling her own mask up and smoothening her dress, she makes her way to Tiana’s table, having witnessed Nanami practically waltz over there at the end of his speech.

Her mind kept reeling to the words he had said, the way he smiled at her so warmly from the stage. How the words he said resonated deeply within her, to the point it felt as if he were talking to Misha personally.

Until he turned away, looking away from Misha and instead looking at her.

Tiana said that nothing was going on between them, and Tiana had no reason to lie about something like, even going as far as sharing the death of her spouse. But Nanami was still acting strange. She wanted to know why.

Misha had never seen his face soften so much, so unrequited and unbarred in front of so many people. Yet no one else seemed to catch it, except for her.

And she questioned why she got that look and not her.

So when Nanami finally came into view, she put on her best smile.

“Nanami!” She calls out, with an excited wave. Nanami is still receiving congratulations from others, but he turns quickly to face Misha, his eyebrows raised. They then drop, as if he were expecting something else, or rather someone else, and Misha has to force herself to smile harder.

“Oh, Misha.” He says, neither excited or disdained. Misha inhales, and exhales quickly.

“I just wanted to say congrats!” Her voice was so sweet that it could make someone sick. Nanami nods graciously, returning the praise.

“Congratulations to you as well. You earned it.” He says warmly, and Misha knew he was being honest, and that honesty shrouded her with guilt. She swallowed it so that she could continue the conversation.

“Look-” She waves to his gleaming plague, the mask catching Nanami’s eye as she practically flails it around. “We match now. We should take picture on the red carpet-”

“Where did you get that?” Nanami asks, pointing to the mask. His lips were in a frown, and he looked agitated as Misha held onto the mask so tightly.

“Oh, I found it in the ladies room.” Misha says, lying on the spot. “I grabbed it to give to Tiana, but it looks like she’s not here…”

Her voice trails off as Nanami takes the mask from her hands, looking over the fabric. It had begun to unravel in certain areas, and a piece of the cracked material that decorated the under eyes had chipped off.

“M-Maybe she went back to the bathroom to look for it?” Misha says, but the words don’t seem to reach Nanami as he traces a delicate finger on the details of the mask, caught in his own world. So Misha, mustering all the courage that she could, grabbed his wrist, leading him through the venue.

“Come on. If we go now, maybe we can find her.”

Tiana tried not to let her chin wobble as Getou kept speaking to her, as gentle as a breeze swishing through a warm meadow.

“Nanami makes you happy. And you sure as hell make him happy, right?”

Tiana couldn’t muster up the courage to answer.

“So what’s keeping you from indulging in that happiness?”

There were a lot, actually. Grief, envy, a small sense of greed and selfishness. It was all muddled into an emotional stew in her lower abdomen. But all in all, no one forced those feelings onto her. They were all internalized from outside experiences that she couldn’t let go. It wasn’t Nanami keeping her from being happy, it wasn’t Lottie, and it wasn’t even Naveen.

At the end of the day, Tiana was keeping Tiana from being happy.

“Don’t think about how other people will see you. How do you want to see you?”

Tiana wanted to see herself happy. She wanted to see herself ridded from guilt. She wanted to be there for Lottie, she wanted to be there for Nanami. She wanted to celebrate and cherish these moments with the people that were so dear to her while she still had the time. She wanted to make connections with people without fearing that they would leave her. She wanted to move forward.

Suddenly, the jazz band began to play a soft melody that was all too familiar. The song that she and her father danced to as she stumbled over his bare toes in the small kitchen. The song that commemorated her and Naveen’s first dance together when they were wed. The song she couldn’t even listen to these days without feeling as if her stomach were going to fall out, so she avoided it like the plague.

But this time, it was a strong sense of yearning instead of pain. Because at that moment she realized she really wanted to dance with Nanami. Now. The urge tugged at her heart with each pluck of a cello string, with each throb of the brass that imitated the pounding muscle residing in the center of her chest. She wanted to celebrate with him, and she could have shot herself in the foot for how quickly she ran away.

He just wanted her support, and she couldn’t even spare that.

Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of golden hair above the crowd, straight ahead. She could almost sense that it was Nanami, she couldn’t mistake that hair color for anything else but maybe the sun’s rays.

“I have to go…” Tiana mutters, removing herself from the wall, and leaving Getou to stand there with a satisfied smile.

Tiana shoves her way through the crowd, pushing against bodies and chairs as she tries to keep the back of Nanami’s head in her line of sight. She gets to a spot where the crowd thins, and see’s who he is walking with; she recognizes the repulsive green. Misha seems to be pulling him by the wrist to a vacant, dark hallway just outside the venue, away from everyone else. Panic welled inside her. Tiana, who said she would mind her own business when it came to those two, began to regret those words. That lie she told herself seemed to come back to bite her. Because if Tiana allowed Misha to have her way right now, then her friendship with Nanami would fundamentally be over. Any sort of future with Nanami would fundamentally be over. If she let him go right now, she would lose him for good.

No more long days or late nights. An impenetrable wall would be forced between the two, and Tiana couldn't bear the thought.

She didn't want him to leave her.

“Are you sure she went this way?” Nanami asked Misha, noticing how they were nowhere near the party now, entering a dimly lit hall.

“The other bathroom was really crowded, so she went to the one on this wing.” Misha said, her back to Nanami. Nanami frowned. Tiana had never been here before, surely she wouldn’t wander off to a wing that was closed off for the event.

Growing irritated, Nanami takes his wrist from Misha’s grasp. She was acting so strange tonight, or was this her version of finally getting comfortable with him?

“Alright, Misha. What is this?” He asks, his voice firm and demanding. “Where is Tiana?”

Misha didn’t have the energy to pretend anymore, and they were out of earshot of everyone else, finally alone. Her face turned sour as she turned around, looking up at him.

“Why do you care so much about her?”

Nanami is taken aback by the question. Why would she ask such a thing?

“What?”

“Why do you care about her so much?” Misha said, repeating the question again with no shame. Nanami’s head jerks back, as he looks around.

“I don’t understand why you're asking this.” He says, feeling a bit slighted. “If you’re asking if I play favorites, then you already know that I don’t.”

“No, you would never…” Misha says, because that part of Nanami will always be true. “You just, you pay such close attention to her.”

Nanami scoffs, waving away the assumptions. He had barely admitted his feelings towards Tiana to himself, and he’d be damned if he went and mentioned this to Misha. He also didn’t want to put Tiana in an uncomfortable situation, because if he ever got his bearings, he would owe her an explanation first. Not some woman to fuel office gossip.

“Because she’s an intern.” Nanami emphasizes, and Misha rolls her eyes. She was not buying his excuse at all.

“Nanami, you don’t treat any of the other interns like that. You didn’t even treat me like that.”

Tiana had made her way to the double doors that led to the dim wing, swearing she had seen Nanami and Misha come this way. Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard Nanami’s voice ricochet off the walls, though he sounded as if he were trying to whisper. The waxed floor had turned into carpet once past the double doors, and as Tiana stepped onto the flowered flooring, her heels sunk in, muted by the yarn. She stood there, trying to work up the courage to interrupt them, but she kept stalling as her nosiness from eavesdropping got the best of her. She just wanted to hear a bit more.

“What are you getting at?” Nanami asked, his mind reeling at her words. He felt so flustered, and he knew the only thing hiding the redness in his face was the lack of light in the area.

“Because, Nanami.” Misha seemed to whine, frustrated as her face too was inflamed. “You can’t tell already?”

Nanami looked around, utterly confused and slightly disoriented by the conversation. It was giving him a migraine. “Tell what?”

Misha’s lips curled inward as she rocked on the balls of her feet. Her balled fist contained a bit of humidity, and she wiped her palms on her gown to rid the moisture. She was already here, she couldn’t lose her nerve now.

“That I like you, Nanami.”

Tiana stopped right before she turned the corner, her heart so loud that the blood rushed into her ears. She gripped the wall with one hand and her chest with the other as she held her breath. The air seemed to go stale as no one, not even the two around the corner, shared a single word. Tiana wondered how Nanami’s face looked at that moment.

If only she knew that his face was completely mortified.

“Misha…” He said softly, and Tiana mistook it for affection.

“Nanami, just listen to me-”

“Misha-”

“Ever since I met you, I’ve admired you.” Misha gushes in a panic, scared that Nanami would leave before hearing her out. “I admire your hard work, your tenacity, but then it grew…”

“Misha.” Nanami kept trying to speak, but Misha kept pouring out her heart to him, and the contents simply slipped through his fingers. He goes to pinch the bridge of his nose, trying to understand what he had just heard.

“I know you don’t play favorites. I know you’re busy, and that your work is important. I know you probably won’t want to mix business and pleasure, but-” Misha fidgets even more, trying to find the right words. “But you said to enjoy the little things, and this little thing grew into something much bigger.”

Misha had gotten so close, that their bodies were nearly touching. Nanami looked down at her, eyes filled with pity, but at the same time an understanding. Is this how he would look to Tiana if he poured himself out to her like this?

If Nanami groveled at her feet, would she feel absolutely nothing in return?

Tiana was someone that Nanami would have to chase after, not that he minded as of right now. But here, standing in the dim corridor, was someone who willingly laid it all before him. When was the last time he was confessed to? He couldn’t recall. When was the last time he dated someone? He couldn’t recall.

Nanami had always wanted to be wanted, and right now, he was wanted. Tiana wanted him whenever the pain became unbearable, but how long would he be able to tolerate that? If he confessed the growing feelings within him, would she accept it or throw him away?

Should he indulge himself in the little things?

No, he thought. He just couldn’t. It wouldn't align with his morals. Whether it was for the connection, or for human intimacy, he couldn’t just use her like this. Especially when Misha was being so open and honest. And he couldn't just abandon Tiana just because he had grown impatient.

He just wished Tiana would be open and honest with him as well.

“Misha.” Nanami says, his voice still soothing. “Misha, I think you're drunk.”

Nanami began to turn on his heels, adjusting his jacket.

“Let’s revisit this again when you’re in a clear state of mind.”

“Wait-!”

Tiana had a lot of moments where she should have done something and shouldn’t have done something tonight.

Peeking around that dark corner was high on the list of things she shouldn’t have done. Or maybe she should have come out of hiding sooner. Tiana, as she stated that she would, should have minded her own business, so that she could have saved herself from the heartbreak she was experiencing right now.

Misha had grabbed Nanami’s arm, pulling him back around to meet her lips with his.

Tiana stumbled backwards, thankful for the plush carpet hiding the noise of her stumbling in her shoes, out the double doors. She clenched her chest as her throat tightened, her breathing becoming ragged. As she was hit with the noise of the party again, she began to gag.

Nanami was in utter shock, to say the least. He was bent down a bit low, eyes wide, a pair of lips moving against his stilled ones. Nanami couldn’t remember the last time he actively kissed someone, maybe in his late teens or early twenties. Instead of kissing back, in that slight millisecond, his mind drifted to a place he had never thought to visit before.

Misha’s lips were thin and firm, not full and soft. Because he was bent at an awkward angle, it felt so unnatural, like jamming two puzzle pieces together that hailed from different sets. And when he tasted a bit of cherry wine on her tongue, he realized what he had done.

Ripping away from her, flesh disconnecting from flesh, he straightened up abruptly, bringing the back of his arm to his mouth. He was embarrassed, and slightly ashamed. Because the whole time, he imagined what Tiana’s lips would have felt like. And by God, it was vile and unsavory, but he couldn’t help but wonder what they tasted like.

It was as if something had unlocked in the back of his mind.

“Misha-” Nanami’s breath had shortened slightly. “I can’t…I can’t return your feelings.”

Misha’s brows knit together, a pained expression. Tears sting her eyes as her voice goes hoarse.

“Then why did you kiss me back?”

Tiana heaved in the back of a taxi, trying to contain her ragged sobs that kept threatening to slip past her lips. Tears fell endlessly past her eyes, staining her dress so much that the fabric where the salty liquid landed had a lower opacity, showing splotches of her brown flesh. Her stomach lurched with each acceleration of the gas, and she felt so disoriented, so dizzy, so sick that she could vomit.

God she felt so stupid. She had lost. Again.

Though it wasn’t nearly as painful as losing Naveen, it definitely struck the same chord within her. And as she thought of Naveen, she began to spiral downward as her mind was filled with his last moments. The ghoulish look in his eyes as a thunderous, black sky roared behind him as scenery. With each belt of the engine, she would cringe in terror, curling into a tight ball in the backseat. She clutched at her stomach, a phantom pain stinging across her abdomen as her hands shook.

She couldn’t take it.

She should have stayed home.

“Are you alright?” The driver asked Tiana, trying to look at her through the rearview mirror.

“Please…” Tiana groaned, clutching her stomach, her body vibrating. “Please let me out…”

“What?” The driver said, picking up speed, and she felt her organs shift forward. She sat up abruptly, eyes filled with panic as she wailed in the backseat. She flails, punching her hand on the door with a loud thud.

“Let me out!”

The screaming startled the driver so badly that the car swerved aggressively on the curb, tossing Tiana in the backseat. Halted in the middle of the street, the car parks, and Tiana jumps out immediately, the cold wind cutting at her skin. Even the areas under the boa were numb as she slammed the door, doing a half run through the snow. She trips, the element nipping at her ankles as she slides around in her shoes, the cold slush entering between her toes with each step. She looked at the complex gates, the designs more eerie in the dark than she remembered, mimicking the gates of a desolate hell.

Her tears seem to halt in the dead of the night, the stains nipping at her cheeks as she shivered up the stairs. She enters the code to her home, stumbling in her house. It felt so lonely and cold, and it was so dark in there as she felt around the walls. She practically trips out her shoes as she melts to the cold, wet, wood. Her lips were dry and slightly parted, and they felt cracked when she ran her tongue along them. One taste of the salt from her tears jump started a new wave of emotions as she began convulsing on the floor, rolling and writhing as if she were shot in the chest and someone had prodded the open wound with their bare fingers. She could feel her make-up had smeared, and her dress had awful stains on it that she knew would be hard to get out.

She just couldn’t understand why she was like this. Why she devolved into this coward, unable to give or reciprocate in any relationship that dealt with love, whether it was platonic or romantic. Why she couldn’t bear watching everyone she loved scale upwards as she keeled over on the ground, grasping at straws while she watched her sanity slip away. f*ck, she couldn’t even ride in a goddamn car without deteriorating.

Tiana hiccups aggressively, sitting up with gritted teeth. She scrambled upward, tripping over her sprawled out shoes. She lands on her palms, feeling a puddle of tears beneath her appendages.

“It’s all your fault.” She whispered to the air, but no one responded. There was no one there to blame, yet she pinned her faults on the lonely wind whistling through her living room.

She felt herself grow angry, the tears hot as she slouched over, clutching her stomach.

“It’s all your fault.”

She stumbled through the house, repeating the same phrase over and over, each time growing more and more untamed to the point where she was screeching, her throat completely shredded.

“It’s all your fault! It’s all your fault! It’s all your f*cking fault!”

She slammed into her bedroom, the door hitting the wall with an aggressive thud as she trampled to the night stand, snatching the drawer out so fast that it came out of the stand, the items clattering to the ground noisily, like a heap of marbles hitting a steel plate. But Tiana found what she was looking for, that dull ring that had become the bane of her existence. She bends down, scooping it up, gripping it between her pointer finger and her thumb.

“You hear me Naveen?! It’s all your fault!”

…

“Do you hear me?!”

…

“Answer me!”

And when silence responded to her for the third time, she realized just how much she had lost her mind. Just how much the guilt of what she was had eaten at her from the inside out, breaking her down so badly that she was now screeching at inanimate objects and blaming them for the turmoil that she caused herself.

Tiana was filled with pure rage, so much so that she blacked out for a moment, unable to control her own body.

With an ear-splitting scream, Tiana turns to her bedroom window, flinging it open.

Winding her arm back, she flings the band out the window, casting it into the dark. She hears it hit the side of a building with a ringing smack, as if some had dinged a dinner bell.

Her tears slowed as she stood at the sill, heaving, her nostrils wide as her chest rises and falls rapidly. She feels herself lowered back to reality, her vision clearing as she realizes what she had just done.

She just threw Naveen’s ring outside.

Nanami stumbled back into the party, covering his mouth as he walked about in a daze. He needed to go. Honestly, he should have been left. He should have grabbed Tiana, and ditched the rest of the night, but he was so high on life that he got distracted. He couldn’t believe what the night had turned into. He couldn’t believe that Misha had just kissed him. Something so childish made him feel so ill. so contaminated as if he needed to cleanse himself.

Nanami stumbled into someone, still a bit hazy as he turned to see who it was. It was Getou.

“Nanami?” Getou asked, leaning in a bit to look at him. He had never seen Nanami with such a distressed expression.

“Getou-” Nanami said, a bit of panic running through him. “I-I need to find Tiana. Have you seen her?”

Getou co*cked his head back, his face confused. “Tiana? No, I thought-” Getou paused in his sentence. He leaned in a bit, examining Nanami’s face.

“What's around your mouth?” He asked, his eyes squinting. Nanami jolts back, wiping at his lips, but the contents that adorned his mouth simply smeared on his face and his suit’s arm.

“I have to go…” Nanami mutters, trudging away in a hurry. Getou frowned, his thoughts trailing to the glossy and glittery substance around Nanami’s mouth. It definitely wasn’t the red color that Tiana had on her lips. He turns on his heels, muttering to himself as he walks away.

“That wasn’t wine.”

Nanami searches the entire venue from top to bottom; he should have spotted Tiana by now. If not her giant white feather, then at least her bronze skin against the sea of marble. She had to have left, either that or she got lost. But why would she leave? Why would she leave without him? Without saying anything to him?

He swallowed hard, picking up his pace as he walked outside.

Did she walk home in the dark? Did she take a car? Is she okay?

He immediately dialed her number, the tone ringing in his ear a few times, then going to voicemail.

“sh*t….Tiana…” He mumbles, calling her again.

Tiana’s phone screen brightened as she used her flashlight against the snow, the piles flashing back at her as she dug through it trying to search for her ring on all fours. Her fingers were almost purple, and they had begun to stiffen. Her hands ached, as if stuck by pins and needles. It hurt so bad, but she had to find that ring. She doesn’t even know why she did that, it was on impulse, and now her list of regrets would grow longer.

“Come on, come on, come on…!” She dug through the white blankets, with no luck. Her dress clung coldly to her body, and her knees felt as if they would fall off if she were to stand. She tried to remember where she heard the ring hit the building based on the direction of the sound, but that didn’t help either. Her face was too tight to cry, even though she wanted to so badly.

Tiana sighs, lifting her flashlight up to see new flurries falling from the sky.

“No, no, no!” She wailed, trying to dig around faster, but it was no use. She wouldn’t be able to find that ring tonight, or any other night this winter. She may be able to find it in the spring, if the snow didn’t melt away into one of the storm drains.

Feeling defeated and deflated, she collapses into the snow, her hands balled into the ground the snow beneath her turned to slush. She was cold. So, so cold.

She heard her phone buzz in her hand, she couldn’t feel the vibrations of it, to see Nanami’s name light up her screen for the 20th time tonight. And each time he called, her mind reeled back to that kiss he shared with Misha. He was probably so worried about her, but she wanted to be left alone and shift his focus away from her and back to Misha. In all honesty, she wanted to die. She wanted to disappear and be forgotten. She didn’t want to feel anything, and while she couldn’t feel her body or anything on the outside, it felt like her insides had been ripped out and strewn onto the cold ground.

So she sinks into the snow, hoping that the ice will consume her as she clutches her body.

Her eyes flutter shut, ready for the cold to do its job, but her phone rings again. She hears the electronic vibrate against her flesh.

Eyebrows furrowed, she allowed her eyes to open once more, wondering why Nanami had not given up yet. But the snowflakes in her lashes and the glare from her phone cause her to see another name on the screen. She sits up, trembling as she wipes her face with her wrist so she can clear her vision. Her teeth latch onto her bottom lip, and she can feel the tears welling up again.

With a numb finger, she slides it across the screen, answering the call. The call was strangely timed but she had never wanted to hear a person's voice so badly. It’s as if she yearned for it.

Putting the phone to her ear, she holds her breath, waiting for them to speak because she lacked the strength to do so. There were soft sniffles on the other side of the line, and Tiana dug her nails into her palm as a soft voice spoke with that familiar country drawl.

“Tia?”

“...Lottie?”

“Are…are you alright?”

“...No.”

Chapter 6: nonviolent communication

Chapter Text

“Tia?” Charlotte tried to keep her voice together, relief washing over her because she finally heard Tiana’s voice after so long. It confirmed that Tia was still Tia, and her Tia was still alive. “Tia, talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“Lottie…” Tiana sniveled, her face growing warm. She wiped at her face feverishly, her skin raw. “Lottie, I need you.”

Charlotte had just finished her nighttime routine before getting an urgent call from Nanami, the man practically begging her to call Tiana as soon as possible because he couldn’t reach her. Of course he had assumed the worst, and that panic had spread to Charlotte, who was now clutching her duvet. Travis, who was still drowsy, sat up with her.

“Tia-” Charlotte swung the cover off of her body, easing up as her belly buzzed with flutters that she had begun to grow accustomed to. Travis raises a brow, but Charlotte holds her hand up politely with a slight head nod, signaling that she had this. She closes her bedroom door, trudging to her plush living room, sinking into the couch. She grabs one of the decorative pillows, hugging it to her chest. “Tia, where are you right now?”

A strained laugh echoes from Tiana’s throat as she looks at her surroundings, defeated. Nothing but dark buildings and piles of snow that she had dug through. She wipes her face again, her skin dry. “Hell?" She says, laughing again, a stray tear falling as her lower lip trembles. “I’m…I’m outside.”

Charlotte’s brows furrowed. “Tia- why are…baby why are you outside?”

“I don’t know!” Tiana shouts, and Charlotte jumps in her seat, but she keeps quiet. “I just, I don’t know anymore, Charlotte. I don’t know what I’m doing, or what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m feeling-” Tiana gnawed on her cheek, looking up at the dark sky. She squeezed her eyes shut, rocking on her knees. “I don’t know anything. I’m just…I’m lost. I’m so lost, Charlotte.” Tiana gripped the phone with both her hands, her voice barely over a whisper. “I need you. And I’m sorry for that, but I do.”

“Tiana, don’t apologize, you never need to apologize for leaning on me.” Charlotte said, messaging her stomach as nausea washed over her. Or was it guilt? It didn’t matter right now.

“What I need you to do is go inside. Let’s get you settled.”

So Tiana did, and it hurt like hell trudging back up the stairs, her limbs numb as she stumbled back into the house for the second time tonight. Tiana knew better than to hop into a hot shower, so she peeled off her soaked clothes layer by layer, shaking as she pitter-pattered around the room, finding her warmest clothes to put on. She wrapped herself in blankets and laid down in her bed, shivering with the phone next to her. While laying down, she briefly thought of how less than a day ago, Nanami had called her to wish her a happy birthday so softly over the phone, and her heart almost bursts. Immediately she got up, moving to the kitchen, the memory causing her head to throb. She made herself some tea, the blankets draped around her body as she wandered around, then finally settled on her couch, curled into a ball.

“Feeling better?” Charlotte asked, the phone on speaker. Tiana, who’s eyes were closed, simply nodded her head first, then remembered Charlotte wasn’t actually there.

“Yeah…” Tiana said, feeling small.

“Good.” Charlotte exhaled. “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

Tiana began sharing stuff from the beginning of her living arrangements in Japan, things she hid from Lottie so as not to worry her, which made Charlotte feel even worse. Because it was Charlotte who subjected her to this life in the first place, and maybe if she were a more supportive friend, Tiana wouldn’t be suffering so much.

Tiana talked about how Misha had been treating her, and her strange switch up, and Lottie seethed over the phone, throwing in nasty comments and insults about the despicable woman. It put a smile on Tiana’s face briefly, reminding her of their teenage years when they would sit on the phone gossiping about absolutely nothing. Tiana was also glad that Charlotte didn’t nag her for withholding something that was troubling her so much.

“So she did all that…” Charlotte’s face dripped with disgust, and Tiana could practically see her upturned nose. “For a man.”

“Hey, now.” Tiana said, getting a bit defensive, but she didn’t mean to. “He’s…” Tiana hesitated a bit, trying not to think about that kiss too much, but everytime she thought of Nanami, the memory was attached to it. “He’s nice…sometimes.” She mutters the last part, but then covers it up with her next statement. “He’s my friend.”

“Hold on-” Charlotte sits up, hearing the shift in Tiana’s voice. “This wouldn’t happen to be the same friend that you mentioned before?” Charlotte’s voice had an air of mischievousness about it, and Tiana felt embarrassed. But why would she?

“Yes. A friend.” Tiana emphasized.

Charlotte felt herself grow giddy, because she knew for sure she was talking about Nanami.

“So if this wench is fighting you so hard for a friend, don’t you think that he may-”

“No.” Tiana said, cutting Charlotte off immediately. “I…I thought so before, but now I know that he was just being kind to me.”

“Just kind?” Charlotte raised a brow, and Tiana nodded her head, clutching her blanket closer.

“Yes, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Tiana says. “I appreciate his friendship, especially when things have been so hard for me here.”

“Tiana…” Charlotte pursed her lips. “Now what could have changed your mind? He sounds like he deeply cares about you.” Charlotte pauses. “Deeply.”

“I…um-” Tiana felt so embarrassed, as if she had reverted back into a child. “He kissed-”

“He kissed you?!” Charlotte yelled, sitting up, and Tiana jolted away from the phone. She pinches the bridge of her nose, shaking her head.

“No!” Tiana said, frustrated that her friend was jumping to conclusions. “No, Lottie. He kissed her.”

The line goes silent, Tiana hearing nothing but her own breathing.

“Lottie?” Tiana calls out, wondering why her vibrant friend had suddenly gone quiet.

Then the line dies.

Tiana sits up, confused, reaching to pick up her phone. The call had dropped.

Charlotte fumed, muttering threats as she dialed Nanami’s number with a quickness. He picked up on the second ring, speaking at a frantic speed.

“Is Tiana okay?” Nanami asked, not even greeting his cousin. “Were you able to reach-”

“You need to get yourself together!” Charlotte screamed on the other line, and Nanami was taken aback by the sudden outburst.

“I- excuse me-?”

Nanami didn’t even get to finish before the line went dead. He stared at his phone, wondering if he had heard Charlotte correctly. But even if he hadn’t heard her correctly, he sure felt her emotions through the line. Charlotte was upset, and he didn’t understand why her anger was directed towards him. It could have been a side effect from her pregnancy, so Nanami tried not to take it to heart.

“What is up with tonight?” Nanami said, running his hands through his hair, lightly jogging to his car.

The phone buzzed in Tiana’s hand, Charlotte calling her back. She swiped her pointer across the screen, putting it on speaker and laying the phone back on the table.

“Lottie?” Tiana sounded concerned.

“Sorry, Tia.” Charlotte was fanning herself on the other line, trying not to get worked up. “I forgot to charge my phone.”

Tiana chuckled lightly, settling back into her seat, hoping Charlotte had let the previous conversation go. She should have known it wouldn’t have been that easy.

“So, so, so-” Charlotte tried to piece her thoughts together, her frustration building so much that her hands seemed to turn red. God, her cousin, who was supposed to be the most logical man that she knew, was so stupid. “Lemme get this straight... he kissed that tramp?”

“Lottie!” Tiana laughed, but it was to bandage the pain in her heart. “Lottie, that’s not nice.”

“Well it’s true!”

“Lottie!” Tiana’s voice was between a whine and a laugh. “We are all adults here. He has the right to seek out anyone he may want to.” Tiana gripped her blankets tighter, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Even if that person is comparable to the jam between my toes?”

“Yes, even that person was equivalent to toe scum.” Tiana giggled briefly, and Charlotte joined in. But once the laughter stopped, reality had settled into Tiana’s brain, and it put a weird taste in her mouth.

“I don’t…” Tiana hesitates, not sure why she was saying this, but it felt as though she needed to rid these thoughts. “I don’t think it would have worked.”

“Did you want it to work?”

The question put Tiana into a stupor, and her words seemed to fail her as she denied her heart to communicate with her brain.

“I- no, no.” Tiana said after a long pause, so long that a snail could beat a tortoise and a hare. “No, I can’t-”

“You can’t, or you won’t?” Charlotte said softly, and again, Tiana was at a loss for words.

But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t be able to survive a relationship like that a second time, if things went wrong. Maybe that’s why she had Nanami close enough to reach, but not close enough to embrace.

“Tia, what is your heart telling you?” Charlotte asked, and Tiana shook her head.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Tiana’s voice seemed to crack at the end, and Charlotte knew she had to switch gears. If Tiana was so keen on ignoring her heart, surely her mind was running a mile a minute.

“Then what is that pretty little head going on about?” Charlotte pressed, and Tiana closed her eyes, trying to organize her disheveled thoughts. It’s as if Nanami were some kind of virus messing with the neurons firing in her brain.

“My head says…” Tiana chewed on her lip. “It says that I can’t replace him. I can’t replace…I can’t replace Naveen.” Tiana caught the tears forming on her waterline. “And I don’t think…” God, why was this so hard. Her hands that had been clutching the blankets were now vibrating aggressively as she shook them around, watching her writs flop about as she tried to calm herself down. “I don’t think I’ll ever love someone as hard as that. I can’t handle that again.”

Charlotte listened with intent and utmost patience, knowing that it must have been a struggle to finally get those words out, yet it must have felt so freeing at the same time. Tiana could feel it, as she swallowed the wads of spit forming in her mouth, she could feel herself striking at an exposed root, hacking away at the problem. It was indeed a step forward, but knowing her, she would undoubtedly take ten steps back.

“Tia, I want you to hear me when I say this.” Charlotte said gently, but with a slight firmness. “I think you’re looking at love all wrong.”

Tiana sniffled, wiping at her nose, which was raw. “How so?”

“When you went to Japan, did I love you any less?” Charlotte asked, and Tiana let out a pained laugh.

“Gosh, I hope not.” Tiana said, and Charlotte swallowed hard.

“Of course I didn’t. I don’t.” Charlotte said, squeezing the pillow, the statement more to assure herself than Tiana. “And though we have our moments, you don’t love me any less, do you?”

Another sniffle. “Of course not.”

“Exactly.” Charlotte said matter-of-factly, but Tiana was still confused. She tilted her head, wondering what point Charlotte was trying to make.

“So?” Tiana said.

“So…” Charlotte dragged the “o” sound with an emphasis from her southern accent. “So it’s the same way with Naveen.”

“Tiana, your love for him will never go away, just like his for you will never go away. No matter how far apart you are in body, he’s still there in spirit. It radiates off you in the same way it did when he was still here.” Charlotte said gently, tiptoeing around her words. “It’s in the hum of your voice, the swing in your step, the sparkle in your eyes…” Charlotte could have gone on forever. “It’s in the pigment of your skin.”

“Yes, that love will never go away, but no one is saying it has to.” Charlotte said. “Love can only be created, not destroyed. It can be added to, not taken away from. Those experiences, those memories, that happiness; it can’t be taken from you. It’s a part of you. It’s yours. It always will be.” Charlotte smiles, her eyes fluttering closed briefly. “It will only hurt if you give it the energy to. You hear?”

Charlotte was being as careful as possible, and Tiana could tell by the tenderness in her sister’s voice. It was so warm, so assuring. But deep down, Tiana was still pushing those thoughts to the depths of her being. Those thoughts popped up whenever Nanami got close. Whenever his voice whispered to her over the phone. He was so bright, so brilliant, almost painfully so.

And that brightness reminded her of him.

Tiana couldn’t tell Charlotte, hell, it was hard to even tell herself. Because she knew if she said those words out loud, she would have to face them like an adult. And she didn’t want to come to terms with that. She didn’t like that comparison, and it explained why she was hurting so bad. It would explain why she would become incapacitated whenever the thought would cross her mind.

Nanami, deep down, reminded her so much of Naveen.

But he couldn’t know that. She shouldn’t even think that, nor indulge in it. Because if she did, if she allowed those thoughts to become tangible, to come to fruition, she would without a doubt hurt herself. But despite guarding her own heart, she would hurt Nanami. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she damaged him. She couldn’t bask in his light, nor did she want to taint it. So holding him at arm's length was all she could do.

She never wanted to hurt anyone she loved ever again. And if that meant bearing a heavy heart for the rest of her life, then she would do so as penance for what she had done to Naveen. For what she had done to her little girl.

She deserved it.

Tiana realized she had sat in silence for much too long, distracted by her own thoughts. Swallowing those pesky notions, she nodded.

“I hear.” Tiana muttered. Charlotte, unable to read her friend's mind or face, sighed in content. She felt she had really gotten through to her.

“Tia, your heart is so big. It’s so full. You have so much love to give, and there's so much more out there for you to receive. Don’t hold all that in, because the more you withhold, the more the universe will keep from you.” Charlotte was sure there was a happily ever after for her sister. She felt it in her bones, because Tia was the most deserving person of that. And how convenient would it be if that happy ending happened to be with her cousin?

“You’ve worked too hard, and given too much. Suffered too much. Just, trust me.” Charlotte's voice sounded as if she were pleading. “Trust me on this one.”

“...O-okay.” Tiana said, but she didn’t finish it with “I will”. She just couldn’t fully put her heart into it. She couldn’t succumb to ideas floating about in her mind. So she changed the subject to something else, something much more important to her.

“Lottie, I wanted to apologize.” Tiana’s words were sincere, a phrase she’s wanted to say since the last time she saw Lottie. “How I acted, when you got engaged…It was unacceptable-”

“Tia,” Charlotte cut her off firmly. “You don’t have to do that.”

“But I do. I’ve thought about this for a long, long time.” Tiana stood her ground. “We’re supposed to support each other. We’re supposed to be honest with each other.”

Charlotte swallowed, her hands shaking as Tiana went on.

“I want you to know that I really, really am happy for you. I’m so proud.” Tiana smiled, exhaling softly. They were girls together, and now they were women. “I shouldn’t project myself onto you. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide your life from me, like you have to walk on eggshells to live the life you want in order to protect my feelings. My misfortunes aren’t yours.”

“Tia…” Charlotte’s voice croaked. She had to tell her. Yeah, she was a few months late, but she just had to. This was much bigger than getting married. Having a child was life altering for everyone involved.

“Oh, I’m so happy I’m alive to see my sister get married!” Tiana squealed a bit, her mood lifting. “I mean, who else will be your maid of honor?” Tiana laughed softly.

“Tia, I…” Charlotte had to tell her. She had to tell her now, tonight. While both of them were on the phone right now, pouring their hearts out to each other. If she had to force herself to vomit the words out, she would have to.

“Tiana, I’m-” Charlotte hesitated. Tiana tilted her head, humming into the phone.

“Yes, Charlotte?” Tiana wasn’t sure if she made it up, but she could sense a bit of distress in her voice.

“I’m pr-”

Come on, Charlotte thought as she sat there frozen. Say it, say it!

“I’m pretty sure you’ll look so pretty in pink.”

Charlotte sat there, curled on the couch, having hung up the phone with Tiana almost ten minutes ago. Tiana said she was beginning to feel fatigued, so she was going to try and rest. Charlotte agreed quickly, needing to get off the line as soon as possible. And once she did, she cried silently like a coward. She just couldn’t tell her. She made a million excuses on why she couldn’t: she was already late, she was sharing such big news over the phone at that, Tiana had already gone through so much tonight. She kept trying to justify her refusal to fess up, but it didn’t lighten her heart in the slightest. All she could do was sniffle into the couch pillows, hoping Travis wouldn’t come to ask if she had finally told Tiana the truth.

She just couldn’t do it. And that was enough for Charlotte to realize that she wasn’t worthy to be Tiana’s sister, let alone her friend. She was just a hypocrite, feigning genuine care to the woman she claimed to be her other half.

How long could she put this off?

Her phone vibrated, and she sat up, wiping her eyes. It was Nanami.

“What?” She grunted, at first frustrated with herself. Then, she was reminded that Nanami was out there smacking lips with another woman.

“Er- I’m sorry?” Nanami felt strangely apologetic, like she should be atoning for something.

“Yeah, well you should be.” Charlotte grumbled, channeling her guilt to berate Nanami.

“Did I do something wrong?” Nanami asked, so clueless and unaware. He had driven to the complex, and was parked out, but he had yet to work up the courage to go up there and see Tiana. It was late, she could be exhausted, but what if she was sick? What if she had gotten hurt, which is why she couldn’t answer the phone, or worse, she never even made it home? It would be nothing to waltz up there, walk in, and check on her. But what if she was indecent, or wanted to be by herself? He had to respect her privacy as an adult, and as a woman. He didn’t have the right to intrude on places where he didn’t belong, where he didn’t have permission.

“Is Tiana okay?” Nanami asked, ignoring Charlotte’s attitude. “Did she answer?”

“She’s fine.” Charlotte said bluntly. Nanami raised a brow, the answer less than inadequate.

“Well, can you tell me what happened?”

“No.”

“No?” Nanami clutched his phone, his knuckles white. “Charlotte, I’m not asking for details, I just want to understand.” Nanami sounded so desperate. A part of him felt spurned that Tiana answered Charlotte immediately, but they had an established bond that even Nanami couldn’t get in between. He knew there would be things he would never be privy to, but he wanted Tiana to let him in, even just a sliver.

“No, Nanami.” Charlotte said firmly with a bit of bite. Nanami ran a hand through his hair, nostrils flared as he tried to contain himself.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Nanami huffs. “Come on, Charlotte-”

“Rest assured that she is fine. I mean she isn’t, but she will be.” Charlotte huffs on the other line. She was the reason Tiana was so far from home to begin with, and she would no doubt be the cause of more heartbreak. She didn’t want to share that guilt with Nanami right now, fearing that he would throw it back in her face that she was being selfish.

“Just wait for her to call you back, okay?” Charlotte’s voice grew small on the line, yet Nanami wasn’t near satisfied.

“Charlotte, if you’re still mad about me leaving-”

“I’m not.” Charlotte cut in aggressively, and that part was true. At first she was mad at Nanami because he was right, but now all she had was a feeling of self-hatred. She clears her throat, trying to contain her misplaced frustration.

“I promise, I’m not.” Charlotte strained. “She just needs some time, s'all.”

That comment infuriated Nanami, because Charlotte had left Tiana alone to “give her time”. Now look at where she was. What if Tiana-

“She won’t, Nanami. If that’s what you're thinking.” Charlotte seemingly read Nanami’s mind. “Just let her rest.”

And rest, she tried. Tiana was practically dead to the world when she was asleep, and she felt like a reanimated corpse when she came to. She tried to open her eyes, but they were swollen shut and puffy, hexagonal glints of sunlight invading her vision. Her entire body felt like lead. As she looked through her squinted eyes, she realized she was still on the couch from the night before, her limbs tangled in her blankets. Her skin was sore to the touch, as if she had ran a marathon. Her throat felt as if it were minced, to the point where it hurt to breathe; she couldn’t imagine how it would feel to actually form a sentence. And her head, it felt as if someone were drilling her brain, not to mention the high pitched ringing in her ear.

Awful wasn’t enough to describe the half of it.

She felt around for her phone, which had fallen between the couch cushions. She squinted at the phone screen, and her heart seemed to dip.

28 missed calls from Nanami. 7 unread texts.

He must have been going mad. She didn’t even have a proper excuse on why she left so suddenly. It’s not as if she were a local, Nanami was probably conjuring up the worst scenarios possible.

She scrolled through his text, reading them one by one, watching his anxiety grow stronger with each message.

Hey Tiana, where did you go?

Tiana, why aren’t you answering your phone?

Tiana?

Answer your phone.

Are you okay? Did something happen to you?

Please answer. Just let me know that you’re alright.

Tiana let out a shaky exhale, her hands trembling as she looked at the seventh message, which was sent just minutes prior to her gaining consciousness again. The message seemed a lot more calm, and a lot more put together.

Let me know when you wake up.

When she wakes up? It’s as if he knew that she had dozed off safely in her apartment.

With aching hands, she typed her message slowly.

I’m awake.

A check mark appeared next to her message, showing that Nanami had read it instantly. Had he been waiting for her message?

Can I come over?

Tiana blinked at the message, trying to process how she would answer. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to see him. And with each passing moment, it was taking more and more energy to denounce the intensity she felt from the previous night. She wasn’t sure if seeing Nanami when she wasn’t in her right mind was the best thing to do right now, for the sake of her sanity, nor for the sake of her body because it hurt just to twiddle her thumbs to type a response to turn him down.

Just as she was about to hit send, another message popped up that caused her to sway.

I want to see you.

And Tiana found herself yielding to his request, no holds barred.

Alright.

It hadn’t even been five minutes when there was a rapid knock on the door, Tiana's body lacked the energy to jolt, so her bloated eyes simply flitted to the door. How the hell did he get here so fast?

In truth, Nanami had been waiting outside. He sat there after his call with Charlotte in the wee hours of the morning, wondering if she had told him the whole truth. He waited, just in case Tiana stumbled past his car, or maybe came out of the complex, like a creep.

When he came to the conclusion that the night would continue to stand still, save for his fingers drumming on the steering wheel, he went home. He tried to sleep, but his mind was running a mile a minute; his brain flooded with that kiss, but a different version. With a different woman. It drove him to insanity, his body shuddering underneath his bedding against his will. So when the sun rose, he went about his morning routine, got in the car, and drove around, trying to piece together his spacey thoughts. Trying to decide what he really wanted, what he was really feeling. Instead of finding an answer, he found himself outside the complex around noon, hoping yet again that Tiana would let him in.

“Tiana, can I come in?”

His voice sounded urgent, as if he needed to hear her voice in order to confirm she was alive, to confirm the message she had just sent was some sort of automation. Tiana blinked, opening her mouth to speak, but nothing came out but a strained wheeze. It was as if someone had squeezed the air out of a rubber toy. Her throat hurt so bad, as if her vocal chords had been stretched and tied into a present bow.

“Tiana?” Nanami called out again, but she was unable to respond. She reached for her throat, eyebrows furrowed in pain and frustration. She tried to answer again, but all that came out was a set of agonizing coughs.

“I’m…I’m coming in.” Nanami sounded unsure, but continued to put in the password to her door. The four familiar beeps sounded, followed by a long one. Then the click of the door. Tiana sat there anxiously, each sound crisp in her ears as a foreboding feeling swept over her.

The door opened, and Tiana turned to look at Nanami, who despite seeming quite comfortable in his sweats, looked so disheveled, as if he had been tossing and turning all night. Honestly, he looked about as sick as she felt, dark circles shading his under eyes. His blonde hair was tousled about, and his face looked dreadful. His eyes scanned the room frantically until he finally noticed the shifting pile of blankets on the couch was Tiana, and not an abandoned mess.

Tiana couldn’t even smile properly to greet him. Without even removing his shoes, he rushed over, kneeling in front of her. It was so sudden, that Tiana jolted back, blinking rapidly.

“Why didn’t you answer?” He asked, his eye contact so intense that it felt as if Tiana was being consumed in his gaze. It made her nervous, feeling as if he were interrogating her.

Tiana opened her mouth again, shaking her head as she motioned to her throat, nothing but a squeak coming out. Nanami’s eyebrows creased, and the amount of worry pooling his eyes was irregular for two people who considered themselves friends for a couple of months. He looked at her as if he had known her for a lifetime.

“You’re sick?” He asked gently, and Tiana simply nodded her head, her eyes in a squint. Immediately, he raised the back of his hand to Tiana's forehead. She was so bewildered by the sudden contact, but his hand was cool against her flesh. It was comforting, and that feeling of shock turned into a feeling of familiarity. That same sense of security he always seemed to provide her. So instead of pulling away, she found herself leaning in.

“You're warm.” Nanami’s voice was low as he flipped to his palm, leaving a tingling sensation on Tiana’s face. “If you weren’t feeling well last night, you should have just told me…” Nanami’s voice dipped as he kept muttering to himself, or maybe Tiana had begun to tune him out. His words were a soft chastisem*nt, mores o of worry than actual scolding. Tiana’s eyes flutter close, and she sighs. She was helpless with him, and helpless without him. Replacing his grim look with a small smile, Nanami removes his hand, looking up at Tiana, all wrapped up in blankets with a worn-out expression. She had that usual frown on her lips, but it was as if the muscles in her face were too tired to allow her brows to crease. He tilts his head, standing up from his crouched position.

“If you didn’t want to go out with me today, you could have just said no.” He jokes, folding his arms. “No need to get yourself sick to avoid me.”

In Nanami’s attempts to make Tiana laugh, he succeeded, but it not a full body laugh. It was an airy one, a rush of air expelling from her nose.

Nanami hums, looking down at Tiana. This was the second time she had become unwell in such a short period of time. Maybe she hadn’t recovered fully last time, and Nanami felt a bit of responsibility from that.

He also felt a bit of guilt from the previous night, the wild imaginations appearing in his mind from an action that was imposed on him. He should have been more tentative of Tiana. He should have left early with her, made her feel more comfortable. It should have been just the two of them.

He should have kissed her.

He would surely never make that mistake again. Never let a chance like that escape him, ever again.

“I’ll be right back. Go get comfortable.” He had a determined look, a man on a mission for sure. Tiana, who was unable to protest, simply watched him walk out of the door, closing it gently.

I shouldn’t, Tiana thought. I should just send him home.

But how could she when his mind was already made? She couldn’t just turn him away.

She didn’t want to turn him away.

So Tiana found herself in a warm bath, the water soothing her aching body, and clearing her senses slightly, but her throat felt like sandpaper with each swallow. She poked and prodded at her tender body, washing over her skin gently as she rinsed off her worries and thoughts, watching them swirl down the drain with a few sediments.

She thought of what Charlotte said, about listening to her heart. While putting on a new set of warm pajamas, she opened the door to that muscle just a sliver, just a crack, listening to its whispers of desire for only a second. She feared if they got too loud, or if she opened that door too wide, it would overtake her. She heard the same three words repeated over and over, chanting like a spell.

Indulge a bit.

Indulge a bit.

Indulge-

“Tiana, I’m going to use your stove.” Nanami’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, and Tiana sat up straighter on her bed. How long had she been sitting there?

And after the last time he cooked, why did Nanami think Tiana would ever allow him to do that again?

Tiana creaks up, her joints aching as she shuffles out of her bedroom with a blanket on her shoulders, closing the door softly. She turns the corner and has multiple deja vu moments, but mainly to the most recent one of Nanami scorching her favorite pan.

He was pulling different things out of paper bags: green onions, mushrooms, carrots, a container of stock, some damn eggs. He had also taken some things from her fridge: some leftover chicken and a container of rice that she never got to eat. He moved about the kitchen as if he lived there.

Nanami perked up when he saw Tiana, wrapped in her duvet as it trailed behind her. He continued divvying up the ingredients, rinsing off utensils and knives as he prepared the meal he was about to make.

“What?” Nanami asked, as he looked at Tiana, who eased into the stool that was stationed near the counter, acting as a small island separating the two. Tiana raised her brow, eyes gesturing towards the ingredients, mainly the eggs, on the counters. Nanami follows her gaze, then scoffs lightly.

“What, you don’t trust me?” Nanami says, jutting his hip out, waving the wooden spoon he was holding in the space between them. Tiana simply pursed her lips, looking down her nose at him. He playfully brushes her off, turning his attention back to the items.

“Though you should be resting, I think it’s an honor to be viewed by a professional.” His head was down with hair falling in front of his face, yet Tiana could hear him smile as he spoke. “So, I’ll let you watch.”

Tiana found his co*ckiness quite surprising, yet refreshing. It was entertaining to think that he was granting her permission to watch him cook with her utensils in her kitchen, which was also in her home. It just showed that the two had reached another level in their relationship that would be impossible to step back from. Sighing in defeat, Tiana slumps on the counter, watching Nanami with prying eyes, dissecting each and every one of his movements.

She came to the conclusion that she would indulge in this moment. There was nothing wrong if she did, and it would be a missed opportunity if she didn't. And it’s not like the two were doing anything strange. She could look at this simply as one of their usual hangouts, except he was in her house, cooking for her, and willingly taking care of her and making sure she was alright.

There was nothing wrong with that.

There was nothing wrong with him being kind, and her accepting his kindness.

That’s all it was.

She watched him rinse the vegetables, placing them on the wooden cutting board one by one. In a pot on the stove, he poured the stock and turned the gas on high to bring it to a boil. The blue flame under the grates crackled with life, lapping at the bottom of the pot gently.

She watched his fingers work meticulously, holding the vegetables tightly as he sliced, diced, and minced them accordingly. The way his fingers curved to carefully avoid each sharp slice from her knife. The action created a rhythm that was almost lulling as the stock bubbled in the background like an afterthought. Tiana was content with just watching, waiting. Observing. Her elbow perched on the edge of the counter, she leaned into the palm of her hand, growing drowsy as the sounds of an active kitchen and smells of fresh ingredients, sending her into a state of composure. It reminded her of when she would watch her father cook as a child.

She heard Nanami chuckle, but she couldn’t even make a rebuttal. She just squinted her eyes, glaring into his forehead as he slid the veggies into the boiling liquids.

Nanami tried to focus on the movements of his hands, and nothing else. He couldn’t even look Tiana in the eye, because he felt ashamed of the risqué thoughts that had been plaguing his mind the past 24 hours. He felt that if he looked at her, then his body would simply melt. Even though she was as sick as a dog, she looked so adorable, snuggled up and trying to keep from nodding off. And because Tiana couldn’t exactly use her voice to communicate, her body seemed to do it for her. She seemed comfortable, relaxed. Open, even. Everything, yet nothing at all being said in the small kitchen in the light of the midday sun. Nanami could picture something similar to this everyday, for the rest of his life, really.

He wondered if Tiana felt an inkling of that.

Tiana watched Nanami all the way to the end of his process, even applauding him when he successfully cooked the eggs without her kitchen going up in smoke, which he gracefully bowed at. The two made their way to the couch, Nanami holding two steaming bowls of soup that smelled so savory. Tiana was practically salivating at the mouth as Nanami handed her the bowl gently.

“Careful. It’s hot.” Nanami warned, watching the hunger in Tiana’s eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder if Tiana had even gotten to eat the night before, the way she was eying the bowl as if it were the first meal she had in weeks.

Tiana took a spoonful, blowing on it gently to ward off the steam, and shoved it in her mouth. Her palate was definitely satisfied: the vegetables had a light crunch, the egg wasn’t runny, the rice and broth coated her throat with a soothing warmth, and the chicken was quite tender from soaking in the stock. Tiana sighed in content, swinging her feet gently. Nanami stifled a laugh; she often did some sort of dance whenever she ate something good, and it made him happy that she was dancing for his food. He was thoroughly amused as well, because she looked so damn cute right now; wide eyed as she chewed in silence.

While Tiana downed the last bit of soup, Nanami got up, strolling to the kitchen. When he returned, it was with a bottle of medicine and a measuring cap. Untwisting the bottle, he poured the dark liquid into the small cup. He hands it to her, and she takes it graciously after putting her empty bowl down.

“Here, take this. It’s going to make you a little sleepy.”

Tiana didn’t argue, following the instructions given as she tilted her head back, the consistency of the liquid like sap as it slid down her throat. The taste was nothing to gawk at, it was thick and bitter, with an oily finish. She jerked her head back, swallowing loudly as she tried not to gag, because it would no doubt hurt if she did. She threw her disgusted look towards Nanami, who sat there apologetically.

“I’m sorry, I should have told you it’d be kind of gross.” He said, leaning back into the cushions. Tiana frowned, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, her tongue pressed into the roof of her mouth. She leans forward, grabbing the remote from the coffee table, curling back into her blanket. Nanami took notice of this, a smile itching at his lips. Was she pouting?

When Nanami said that the medicine would make Tiana sleepy, he didn’t think it would knock her out so quickly. Tiana had been flitting through the channels to settle on a movie. The title card didn’t even get a chance to show before Tiana’s head thumped onto Nanami’s shoulder, her limp hand falling to his thigh. She must have been exhausted.

Soft exhales left her nose, the blankets over her rising and falling as the television flashed across the walls of the living room. Nanami looked down at the woman, completely mesmerized, even though she had simply fallen into a slumber. She wasn’t extravagantly dressed, or doing anything that was particularly spectacular, but Nanami didn’t need that. Her presence was spectacular. The way her face looked so soft as she snored, that was extravagant enough. This was more than he could ever ask for. Why yearn for a dance in front of hundreds, when they could be in each other’s existence. Just the two of them. Something so simple, yet so fulfilling. He let her stay there a while, and he would have let her sleep there forever.

But even with these chivalrous thoughts, deep down, the provocative part of him craved a bit more. He tried not to let them form fully in his mind, but he couldn’t help the way they bubbled at the surface of his consciousness.

And when Tiana’s head lolled so hard that it fell into his lap, the bubbles began to pop.

He was unable to watch the movie anymore, and tried not to shift or move a muscle. Not even a twitch. But at the same time, he felt his skin grow hot, so much so that he began tugging at the sleeves on his sweater.

Nope, Nanami thought, shaking Tiana slightly.

“Tiana?” Nanami called gently, trying to keep his voice from raising any higher. “Tiana, you should get in bed.”

“Hm?” Tiana’s voice croaked groggily, the first vocal sound she had been able to make all day. The hum vibrated all the way to Nanami's core.

She had to get off him. Now.

“Alright.” Nanami grunted, scooping up Tiana’s upper half to lean on her side of the couch, away from him. She just slumped over, still sound asleep. Nanami reached over, picking up her exposed arm slightly, and letting it go, the limb flopping back into her lap. She was ko’ed, and would definitely be in this state for a few hours, if not the rest of the day. It wouldn’t be right if Nanami allowed Tiana to stay on the couch, all bent over awkwardly. She could hurt herself even more, and Nanami felt justified to simply put Tiana to bed himself.

And to not look into it anymore than just that.

Nanami swept Tiana into his arms, her arms and legs dangling as he cradled her. Trying not to trip over the blanket pooling on the ground, his feet carefully padded her to her room. Tiana wasn’t necessarily heavy, but she was definitely solid. Nanami was grateful that she was fast asleep so she didn’t hear or feel the way his heartbeat reverberated around his body.

Nanami fiddled with the door handle carefully as he bent over, rotating it until the door popped open. He tapped the bottom of the door with his foot softly, and it swung open.

Nanami had never been in Tiana’s room, for obvious reasons. Though it was a simple bedroom, it was the fact that it was a bedroom. Tiana’s bedroom, specifically. Nanami felt like he had diverted back into an unlawful teenager, and his skills and logic were simply thrown out the window. He was so flustered by his own sense of immaturity, shaking his head at himself as he tiptoed to Tiana’s bed with her in his arms. He gently placed her down, her body stirring slightly as she rolled onto the mattress. Nanami then took the time to tuck her exposed limbs back into her blanket, hoping that the heat would help her sweat out her fever.

Nanami stood there, looking around her room, taking it in. It had the same brown decor as outside, with hints of green. An area above her headboard had a bunch of pictures pinned into the wall, and he saw a peachy, familiar face in all of them. Majority of the pictures were all with Lottie. Pictures of the two when they were kids, teens, and early adulthood. Silly faces, smiling faces, what looked to be a prom photo. Nanami chuckled, leaning in closer to get a better look. There was one particular picture that snagged his eye; it was Tiana and Lottie, but the other half was hidden under a photo of the girls coloring on someone's wall.

Tiana had on a white dress, that was kind of in a mermaid style, with green detailing crossing over her body. There was a beautiful lily decorating her shoulder, and she wore a green tiara with a thin white veil cascading behind her like a waterfall. Lottie was wearing a green dress that had a slit down her leg, and it kind of fell off the shoulders as she held a giant bouquet of the same flower Tiana had on her dress. The two had beaming smiles, so wide that their eyes were closed, and Charlotte had a bright brush of blush across her cheeks and under her eyes, as if she had been crying. Anyone in their right mind would be able to tell that this was a wedding photo, and anyone knowing Tiana would understand why the other half was hidden.

He didn’t mean to stare so intensely. Nanami has always been one to mind his business, especially as an adult. Adults had private lives for a reason, and they opened up about those parts of their lives when they were ready and thought the other person was deserving of being let into their circle. Tiana, before Nanami, had an entire life laid before her. She had ambitions, dreams, goals. If things had played out the way Tiana had prayed for, chances are that Nanami would have just been another passing face on the street. He probably would have met her when visiting Charlotte for a holiday. Lottie would have introduced Tiana as her sister and long time best friend. Tiana, being the gracious woman that she is and being free from her current afflictions, would have kindly welcomed him in as a new found family member and friend. She’d introduce Naveen, and they would find out about their previous business relationship. She’d gush about her restaurant, the same way she does about food now with such gusto and passion. Tiana would probably have a boy, or a little girl with the same big brown eyes. Who ever it was would probably wear the same frown he mama does, because Nanami would be a complete stranger, and it would take time for her to warm up to the man. But they would be equally as ambitious, having two parents with a support system to back up their aspirations. Tiana, after that, would probably never look his way again, because Naveen would undoubtedly have her full, undivided attention.

But Nanami would undoubtedly look her way every time.

Because Nanami would, no matter when, undoubtedly fall for her every time.

And Nanami, despite it being at the expense of Tiana’s happiness, was grateful that he had a chance with her this time.

Tiana stirred slightly, her head jerking to the side, eyebrows furrowed. Nanami looked down, watching her become a bit restless, the creases in her brows becoming much more prominent with each passing second. Her eyes squeezed harder and harder, until a single tear slipped past her eyelids, and rolled down her face.

“Na…nnn…” She muttered, her left hand squeezing at something that Nanami couldn’t see. But what he could see is that her ring was still gone, the light patch of skin wrapped around her finger in its place. Was she having a nightmare about Naveen again? That must have been who she was calling out to, who she seemed to be grappling for.

Yet Nanami hoped she was reaching out for him.

“I’m sorry, Tiana.” He crouched by her bedside, his face close enough to feel her rapid exhales. “I’m sorry for deceiving you.” He took his thumb, massaging the spot in between her brows, the muscles relaxing with each roll. After the creases ceased, he wiped at her cheek and under her eye, catching the streams of water.

“But we’re the same.” Nanami whispered. “So let’s be greedy together.”

All Nanami could do was pray to whatever omnipotent being above that Tiana would forgive him when she finds out the stunts he and Charlotte had pulled behind her back. That she wouldn't misunderstand his intentions.

“Just this once, let’s indulge in it.”

Tiana’s eyes fluttered open. Her body felt heavy, but she could've sworn someone was speaking to her. But when her eyes fully opened and she exited her state of delirium, there was no one there. Just a glass of water on her nightstand and that appalling medicine Nanami had her take.

“Ugh…” Tiana croaked like a bullfrog as she sat up in her bed. She didn’t remember falling asleep here, or maybe she did? Everything from the moment Nanami came back from the store until now was muddled in her brain, like someone clipped the memories up and stitched them together in the wrong order.

Tiana knocked back the glass of water, her throat no longer sore, and instead being incredibly dry. She cleared her throat, as she felt the cool liquid seep in the crevices of her chest. Instead of grabbing the medicine, she grabbed her phone to check the time. It was 2am.

“Jesus.” She hacked, startled by her own voice. She sounded like a chain-smoker mixed the screech of a weed whacker. But at least she could speak now, even if she sounded like a man who deep fried his own esophagus.

Nanami should definitely be home by now, Tiana thought. There was no way he stayed this late, nor did he have a reason to stay this late. He wasn’t obligated to do that, and she still appreciated him taking time off his vacation to watch over her. She exhaled, feeling the loneliness creep in.

“Come on, Tia. You’re grown.” She mumbled, getting up and popping her joints. As she stretched her back, her stomach grumbled, the light soup from earlier obviously not weighing on her stomach anymore. She dragged herself out of her room, wondering if Nanami made enough for leftovers. She wasn’t going to cook an entire breakfast at two in the morning.

Tiana padded past the living room, the television still on as it lit up the darkness, but with no volume. Tiana frowned, Nanami must've left it on when he left. Maybe that’s what he did at his house, but he should have at least had the courtesy to turn it off.

Tiana shuffled to the back of the couch, leaning over it to find the remote. Instead, she saw Nanami, curled up, and fast asleep.

“Oh-!” Tiana jumped, scaring herself. She had assumed she was alone, but Nanami had stayed. He actually stayed the night. In her living room. Tiana covered her face, her skin hot as she sucked in her breath.

She heard Nanami stir, and then a shortened grunt as if he were stretching. She dropped her hands to see Nanami sitting up, scratching the back of his neck. He looked at Tiana groggily, then gave her a smile.

“You’re up.” His voice was deep as he spoke, but the cadence of his words showed that he was elated. Tiana was gobsmacked, blinking for a moment before she gave him an answer.

“I am.”

“Your voice…” Nanami pursed his lips. “Well, at least you're speaking now.” He tilted his head, his eyes half closed, somewhat muttering to himself. “I missed your voice.”

If Tiana wasn’t awake before, she definitely was now. Nanami must have still been dreaming to say something like that without even flinching. Tiana was planted there in a flustered silence as Nanami stood up adjusting his clothes, his abdomen peaking from underneath his shirt. She looked down as he walked past her, not paying attention to how shy she was being right now.

“You must be hungry, but it’s-” He paused, looking at the digital clock built into the stove, “-two in the morning. I cut some fruits up for you earlier, so I hope that’s enough.”

Nanami began moving around the kitchen, a giant bowl of fruits appearing from the fridge as he put a kettle of water on the stove.

Tiana sat in the stool by the counter, snacking on the fruits: lemons, oranges, grapes, melons, strawberries. She munched in silence, eyes trailing Nanami as she tried to understand his angle. This man, about two days ago, was smacking on another woman’s lips in a dark corridor like a two, sneaky teens trying not to get caught. And now, he was staying the night, doting on her as if everything was normal. Did this man not have any sort of guilt on his conscience?

But more so than that, did Tiana not have any shame? Because at the end of the day, she allowed him to stay here.

Because you want him to, a small voice in her heart spoke, and she found herself clutching her shirt hard, the fabric wrinkling as it scrunched against her chest.

She said she would indulge in this, and for her to fully immerse, she would have to throw all logic away.

Yet she felt like she was mocking herself, because did she really get so desperate for companionship that she was willing to play stupid?

The kettle screamed, hot, white steam spewing from its spout. Nanami picks it up by its handle, pouring it into a mug, the room filling with a strong smell of ginger. He places the mug gently in front of Tiana, and it clunks on the marble. Tiana abandons the gigantic bowl of fruit, grabbing the mug as it warms her palms. Nanami goes about, returning the kitchen back to its normal place, starting a conversation that only aided in Tiana’s confusion.

“Oh, I wanted you to do something for me.”

Tiana tilts her head, eyes glowing in the dark. “Hm?”

“Could you make me a list?”

Tiana clenched her mug. “A list?” She asked, her neck moving backwards.

“Yeah.” Nanami said nonchalantly, as if that was something they normally did. Tiana squinted her eyes. Was he drunk? Or high? “Errands that you wanted to complete over the break, things to do. I’ll take care of it for you.”

Tiana sat there dumbfounded. Enough was enough. “Why?” Her throat betrayed her as it cracked.

Nanami shrugged, rinsing out the kettle before grabbing a nearby towel and drying it off. “Well, I just thought it’d be best since you're not feeling well…” Nanami’s voice faltered a bit, losing confidence. “I’ll just…take care of it for you.”

“No,” Tiana cleared her throat, wincing. “Why…are you still here?”

Nanami just stands there, the words cutting him deep. Tiana looked a bit perturbed, the flash of the TV behind her casting an eerie silhouette onto the kitchen, reminding Nanami of the beams of the moon. Nanami opened his mouth, then closed it. He could tell her, he could tell her now, but it wouldn’t be the right time. But considering their circ*mstances, when would it be the right time for them?

“I-” Nanami stumbled over his words. “I just…I just want you to know that you can lean on me. You’re not alone.”

Tiana looked down into her mug, eying the tea with a frown as chunks of ginger floated about. That’s the problem. If she leaned on him, put that kind of pressure on him, she was scared that she would break him.

Or maybe, he would one day get tired of her weight and push her off him, breaking her instead.

One of them would have to give.

“You can use me.”

Nanami, saying those words to himself as some sort of prayer, didn’t think Tiana would hear them, though it was just them in the light of the tv screen. Tiana bit her lip, mustering up the courage to ask why. Why was he here, instead of with Misha? Why was he being so kind to her, when Misha was right there with an open heart? What was he thinking, wasting his time with her when he could be with someone right now who was willing to give all, and she could bear nothing but withered fruits and dried up seeds?

“Nanami, I don’t-” Tiana’s sentence was cut short, her voice at her limit as she crumbled into a fit of coughs, using her elbow to shield her face. Nanami’s lips twisted to the side as he leaned forward, pushing the mug closer to Tiana while she tried to settle herself down.

“Go ahead, drink up so you can get some rest.” Nanami said gently, walking back to the living room. Tiana caught her breath, sniveling as she took a sip of her tea. She downs it in silent gulps, trying to steady her own heart. It felt as if it were trying to leap out of her chest.

She rubs her face, pushing away from the counter, leaving the mug as she goes back to her room, feeling not only as if she had lost, but feeling as though she had been grounded. If Nanami really was doing this out of the kindness of his heart, then he didn’t have to command her around like a child.

Yet, Tiana found herself following his instructions anyway, writing a list of things she had planned to do with her spare time. Organizing some files in her office, grocery shopping, watering the plants, a few other miniscule things that she let pile up over the past few months that were starting to become big things. As she finished the list off, there was a knock on her door frame, and she turned to see Nanami there, arms crossed as he leaned on the frame.

“Is that it?” Nanami asked, gesturing with his head to the yellow notepad resting her hands, and Tiana nodded. Nanami walked over holding his hand out, and Tiana gave him the list without putting up a fight. His eyes read over the items, taking mental notes as he read.

“Alright. I’ll get started in the morning.” He headed towards the door, then turned around, having one more thing to say.

“Just call me if you need something. Okay?” Nanami coaxed her gently, and Tiana simply nodded, her head dipping in embarrassment.

“Alright, then.” He grabs the handle of her door, waving at her softly. “Goodnight, Tiana.”

“G’night, Nanami.” Tiana whispered, unable to get any louder than that. With an airy laugh, Nanami closes the door slightly, leaving a slight crack so that he could hear Tiana if she needed something.

Morning came, and Nanami got to work. First, he checked on Tiana, only to find her sprawled wildly on her bed, her arm hanging off the side. He decided to get to work while she was asleep, so he could at least be back to make her something when she awoke.

Tiana’s list involved grocery shopping, but they weren’t run-of-the-mill grocery items. Nanami knew immediately, based on Tiana’s request, that she was all about freshness. Tiana had a grocery envelope in the kitchen, and Nanami who decided to use his own money for the purchases, realized why she had such a thick envelope set to the side for budgeting. Fresh market food items were not cheap in the slightest, but it made up for it in quality. Even though Tiana’s food had a more southern background, you could taste the freshness of the eastern coastline.

After groceries, he went to a few other places the list led him to, and it caused him to learn more and more about Tiana. He found where Tiana got her vanilla scented candles. He also found where Tiana got her barrage of plants from, because she asked for more fertilizer. He found where she got those lovely yellow bulbs that added such a sentimental mood to her home. He found himself taking mental notes of her style, the things she liked, and the places she seemed to enjoy visiting. He even saw some places that he wouldn’t mind taking her to as a date.

“A date?” Nanami grumbled to himself in disbelief, shaking his head. He was getting far too ahead of himself. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to celebrate her birthday with her yet.

“When are we gonna go out for my birthday?” Tiana asked, her voice easing off of its recent wheeze, sitting on the couch as she watched Nanami re-pot one of her plants for her. Tiana decided not to fight, or think too hard for the rest of the day. Just to indulge in the feelings of warmth that were blooming in her. This, strangely, caused her to talk a lot more friendlier than usual. Maybe because she was nervous that it was all a facade.

“As soon as you get better.” Nanami said, wiping at his forehead, smearing a bit of dirt on his brow. “Which would happen quicker if you actually got some rest. We have until the 4th of January, it’s only the 28th.”

“Getting rest is boring.” Tiana said, throwing her head back in an exasperated manner. Since she had been so wired lately, having absolutely nothing to do seemed to stress her out more than being busy. When there was nothing to do, then she would have to occupy the thoughts she had been running away from.

And if she was going to be delusional, then she wanted to at least have fun as she lost her sanity.

“What about tomorrow?” She proposed, swinging her legs. Nanami paused to look at her, trying his hardest to keep a stern look, but it didn’t last long. His eyes immediately softened when he saw those big brown eyes, pleading with him, and he just couldn't say no. He sighs in defeat, throwing his hands in the air.

“Fine.” He looks away. “Only, and only if you get rest today. We can go as soon as you wake up tomorrow.”

Tiana nodded eagerly, her pleading expression turning into something quite sly. She stood up, walked towards Nanami, and attempted to wipe the dirt off his face, only to smear it more.

“You’re so soft.” She said, walking away to her room, her feet pitter-pattering on the floor.

“Yeah, yeah…” Nanami waves her off as blush spreads across his face. Only for you.

The last thing on the list was organizing her office, and Nanami could see why that particular task was dead last. Compared to the rest of her home, the office was a bit chaotic. It wasn’t horrendous, but it definitely needed some tidying. Tiana had most items labeled appropriately, and enough folders to organize the entire corporation. They just needed to be put in their right place, and it would be a great way to start the new year with a clean mind and area.

Nanami began filing, putting things away, and cleaning things off enough to where Tiana could maneuver right now if she needed to. As he was getting to the bottom of a stack of papers on her less crowded desk, he stumbled across a stack of documents that had him a bit perplexed. They were labeled for the sales department, which Tiana was interning in, but they were well above her level of clearance. Not only that, most of them had Misha’s name on them.

Again, Nanami wasn’t one to snoop, but he found himself curious as he thumbed through the files and reports. Tiana was clearly uncomfortable around the woman, so why would she have all these papers meant for her?

She must be studying her department superiors, Nanami concluded. Tiana may not like Misha, but just because you don’t like a person doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them. As Nanami came to his own interpretation, he found Tiana’s actions quite admirable. He chuckled, putting the papers back, hoping he hadn’t disturbed her studies too much.

By then, it was time for dinner. Nanami decided instead of rice soup, he would try hot pot with everything else that he had leftover from the night before, it would be a waste if he didn’t. He also didn’t think Tiana would enjoy eating the same thing twice, even if she was sick.

Nanami, from then on, knew that Tiana was a woman who deserved much more than what he could ever give. But he would try his darndest.

After finalizing the meal, he knocked on Tiana’s door. When she didn’t answer, he pushed it open a hair, peeking his head inside to see her fast asleep again, and the medicine cup empty. He didn’t want to awake her from her peaceful slumber, she looked so serene. She looked as if she were de-aging too, her face plush and the lines that were usually there seemed to have receded back into her smooth skin. This was something she desperately needed, and he was glad that he was able to give it to her.

The sun had begun to set below the horizon, casting a warm, orange glow inside her room. Everything seemed to glitter and shine, and it was definitely a scene Nanami wouldn’t mind seeing everyday. Tiana, blissfully asleep without a worry in the world. Even if he wasn’t to necessarily wake up to her everyday, seeing her at peace seemed to calm him. The energy in her home was contagious. Tiana herself was contagious.

He tiptoed over, tapping her gently. He wanted her to at least eat something before it got too late.

“Tiana, you need to eat something.” He said gently, crouching down next to her ear. “Then you can take one more dose for the night.”

Tiana groaned, turning over in frustration, refusing to leave the comfort of her bed. Nanami scoffs, shaking her a bit harder. “Come on. Then I promise I’ll leave you alone.” He said sarcastically.

Tiana protested, turning back to face Nanami, her eyes fluttering open while simultaneously trying to focus.

“Na-?” She hesitated, her nose scrunching. For a moment, in her groggy state, in the light of the dying sun, she could have sworn on her life Naveen was standing there, waking her up. Maybe it was the way the light bended around Nanami, but as the suns rays gradually became more dim, Nanami was slowly revealed to her. She scrambles up, wiping at her eyes aggressively, blinking hard a few times. She looks up at Nanami, who wearing a soft smile.

She almost said something she would have definitely regretted.

“There she is.” His voice was warm. “Come on, I made hot pot.”

Tiana, to ignore the strange apparition that woke her up, chattered away at the dinner table. Her voice was pretty much back, dipping every now and then like a teenage boy going through puberty.

“Don’t strain yourself.” Nanami chuckled. “Or I’ll have to cancel tomorrow-”

“You better not.” Tiana jabbed her chopsticks towards him. “I’ve been cooped up in this house too long; I swear I’m starting to see things.”

Nanami, completely amused now, laughed heartily. “Like what?”

Tiana couldn’t tell Nanami the whole truth. Tiana looked around, trying to find the right words to say, without sounding like an insane and insensitive asshole.

“More…times like this, I guess…” Tiana muttered, stirring the contents in her bowl. She couldn’t even look him in the eye as she gave him a piece of her. And even if it wasn’t the full truth, she meant it with utmost sincerity.

Maybe it was because the domestic routine was so familiar, or because her heart was touched at how Nanami went through great lengths to make sure she was okay. Or maybe it was something else, something that she kept pushing down into the depths of her heart. But she could see more times like this. More days like this, doing nothing but enjoying each other's company. She wouldn’t mind this becoming a permanent part of her routine.

She wondered if Nanami felt an inkling of that.

“Yeah…” Nanami muttered into his bowl, looking at the floating ingredients as Tiana’s eyes shot up towards him. Nanami tried not to cower away, he wanted to at least be able to look Tiana in the face while he said this. That way she would know that he actually means it.

“Me too…” His voice falters, and he caves, laughing at his own weakness. “I guess…”

Neither of them could fully commit to their words with confidence, yet both of them confused the sound of the other’s racing heart as their own.

The next morning, Nanami felt a finger poking his cheek, reeling him back from his recurring dream.

“Nanamiiiiii.” Tiana sang out melodically, poking Nanami’s face repeatedly as he stirred on the couch. He must have been tired from the day before, and she would have let him sleep in if half the day weren’t already gone. She felt giddy, wondering what kind of event Nanami had set up for her today.

Nanami had been muttering in his sleep for the past hour, and Tiana found herself watching over him, leaned over the couch as he spoke incoherently. He was adorable, his expression changing as he conversated with whoever was behind his eyelids.

“Nanami, it’s getting late.” She continuously poked him, her fingertips sinking into his skin. “You really shouldn't keep a lady waiting.”

Nanami’s eyes eased open, Tiana’s face hovering above his, her hair falling past her shoulder as she leaned over him, a wild grin.

She was as beautiful in his dreams as she was in his reality.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” Tiana said, her arms folded over her pajamas. “Don’t tell me you caught my cold?”

Nanami opened his mouth, but instead of a rebuttal, it was a strained cough. He sat up, hacking into his elbow, Tiana running around the couch out of concern.

“Oh, no-!” Tiana was definitely joking at first, but if Nanami really caught her cold, she’d feel guilty for the rest of her life. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry-”

Tiana stopped, noticing how Nanami’s coughing spiraled into laughter as smooth as velvet, lacking any sort of ailments. Tiana gapped at him, feeling utterly betrayed that he would do that to her. He stops laughing for a moment, tilting his head to look at her.

“I’m kidding.”

Tiana, with ears as hot as embers, grabbed the nearest throw pillow and shoved it in his face, knocking him back down into the cushions. She stood up, stomping to her room, Nanami’s laughter still ringing throughout her home as she slammed the door.

“I was kidding!” He calls back, in between laughter. The door opens momentarily, Tiana’s voice shouting at him, not as all threatening as she thought she sounded.

“That’s the last time I feel bad for you!”

Slam.

“At least dress warm!” Nanami called back.

Nanami kept laughing at his little prank as he got dressed in the guest bathroom located in the office, and when he left, Tiana was sitting on the couch, fully dressed with her arms folded and her lips jutted out into a dramatic pout.

“You still mad?”

…

“You can’t ignore me the entire trip, you know.”

“Hmph!”

“...That still counts as a response.”

That earned a pillow to the face for the second time that day.

Tiana stepped out of the complex first, clutching her coat to her chest. Her hands were gloved with wool, and her nose was tucked into her scarf. She stepped down the stairs into a fresh bed of snow, the element crunching under her boots. She took in the scenery, the sun beams pinching at her cheeks and the quiet wind bushing against her ears. And for a moment, everything was alright, until she noticed a man shoveling at the snow around the buildings. Her heart sank. She had been so preoccupied by Nanami, that her ring had slipped her mind.

Naveen’s ring had somehow, by some act of God, slipped her mind.

Might be a good thing, that voice said again, and she shook her head. No, it was a bad thing. A terrible thing. It was one of her only physical connections to him. How could she let something that she’d been so attached to, so dependent on, be lost and forgotten like that?

Taking a sharp inhale, she walked towards the man, who was in a black sweatsuit and a black cap. She had seen him a few times around the property from a distance, and came to the conclusion he was the groundskeeper. She never got to know his name, though.

“Hey…” Tiana’s voice came out small as she got closer to the man; he towered over her. Tiana was not a short woman, and the boots she wore had a slight heel on them, yet this burly dude who’s physique seemed to poke through his clothes could easily overtake her. His biceps were as big as her thighs, and his thighs were as wide as her head.

The man halted his shoveling, turning to glare down at the woman. A few strands of black hair peaked underneath his cap, and his eyes were as blue and mysterious as the depths of the arctic. He had a nasty scar on the side of his mouth, and Tiana hated to prejudge since she’s been subject to that a lot since she has been here, but he looked like an absolute ruffian. He may be the groundskeeper by day, but he could be a purse snatcher after hours. Tiana rocked on her feet, nervous.

“Hi, um, I’m sorry to bother you-” Tiana rambled, unable to return the man's intense stare. “I know you’re really busy, but I dropped something very important, very sentimental to me. A ring.” Tiana said, using her hands to speak. “It’s a silver band. I dropped it out here a few days ago…so if you find it, could you please return it to me?” Tiana peaked up at him, only to immediately look back into the snow as she shoved her hands in her pockets. “I’d, uh, really appreciate that.”

Tiana looked up, her lips skewed to the side, awaiting the man’s response. He looked at her for a moment, then nodded, returning his attention back to the snow.

“Haha, great!” Tiana said awkwardly, backing up. “Thanks again, I really appreciate it.” Tiana said, giving a thumbs up, but the man paid her no mind. Tiana turned quickly, smacking herself in the forehead as she walked towards Nanami, who had just stepped downstairs.

Nanami, who had been watching the exchange from afar, raised a brow as Tiana walked up to him. “What did you want with him?” He asked, looking back at the man.

Tiana looked at Nanami to answer, then remembered she was supposed to be giving him the silent treatment. She simply folded her arms, turning away from him with her nose in the air.

“Hmm…”

“Oh, come on.” Nanami chuckled, wisps of white leaving his lips. “You can’t still be mad.”

Tiana ignored him, instinctually walking towards Nanami’s car, but Nanami grabbed her wrist, tugging her the opposite way.

“We’re actually walking this time.” He said, pointing towards the gate. Tiana let Nanami pull her in silence.

As Nanami began walking the trail to the gate, his mind wandered back to Tiana talking to the man, and how reluctant she was about telling him about it. His lips pursed, only one thought crossing his mind.

Was that the type of guys Tiana was into?

The two walked in silence, Nanami with a warm grip on Tiana’s wrist, the leather squeaking. The two ended up at a bus terminal not too far away, Tiana had passed it during her routes quite a few times on her little trips. She looked at Nanami, curiosity taking over her as they walked into the building.

“Where are we going?” She asked. Nanami looked down with a glint in his eyes.

“Oh, now you’re talking to me?” He says, and Tiana’s nose scrunches, the way that it does when she’s about to say something witty.

“Just in case this turns into a slasher film. I gotta be prepared.” Tiana shrugged. Nanami chuckled.

“I promise, I won’t hurt you.”

Tiana raised a brow, scoffing. “Who said you’d be the one doing the hurting?”

Tiana had never been into the bus terminal, because she never really needed to go in there. It was like a smaller version of an airport, and definitely not like the bus stops back home. Nanami led the way, scanning his phone at the ticket booths with ease. Tiana just took notes, watching the people bustling about traveling for the new year with duffels and suitcases. It was so lively.

Nanami led the way on the bus as well, scanning his phone, and pulling Tiana towards the seats located in the center of the vehicle. He let go of her wrist, letting Tiana sit on the inside, and he sat on the outside, their shoulders touching as they squeezed together.

After a few more passengers got on the bus and settled, the vehicle moved forward towards their mysterious destination.

Tiana watched the scenery change from a bustling city with tall buildings, to curvy roads and jagged mountain ranges with salted tops. She pressed against the window, watching hordes of trees whiz by, and a few barren branches. The clouds in the sky swelled in gray lumps, but other than that it was very bright out. Tiana felt her ears popping due to the pressure and elevation change. She tapped her feet on the floor of the bus, turning back to Nanami who looked at her with wonder.

“Where are we?” She smiled, eyes shimmering. Nanami simply laughed, looking out the window himself.

“You’ll see.”

The ride was about an hour long, and when they stepped off the bus, Tiana read the sign on the red brick building. It said Zao Bus Terminal, obviously quite some ways from Yamagata. Tiana sniffed the air, a scent of sulfur mixing in with the scent of fresh snow. They seemed to be surrounded by hills, as if they were in a huge bowl. There were shopping centers and stalls, a few restaurants, and a road paired with a sidewalk that went uphill. Nanami grabbed Tiana’s hand, pulling her along the slanted road.

“Come on, birthday girl.”

Fingers knitted together like twine, it felt as if a fire were swelling in their palms. Tiana just followed his lead, face tucked into her scarf so Nanami wouldn’t turn around and see the goofy smile she was sporting. But Nanami himself refused to turn around, because he was wearing the same one.

Nanami pulled her into a nearby store, and when Tiana saw the products, she realized what was happening.

“No way.” She said, looking around to see the abundance of snow gear: snowboards, skiing poles, snow boots, goggles, the whole nine. There were also a few souvenir items, like snow globes and dog tags, but they obviously didn't come all this way for a damn keychain.

“Way.” Nanami beamed, walking straight to the counter, Tiana still in hand.

Tiana had never been skiing before. Yeah, she’s played in the muddy snow, making tanned snowmen and having a snowball fight or two with Lottie. She’d been ice skating once, but got her fingers run over and swore she would never subject herself to that type of pain again, fearing the next time her fingers would get sliced off. She could just picture Nanami laughing at her as she got a face full of snow.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you.” Tiana mumbled, her cheeks burning as they treaded up the beginner slope. She had traded her heeled boots for some more appropriate shoes. Nanami helped her strap into the skis, and he decided to choose a snowboard. Their hoods were up, the wind whipping wildly the higher in altitude they got. “You just wanted to laugh at me.”

“What, me?” Nanami feigned being offended, mouth gaped open. “Never.”

“Don’t think you’re hot stuff…” Tiana grumbled, her legs wobbling like a newborn deer. “I’m a quick learner.” As she was ending her sentence, she slipped forward slightly, Nanami catching her at the waist before she planted face first into the snow. That action alone took away from her credibility, and Tiana gritted her teeth as she mentally smacked herself.

Nanami chuckled, pulling her upwards, putting his hand on the small of her back to guide her.

“I believe you.”

Tiana grew up by water, the liquified version of snow. She was a swimmer by heart, and had great sea legs on a boat. Tiana learned, very quickly, that those sea legs meant nothing to this harsh terrain. The snowy hills could careless about her water expertise.

“You almost had it!” Nanami called from the base of the slope. “You gotta bend your knees!”

The sun was peeking behind one the mountains in the distance and the slope lights had turned on, causing the snow to flashback into her eyes. Her body was covered in flurries and wet patches from falling again, and again, and again. But she kept getting up, and kept trying, because Nanami kept encouraging her. Honestly, if it weren’t for Nanami being there, Tiana would have simply rolled down the hill, and all the way to the bus terminal. But each time Tiana fell, Nanami would be there to pull her up with gentle praises. Soon, falling actually became fun, because Nanami was there, waiting earnestly to catch her.

Tiana huffed, positioned herself at the top of the slope. It wasn't steep in the slightest, but she was yet to clear it all the way to the bottom. Nanami slid down easily, and Tiana knew this was something he had done habitually.

“Okay…” Tiana’s voice whisks into the air, looking down at Nanami who was waving his arms in the distance. “I can do this. I can do this.” She chanted, trying to gain confidence before pushing off, and sliding down the slope.

She inched down at a snail's pace, but it was the only amount of momentum that she could control right now. She went over Nanami’s instructions, applying and correcting her body.

Be calm, she thought. Square your shoulders, angled toes, lean…

Tiana curved down the slope successfully, feeling herself grow giddy. She repeats the same motion again, curving the other way. She straightens her skis, sliding down the slope, growing more and more proud.

“Look, look, look!” Tiana called, her voice carrying down the hill. “I’m doing it! I’m- woah!” Tiana hit a sharp turn on her skis, steadying herself with her poles. Nanami laughed, watching her with cautious eyes.

“Careful!” He called, watching her pick up speed, sliding towards him. “Look! You’re a natural.” He beamed.

“I got it!” Tiana yelled, curving down the hill, her knees shaking from excitement. “I got it! I-”

Her left ski gets caught underneath the right one, and she tumbles forward, rolling down the rest of the slope, nothing but darkness as she squeezed her eyes to block out the cold, wet snow.

“Woah-!” She hears Nanami yelp before she clips him up, the two falling like bowling pins into the snow. Tiana lays there, her limbs entangled with Nanami’s, staring up at the midnight sky.

“Pft-” She snickers, spiraling into laughter as her blood rushes into her ears. Nanami, who was laying across her stomach, raised his head from the snow, his face covered in white. It was in his coat hood, and the flurries were caught in his brows and lashes. He laughed, rolling off Tiana, and standing up. Tiana immediately lifted her arm, Nanami pulling her with ease.

“I…didn’t have it.” Tiana giggles, dusting herself off.

“You did pretty good for your first time.” Nanami chuckled, snowboard in hand. He grabbed the poles that had scattered to the ground, tucking the rentals under his arm, and he used his free hand to grab Tiana’s, their fingers nestling into each other as if they were made to fit that way.

As the two trudged through the snow, Tiana looked around, noticing the illuminated snowy lumps. Before, she hadn’t paid much attention to them, because she was too busy eating snow through her nose. But as the sun dipped below the horizon, mixed with the lights brightening the path, the lumps looked like creatures prowling in the dark.

“That’s so cool…” Tiana muttered, careful with her steps as she glided along.

“Pretty isn’t it?” Nanami asked, looking into the distance. “They’re known as the resident snow monsters. They get a bit bigger in February, though.”

“We’ve gotta come back, then.” Tiana said, determined. “I can’t be stuck on the bunny hill my entire life.”

Nanami decided to push his luck.

“It’s a date, then.”

Tiana almost tripped over her skis again, her eyes wide. Maybe snow had gotten in her ears.

“A date?” She asked for clarification. Nanami turned around, the tip of his nose red, with an anxious expression as if he had something he shouldn’t have.

“Is that alright?” He mutters, halting his steps. Tiana stands there with wide eyes, unable to go forward or backwards, simply at a standstill. Nanami swears that he can see the entire sky shining in those eyes, they way they glimmered in the dark. She nods her head gently, her free hand over her heart.

“That’s fine.” She responds.

Nanami had never wanted February to come so fast.

After returning the rentals, Nanami took Tiana from shop to shop around the prefecture. It started off as just window shopping until Tiana’s eyes began to sparkle, a beautiful green winter coat catching her eye in a store's display. It didn’t look much different from the one she had on now, except it had fur as the trim, but Nanami had learned that Tiana loved anything green. Well, besides frogs, anyway.

“Do you want it?” Nanami asked as the orange lights shone on them. Tiana rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, chewing on her lip.

“I don’t know…” Tiana said. “You’ve paid for so much today already.”

“But it’s your birthday.” Nanami emphasized.

“It was my birthday.” Tiana corrected him. “I don’t want to seem greedy, I’ve had a lot of fun today. The best birthday I’ve had in a long time.” She gave him a wide smile. Tiana’s past five birthdays had been unbearable, even with Lottie around to cheer her up. But Nanami made it one that she wouldn’t forget for years to come.

“Well the fun doesn’t have to end here.” Nanami shrugged. “Come on, think of it as an apology for this morning.” He said, referring to his little “prank”. Tiana hummed in thought, her eyes squinting at him.

“I don’t know…” Tiana muttered, and Nanami sighed dramatically.

“That’s a shame…” He said, digging into his pocket. He then pulled out an obsidian colored card between his index and pointer, the surface glinting in the light. “I’ve been wanting to break this in.”

Tiana’s jaw dropped, her eyebrows arched all the way to her hairline.

“Is that…a black card?” Tiana gaped. Nanami flipped the card over a few times, smiling deviously.

“Came with the promotion.” He said proudly, flashing his teeth.

Tiana was thoroughly impressed. Nanami wasn’t one to gloat or brag, she knew he was simply sharing his success with her, and she was genuinely proud. Nanami was reaching heights that he’d been working so long for, and the fact that he wanted to use his newfound wealth on Tiana first instead of himself made her feel guilty, considering she didn’t even celebrate with him properly.

“Maybe…” Tiana eyed the card, a sly smile appearing on her face as she help up her pointer finger. “Maybe just one thing…” Nanami simply tilted his head.

“Just one?” He egged her on, and Tiana laughed, folding her arms.

“How about this?” She proposed. “I buy something, you buy something. That way we can celebrate each other.”

Nanami tapped the card on his chin, staring up at the sky as if he were seriously contemplating it.

“That’s not a bad proposition, very business-like.” He said, turning back to the coat in the window. “So, what do you say?”

Tiana turned to the window, but instead of focusing on the garment, she saw another woman. A bright-eyed woman, covered in snow, looking as if she were having the time of her life. The face of a woman who didn’t want tomorrow to come at all.

Tiana had seen a black card once before, the object belonging to Naveen. He always tried to get her to have her way with the card, and she would always decline. She felt as if she were undeserving, or that she would become spoiled and lose her work ethics. At the end of the day, she didn’t want to owe him.

But right now, she owes it to herself. She owes it to the woman smiling back at her in the window. She said she would indulge in this, and dammit, she was going to have a good time doing it. This was her day. This was her moment. Their moment. She exhales sharply, raising her gloved hand tapping her finger on the window.

“Charge it.”

Tiana didn’t think the night could get more entertaining, but Nanami proved her wrong. They took turns, traveling the streets of Zao jumping from shop to shop, trying on clothes, trying steaming street foods, or checking out smaller souvenir shops. Since Tiana purchased a coat, Nanami decided to buy a statuette for Tiana’s living room. Tiana tried to say it didn’t count, but Nanami told her that she didn’t specify that the purchase must be made solely for the buyer.

The two laughed until their stomachs hurt, and walked until their soles cramped. Everything felt so light and airy, as if the two were levitating an inch above the ground. They finally got to the last shop on the strip, a souvenir store, Tiana wanting to stop and buy a few things to commemorate the moment.

“We’ll be back in February.” Nanami said, watching as she picked up t-shirts and pressed them to her chest to see how they looked.

“I know, but I want to remember right now.” Tiana responded, picking up the dark green one Nanami knew she was going to get anyway. Laughing through his nose, Nanami walks to the shirts, picking out one for himself too.

“You’re right.” He says not wanting to jinx himself, and Tiana rebuttals with a quick “I always am”.

Nanami checks his phone, the time nearing 10pm. He walks to Tiana, her back towards him as she looks for a cute keychain. He places his hand on the small of Tiana’s back, causing her to jolt. He leans down slightly, his lips a few inches from her ear.

“It’s getting kind of late.” He says gently. “If we want to catch the bus back, we’ll have to leave now.” He offers. “Or, we can stay the night. It’s your choice.”

Tiana clutched the shirt in her hands. The air about them seemed much different than usual, a lot thicker. Maybe it was his hand gently holding her, or their proximity, Tiana’s brain short circuited for a moment.

Was this alright?

Was this going too far?

Tiana had second thoughts at first, a strange sense of intuition telling her that leaving right now at this very moment would save her from their impending doom. But she brushed it off as quickly as it came.

It’s not like they would be doing something raunchy, they would simply stay the night. It didn’t mean anything, it didn’t have to mean anything. It was only wrong if Tiana thought of it that way. They were adults. Tiana smiles, but her eyebrows were furrowed a bit.

“The fun doesn’t have to end here, right?”

The two sat in the back of a cab that was to take them to the place they were staying that night. Nanami was able to rent it immediately even on such short notice, almost as if they were awaiting his call. They eased past cute little cabins and frosted trees, but Tiana couldn’t even focus on that. She kept tapping her feet, nerves shot as her mind raced with a billion different things.

Nanami wasn’t expecting something from her tonight, was he?

No, of course not! He wasn’t that kind of man. He’s kind…

Maybe a bit too kind…

Does a kind person kiss one woman one day then spend the night with another the next?

Is he actually a womanizer?

What am I doing?

I don’t think I’m ready-

“We’re here.” Nanami said getting out of the cab. He goes to the trunk, grabbing the few shopping bags that they had. Tiana, snatched out of her train of thought, fumbled with her seatbelt before it finally released, and she exited the car.

Nanami, with bags in one hand, walked up the stoned pathway, Tiana trailing behind as quiet as a mouse as she fiddled with a loose string on her glove. Nanami reached into a fake potted plant next to the door, picking up a silver key. He inserted it into the lock, and turned it, the door popping open with a long creak. Nanami enters, flipping on the lights by the door. The entire place illuminates with a warm yellow glow, revealing an adorable wooden lodging with couches surrounding a dark fireplace. The logs that made up the house were smooth and light, opposing the dark leather furniture that was decorated with pillows and blankets. There was a small table in the middle of the couches, and not too far from the fireplace was a record player and a stack of vinyl. There was a small kitchenette, but they wouldn't be using it because they brought food with them. There was also a narrow hallway that had three closed doors.

“Laundry room is the first door on the left, and your room is right next to it. Mine is on the right.” Nanami said, wiggling out of his shoes. Tiana released a breath she didn’t know she was holding, relief flooding her body. She knew Nanami didn’t oppose sleeping on the couch, considering he slept on her for almost two days, but the fact that there were two rooms and not one made her feel a lot more comfortable.

“Kk.” Tiana says, grabbing the bags that were her. She felt so stiff as she bent down, as if she had become a doll. Why was she feeling this way now? After all the fun that she had, why did she have to ruin it?

“Are you okay?” Nanami calls after Tiana, who he had noticed had gone a bit quiet. Tiana looks up, about to say she was fine, but she couldn’t lie to Nanami, not when he looked at her with those soft brown eyes. He looked so concerned, and guilt began to eat at her. Because at the end of the day, Nanami had done all this for her, and she felt like she was throwing it back in his face because she couldn’t keep her mood in check. Because she couldn’t keep her feelings in check.

“I…I want to talk to you…” Tiana said, a bit uneasily. “About something important.”

She had to be honest with him, and this was the first step.

Nanami, sensing how serious she was, nodded his head.

“All right. Let’s get settled and talk over dinner.”

Tiana showered quickly, putting on her souvenir shirt and a pair of random basketball style shorts she bought, psyching herself up. She knew she wanted to talk to him, but she couldn’t pinpoint where she wanted to start. She didn’t want to dive too deep into her own feelings, because she wasn’t ready to take that leap of faith just yet. She didn’t want to talk about Misha, because that would lead right back to point a, in addition to leaving a sour taste in her mouth. But since they were being open on this trip, and it was just the two of them, then she would have to seize this opportunity. Airing everything out before they got back, getting a clear understanding of each other. Maybe drawing a more defined line, or erasing one. Tiana wasn’t sure, but she knew tonight would have to be a step forward for her. For them.

She scratches her ring finger, picking up her clothes from today, and taking them to the laundry room. After putting them in the machine, she goes to the living room to see a few takeout containers on the coffee table, and Nanami lighting the fireplace. A bright orange blaze crackles to life, and Nanami pokes it with the iron poker, adjusting the logs. He looked deep in thought, as if he were contemplating something. He was also wearing his souvenir shirt, and a long pair of sweatpants.

He turns to the table, sitting crisscrossed, finally noticing Tiana’s presence. He smiles gently, motioning for her to have a seat.

“Hope you’re still hungry, at least.”

The two eat in silence, neither wanting to burst the bubble of silence. Both were anxious of what the other would say, and how the other would react. How they themselves would react to what they hear, if it was something they wanted to hear in the first place. So Nanami decided to take the first step, opening the floor for Tiana who could barely eat with her utensils. She was shaking so bad that her food kept falling off just inches from her mouth.

“What did you want to talk about?” Nanami asked gently. Tiana could barely chew her food because he jaw was so tight, simply just swallowing it whole. She cleared her throat, trying to work up the nerve.

“I, um…” Tiana started, looking up at Nanami who had a troubled expression in his eyes. And just like that, Tiana faltered.

“I lied…” Tiana muttered. Nanami’s brows creased, and he leaned in.

“You lied?” He asks, still concerned. “About what?”

“I, um…I actually can dance…” Tiana stalled. Nanami just blinked at her, not really understanding.

“What?”

“The night of the gala,” Tiana’s memories became vivid as she spoke, “When you asked me to dance, I said I had two left feet. I lied.”

Nanami didn’t look convinced, his lips still downturned slightly. “Are you sure that’s what you wanted to talk about?” He encourages her, but Tiana can’t do anything but shrug.

Nanami sighs, dropping his chopsticks, but he doesn't look mad at all.

“Tiana-”

“It’s just-” Tiana rushed out, rambling as she got close to the problem, but not actually touching the root of it. “There were so many people, and I got nervous…but I really wanted to celebrate with you, I just…I couldn’t.” Tiana felt herself getting worked up, the emotions from that night beginning to overwhelm her. “I’m sorry…I just…I don’t know.”

Nanami’s face had softened from anxious to one of empathy, as if he understood Tiana’s incoherent string of thoughts. As if he didn’t need her to finish, he already fully comprehended her before she spoke.

“Tiana, I should be the one apologizing.” Nanami’s voice caresses her ears, his tone soothing. “For more things than one, really.”

“I should have been more considerate of you. That is not your fault. Your comfort is much more important than any award to me. I got carried away, I should have made sure you were okay with that first.”

Tiana let out out a shaky breath, a bit of the weight lifted off her spirit. She let out a dry laugh, tilting her head as tears collected on her waterline.

“I still feel awful though. Especially after all this…” Tiana motioned around her, acknowledging the beautiful cabin. “You always go out of your way for me, and I can’t even give you a dance.”

The two sit in silence, the fire popping in hearth.

“What about now?” Nanami punctures the silence once more. Tiana looks at him, confused.

“What?”

Nanami gets up, walking towards the vinyl player, thumbing through the selection. He picks one, sliding it out of its casing, and placing the black object onto the platter. He picks up the tone arm, gently placing the stylus on the oversized disk, and switches it on. The sound is distorted momentarily, before a beautiful, swing melody blares from the speakers.

“There’s no one here now, so…” He walks toward Tiana, his hand outstretched as he waits patiently. His eyes were dewy, cheeks tinged pink as he stood there.

Tiana looked at his hand, to Nanami, to his hand again, then settled on Nanami again. She wipes at her eyes with the back of her arm, a painful smile on her face. She just couldn’t deny him.

“You’re so soft.” She jeers, taking his hand. He pulls her up gently, mirroring her expression.

“Then what does that make you?” He asks softly, and Tiana knows her answer immediately.

“A fool.”

The two dance to each song, getting lost in the intricate rhythms as they move to the beat of their own hearts. Tiana showed Nanami a few steps: the charleston, the twist, basic little party steps that she picked up growing up in the south. Though Nanami dusted Tiana in the snow, Tiana definitely beat him here. Nanami wasn’t the most coordinated when it came to expressing himself through type of movement, and Tiana felt her inhibitions melt away with each howl and roar. Nanami didn’t care if he ended up being the butt of the joke, he was just happy that Tiana was unwinding again.

The fourth track on the vinyl ended, leaving the two breathless and slightly sweaty as they laughed. Tiana clutched her stomach, her laughter settling into staggered giggles, until a melody all too familiar began to play, the blues piece causing the boiling temperature around the room to convert to a simmer.

Look at me.

Tiana screeched to a halt, freezing as the singer sang the song. The same song she danced to with her father in the kitchen. The same song that just so happened to be her and Naveen’s first dance.

The same song Tiana heard before watching Nanami kiss another woman.

Each memory attached to this song was so painful, so lucid, so graphic that it evoked a physical reaction out of her, which is why she stayed as far away from it as possible.

I’m as helpless as a kitten up a tree.

And it feels like I’m clinging to a cloud.

Nanami tugged at Tiana’s hands that were hugging her waist, clasping them into his own, Tiana’s stomach dropping as his was filled with butterflies.

I can’t understand.

I get misty just holding your hand.

Tiana follows Nanami’s commands mindlessly, dropping her hand on his shoulder as his hand goes to her waist, in a polite manner. Nanami squeezes her hand, where they were still joined, closing the space. Chest to chest, their hearts picking the pace at which they moves. His head on her right side, and her face on his left, unable to read each other’s faces, simply trying to communicate with their bodies since words seemed to fail.

Walk my way.

And a thousand violins begin to play.

The two swayed to the song, the soft snares ricocheting in the souls of their feet. Nanami, too shy to speak, squeezed Tiana’s hand again.

Or it might be the sound of your hello.

That music I hear.

I get misty whenever you’re near.

Tiana felt as if she were going to black out, and she squeezed Nanami’s shoulder, which he would have mistaken as reassurance if her nails weren't digging into his skin so harshly. He pulled away, looking into Tiana’s eyes, which seemed dilated, as if she were seeing something that he couldn’t.

“Tiana?” He asks, but she doesn’t respond.

Can’t you see that you’re leading me on.

But it’s just what I want you to do.

He grabs her chin, tilting her head up, searching for something as she stares blankly into nothing. To Nanami, it looked as if she were looking straight through him, when in Tiana’s eyes, phantoms kept appearing where Nanami should be. Shadows of her past, visions of despair, hallucinations that deprived her.

Don’t you notice how hopelessly I’m lost?

That’s why I’m following you.

“Tiana?” Nanami calls again much more urgently, grabbing her face, forcing her to look at him. As if something in her brain had clicked, her eyes watered profusely, Nanami finally in her sights. She shudders, her body jumpstarting as she gasps. She blinks for the first time in a minute, the tears sliding down Nanami’s hand.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Tiana said, shaking her head. “Can you…can you turn that off, please?”

Nanami obliges, quickly pulling away, and snatching the stylus off the record, the sound scratching so hard that Tiana cringes, covering her ears. Not just from that, but can hear them. She could hear her father's low chuckles. She could hear Naveen's laughter being carried away with the melody.

She could hear Nanami call out Misha's name so affectionately.

Nanami wants to choke himself, hands clenched as he is unable to face Tiana. He had gone way too far this time. He had definitely crossed the line. Tiana clearly was not ready.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “I got carried away…”

“No, it’s not that-” Tiana shakes her hands, the nerves expelling from her fingers as she paces around the living room. Then her mouth exploded like an overflowing dam, the pressure releasing and dropping a bomb on their entire night. “I saw you. I saw you kiss Misha.”

Nanami whips around, confused at first, Tiana’s words throwing him for a loop. But Nanami then realizes that he had rewritten the kiss so many times in his brain, dreamt about so many different scenarios, that he really began to believe that the moment was shared with Tiana instead. He forgot that Misha was the one to defile his mouth, instead of Tiana blessing it. He had tricked himself.

Nanami began to spiral, putting the pieces together. That’s why she ran out on him. That’s why she wouldn’t answer him. That’s why she was so hesitant with him at first, their relationship feeling as if it had been set back to that dry car ride in July. If he put himself in Tiana’s shoes, seeing someone share such intimacy with one person one day, then seeing them turn around trying to serenade someone else was a complete dick move. He didn’t know how to properly clear up the situation, so he stupidly said the first thing that came to mind in a panic.

“It wasn’t like that.”

Tiana stopped, her arms flopping uselessly at her side as she looked at him in disbelief.

“So you two weren’t swapping spit in the dark?” She laughed sarcastically, feeling herself grown more upset the more she thought about it. It was not supposed to come out this way, but since they were already here, she might as well.

Nanami felt himself get defensive. “She kissed me, she was drunk-”

“Oh, yeah, she was drunk.” Tiana cut in while using air quotations, nodding her head aggressively. “Because fruit ciders really do you in.”

“I know you don’t like her, but at least believe me.” Nanami felt his voice pitch, because that was a lot for him to ask, considering their circ*mstances. “Trust me, at least.”

“It’s not about me liking her!” Tiana yelled. “You know why? Because she’s been a sh*t person, you don’t even know the half of it-”

“I’m trying to know!” Nanami yelled back, his composure deteriorating, but he was so frustrated. “I don’t understand, I thought you two were friends-!”

“We’re not!” Tiana shrieks, her voice echoing around the room. “Everyone only thinks that because she’s playing in my face, and I don’t like that.” Tiana’s voice levels as her frown deepens, her nose upturned so high she could probably smell the stars. “I don’t like that, and I don’t like her.”

Nanami could not understand why Misha pushed Tiana’s buttons so badly. He couldn’t understand why there was so much static between the two, even after they made up.

Unless…

“Are you sure that’s the reason you don’t like her?”

Nanami must have hit a nerve, because Tiana’s eyes became saucers. Regaining her anger, she shakes her head in disdain, her voice low and threatening.

“Nanami,” She says, her nostrils flaring, “Do not test me. Not tonight. It's not funny.” She puts her palm on her forehead, turning around to walk towards her room. “Let’s just go to bed.”

“Now you want to go to bed?” Nanami followed behind her, right on her heels. “You said that you wanted to talk about something important.” He cut around the couch to beat her to the hallway, blocking her path. “If it’s bothering you that much, then we should talk about it.”

“I don’t want to anymore.” Tiana snapped, waving her hand in the air dismissively. “Just drop it.”

Nanami ran a hand through his hair, the strands flopping back into place. “Tiana, I hate pushing you-”

“Why?” Tiana scoffs, butting in again. “You think I can’t handle it? You think I’m fragile?” Tiana was projecting her own interpretation of herself onto Nanami, and he could feel himself slowly losing it.

“No, it’s just I hate when you do this!” His voice was in the tone of a whisper, but still holding the same passion as his neck strained. “I just want you to talk to me! You don’t ever have to handle anything alone. Just talk to me! I'm right here!”

Tiana wiped at her face, angry tears rushing out now. She couldn’t believe how sh*t everything had turned. The veil had been lifted, the clock had struck midnight, and carriage turned back into a pumpkin.

“It won’t make any sense…” She said, irises swimming as she looked everywhere but at Nanami. Nanami put his hands up, pleading with Tiana at this point.

“Tiana, when have we ever made sense?”

“Kento, please-”

“You tell me almost everything!” Nanami got a bit closer to Tiana, trying to make eye contact with her, but she refused. “I understand there are some things that are too close to home, but Misha- every time she’s brought up you shut down on me without any explanation-”

“Because!” Tiana’s voice peaks again, seething now as she shares the information that had been weighing on her heavily for a while now. “Because I’ve known how she’s felt about you for weeks now. Weeks!” Tiana shouts, jabbing her pointer finger at the ground. “And after knowing that, it made me realize how unfair I am to you.”

The house grows still, the sound of the record spinning on the turntable, and the hiss of the fire that made the room a blistering temperature now. Emotions were high, and Tiana found herself vomiting the truth that had been gnawing at her insides.

“You make me so happy, Nanami.” Tiana admits, tears pouring from her eyes so horrendously that she couldn’t even see the face he was making. Honestly, she didn’t want to see it, just in case her heart was ripped out and stomped on. “You…I can’t even properly voice how you make me feel, because I’m scared. I’m scared because I can’t promise you anything beyond this.”

Nanami stands there, breathless, watching Tiana crumble before him. This isn’t what he wanted. This is not how the day was supposed to go.

“This?” Nanami mumbled, and Tiana felt like he was being clueless on purpose.

“This, Nanami!” She pointed in between themselves. “Beyond us. Beyond where we are right now. It’s selfish of me, but I just can’t do it. My heart can’t take it. Misha she-” Tiana’s words are interrupted by a sob, because she just can’t say that part. She can’t admit that Misha is there for him, ready to be swept off her feet while Tiana was still wallowing in her misery. She couldn’t admit it out loud, because then it would become fact, no longer a figment of her imagination. “I can’t watch you go. But I have no right to make you stay.”

Nanami seemed to forget what oxygen was as he listened to her words. Tiana said that she couldn’t bear to watch him go. She couldn’t stand the thought of Nanami turning away. But that second line, that second sentence irritated the f*ck Nanami. Because who said that Nanami was being forced to stay? Why did Tiana make it seem as if Nanami was doing this against his will?

He wanted to stay. He wanted that more than anything. And even though Tiana had a roundabout way of saying it, she wanted him just as badly too. She just wasn’t confident yet, and Nanami would do anything right now to reassure her.

That look.

Tiana knew that look.

It was the same look her secret prom date in high-school had when he saw her in her dress.

It was the same look Naveen had when he would come visit her during work, watching her from afar.

Buttery eyes, slanted low. Gaping lips, stammering to find the right words. Knitted brows, twitching hands.

Don’t do it, Nanami.

“Tiana, I-”

“Nanami.” She stopped him so quickly that she barely heard her own name. “Nanami, don’t you dare.” She became hostile, her eyes glowering at him as she looked up. Nanami gave a single laugh, looking around the house as if to find the joke.

“If you know what I’m going to say, then dammit-”

“Nope!” Tiana yelled, covering her ears like a child throwing a tantrum. She couldn’t do this. Not tonight. Not like this. “Nope, nope, nope, lalalala-!” She began walking back to the living trying to put as much distance between them as possible. Anything to avoid that phrase. Anything to avoid those three words.

“Tiana,” Nanami was absolutely stupefied. He grabbed her wrists, pulling them from her ears as he pulled her closer, but she still refused to look at him. “Tiana-”

“Nanami, please.” She said looking down. Her hands were in fists as tears splattered on the wood by his feet. She sounded so weak, so defeated. “Please don’t do this to me.”

“Tiana.” Nanami pleaded, wanting her to look at him so badly, to at least let him see her face. “Tiana, I swear I don’t mean to overwhelm you-”

“Then stop talking.” She seethed. Nanami bites his tongue, letting go of Tiana, who immediately went to hug herself, clutching at the sides of her shirt.

But even so, Nanami couldn’t let things end like this.

“You don’t ever have to choose me.” Nanami said, clutching his chest as sorrow seemed to pour out of him. God, it hurt, it hurt so bad, but at least he was feeling something. Because that meant that it was real. “You don’t ever have to choose me, because I already chose you.”

She had to feel something. Nanami just knew it.

“Nanami…” Tiana’s voice cracked, and all she could do was shake her head. She couldn’t do this right now.

And by the looks of it, maybe not ever.

This was a mistake, a pretty one too. She fell so hard for the spell that casted on herself, that it ended up being a poison.

Indulge in it? What a f*cking joke.

“You’re not being fair.” She finally said, looking at the ground.

“When have we ever been fair to each other? You said it yourself- when has love ever been fair?”

“Don’t say that.”

“You once said,” Nanami took his palms, gently grabbing her face so that she could see him. So that she could see how serious he was, how much she really meant to him. “There's nothing more endlessly beautiful, yet endlessly terrifying than loving someone.”

Tiana’s face looked crestfallen with each word he spoke. How could he use those words against her?

“And falling for you has been the most beautiful, yet petrifying experience,” Nanami laughed, because there was so much irony in his words, but it was the truth. And he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. If he was going to hurt, then he didn't mind it being at her hand.

“I can’t say that I know exactly what you’ve gone through, I can’t completely share your pain when it comes to that.” One of his hands went to move a curl out of her face, tucking it gently behind her ear, and Tiana shuddered.

“But I can share that fear. The fear of loving someone so deeply that you’re terrified you’ll lose them. And losing yourself to them so much so that you’re terrified you won’t be able to love again. I get that. I get you.”

Nanami wasn’t sure if he was making any sense right now, he just wanted Tiana to stay, and he wanted Tiana to know that he wanted to stay. He was willing to lose everything, willing to even lose his soul if it meant she would open up to him and share that piece of herself.

“Let’s conquer that fear. Together.”

Tiana’s eyes brightened momentarily, her lips twitching, eyes searching as she really pondered her next set of words. But then dulled just as quickly, lips stitched as she closes her eyes. She pulled herself free of his grasp, unable to bear the weight of it all. She was too hollow, and she was convinced that no amount of love Nanami poured into her would fill her up, nor would she ever be able to return a fraction of that. She would just drain him.

She would have swallowed up another star.

She would have destroyed another sun.

This is the best thing that she could do for him.

“I can’t, Nanami.” Her voice cracks as she avoids his loving gaze, one that she had been ignoring for so long, excusing it as something else.

“Maybe you should find someone who you aren’t afraid to love. I've been there...it doesn't end happily."

Nanami stood there, the air knocked out of his chest, his stomach feeling as if it had filled with cement.

She didn’t think that. There’s no way she really feels that way.

She didn't mean it.

“Tiana-”

“I’m sorry for even bringing this up.” She feigns a smile. “Thank you for the trip, but maybe you should…save something like this for Misha. She'd...probably appreciate it more."

The lies felt like burnt bile leaving Tiana’s own mouth, but she had to say it. Misha, even if she was a sh*t person to her, would treat Nanami the way that he deserved. Nanami wouldn’t have to patch her up, or deal with Misha figuring out how to start her life all over.

It was better this way.

“At least look at me if you’re going to say something so ridiculous.” Nanami spoke with hostility. He just couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. “So that I know that you mean it.”

Tiana frowns, squeezing her eyes shut. She tries to harden her heart, giving Nanami the most resentful expression possible. Her deepest frown to deter him, her sharpest eyes to cut him. But all Nanami see’s is a woman who refused to be honest with herself and listen to her own heart. He didn't believe her for a moment.

“I mean it.”

Tiana sobbed into her pillow uncontrollably. She had lost him. Though it was on her own accord, and Misha didn’t steal him, it was agonizing just. She willingly gave up on him, instead of watching him fall for someone else because at least then she had a bit of control in that.

But in the end, she still lost. If you forfeit, that doesn’t mean you’ve won. It just meant that you were too much of a coward to put up an actual fight. If you forfeit, you’re simply feigning the power you wish you had to prevail. Because at least if you lose, that means you tried.

But Tiana was right about one thing to be prepared tonight. She was definitely the one who had done the hurting, and the person she hurt most was herself.

Chapter 7: push and pull

Chapter Text

How does one face heartbreak? One so devastating that they find themselves dry heaving over a dulled toilet bowl? One so fatal that they can feel their body failing, each cell dying off painfully slow? One so catastrophic that they can do nothing but sob violently, until their voice is raw?

How does one survive something like that once? In Tiana’s case, twice?

She doesn’t. She just runs.

Tiana had shoved everything into those paper bags, changing into her clothes from earlier that day after snatching them from the dryer. She had to get out of here. She literally couldn’t breathe for God’s sake. There wasn’t enough oxygen in the room, in the world, her lungs working double time as she hyperventilated in the dark, fumbling with her boot strings as she tied them again, and again, and again. Her hands kept shaking as she missed the loop, over and over. Failed to get it right over and over. No matter how many times she went in that same damn circle, no matter how many times she found herself in that same damn ring, she failed. She f*cked up. She felt anger welling up inside her, tossing the strings aside as they flopped on the ground like dried worms.

“sh*t!” She hisses in frustration, gripping at her scalp, and when her hands failed to find solace in her curls she resorted to rubbing her face so hard it felt as if the pigment were coming off on her finger tips. She did this to herself, and her regret no longer lay dormant within her womb. She subjected herself to her own death sentence, and she’d be damned if Nanami heard her losing her sanity across the way. Her mind battled, wondering if he would come get her or not, her pride repulsed by the idea, but her loneliness craved his salvation, like a drying fish inches away from an oasis.

She couldn’t even be upset with him. She was, but she wasn’t. She was upset that he loves her. Because he somehow loves her, and that task seemed so unfathomable to her. He was about to say it. She felt it in her soul.

He loves her.

And he would have meant it. No, he means it. She knows that he does. The words he had spoken had shifted something in her spirit.

“But I couldn’t.” She muttered to herself, her voice seconds from breaking. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t.”

But why couldn't she? The opportunity was right there.

“It’s too easy.” She said, picking up her paper bags. “It’s too simple.”

That simplicity scared her.

Tiana didn’t know why she wanted it to be much more complicated than how Nanami presented it to her. Because there was a time when love for her was simple. It was easy. It was straightforward without any loopholes, back ways, expectations. It just was. And Nanami, though Tiana didn’t want to face this fact, was so hell bent on proving that love just is.

But she was making it so hard for herself, when the solution was right there.

Nanami was right there.

“Nope.” She said, zipping up her coat as she stood her ground. “No.”

She just kept denying herself, not listening to her head or her heart. Her body was in flight mode, and all she knew was that she needed to get out of there. That’s all she had the energy to do.

She grabbed her doorknob, twisting it slowly. The latch in the door clicked once, then twice, then unhooked out of the slot. She slowly pulls the door open with a stiff arm, lifting it slightly so the hinges wouldn’t creak. She didn’t know exactly where she was going, or how she would get home, maybe wait at the bus terminal until the first one arrived. It didn’t matter, she just had to go.

Tiana slowly steps out of her room, one shoe at a time, her heels thudding gently on the wooden floors. She cursed silently, switching to the balls of her feet as she sneaked down the narrow hall of the cabin, and past the kitchenette, arms tight to get the bags from swinging noisily. She tried not to look around, because if she did she would doom herself to relive her argument with Nanami all over again.

An argument with Nanami. She never thought she would ever come to that with him, honestly never thought they would cultivate a relationship such as this. Arguments could make or break a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, but the connection could still be salvaged if pride wasn’t involved.

But this was one that she didn’t think they could ever come back from. How could you move forward with a relationship so fragmented? Trying to feign a friendship now would be tortuous, and unbearable for them both. It’d be best to keep some distance until things sorted themselves naturally.

Until Nanami found someone else to love.

And what then, the voice inside her asked. What will you do once he does? You won’t be able to be friends with him.

It won’t be the same.

Tiana’s fingers carefully unlock the top lock with a low clink, and she exhales slowly.

He’ll be fine, she thought. He’ll be fine without me.

But what about you? How will you fair?

Her hand is about to turn the handle, when a light floods behind her, the sudden brightness causes her to flinch away, shielding her face as if she had been caught in a robbery.

“Please, don’t.” Nanami’s voice was low, but it was gentle. He didn't sound mad, but he should be. It would be justifiable.

It made Tiana sick. It pissed her off. Even now, after she denied him, he still had the energy to be patient with her.

Who knew being soft was just as equal as being cruel?

Tiana lowered her hand hesitantly, chewing on her bottom lip. She couldn’t look at his face directly, she couldn’t look at him right now. She didn’t want to see what she had done to him. She didn’t want to face her consequences, because it would cause her to face herself.

“Why aren’t you in your room?” Tiana asks dryly.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Nanami said matter-of-factly.

Tiana didn’t want to fall into his trap, Nanami had a way of extending their conversations past their limit. That’s how they met. That’s how it’s been since the beginning, and nothing about that has changed. He was doing it now, using that power to get Tiana to keep talking. To stall her a bit longer.

And she still fell for it.

“Well I asked first.” She said childishly, glaring at him with lidded eyes. She got a good look at him, he was still in his pajamas, but he looked tired. Even with his soft smile, he couldn’t hide his fatigue.

“I knew you’d try to make a quick escape.” He laughs through his nose, co*cking his head to the side. “You’re good for that lately.”

Tiana scoffs, waving at him, deeply offended by the way he was reading her so easily.

“Well, you can’t keep me here.”

“Oh, I’m not going to. The door is open.” Nanami snarkily said, and Tiana felt her eye twitch. “But logically-”

Logically my ass, Tiana thought.

“-you don’t know your way around here. It’s dangerous.” Nanami leaned on the counter, peering at her with tired eyes. “I’m not forcing you to stay, you have every right to leave. But I’m asking you not to go out there alone tonight.”

“I can figure it out.” Tiana retorted, upset not because her options were limited, but because he was right. He gave her an ultimatum, and it was so obvious what the right choice was, but Tiana didn’t want to give him that satisfaction.

“Tiana, it’s pitch black dark outside, and it’s snowing heavily.” Nanami reasons with her. “Stay here tonight. Get some rest. I’ll give you your space. Just stay.”

Tiana swallowed a thick wad of spit, along with her pride as she bounced on her feet. Curling her lips in, she gently drops her bags, shuffling out of her boots that she had previously failed to lace. She straightens herself up, raising her hands, then dropping them at her side in defeat.

“Fine.”

The next morning is bleak, and not just because that's how Tiana was feeling. When she rolled over to look out her bedroom window, she saw how disgusting the sky looked. The sky was so crowded with dark clouds that it practically looked like night time. The sky looked swollen and lumpy, like hordes of cement ready to crash down onto earth. For a second, Tiana laid there, hoping that they would so that she could be put out of her misery. So that maybe, once the unfathomable happened, she would wake up from the nightmare she had subjected herself to.

Then she could start over. Do things right. Do things the way she wanted to.

But all she could do was move forward, and beat herself up as she continuously made mistakes that would eat at her for the rest of the day.

She didn’t speak to Nanami at all that morning, didn’t even look him in the eyes as he stood there calm, cool and collected. She should have greeted him properly, or at least acknowledged him. But it irritated her how despite the words that had been thrown around the night before, he acted as if everything was alright. Tiana wasn’t sure if it was to bandage his pride, or to dispel the tension of the situation. Either way, it just made things feel that much weirder.

She refused to eat the breakfast Nanami had brought back that morning, sitting on the couch as she heard Nanami munch away in the kitchen. She wouldn’t have been able to stomach it either way, but even if she was hungry she guarantees that she would have still acted in defiance. But if she had spoken to him that morning, then they could have had a civil conversation over a warm meal. Could have aired out their grievances. Talk it out, find middle ground, or a solution. She could have told him the fears that had been plaguing her, but that would be at the expense of her ego.

The strain between the two was almost palatable, both stealing glances across the house when they believed the other wouldn’t notice. Tiana believed it to be her imagination, until she sat at the front of the cab, the heat of Nanami’s gaze searing into the back of her neck as she swatted at it.

She sat in the front of the cab to the terminal instead of with Nanami in the back. She hunched over the passenger side, hiding the way her hand clenched onto the door handle in a nauseous manner. She didn’t want Nanami to witness her in absolute turmoil, but the stench of agitation wafted off her and filled the car along with those emotions that followed them from the house, the cab driver trying to lighten the mood with banter that only Nanami entertained. If she had spoken to him this morning and shared her troubles with him, then she’d be back there with him now. Reminiscing the previous day, going through their trinkets, recounting how many times Tiana had fallen face first into the snow. He’d distract her with nonsense and make sure she was alright. He’d do his best to make her smile, and the thing is, it never took much.

He made it easy.

Too easy.

Even though they sat together on the bus, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, and thigh to thigh, the physical proximity didn’t translate to how far apart they were mentally. Tiana felt like it was her first day on the job again, alienated, alone, and estranged; yet there it was again. That strange pull that kept her glued to his side despite glaring out the window the entire bus ride back. The only way to rid herself of these ill feelings would be to simply turn to him and talk to him. He was right there. Like he said he would always be.

Where Tiana wanted him to stay, and where she wanted to gain the strength to meet him halfway.

She couldn’t help but wonder what that man was thinking. She wondered if he was beginning to rethink his confession, if he was beginning to rethink how he saw her. She couldn’t help but writhe at the idea of Nanami becoming repulsed by her, but at the same time, maybe this was the best outcome for them.

Tiana, ashamed and disgruntled, walked up the stairs to her complex two at a time, unlocking the front door quickly and stumbling inside. She slammed the door, pressing her back against the cool wood. She heard the familiar low hum of Nanami’s car, followed by a crunchy retreating sound in the grainy snow. She exhales shakily, palming her face aggressively. It takes everything in her not to pull the flesh right off her skull, because even now outside of Nanami’s sight, his presence was all over her house. She dropped her shopping bags by the door, flipped off her shoes, and trudged around the house, seething so much that tears were threatening to pour from her sockets as her face tightened painfully.

She could smell him. The faint scent of cedarwood had gotten into her couch, her rugs, her office, her kitchen, and somehow her bedroom. Everywhere she went, he lingered like a shadow, memories scattered across the place in complete disarray. With each inhale she could see his after image, hear his laughter.

Feel his touch.

Feel something from her core, as if someone were tugging at her bellybutton with each inhale.

“Hell no.” Tiana stilled her breath, darting to her balcony. “No.”

She swung the balcony door open, a breath of fresh air whisking around her home and dousing the fire residing in her face. She opened all the windows in her home, the atmosphere dropping almost ten degrees, but she didn’t care. She had to cleanse herself of him.

That included lighting every single vanilla candle in her home to ward off the cedarwood smell as if it were a bad omen. That included scrubbing herself raw of her experiences from yesterday as if they would stain her if she marinated in them any longer. She ordered delivery and holed herself into her room, because Nanami had temporarily made the living room and kitchen his domain. She just needed some time away, some time to think. She just needed a moment alone, but a moment turned to hours.

In those hours, Tiana settled into her mind, digging to find what she truly wanted. She wanted a friend. She wanted security. She wanted reassurance.

Companionship.

But she feared those things were too unobtainable, especially with Nanami. She had low moments and really low days where she would grieve so hard her insides would knot. She’d have those times where her memories would get so vivid, that it was physically excruciating. Nanami got a front row seat to her performance of despair, and when Tiana finally came to she noticed how petrified he looked. How helpless she made him feel. She was so used to just riding it out on her own, she couldn't subject him to that. She didn’t want to scare him away.

He didn’t need someone like that.

But she needed someone like him.

She wanted someone like him.

She wanted-

Tiana’s phone chimed, interrupting her thought before it could fully form. With a dry sniffle, she turns over and grabs her phone from her nightstand, an email notification from Misha. A pungent taste rose from her throat, and she blinked hard as she stared at her screen. What could this woman want now? Hadn’t she taken enough from Tiana already?

Hadn’t Tiana given her enough already?

Clicking on the notification, the email took up the entire screen, and Tiana’s eyes scanned over it quickly.

Good afternoon, everyone!

Tiana could hear Misha’s shrill voice, and she groaned as she became even more irritated.

I hope you all are enjoying your holiday, it was well deserved. Because of our successful quarter and year, the company is extending an invitation to everyone to join us for our New Year’s celebration tomorrow night to end the year on a high note, and boost morale for the upcoming year.

Tiana read the dressing requirements, which were confusingly traditional, casual, or business casual, and the places they were planning to visit, everything being on the company’s tab from festival activities to a firework display. Each department would email their admin or leader so that a proper headcount could be made. Tiana didn’t know if she wanted to go, she wouldn’t really know anyone. And Nanami would undoubtedly be there, even if it was just to save face as he would say. She wouldn’t be able to cling to his side. It’s not that she didn’t want to see him, she couldn’t bear to see him. She wasn’t sure how she would muster the courage to act nonchalant, and she felt that Nanami being the businessman that he was would be able to steal over his heart as if nothing happened, just like he did when they woke up after their dispute. If Tiana witnessed that, witness Nanami acting as if he didn’t know her in front of everyone, she would shatter.

But she couldn’t cower in fear. If she stayed holed up in her room, Nanami would win. No, not even Nanami, Misha would win. Tiana’s pride wouldn’t allow herself to give Misha that satisfaction, to make that wretched woman feel as if she had driven Tiana in a corner. As if Tiana was scared of Misha, because she wasn’t. Misha was no one to tremble over.

It was Nanami’s reaction that had Tiana quivering.

So Tiana put on her big girl undies and immediately sent an email to Misha, confirming her appearance.

Tiana may not have been scared of Misha, but Misha was absolutely petrified of Tiana. She looked at Tiana’s confirmation email, which she had sent in the thread to everyone else, so Misha couldn’t even refute or fib that Tiana never RSVP’d. Misha sat at her laptop, biting the loose skin around her thumb.

Misha had made a big mistake. The night of the Gala, she got too ahead of herself, and bit off more than she could chew. She saw Tiana following them before Nanami ever noticed, and she kissed him on purpose, like a child throwing a fit to get what they wanted. Not only to see how Nanami would react, but to also gauge Tiana’s emotions. If Tiana really meant what she said, if those two were truly just friends, Tiana wouldn’t have run off the way she did

And if Tiana was really just an intern like Nanami said, he wouldn’t have chased after her.

Misha saw his car at Tiana’s place when she drove by to run errands. And shortly after, she saw the two walking into the bus terminal, hand in hand as if the gala never happened. Misha just had to know what happened between those two. She wanted to scope out their relationship with her own eyes.

She wanted to understand what Nanami saw in Tiana that she seemed to be lacking.

But to Misha’s surprise, on the night of New Year’s Eve, the two seemed to prance around as if they didn’t even know each other. Though, prance is a bit of an exaggeration. It was more so Tiana running away from Nanami’s affection.

Tiana didn’t want to seem disrespectful to a culture she wasn’t all too familiar with, so she decided to play it a bit safer with a winter outfit, but she was bound to stand out regardless. When she arrived at the festival around 7:00pm that night, she immediately wanted to go home, her puffy, cream colored dress and fur hat seemed to jut out against the sea of kimonos and accessories. She wasn’t the only one dressed in more business casual clothes, but she sure felt like it, not to mention how her boots caused her to tower over her colleagues that wore their traditional version of a sandal. Even though no one seemed to be acknowledging her, she felt as if everyone were silently eying her to pieces. She tried to grab her bearings, gnawing on the inside of her cheek as her eyes darted nervously over the crowd of adults, as if looking for someone to save her.

But God has a humorous way of answering prayers.

Because then she saw Nanami.

And Nanami undoubtedly saw her.

Tiana’s face ignited and she cringed slightly, her neck straining as she tried to find something else to look at. Nanami, somehow and in some way, seemed to be matching color palettes with her. His brown sweater complimented her boots and her purse, and his golden watch gleamed just like her hooped earrings and the buckle on her belt. The crisp, white collar that peaked from underneath his sweater was adjacent to the furry hat meant to keep her ears warm, but now she was sweltering. And when she glanced at him again, he seemed to be trying to motion her over with his eyes, pleading with her to come closer. Tiana quickly turned the opposite way, her back to the begging man as she contemplated what excuse she would make up to leave early. She thought she could do it, but she couldn’t. She loathed the idea of Nanami ignoring her before, but the fact that he was here garnering her attention made her feel absolutely nauseous.

It opposed her original thoughts so much that it made her dizzy. She forced herself to believe Nanami would abandon her to cope with her own guilt, but now what? He was giving her that attention that she so desperately didn’t want to lose, but she didn’t know what to do with it.

It’s not that she didn’t want to talk to him. She felt as if she didn’t deserve his conversation. It would just be a waste of time, a conversation inevitably going no where.

She had just made up a reason to leave when a familiar voice springs into her vicinity.

“Tiana!” Hana appears into view, waving her hand aggressively with the cheeriest of smiles on her rosy lips. Tiana lets out a shaky exhale, glad to see a familiar face other than Nanami’s. She was wearing a navy pinstripe suit, a string of pearls around her neck and wrists, and giant pearls hanging from her earlobes. There was a painted mask on the side of her face, what looked to be a fox, and she seemed to be snacking on some rice balls, the fluffy delicacy placed between her fingers.

“I’m so glad you could make it!” Hana loudly says in Japanese, catching the eyes of a few others. Tiana could feel them staring at her, could almost hear them asking how she would respond, or if she could even understand. So she swallows the thick fear coating her esophagus, almost choking on it as she answers.

“I’m glad I could, too.” Tiana says, her shaky voice adding extra rhythms to her syllables. “It’s nice to see a familiar face.”

Tiana hears someone behind her “ahhh” in surprise, as if a black woman speaking Japanese were an urban legend that had come true before their very eyes, but she couldn’t even find the energy to get annoyed because Hana immediately swaddled her in a hug, then looked her up and down in awe.

“Are you nervous? Don’t be!” Hana says, pinching the cuffs on her dress and tugging at them. “You’re too adorable to be nervous.”

Tiana feels even more embarrassed as her face goes from a simmer to an abrupt boil.

“T-Thank you?” Tiana says, a bit unsure. Hana then spun her around, pushing her through the crowd of people, past Nanami whose lips were skewed to the side as if he had tasted something sour.

“Come on, let’s go find the others.”

Tiana wasn’t sure who exactly the others were at first, but once they found Takuma who was standing next to a man Tiana had never met, she put two and two together rather quickly; a sort of reunion of the people who sat at her table at the gala. Tiana greeted Takuma, who seemed to be sporting a black sweatsuit similar to the one he wore when they first time they met. After exchanging greetings, she turned to the other man who wore a forest green kimono. His nose was arced, his hair dark, and his pupils small. He looked a bit tired, but he stuck out his hand from his sleeves earnestly, his voice low.

“Hiromi. It’s nice to meet you.” He politely says with a slight bow, and Tiana matches his movements.

“Tiana.”

Tiana looks around for a second, noticing a particular man with spiked ponytails is missing.

“Where’s Choso?” She questions.

“He’s spending the night with his brothers.” Takuma shrugs, and nods to a booth a little ways out.

“Come on, we got things to see.”

The company seemed to split off in their own groups and subdivisions, Tiana jutted into this strange quad of colleagues. But, for some reason, Nanami seemed to always be a couple feet away from her. When she went to the takoyaki stand, Nanami seemed to be around, casually hovering in the distance. When she tried her hand at goldfish scooping, Nanami tried to join the same game but Takuma snatched the last scooper before he could. When Tiana went to buy her own mask, one in the shape of a cat, she then passed Nanami wearing the exact same one. That was her last straw, and she threw him the dirtiest look imaginable before he finally left her alone. Tiana began to wish that he would have simply ignored her. It was just too much for her to process. He said he would give her the space that she wanted, yet here he was, going back on his word. He just kept trying, and trying, and trying, and it made her face steam.

Maybe Tiana wouldn’t have been so agitated if Misha wasn’t right there, latched onto his arm like a leech, watching the pair with squinted eyes. It felt like Tiana wasn’t allowed to be normal, like she couldn’t just enjoy her time out amongst the others. She felt as if she were being chaperoned, or better yet, observed.

Nanami had tried to shake Misha off on multiple occasions, but she seemed to be super glued to him. He didn’t know how to get rid of her without embarrassing the poor woman, and himself. It was beginning to become clear that everyone in the vicinity was getting annoyed by her antics, muttering under their breaths about how she was being a try hard and throwing her dirty looks every time she opened her mouth. Misha just kept going on and on, everything was “Nanamin, we should do this!” or “Nanamin, we should do that!”, Nanami wanted nothing more but the earth to open and swallow Misha up everytime she said her name. It was grating, agitating, ear piercing even, each vowel that escaped those thin lips prickling at his eardrums. The company dinner was no better.

Nanami had the honor of sitting at the head of the table, which was on the opposite end of Tiana, who seemed to be having the time of her life now as the night went on; she had obviously grown quite accustomed to everyone now. Nanami couldn’t hear what was going on, but he could see it. The way she laughed, her expressiveness, her body language. While Nanami was proud that she was making friends, he was also a bit resentful that she could act like this with people who were considered to be strangers in their previous world. That she could be so open with them, yet push him away. He just wanted her to be honest with him, and be honest with herself.

Tiana asked a lot of questions, and redirected the ones she received so she didn’t have to answer as many. She didn’t know, nor trust these people that easily, but she was glad to engage in a conversation that would take her mind off of the man down the way, who’s posture was rigid as his fingers curled around his barely sipped glass. Anything to keep her from over thinking. To distract her from Nanami’s prying eyes. Everyone was being extremely nice to her, especially Takuma, maybe because of the holiday spirit.

And what is a holiday without spirit?

Takuma had somehow roped their half of the table into an assortment of drinking games and tricks, leaving Tiana to squirm nervously in her seat as he poured the fermented beverage into what looked like a shot glass.

“Ah, I didn’t ask,” Takuma said, passing the bottle around to everyone else who was participating. “But do you drink?”

“I’m, uh-” Tiana didn’t know why, but she felt embarrassed to admit this, feeling as though she were placed into a bright spotlight. It didn’t feel this flustering when she told Nanami. “I’m a lightweight.”

“Oh!” Takuma said a bit embarrassed, reaching for her glass. “I’m sorry, it’s no pressure-”

“No!” Tiana interjected, glancing down the table at Nanami, who seemed to be watching her with a careful eye. The expression on his face was all but happy, and Tiana felt a bit brass.

“No, I’ll play. I don’t want to seem prude.”

“Are you sure?” Hana leans in, her eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” Tiana grabs the glass from Takuma’s fingers, and slides it back to her. “I’m here to have a good time too.” She raises the small glass, catching a whiff of the drink; it smelled almost like wheat roasting in a field under the scorching sun. She glances at Nanami one more time, then back to her glass.

What’s one drink to wash away the things she found hard to swallow in sobriety?

“Even if our boss is watching.” She mutters.

And with that, she downs the drink, the group becoming rather animated as they clamor with approval.

Tiana is definitely someone who goes for more fruity drinks, but the liquid tasted a lot better than she thought. It was thick, almost velvety as the earthy substance drained into her lower abdomen. Her eyebrows jumped as she smacked her lips playfully, analyzing how her tastebuds felt; like someone put a buzzing sparkler on her tongue. Suddenly, Takuma laughs, shaking his head as he fills her glass again.

“I haven’t even told you the rules yet.” He said, quite amused. Tiana’s mouth twists to the side, feeling a bit awkward as a few people laugh.

“Oh…”

Takuma tilts his head slightly, somewhat analyzing Tiana to the point where she wiped the corner of her mouth because she felt she had got something on it. Eyes trained on Tiana the entire time, he then picks up his own glass, places it on his cheek, rolls it to his mouth, and drinks the beverage. Hana laughs, clapping her hands as her head falls backwards, absolutely amused.

He slams the glass down, exhaling slightly as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“There.” He says, pouring himself another glass. “Now we’re even.”

Now it’s Tiana’s turn to chuckle, because for the first time in a long time, she truly felt included in the workplace. Like maybe, just maybe, she had made another friend.

Like she didn’t need Nanami to have a good time. She could be her own entity without feeling responsible for upholding an image that wasn’t even meant to be attached to her.

Hiromi frowns, trailing his finger on the rim of his cup.

“We’re here too, ya’know.” He murmurs, his eyes low as if he were to fall asleep any second.

“So!” Takuma ignores him, speaking to Tiana with bright eyes. “The rules are…”

Tiana didn’t have many experiences with drinking games. When she was 18 and 19 in college, she refused to drink because she was too young, despite her friends doing it. Hell, she didn’t even go to parties, because she was so hellbent on chasing her dreams. At 20, she met Naveen, and she celebrated her first drink with him when she turned 21, but even then she didn’t really see the fun in it, it was more fun just experiencing it with him. Then at 22, she became pregnant, and drinking was immediately out of the question.

But right now, surrounded by her slurring comrades, she understood what she had been missing.

That camaraderie.

The colors of the world seemed to smear, and the voices of her colleagues seemed to shift and phase within her brain, everything revolving around her as if she were the center of existence. She wasn’t sure what glass she was on, maybe five, maybe five hundred, but she felt so light and bubbly, as if she were inhaling electricity. Her eyes seemed to blacken slightly around the edges, as if she were peering through the dowel of an empty paper towel roll, and it felt as if bees were circulating through her bloodstream, their wings shaking a mile a minute.

On the opposite side of the table, Nanami watched in solemn silence, as Misha continuously vied for his attention. She became so outlandishly annoying, so belligerently drunk, that a few people began to chastise her in their inebriated state, the line between sarcasm and pure irritation becoming blurred with each glass knocked back, and the waning of respect with each sentence uttered.

Tiana lost whatever game they were playing, she couldn’t remember, nor did she care. Everything right now just seemed so f*cking funny. The way everyone's faces seemed to morph and stretch? Funny. The way the room seemed to tilt with each sway of her neck as if she were on a carnival ride? Hilarious.

The way Nanami seemed to be propping her up as they stood out in the crunchy snow?

Absolutely comical.

Wait…

“Nanami?” Tiana blinked, her eyes half lidded. “Wha- how…?”

“You fell asleep.” He said, not even looking down at her. “Takuma was going to take you home, but I actually know where you live.” He pauses, thinking about it. “Well, Misha and I, but I knew you wouldn’t like that. Plus, she’s out of it-”

“The...fireworks…” Tiana tilts, and Nanami grips her shoulder, practically pulling her into his side.

“No.” He says sternly, like a parent speaking to their child. “No fireworks. You should go home. Get some rest, you're exhausted. Did you even get any sleep yesterday?” He questions, his voice lined with disappointment. Tiana slouched on him, her face upturned as each breath she took was filled with Nanami. It was comforting, yet so distressing. Like cheating during a self impeded fast.

Why couldn’t he just leave her alone?

“Get…” Tiana wobbled in her heels, trying to organize her thoughts.

“You don’t even drink. You probably over did it.” Nanami continued, as if he were disappointed in Tiana’s behavior, which made her frown deepen. Who was he to micromanage everything that she did? She was grown. She could do whatever she wanted. At least that’s what she told herself.

It was ironic, considering how she wouldn’t allow herself to feel what she wanted.

“...off.” Tiana murmured.

“What?” Nanami asked a bit too loudly, causing Tiana’s whole brain to vibrate in her skull. She squirmed in his arms, pushing him off of her. Or at least she thought she did; her limbs sloshed as she pried herself out of his grasp, the world rotating slightly as she landed on her butt, on the cold ground with a solid thud. Immediately, Nanami was leaning down, ready to aid her, but Tiana had had enough.

“Tiana-”

“Leave me alone!” Tiana lashed out, barely swatting his hands away, and Nanami flinched backwards. “God, why do you keep trying, and trying, and trying-”

It had to be the alcohol talking, it had to be that wheaty substance that had heightened her frustration to this point. She just felt so pissed, and she couldn’t pinpoint where it was stemming from. Was she mad at herself for giving up? Was she mad at Nanami for continuously trying? Was she mad at Misha for being more available than her? Was she mad at Naveen for abandoning her to live the rest of her life bitter and alone?

“I-I’m sorry?” Nanami’s voice strained, his expression pained. And when Tiana saw that, it made her feel even worse.

“f*ck, don’t look at me like that.” Tiana’s voice creaked as her initial hostility changed back into that guilt that she was aiming to drink away. Just when she thought she had outran it, the emotion amplified almost a hundred times more as it trampled over her. Her knees bent towards her chest, she places her elbows on her knees as she palms her face. Her sheer stockings began to soak the cold snow beneath her.

“Do you want me to feel like more of an asshole?” Tiana asked, her voice shaking as she massaged her temple. She didn’t dare to look up. She hears Nanami sigh deeply, not sure it was out of pity or fatigue. She was being so difficult right now, no doubt he was becoming fed up with her antics.

Good.

“Tiana, come on…” She heard him say, and his fingers grazed hers gently, and she pushed him back again.

“Nanami, you can’t save me!” She shouted, looking up at him as her voice carried on the vacant street, nothing but a flickering street lamp keeping them company. His face had a grave expression, the shadows around them casting an eerie aura onto the street. “You can’t just…you’re not Na-”

She stopped, tripping over her words.

You’re not Naveen.

“f*ck!” She yelled, throwing her upper body back into the snow, her fist balled on her eyes as she fought the urge to cry. She didn’t want him seeing her bawl her eyes hysterically out for the second time in 48 hours, but here she was laid out on the cold snow throwing a temper tantrum as her mood became hysterical. Her mouth was speaking without her thoughts coherently forming, no doubt confusing Nanami as much as it confused her. She felt trapped in her own body.

God, Tiana thoughts pounded inside her head, a headache evolving into a migraine. If you get me out of this, I swear I will never drink again.

As Tiana prayed silently, she heard the crunch of snow beside her. Eyes dewy, she looked over to see Nanami sitting in the snow next to her, eyebrows arched with worry. He tilted his head, his face riddled with anxiety, as if tending the wounded.

“Tiana.” His voice was calm, but it restrained Tiana’s heart like a weighted blanket. “You’re drunk.”

“So?” She hiccupped, wiping an icy tear from under her eye.

“I don’t think you understand what you’re saying right now.”

“I do understand.” Tiana whined, her voice dipping like a seesaw. “I understand that you should keep your peace, Nanami. I’m trying to help you.” The words tumbled from her mouth, words that she had pushed to the bottom of her stomach that had bubbled up with the fizz of the sake.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Nanami pondered for a moment, his face twitching as his expressions bounced to and fro; sadness, pity, understanding. His mouth fought with his brain, trying to find what would be the best thing to say right now.

“Tiana, you’re-”

“What? I’m what?” Her words lacked proper enunciation, and Nanami came to a singular conclusion as he shook his head.

“You’re not conscious enough to have this conversation.” He said, standing back up, dusting the snow off of his pants, which had a few water splotches imprinted in them. “We should talk again when you’re sober.”

“I’m…perfectly fine!” Tiana disagreed, as she sat up a bit too quickly, her vision spinning. Being dizzy quickly became nauseating and not as funny anymore.

“Come on. At least let me take you home.”

“I can get home by myself…” Tiana objected, weakly slapping Nanami’s hands away as he reached down for her. He hooks his arms under her’s, pulling her up as she slouches into his chest. He rolls his eyes as Tiana continues to muffle her protests into his shoulder.

“Sure you can.”

Nanami attempted picking her up bridal style like before, but she kept squirming and smacking him in the face as she muttered obscenities, the two almost tripping face first off the curb a few times as they made their way to his car. A lot harder, considering before she was unconscious, and now she was barely clinging to her consciousness. Finally, he settled on throwing her limp arm over his shoulder, and dragging her on the tip of her toes, her boots leaving a parted trail in their wake. Nanami didn’t mean to, but he found himself laughing at times. While Tiana’s vague mutterings were quite humorous, it was more so in disbelief. Despite the absurdity of it all, despite the fight Tiana was so keen on putting up when the opponent she made of Nanami wanted nothing more than to be on the same team, he found this moment so endearing and raw.

He wouldn’t mind more drunken nights with her where they babbled secrets onto each other with the occasional spill of alcohol. The actions didn’t matter so much to him, but the company he kept did. While he found Misha to be a repulsive person, drunk or sober, he found Tiana engaging, wanting nothing more than to sit next to her and listen to her ramble on about nothing and everything in between.

But she wouldn’t forgive him if he indulged in something like that, not now. They had a bit more growing to do individually, and apart.

He got her in the car, her head lolled to the side as he reached around her to buckle her in. As he fumbled in the dark, he could smell the alcohol on her breath as she exhaled heavily, as if she were two breaths from falling asleep. All he could do was sigh as he closed the door, walking around to the other side and getting into the driver’s side.

Nanami drove carefully down the icy road as Tiana seemed to go in and out of consciousness, sometimes pulling on the door handle as she asked him to “free her”. Nanami shook his head slightly, eyes glued to the road as Tiana clamored next to him.

“Even if I wanted to let you out right now, the car is moving.” Nanami said a bit sarcastically.

“Then stop it.” Tiana returned the attitude, mocking his voice.

“We’re almost home.” Nanami dismissed her, Tiana mocking his voice again before settling back into her seat, wiggling her hips as if to rock the car off its wheels.

The ride is silent for a few more minutes, Nanami chalking it up to Tiana falling asleep, until he hears a gagging sound next to him. He whips to Tiana, taking his foot of the gas to slow down, the woman folding over herself as she clenches her stomach.

“Tiana?” Nanami’s concern peaked. “I knew you overdid it-”

“Ugh, my stomach-!” Tiana said, continuously coughing. Yet the way she spoke and broke out into aggressive hacks sounded very unnatural, so much so that it seemed calculated. Her voice strained as she lurched forward even more, her head hitting the glove compartment. “I feel sick…It’s almost like…”

“Please don’t throw up…” Nanami’s begged, the car moving at a snail's pace now.

“Like…I need to…get out of the car!”

She gave one more big cough, and peaked at Nanami, who had put the car in park. As she peered at him through the dark, she noticed his face had fallen into something that looked much more serious, much more deadly.

“Tiana.” His voice was dry, void of any humor.

She gagged again, dramatically wheezing as if to catch her breath, but Nanami saw through her poor excuse of an act.

“Tiana, I swear to God I will make you clean it up.”

Immediately the coughing stops, Tiana matching Nanami’s expression as she sat up, her back thumping into the chair as she sulked in the moonlight.

“Damn.” She muttered, hitting her head on the window, her face flushed. “I thought that would work.”

Finally, they reached her home after clamoring up the stairs noisily, tripping on the wooden planks. After stumbling into her dark home, Tiana began rambling a bunch of nonsense, walking spinning around carelessly into the living room, before hitting the back of the couch and tilting over it like a child on a playground doing flips off of the equipment. She erupts in a fit of giggles, her boots kicking in the air as if she had just heard something so ridiculously funny that Nanami wasn’t privy to. Nanami, out of respect, looks the other way as he walks up to her.

“Again!” She laughs, and Nanami comes around the couch, staring directly at her face as her arms dangle to the ground, completely upside down.

“Come on, Tiana.” Nanami says with his arms folded, his energy a bit drained. He had begun to reach his limit, flashing back to their invigorating car ride. “You’re going to end up throwing up for real.”

“I feel fine.” She sang out her eyes closed, Nanami watching her brown boots flail in his peripheral vision. He felt his face grow warm, and he closed his eyes momentarily before glaring at her.

“Can you at least put your legs down?” He huffed.

“I have on shorts.” Tiana sulked, her lips in a slight pout. Nanami, without catching himself, let his eyes drift for just a millisecond, and contrary to popular belief, she did have on shorts; a brown pair that suited the tone of her thighs. But when Nanami looked back at Tiana, she had the most smug expression, it was as if watching the devil himself smile.

“Perve.”

“Alright, goodnight.” Nanami said abruptly, his face flushed as he rushed to leave. That was enough excitement for one night. But as he turned his back, he heard a chorus of thuds behind him as if someone had fallen down a flight of stairs.

“Wait!” Tiana panicked, sitting on the ground after completely flipping over her sofa. “Please don’t go yet.” Nanami exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Tiana-”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice sounded so broken, between a cry and a plea. Tiana was just an ocean of emotions right now, the tide pushing and pulling between elation and misery. Solitude and fellowship. That same madness seemed to infect Nanami, making him feel as though he too were drunk. “Are you mad at me?”

Nanami’s right hand hovered over the door handle, everything frozen in time. His breathing, the air, the ambient sounds of the night; everything was still and motionless, as if he were trapped in a polaroid that was still developing. The insensible feeling around them had shifted into something serious. The swing of her mood was like a pendulum, the rhythm knocking against Nanami's head.

“Of course not. But-”

“Then stay.” Tiana whispered, grabbing his free hand, locking her fingers into his. Nanami didn’t even look her way, he knew he would be done for if he did. But there was something so alluring in the way that she spoke, drawing him near with each liquor riddled word.

“You should go to bed.” Nanami didn’t agree, but he didn’t oppose the idea either. He should, he really should.

“Just until I fall asleep. One more time.” She pulled him gently with her voice, and her hand, leading him backwards. “Please.”

And Nanami just couldn’t say no. It was so hard for him to say no to her. She could ask for anything and everything, and he would oblige. Even if her request contradicted themselves, he’d bend over backwards to do what was best for her. Even if it cost him his own sanity.

Tiana guided him back to the living room, her boots clicking softly on the wood as the sound echoed on the walls, their conjoined shadows gliding alongside them. Nanami watched her carefully as she sat on the couch, looking up at him with such a broken expression that it made Nanami frown, his heart stalling in his chest. That euphoric smile seemed to dissipate. He just stood there, the two watching each other meticulously. Nanami purses his lips slightly.

“You’re not going to change?”

“No.”

“Or sleep in your room?”

“Don’t wanna.”

“At least take your shoes off.”

Tiana threw her hands in the air exasperated, flopping her back into the couch cushions.

“You’re no fun.” She whined, curling into herself slightly as she closed her eyes. All Nanami could do was rub his temples and shake his head, Tiana’s words making him more flustered by the second. She was not in her right mind at all. Nanami was ashamed to even be here right now, she will not be happy about her actions in the morning, if she can even remember them in the morning.

“I swear, you’re going to send me into cardiac arrest.” Nanami gave a nervous laugh, feeling his pulse thudding in the veins of his neck. Tiana waved off his comment, motioning for him to sit. So he does, with utmost obedience, his legs tucked in as he sat on the floor next to the couch.

Tiana’s eyes bore into his, slightly swollen, and her pupils enlarged in the dark. Slowly, she raises her hand, aiming it towards Nanami’s jaw. Before he could protest, her hand was caressing his face as if to study it; tracing his jaw, cupping his cheek, then tracing her fingers behind his ear and into his hair, drawing ellipses into his scalp as he shuddered.

Tiana looked so helpless, while Nanami felt as such.

He swallowed thickly, the movements so small, so asinine, yet each curl of her finger or tug on his locks made Nanami liquefy, causing him to instinctually melt into her calves as he rested his head on her. The picture painted was so sensual, so tense, yet there was a sort of innocence lingering in the air. The two daring to play a game that still needed solidified rules to allow fair play.

Nanami truly felt smitened by Tiana’s charm that she herself seemed to be ignorant to.

His breathing slowed as her hand kneaded a lullaby into his brain. The silence that enveloped them seemed to birth questions in their minds that seemed unsolvable. But their minds synced once, it was quite apparent when they were both staring into each other’s souls.

What can I give you?

Tiana struggled to keep her eyes open, eyebrows furrowing as her vision seemed to blur, dulling the sharpness of Nanami’s features. She just wanted to take in this image of him a little longer, this view of the begging man in the dark. She had an inkling that once she sobered up, this memory would be locked away forever, completely smeared and unobtainable. She wanted to memorize how tender everything felt, how heightened her sense of touch seemed, even going so far as to count the circles she traced in his head to keep her mind working.

34…35…36…37…

“Tiana, go to sleep.” Nanami hummed, the vibrations from his cheek tickling her leg. Her eyes closed slowly, then opened once more, eyebrows crinkled on her forehead.

“Why?” She muttered, her words slowing. “So you can…leave?”

“That was the initial plan.”

“But then it will be…tomorrow. I probably won’t remember tomorrow.”

Nanami frowned. Once tomorrow came, this moment would be but a blip in the past. A shadow in the dark. Tiana would come back to her senses, the door to her heart bolted back shut. This moment would be nothing more than a shameful memory. Nanami would have loved to linger a while longer, but Tiana could end up hating him. He shouldn’t even be here now, listening to the words of a drunk woman. He just had to make sure she got to sleep before she said something she would undoubtedly regret later.

And even if she said something that was inherently true, he would prefer her to admit it with a sound body and mind, not on a whim in the dark.

“As it always will be.” Nanami spoke gently, his voice low, but solid. “But one thing will stay the same.”

Her eyes were closed now.

“What?”

“I’ll still be here.” Nanami closed his own eyes, sighing at his own weakness. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“As you always will be.”

Tiana’s voice drifted into a soft mumble, then into soft snores. Nanami’s eyes traced over the softness of her face, the rise of her brows, the slight flutters of her lashes, the rise and fall of her chest as she curled into a defensive ball. Her grip had loosened significantly, yet Nanami still found himself leaning into her touch. He still found himself closing his eyes, inhaling the scent of Tiana’s home, basking in her presence.

Tiana had such a simple way of making Nanami feel wanted, and Nanami couldn’t wait to return the favor ten fold.

“How am I supposed to give you space,” Nanami muttered, grabbing her limp hand. He traced the same circles into her hand that she had, brushing her skin with his thumb. “When you act like this?”

Nanami was unsure when he fell asleep, or how long he had been knocked out, but he awoke to the sound of various pops and crackles, jolting at the sudden change in volume. Blinking his eyes, he sat up, lifting his head off of Tiana as she stirred slightly in her sleep, groaning softly as her face tightened.

Nanami creaked upwards, his legs filled with pins and needles from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in, his joints popping in the dark. He staggered tiredly to Tiana’s balcony window, pulling the curtain back, only to see a shower of color raining from the sky in celebration of the new year. The sky glimmered, the light catching in the living room and flashing off the snow below. The view was quite beautiful, but not as lovely as the one behind him.

He turns to Tiana, his feet shuffling on the floor softly.

“Happy New Year’s.” He whispered, and of course he received no response. He didn’t expect to.

Nanami hadn’t expected his night to go like this. He didn’t imagine his New Year’s would be spent tending to the woman he loves who had drunken herself into a stupor. He didn’t expect to be pining for her in the privacy of her own home as she laid there unconscious. He didn’t expect her to ask him to stay by her side with earnestness. But with Tiana, he didn’t know what to expect. Every day, every second, every singular moment with her was a riddle that he had begun to enjoy deciphering. He had always had a craving for the logical, and now it had turned into a yearning of understanding her, and understanding that sometimes that the existence of things didn’t always have a rhyme or reason. Sometimes they just were. Loving her wasn’t a formula meant to be solved. It was a feeling meant to be experienced, and he wanted to share that with her. He used to try and pick her apart, but now he was the one fraying at the seams as she held him in her hands.

God, he was so soft when it came to her. So he fought himself when it came to finally leaving her home, feeling his pockets to grab his phone. He had a feeling he had been away for way too long, and would have to check on the company’s gathering once more before calling it quits. But as he felt his front and back pockets, he noticed they were empty.

He crouched down, searching the floor blindly to see if maybe he dropped it, but he would have heard it earlier.

“sh*t.” Tiana swore, cradling herself as she walked a desolate white field of ice and snow, her feet sloshing in the wet earth as she dragged them forward. There was nothing but a blinding white ahead of her, and the same image was displayed behind her. She had been walking for ages, looking for something. Searching for something that she just couldn’t pinpoint. Something she had lost, and had been trying so hard to regain. Something she didn’t want to let go of just yet.

She turned around once more, looking for some sort of landmark to indicate where she was, or maybe another human being, but the environment was soulless. It was so empty, and so cold as her shoulders shook. As she turned back around, gritting her teeth, she ran into something.

Or rather someone.

“Ugh-!” She grunts, clutching herself tighter, looking up at the figure in the slight snowfall. “Oh, I’m sorry, but could you help-”

The person turned around, and Tiana’s voice got caught in her throat.

“Well, look who it is.” Naveen said proudly, a twinkle in his eyes as he flashed a smile that could put the gleaming snow to shame. Frozen like the ground beneath her, her eyes immediately welled up, breath shortening as she realized what this was. Who this was.

This wasn’t real. This wasn’t the real Naveen.

This was a dream.

“Hey, now.” Naveen seemed to grow defensive, his hands up as if he had been caught reading Tiana’s mind. “I’m as real as the love we’ve created together. As true as the love we’ve shared.” His hand tenderly cups her face, and Tiana’s lip quivers, eyes squeezing tight. But not tighter than the spasm of her heart.

“Oh, just look at’chu.” Naveen excitedly spoke, swiping at her tears. “You’re just as beautiful as I remember. If not more.”

His voice had a slight sting to it, and when Tiana finally opened her eyes, she noticed that water had begun to catch in the corner of his. But he seemed to be holding himself together. He exhaled shakily, massaging his thumb into her face as Tiana kept shaking her head, denying the visions before her.

“Tiana.” He spoke gently. “My love. My life. My all.”

Tiana broke with each word, unable to speak as tears fell like rapids. Her whole body began to crumble as she grappled at Naveen’s hand, nuzzling her face into it as she tried to familiarize herself with his touch again. It had been so long. She had been longing for him for so long, but the only times he appeared was in her dreams, because that’s the only place he was obtainable.

“There’s nothing wrong with change.” He spoke in a strong manner, and it stupefied Tiana. What was he talking about?

“Do we scorn the sun for setting? Do we grieve when the seasons change?”

She hiccups.

“No.” Nanami answered for her. “And why?”

She cries.

“Because we know that night will turn into day, and that winter will always melt into spring.”

She weeps.

“The beauty about this continuous cycle is that we get to relive it as many times as God allows us to.” He shrugs his shoulders, forcing a smile. “I just got called home a little early.”

“Naveen, you’re my home!” Tiana wailed, holding onto him. “I can’t…I can’t let you go-”

Tiana spoke rapidly, accelerating into a state of panic as Naveen shushed her gently, smoothing out her hair as a way to provide comfort. He continued, pushing down her curls, running his fingers through them as Tiana’s frantic breaths caught in her throat.

“I know, I know…” Naveen sounded defeated, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on her forehead, then another, and another, the last one lingering as he pressed his lips to her warm skin.

“I’ll be here when the time comes. So don’t worry about me.”

Tiana’s face scrunched up. Why did it feel like Naveen was bidding her an actual farewell? Why did it feel as if he were slipping through her fingers again?

"Naveen?” Tiana whispered, trying to look up at the man one more time, but he gently placed the palms of his hands on her eyes, bringing his forehead to hers. A strong wind rushes between the two, slicing through Tiana's exposed skin.

“I don’t want you to see this.”

Tiana focuses on the sound of his voice, how it began to sound hollow, like the whistle of the wind carrying around them. His hands felt sweaty, but strangely cold, and his once strong grip began to loosen around her face.

“Live enough for the both of us.”

His voice seemed to be growing farther and farther away, and seemed to be echoing in her brain instead of right in front of her. Wiping the water from her cheeks and forehead, her eyes shot open, but her husband was no longer there. Where Naveen once was was now a pillar of snow in the shape of a man, the particles of his iced being whisked away with the wind.

“Naveen!” Tiana screeches, lurching forward to hold onto him one more time. To feel his warmth one more time. To hear his voice one more time. But it was useless. As soon as she wrapped her arms around what was her husband, he dissipated into a pile of snow.

Tiana, who had helplessly thrown all her weight at him in hopes that he would catch her, fell knees first into the slush with a soft crunch. Hands shaking, she scoops the white snow into her palm, her vision smeared with white as hot tears blur her vision again. She balled up her fist angrily, throwing herself to the ground as the snow in her hands melted into water.

But in that liquid, Tiana felt something equally as cold, but much more dense.

Looking up from the white snow, Tiana flipped her hand so that her palm would face upward. She watches the water trinkle from between her fingers for a moment, the hard item hidden in her hand digging into her skin. Slowly, she unfurls her fingers, one at a time.

Her pointer.

Her thumb.

Her middle finger.

By the time it got to the ring and pinky, she immediately recognized the tiny piece of jewelry. It was Naveen’s band, tiny water droplets coating the ring with water and causing it to shine.

“Tiana.”

Tiana whipped her head around to figure out who the disembodied voice belonged to, but there was no one there. Instead, there laid a beautiful green meadow, free of frost and snow, littered with flora and blossoming trees with petals that blew in a gentle, warm breeze. The green was so vibrant that it burned into her retinas, and the sky above looked so blue that it was almost white. Tiana blinked, staggering to a standing position as she clutched the wedding band close to her fluttering heart.

As she looked at her feet, she realized there was a line drawn between the two environments; one half flourishing with life, and the other reeking of loneliness and death.

“Tiana…”

The voice seemed to call again, so gentle and kind, like a hug or being tucked in at night. And it was coming from the other side, tantalizing her, beckoning for her to step forward and enjoy the abundance of joy that the act of existing had to offer.

It was so familiar, that voice. Strong and sturdy, always reassuring and providing structure in her hellish life.

Tiana slowly brought her hand up, inching to that barricade of warmth. Then suddenly she stopped.

She stood there, unsure. Even though there was nothing keeping her from taking a step forward anymore but herself.

Just as she’s about to plunge her hand in, she inhales sharply, eyes flying open as the beautiful meadow she was once viewing faded into splotches of her jaded reality. All she could see was her dark ceiling, the glimmer of the moon streaking across it in a muted white, with her hand slightly outstretched to the sky; but she couldn’t remember why. She couldn’t remember what she was reaching for, nor could she understand why it felt like something was just excavated out of her core, leaving her stomach feeling empty.

Her head throbs, and she brings her hand down to her face, wiping away the dampness that seemed to have fallen for her eyes in vain, for she couldn’t remember who these tears had fallen for. She paws at her nose and her mouth, then finally settles her hands in the place between her ribs. The vacancy within her was different, not as pungent as it could be. It was bittersweet, like embracing someone you hadn’t seen for a long time before they returned home.

And for some reason, for the first time in a while, she felt okay. As if she had already been preparing for this moment.

She sat up, doubling over, rolling parts of her body to work out the stiffness. She couldn’t remember her dream, nor could she remember how she got here. She remembered walking around the festival, sitting to eat and drink, and everything after that were discarded puzzle pieces strewn across her mind. But when she inhaled deeply, she smelled it. That scent of cedar wood that fused with the vanilla aroma in her home. The earthy notes that seemed to swell in the atmosphere, attempting to knit together her thoughts.

“Nanami…” She said breathlessly, sniffling as she rubbed her nose, catching the smell of his cologne on her wrist and arm. He had been here, most likely to bring her home safely. She winced, trying to recall something, anything really. She looked down to see she was still in the same clothes, but her boots were off and balancing on the floor beneath her. She hadn’t done that. It had to have been Nanami.

“Nanamin!” Misha cheered as the man stumbled into the karaoke bar, the colorful lights bouncing off of his pigment. Someone on the stage was brazenly belting out a song that had way too many high notes for their voice, causing Nanami to cover one of his ears as he stepped into the crowded area. Misha sprang up quickly, bounding to him like a lovesick puppy, wrapping her arms around his neck. He’s yanked down with a grunt, his head feeling as though it were going to pop off his neck at any moment.

“Where have you been!” She shrills, her lips dancing on his earlobe, and Nanami shudders in discomfort. He takes her arms, grabbing her wrists tightly and pries her off of him, Misha letting out a surprised “oh!” at the bitter aura surrounding him.

Misha, still buzzing with liquor and new year's resolve, giggles behind her hand, head dropping to the side as she looks up at the tall man, his face colder than the icy pavement.

“What?” She asks playfully, but Nanami doesn’t return her candor expression. His jaw tightens, and his eyes are sharp as he speaks low, only loud enough for Misha to hear.

“We need to talk.” Tiana mutters, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

She just couldn’t understand why Nanami was being so kind; though she did, it wasn’t a proper reason in her eyes. It wasn’t logical, and Nanami was a man shrouded in logic. She tried to remember the details. She recalled the moments of animosity towards him before taking that first sip; her glares, her defiance, how she was avoiding him. Yet he still went out of his way to show her kindness. It might have been the bare minimum, but literally anyone else could have taken her home, and God forbid something could have happened to her while she wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Yet he still decided to put up with her, regardless of their spat.

Tiana would be lying if she said it didn’t make her feel warm inside. Like receiving a hug or being tucked in at night. And she was determined to hold onto that feeling for the rest of the night. Hell, for the rest of the new year.

But she won’t be able to achieve it by evading him, evading the one person that caused this feeling to come forth even when he wasn’t there.

“Why so serious?” Misha asked Nanami, the liquor in her system drying up in the hollow wind outside. She clutched her coat closer to her, standing side by side to him, yet not once did he look her way. There was a strange sense of foreboding about him.

And she was right.

“I don’t feel anything towards you.”

Misha blinks, growing wary by the second. She swallowed, her head twitching as she tried to get a good look at him, but he stared forward into the darkness, completely indifferent with his hands shoved deep within his pockets. If he was going to turn her down, he could at least look her in the face. At least let her have her dignity when it comes to that, so she would at least feel seen. She simply chooses to laugh, dismissing his words as she tries to grasp onto the last wisps of spirit in her system.

“I’m sorry?” She says sarcastically, tilting her head once more. “Ken, come on-”

“Cut the sh*t, Misha.”

Oh, she was fully sober now, completely taken aback by the man’s foul language. She had never heard him speak like that to anyone. She guffaws, neck outstretched like an ostrich as her face contorts into something displaying her humility.

“Excuse me?”

“That night…” Nanami can’t even find the strength to voice it, the memories so sour it made him cringe. “All of this is a mistake. I apologize if I made you think something could have ever become of us, but you should ditch the delusions.”

“A mistake?” Misha’s voice pitches, cracking at the end as her anger bubbles to her throat. “A f*cking mistake, yet you’re running around playing house with someone you just met? I’m the delusional one?” Misha jabs her hand into her chest, a wild smile displayed on her lips

“Attempts of sexual coercion in the workplace.” Nanami said, raising his finger as he began listing off Misha’s infringements. Her face pales with each word that slips from his mouth, expression growing taut. “Sexual assault on the notion that I did not yield my consent to you when you decided to put your lips or hands on me. Consumption of alcohol during a company event and on the premises of the event where it was prohibited. Sabotage in the workplace, implying coercion of your subordinates.” Nanami tutted his teeth as he held up five fingers, the fate of Misha’s life dangling in the palm of his hand. Nanami was more than aware of what he was doing, and he wasn’t fond of acting as such. It was out of character, but Misha had been way out of line, and would continue to plague his personal life if he didn’t properly sever ties with her now. He didn’t want Tiana to ever get the wrong idea, or misinterpret how he felt towards her in any way, shape, or form.

He never wants her to feel as if she were a second option. He doesn’t want her to think that Nanami was entertaining the notion of choosing someone else.

It’s just her. It always has, and always will be.

“Sexual- are you f*cking kidding me right now?” Misha was screaming now, so close to Nanami that her neck was bent up at an awkward angle, yet he still didn’t pay her any mind, simply rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. “That is not what any of that was, and you know it!”

“Just because I didn't refuse, that made it alright?” Nanami replied, his lips in a slight frown, but not out of sadness. Moreso out of pity. It was just so disappointing, especially considering the person she had been working so hard on becoming.

“You have a lot of potential, Misha.” Nanami says, turning on his heels to face the building, muffled chatter and the sound of music leaking onto the empty street. “Don’t throw all of that away.”

“You’re telling me to just throw away my feelings?” Misha’s voice broke, and Nanami could hear that she was beginning to cry, taking into account how her voice pitched at the end. “To just ignore how I feel?”

“The things you're feeling will naturally pass since I’m unable to return them. Pouring into me will yield nothing for you.” Nanami glanced at her briefly, her expression distorted into something agonizing; teeth latched into her bottom lip as if to stop herself from lashing out, face so red that it looked hot to the touch. Her eyes seemed to quiver, water falling from them effortlessly. But Nanami didn’t feel moved in the slightest.

“Lay low, and don’t do anything rash. Or I won’t be able to guarantee you a position here, or anywhere in this precinct for that matter.” Nanami runs his tongue across his teeth as he begins to walk away. “In the meantime, learn to separate your personal life from your business life.”

Nanami had extended this conversation well past its intended time. He had only come out here to look for his lost phone, and got a bit side tracked. He considered asking Misha, but the way this conversation ended, he doubted she would comply, nor did he want to continue any semblance of a discussion with her.

Hand on the door to the building, he tugged on it, just as Misha spoke.

“Maybe you should take your own advice, Nanami Kento.”

Nanami paused, looking for some sort of retort, but he couldn’t find one. He was being so hypocritical considering the circ*mstances, but that had nothing to do with Misha. She didn’t have the right to judge him. So without giving her that satisfaction, he left her in the snow, walking inside to discover the whereabouts of his phone. Misha hunched over, palms digging into her eyes as she succumbed to the dark.

Tiana fumbled around her dark living room, clasping her fingers around her phone as she searched for his contact. It was definitely an excuse to speak with him, to hear his voice; it was definitely her way of using him, but she had to tell him thank you, and to give him some sort of apology for how she reacted. It might have been the alcohol still in her system, but she couldn’t hold out any longer. She didn’t mind regretting anything tomorrow, she just didn’t want to regret right now.

So she calls him.

Misha’s coat pocket begins to vibrate, her personal endeavors being put on pause as her hands wrap around a device that definitely didn’t belong to her.

She pulled out the buzzing phone, Tiana’s name with that damned frog emoji sitting next to it, the background of the call being a photo of what looked to be of Tiana eating something in a dimly lit restaurant, her face stuffed as she looks toward the camera wide eyed, pieces of food caught in the corner of her mouth. The photo was sickeningly sweet, and all Misha could do was stare at it as the phone rang.

Tiana tapped her foot impatiently on the wooden floor. Normally the phone doesn’t get past the third ring before he’s answering her with repressed excitement. But the phone rings so long that it inevitably goes to voicemail.

Odd, Tiana thought, calling him again.

This time, it goes straight to voicemail, and Tiana frowns. He had never done that before. Was he actually upset with her right now? Or maybe…

Tiana dials his phone one more time, and her call is answered on the first ring, but it’s the last person she expected to answer..

“What do you want?” Misha’s voice croaks on the phone, venom laced into every syllable. Tiana swallows a wad, immediately sobering up at the sound of her voice. It caught her off guard so much that she stammered into the line longer than she wanted, beginning to lose her nerve.

“I-I want to speak to Nanami.”

Misha snorts into the line, Tiana pulling the phone away from her ear slightly as her vicious laugh echoes in the space between her ears.

“-why the hell would I do that?” Tiana caught the rest of Misha’s words as she brought the phone back to her ear, scoffing at such a ridiculous question.

“What do you mean, ‘why’?” Tiana quips, sitting on the edge of her couch cushion. “This is his phone, ain’t it?”

Misha sucked her teeth, gripping herself in the cold. First Nanami, now Tiana was getting snippy with her. A woman who would be quite literally nothing if it weren’t for her catching Nanami’s eye. Her pride wouldn’t allow her to hold her tongue.

“You know Nanami and I kissed, right?”

Tiana should have known this was coming, yet she still stalled like a car that wouldn’t start. Misha’s voice had a sultry swing to it as she dangled that remorseless fact in front of Tiana’s face, simpering over something that she obtained that she believed Tiana would never have the opportunity to get. Boasting about Nanami's mouth being some sort of prize instead of an intimate moment ingrained in her soul. It made Tiana’s skin crawl.

“So?” Tiana finally choked out, her hand gripping her phone so tight her flesh began to pinch around the border of the device.

“So, I thought you would like to know that it all worked out.”

“It…all worked out?”

“New year’s has a strange air about it.” Misha laughed softly, but all it did was anger Tiana, her teeth creaking as she clenched them together. If Tiana was being honest, the woman on the other line didn’t sound all the way there, talking low as she prowled through the conversation, gauging Tiana’s reaction. “You should know all about that, right? All you need is the stroke of midnight to really set the mood, and your year is set for you. Confessing to each other under the light of a thousand stars and a shower of pretty lights. It’s a shame you had to go.” Despite sounding sad, Tiana heard nothing but bitterness in her tone.

And because of the sloppy cadence of her voice, Tiana didn’t believe a single word coming out of that deranged woman’s mouth.

“There’s no way.” Tiana shook her head slowly, her heart trembling in her chest. There was just no way. Nanami was just here. Tiana knew that she told Nanami to move on, but a small part of her didn’t actually want him to, nor did it expect him to. Especially at this speed. It’s almost as if he didn’t give her a second thought, like he simply discarded her for someone who was ready to lay down and take whatever he was willing to give. It didn’t make any sense; the pleading looks he kept tossing to her to grasp her attention, unless that was his plan.

What if that’s all he meant for it to be? A form of closure as he aimed to properly inform Tiana of his ventures elsewhere. Is that why he wanted to talk to her so badly, so he could shed any guilt that could possibly hinder him from moving forward?

There’s just no damn way that he started thinking using the wad of flesh between his legs and abandoning the muscle between his ears.

There’s no damn way he just gave up on her so quickly. In her tipsy state, she was able to admit in the forefront of her mind that she didn’t want him to. Not yet.

She needed to hear such a ridiculous statement from him and him only. She wanted him to say it to her face.

She thought it would be easy if he had moved on, but when that reality seemed to be staring down at her, she not only did she realize how ugly it was, but also how she deluded herself into thinking she wouldn't care if that happened.

She cared far too much.

“I thought that would make you happy?” Misha tested, her voice creaking like worn hinges. “I thought…there was nothing going on between you two?”

“There isn’t-”

“You f*cking liar.” Misha lashed out, her words quick to cut at Tiana’s words, and all Tiana could do was swallow her response. “Everyone’s a f*cking liar.”

“I want to speak to Nanami.” Tiana demanded, pressing a bit more, and the line went silent for a second. Tiana tried to hone in on some clues that would tell her where Misha was right now; it sounded as if maybe the woman were outside.

Misha gives a slight chuckle, pulling the phone from her ear, holding it closer to her mouth so that Tiana could hear every syllable escaping her mouth.

“We’re busy.”

Tiana’s gut twists as the line goes dead, and she immediately calls the phone back again. And again. And again, to no avail. Every time, she is met with an automated voicemail, as lifeless and as cold as her living room felt.

Misha stood in the snow after turning Nanami’s phone off, carelessly dropping it into the slush. She stalks away, taking long strides as she flees from the scene, needing to get away. She got the answer she was so desperately looking for and then some, and she didn’t like it one bit. Her curiosity inevitably put her on the chopping block, her life and career on the line.

She chewed on her thumb, her teeth pinching at her flesh until she tasted something metallic. She doesn’t even bother looking, wiping her damaged finger onto her pant leg.

What if Tiana finds out that I lied, Misha thought, scrambling to find a solution. If Tiana caught wind of Misha’s act of deception, Misha might actually be done for.

No, Misha thought. That won’t happen.

Tiana would have said something about the past by now. And by the looks of tonight, she doubted Tiana and Nanami would have much to talk about. Tiana didn’t even properly acknowledge him, and Nanami seemed to be completely shut down by the end of the night. As long as there was a bit of miscommunication, then everything would be fine. That feeling of animosity would still thrive in this cesspool environment of confusion.

Tiana didn’t want to talk to him, Misha thought. And after this, she won’t want to even think of him, because Misha would forever be tied to their relationship. Distrust would always be there, and insecurities would plague their minds.

Misha stares at the dark canvas that is the sky, stars sparkling like tiny holes poked into the atmosphere. She exhales, shaking her limbs, trying to satiate herself with the fact that those two would continue to suffer, but it didn’t make her feel any better, no matter how hard she tried. She watches her breath exit in white wisps.

“I’m done.” Takuma slurs, his head thudding on the table. His eyes were blinking slowly, irises phasing across his field of vision as he tried to focus them on Nanami.

“Calling it quits already? I thought you were the party guy.” Nanami attempts to joke, but his tone is quite somber.

“I can’t…take another sip…” Takuma groaned, his forehead kneading into the wood, a sort of rolling sound emitting from the constant contact.

“I can’t believe you let Hana drink you under the table.” Nanami said sarcastically, looking towards the bar where Hana was eying a line of shots, rubbing her hands together with a devilish sparkle in her eyes. She looked as though she had been downing water the entire night, completely unaffected by whatever she was throwing into her system.

Takuma lifts his head slightly, completely dazed as a circular, red bruise seems to form on his forehead, and he lets it fall back onto the table with a solid thud.

“She’s a beast, man.” He murmurs, sounding quite pained.

Nanami lets out an airy breath, before sharing the real question he had been wanting to ask Takuma.

“Have you seen my phone by any chance?” Nanami asks. “I’m sure I had left it at the restaurant, but when I went to check it wasn’t there, nor did the festival lost and found have it.”

Takuma, still face planted into the table, waved his hand around in the air as if the question Nanami asked was common knowledge.

“Misha grabbed it when you left the restaurant. She should be around here…somewhere.” And his hand flops back down to his side, swinging lifelessly.

“Misha…?” Nanami’s neck jolts back. If she had it, then why didn’t she give it to him? Albeit, they didn’t end on great speaking terms, but that wasn’t a great excuse for withholding his items.

“Yeah…ugh…” Takuma groans, forehead digging into the surface to cool his inflamed skin.

Nanami nods, clapping Takuma’s back gently.

“Get home safe.” Nanami requests, then begins stalking back out the door. Takuma simply twitches a finger, unable to even will his arms or mouth to move.

Nanami steps outside, cold air greeting him once more as he tries to find an end to this wild goose chase, all for a damn device. He walks to where he had been standing, staring at the spot where they had stood; noting how the imprint of his shoes were stilled compared to where Misha had been standing. Hers were frantic, uneven, strewn across the snow in an incoherent pattern. And right next to her marred footsteps was Nanami’s phone, protruding from the white snow.

He bends down, picking the device up, blowing the snow out of its sockets and wiping it off on his pants.

Unbelievably childish, Nanami thought. And Tiana thought someone like that would be better for me?

Nanami turns his phone on, at first believing it had miraculously died, but the screen blinks on after a moment, the light illuminating his face in blue as his phone pinged with all the notifications he missed due to his forgetfulness.

A few text messages, some work emails, and 27 missed calls from Tiana.

27 missed calls from Tiana?

Nanami clicked on the notification, swallowing thickly as he scrolled through his call log, counting the times that her name popped into his field of vision.

27 missed calls from Tiana.

Immediately, Nanami pressed her name, her photo blowing up onto the screen, and it went to voicemail. Nanami’s eyebrows furrowed, and for some strange reason, he felt a strange sense of panic shift into his stomach. It must have been something serious, there was no way Tiana would go to lengths this great over something so miniscule, especially when she was consciously avoiding any conversations with him to begin with.

What if something happened to her? She got stuck somewhere after wandering out once she woke up?

Tiana’s name popped up, Nanami finally receiving the call that he had missed 27 times. Finally receiving a response from her. He felt a sense of elation as he swiped across his screen, answering the phone.

“Hello-”

“Where are you right now?!”

Nanami is taken aback.

“Am I supposed to be somewhere specific-”

“Kento, don’t get smart with me.” Tiana sounded completely vexed, and Nanami found himself straightening his posture. “Where the hell are you?”

“I’m outside of the karaoke bar?” Nanami spoke as if he wasn’t sure if he was actually there or not.

“Is there anyone with you?”

“What?” Nanami was so confused. What was with these questions?

“For f*cks sake, Nanami, just answer the damn question!”

“No!” Nanami was quick to abide by her requests, as demanding and random as they were. “No, no, why would you- why would you think that?”

“Where are you going?”

“Home?”

“Where do you live?”

“Tiana- are you still drunk?”

“Oh, God, Nanami, just text it to me. I don’t have time for this-”

Nanami hears a horn blare through the phone, and he begins speed walking to his vehicle.

“Are you…driving? While drunk?!” Nanami asked, completely mortified by the idea. He truly didn’t mean to raise his voice.

“Hell no!” Tiana shouted back into the line, then she heard some incoherent yelling in the background. “I’m in a cab, but it’s just as terrifying.”

“Why didn’t you stay home?”

“Because, I need to see you.” Tiana’s voice croaked slightly, a hint of desperation in her words. Nanami gripped the steering wheel, chewing on the inside of his cheeks as he contemplated what he should do. Of course he wanted to talk to her, he longed for a deeper understanding of each other. But he wasn’t sure if this was the most conducive option that they had. Emotions and nerves were running egregiously high; maybe they really did need some time apart.

“Tiana-” Nanami tried to refute, but Tiana wasn’t having it.

“That wasn’t me asking. I was telling you. I’m going to see you.”

Nanami completely caved, unable to protest or deny this woman anything, and he found himself frowning on his way home as he recounted how he lacked the power to stand his ground. Always at her beck and call, a part of him feeling as though he owed it to her when taking his own mistakes into account.

Maybe obeying her majesty was his own way of atonement and docking his own sense of guilt; he kept pretending it wasn’t there because it was much easier to believe that when it was just the two of them in their own world.

Nanami pulled up to his house, a running cab parked so close to the curb the front passenger tire seemed to balance on it. Nanami pulled into the driveway of his home, putting the car in park and turning it off. He jumps out, slamming the door shut just as he sees Tiana jogging over to him; more so a prance as she maneuvered through the snow.

Nanami did a glance over; she was still in her clothes from earlier, her eyes were less puffy but she kept sniffling as she glared up at him in silence.

This is the exact opposite of what Nanami wanted. He had aimed to make her smile, keep her happy for the rest of her days, but so far all Tiana had done was sob and look absolutely shattered whenever they so much as glanced at each other over the past 24 hours. It was gut wrenching, and for a moment Nanami had to look away in shame.

The two kept pushing each other when they should of been pulling, unable to coordinate an equal balance to bring back that air of comfortability. Giving when they should have been taking. Talking when they should of been listening. It was a cycle that would leave both parties irritated and unsatisfied.

I need to give her some space. Let her breathe.

“Tiana-”

“Is it true?”

Nanami frowned. “So many obscure questions today.”

Tiana didn’t back down, instead rephrasing the question so it made a bit more sense to him than it did in her head.

“You and Misha. Is it true?”

Nanami’s face soured at the name, and he whipped his head around as if looking for whoever planted such ridiculous thoughts in her head.

“Is what true?” Nanami asked, raising his hands. “This is why I didn't want to talk right now. You’re not making any sense, you’re still intoxicated.”

“Nanami I-” Tiana gripped rubbed her temples for a moment, trying to regain her train of thought. “Jesus, why is this so hard to spit out…”

Nanami halted, hanging onto Tiana’s nonsensical words. His heartbeat was obstructed with the stilling of his breath, as he wondered what Tiana was going to say. And if his premonition was correct, he really didn’t want her to say it right now. Not like this.

Tiana blows air through her lips quickly, her cheeks vibrating as she shakes her hands free of nerves.

“I just…I didn’t expect you to move on so quickly.”

Nanami blinks, his mouth slightly agape as a small bit relief flooded him.

“I’m not understanding.”

“I know I said that you should, and I regret it but, damn.” Tiana said, clutching her curls in a tight grip as she looked out into nothing. “You could've at least given it a week.”

Nanami stood there with squinted eyes; he looked so confused by Tiana’s statement that Tiana herself became mystified, the two trying to find that piece that they seemed to be missing from each other’s story.

“I’m not understanding…” Nanami spoke slowly even though he had an inkling of what the answer was. He saw the singular answered call from Tiana, and it obviously hadn't been him. “...where, or who you got that idea from?”

“They don’t matter. This matters. Right now matters, and I don’t want to wake up feeling regret.”

Nanami silenced himself, waiting for Tiana to speak. Tiana looked down at their feet, not being able to withstand Nanami’s concerned gaze. She was scared that she’d catch the glint of a liar.

“What you said, that night. What you were going to say-” She pauses, fiddling with her fingers. “Was any of that true? About sharing that fear?”

Nanami thought back to what he had said, his emotions were so out of control that night that the words he had said were seared into his brain, along with his own embarrassment. Nanami blushed, face red with bashfulness as Tiana continued to talk.

“I just want to know if you really meant it, and if you still do now.” Tiana’s shaking hands reached out to grab Nanami’s, uncurling his fingers from his palms as she clasped them. “I don’t want to go forward with the speculation that you simply said that to make me feel better. That you’re simply kind to me to make me less lonely. Not just for me, but so you can move-”

“I don’t want to move anywhere unless I know you’re there with me.”

Tiana looked up, met with such a determined look on his face, a fresh feeling of solace washing over her soul. It was as if she had been doused in mint, her skin numb to the chilling wind outside but something in her stomach had set ablaze, tugging at her insides and somehow pulling her closer to him mentally and physically.

And as Nanami admired how the stars reflected in her eyes, Tiana was infatuated with how his eyes shone brighter than the collected constellations in the sky.

“Ten steps forward, twenty steps backward, it doesn’t matter.” Nanami felt his tone grow more passionate by the minute, fueled by the irritating fact that someone attempted to plant a seed of doubt between them, and make him into a liar.

A liar.

He squeezes her hand, rejecting his reality.

“Everything I said that night was true, even more so now. If you never trust anything I saw ever again, anything at all…” Nanami’s heart squeezed, aching him to his core. It was so hypocritical to ask Tiana for this much faith, when their relationship was built on a farce. Who knew a ploy so cruel would lead to him finding the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with?

Nanami knew better than to spring his emotions on her again, especially when their collective consciousness was knotted in confusion, one loose string away from being unraveled. So he took her hand, placing it over his hammering heart, the thrumming muscle racking away at his ribcage. He was nervous. He was afraid. But he was sure about one thing, of one person.

And that was enough to ease any ailments plaguing his mind.

“Then trust this feeling.”

When was the last time Tiana felt the heartbeat of another? Beating so rapidly that the vibrations seemed to comfort her fidgeting grasp, fingers clenching the fabric of his sweater? The warmth of another body, the warmth of another soul within her reach, intertwining with hers.

When was the last time Tiana’s heart synchronized to the beat of someone else’s?

“Trust my heart, and in turn…” Nanami’s eyes bore into her, prying her apart piece by piece. “Trust yours.”

Tiana stilled her breathing, and noticed how Nanami himself stopped as well, the small gap of air between them free of misty breaths, and replaced by glances through lidded eyes and slightly parted lips.

“And whoever told you-” Nanami started, and Tiana laughed as she shook her head, cutting him off quickly.

“Don’t worry about them. Don't do anything. I’ll handle it.” She said, pushing her palm into his chest gently, etching his heartbeat into the palm of her hand. Nanami raised a brow, his lips slightly pursed.

“You’ll handle it?”

“I will. And then,” Tiana knows she should take her hands off of him, but there is a delay in her movements as she pries her hand off of him. She rolls her thumb over her fingers, imitating that warmth, that friction. “And then we can talk. For real. I just have to do something first.”

The cab blares its horn, ricocheting off the pavement and causing both of them to jump back to planet Earth. Tiana whips around, cheeks puffed from embarrassment and anger.

“I said give me a ten minutes!” She fumed, yelling back at the driver, who seemed to be tapping his wristwatch as he looked at the two expectantly.

Nanami chuckles, his head falling forward slightly as he runs his fingers through his hair. After he settles down, he looks back to Tiana, who seemed mystified, eyes glossed over as if there was something else she wanted to say, something else she wanted to do.

As if mentally pressing play, she shakes her head, looking at Nanami once over before nodding her head slightly, and turning to walk away without another word. As she takes her strides, Nanami calls to her once more.

“Don’t do anything rash.” Nanami advises. “If there’s anything I can do to aid you, please don’t hesitate to tell me.”

Tiana stops for a moment, considering the idea. But what she was about to do, she had to confront it on her own. If Nanami became privy to her plan, it could make his job a lot harder.

So she keeps walking, sliding into the cab and driving off without looking back. The further the distance grew between the two, the fainter the tug in her abdomen became, a strange urge bubbling in the back of her throat and causing her lips to tingle. She can’t help but thumb her bottom lip as she chews on it gently, chalking up the strange desire to her level of intoxication.

But those drinks made one thing clear despite her brain being so foggy.

She really can't be just friends with him. Not anymore.

When she got home, Tiana kicked the thought aside along with her shoes, trudging straight to her office and flicking the lights on abruptly. As her eyes adjusted, she marched to her desk, scouring through her stack of folders to find that specific one. The one that she had kept in her back pocket as her ultimate trump card.

She had been waiting for an opportunity to use this, and it filled her with joy at how petty her reasoning was.

Her eyes brightened as she found it, the folder documenting everything that had occurred to her during her time at the job. Time stamps of her lunch period and her extended work hours without compensation, files and forms that she completed that Misha turned in as her own, even the bills of items that she bought for her fellow staff that they “conveniently” forgot to pay back. It was Tiana’s greatest masterpiece, a bomb that was ground splitting in the corporate world.

She pulled out her phone, pressing on the voice app, clicking through the different reels of her and Misha’s conversations. Every microaggression, confession, and insult recorded.

“I realized I was being a bitch. I was jealous.”

“I don’t care about any of that.”

“She can be so scatterbrained.”

“It’s bad enough that you’ve been slacking on the job, celebrating with the rest of us as if you’ve earned the break.”

“If you can’t handle this much as an intern, then how do you expect to work full time?”

“And change your skirt while you’re at it.”

“You’ll be doing us a huge favor, might even earn you a permanent position.”

“I know it may seem like I’m being harsher on you than anyone else, and the truth is, I am.”

“I saw you biking over the weekend. Maybe you should have used that time to rest and prepare properly.”

“I know it’s your first official day, so I’ll give you a pass. But you really shouldn't be so tired.”

Tiana skipped through the reel once more, pausing when she heard her own voice.

“Ms. Misha, I’m sorry, but could you speak to me in English? It’s a bit hard for me to understand.”

There’s a slight pause, followed by the ruffling of clothing as Tiana’s phone slides around in what she presumed was the pocket of whatever outfit she had been wearing that day.

Tiana hears Misha scoff, and she can almost see the disgusted sneer displayed on that wretched woman’s face.

Tiana couldn't wait to grind her into the ground.

“How is that my problem?” Misha had said, the sound of her heels retreating.

“Get to learning.”

Chapter 8: two of hearts

Chapter Text

Nanami knew that Tiana needed time to herself to properly sort her affairs out, but he didn’t expect the time to slink on so agonizingly slow.

The wee hours of New Year’s Day turned into New Year’s night, which in turn crawled into the first complete week in January, then finally began slithering into the beginning of February; an entire month without really talking to each other, and Nanami’s heart grew fonder by the second. So much so that he began “observing” Takuma as he adopted his new position as CMO, Tiana always in his line of sight yet never offering him the time of day. Not even a sideways glance, when all Nanami could see was her. She seemed so hyper-focused, typing away at her desk, or conversing with her colleagues, never once allowing her mask of professionalizing to slip or crack. Her face was stern, yet confident, and Nanami would find himself watching her instead of supervising his junior, who would bring him back to reality with a quick snip of his fingers.

“Nanamin,” Takuma snapped his fingers near Nanami’s face, causing him to whip back to his trainee. Takuma stares up at the man, eyes squinted as he tries to read him. “You feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I um-” Nanami hesitated as Tiana pushed back from her desk with a huff, standing to stretch. Her hair was slicked back and curled into a puff, almost blending into the back of her black dress that flowed just below the knee. After a moment, she moves from in front of her chair, rolling it in, turning around just to stop once she sees Nanami.

Nanami can see her breath halt as she gives him a once over, then gives him an awkward smile with a slight nod, before clicking her way over and brushing past the two. On the outside, it looked as if an intern was being mindful of their boss’ presence, but so much was said between their sets of brown eyes. As she walks by, Takuma calls after her.

“Hey, Tiana!” He sounds so excited, and Nanami watches his eyes brighten. Tiana turns around, hands neatly placed over her abdomen as she greets him back.

“Hello, Mr. Ino. I didn’t want to bother you. It’s nice to see you.”

“I told you, you don’t need to be so formal.” Takuma said, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully, and Tiana laughed behind her hand.

“We wouldn’t want people thinking you're showing favoritism as soon as you step up in your new position, now would we?” Tiana shut him down so effortlessly and it made Nanami nostalgic as he stood there between the two as some sort of third wheel.

“Ah, I guess you’re right…” Takuma glanced away, trying to find something else to say. “What about lunch?” He asked hopefully. “Are you free today?”

Tiana paused, and for a split second, those soft eyes drifted up to Nanami. The moment was so quick, that if one were to blink they would have missed the small exchange. But Nanami saw it all in that moment; almost like a plea for help, for him to give some sort of excuse on why she shouldn't go. But she shook her head gently to decline, wriggling out of the situation.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to take a raincheck again today.” She says, and the glimmer dies in Takuma’s eyes and is instead reborn in Nanami’s. “I have a few more things to sort out.”

She gives another smile, her plump lips upturned as her eyes closed, and spun on her heels, clicking down the hall.

“You said that last time!” Takuma calls back in an indignifying manner considering his position, like a child pouting because their parents wouldn’t buy them a toy they wanted so desperately. Tiana doesn’t bother looking back, just shrugs as her hips wave goodbye to the men behind her.

“What can I say, I’m a busy woman.” And with that, she disappears from sight, both men sighing. The action catches Nanami off guard so much so that his breath gets caught in his throat, looking at Takuma’s mesmerized expression.

“She’s pretty, isn’t she.” He mumbles, just enough for Nanami to hear and he’s taken aback. Well, of course she was pretty, she was beautiful. Absolutely captivating, her skin glowed like the summer sun rising above a verdant valley, and her voice was as alluring as the strings of a cello; the swing in her words exuding something nostalgic. But he didn’t expect Takuma to feel that way, he had reduced Tiana to being “pretty”, a word so simple it was almost insulting. He would never begin to grasp a fraction of what Nanami thought or felt about her. What she meant to him.

“Oh, come on, I saw you looking.” Takuma punches Nanami’s shoulder gently, and Nanami realizes he hadn’t answered. He focuses his eyes on Takuma, who has a goofy grin on his face. “Almost everyone does, doesn't matter who. There’s just…something about her.”

“Sure.” Nanami gave a curt reply, his jaw tight.

Takuma wasn’t the only person Tiana seemed to connect with, she seemed to fit into the office space generally well, the New Year’s event inevitably bringing the workers closer and revitalizing their morale as a team. Watching Tiana mingle with her co-workers tugged at Nanami’s heart, yearning to be able to join her, to catch up, to even say a simple hello. But he had to give her space, and allow her some time. Patience is a virtue.

But time is a mother.

The middle of February meant one thing and one thing only: the annual meeting in the middle of the quarter to discuss the hiring and firing of interns for the summer. It was a very big deal, but the fate of someone's livelihood didn’t ever cause Nanami to bat an eye.

But now, Tiana’s fate was in his hands, and he was sweating bullets.

Nanami had zoned out for the majority of the meeting, mouth as tight as a clam as everyone else gave their observations about their current employees and deduced what they should or shouldn’t do to them. Since the company wasn’t necessarily hurting for employees, the “fire” pile just kept stacking higher and higher, and each name crossed out brought them closer and closer to Ms. Baker.

Nanami wasn’t sure what to do; he was a fair and just man and intended to continue as such, but what would happen to Tiana if she was let go? If she went back to America, Nanami wouldn’t be able to follow her there. She could get a new job in the precinct, but who’s to say she wanted to do that to begin with? Nanami could try vouching for her, but she didn’t do anything that made her particularly stand out amongst her peers and got into more alleged “trouble” than she should have. It would look outlandish coming from him. How could Nanami stick up for her to keep her position here, or anywhere for that matter? Did she even want to be in Japan?

Did she even want to be with him?

“-next is Ms. Baker.” Gojo says smugly, warping Nanami back to the present. Nanami blinks, lips skewed to the side as he stares at her name, flipping through her reports made over the past few months.

“Finally.” Shoko exasperates, leaning back into her chair and it creaks loudly, the sound scratching against Nanami’s heart. “Honestly, I think-”

Knock, knock, knock.

Three quick raps on the door, and it opens with a click, a young woman with long black hair peeking into the room.

“My apologies,” She speaks with robustness, her voice as strong as her gaze. “But Ms. Baker is here for her meeting, Gojo.”

Nanami frowns. Meeting?

“Meeting?” Shoko voices his thoughts, completely baffled at Gojo’s actions. “You scheduled a meeting with her for right now? What's wrong with you?”

“Of all times…” Mei Mei says pointedly, her chin balancing on her fist. “It’s very convenient.”

“Satoru…” Geto says in a low tone, one whistle away from a hiss. Gojo nods to the woman, and she returns the action, presumably going to get Tiana.

“What?” Gojo says with a shrug, alternating looks between his colleagues. “I want to hear what the princess of Maldonia has to say.”

“Right now?” Ijichi eyes him quizzically.

“Didn’t think we’d be here this long.”

The excuse is piss poor, Gojo knows that, yet doesn’t give a damn about how inconvenient this is to everyone else. Nanami glares daggers into Gojo’s soul, his frown so downturned it was practically slipping off his face.

“What are you up to?” Nanami demands, nose upturned. Gojo waves him off, face nonchalant as his blue eyes slice through his.

“Oh, my apologies Mr. CEO.” Gojo jeers, the corner of his lip upturned. “If this is too much of a nuisance, then by all means you can send her away.”

Gojo intertwined his fingers, palms downturned as he cradled his chin.

“Your choice.”

Nanami is a fair and just man and intends to continue as such. But a small part of him itched, wanting to know what Tiana so desperately wanted to talk to Gojo about.

Was it so dastardly that she couldn’t come to him about it? Why now?

“Nanami…” Shoko warns, but Nanami stays silent. He and Gojo have a stare down, Nanami’s veins throbbing against his skull as Gojo smiles knowingly; he knows that curiosity is bothering Nanami so much to the point where it burns. He knows that when it came to Tiana, Nanami had lost the drive to say no.

Knock, knock, knock.

The thuds intrude the silent room. Nanami’s jaw tenses as he loses his battle with Gojo, glaring at Tiana’s paper instead. He opens his mouth, an irate tone escaping his lips.

“Come in.”

Tiana’s heart dropped to her feet hearing his voice, she didn’t expect it, especially sounding like this. Yes, she had heard him in passing talking to other people in such a corporate tone, she used to have one herself, but now that same voice was being used towards her. So lifeless and cold compared to the compassion that was normally sent her way. Tiana’s hand hovered over the door handle as she trembled.

Was he mad at her for avoiding him these past few weeks? Was he mad that Tiana decided to seek help from someone else other than him, after he blatantly stated that he would go out of his way for her?

Why was he even here?

Too late to lose my cool now, Tiana thought. M’already at the door.

Tiana pushed the handle down, the gears and hinges twisting smoothly as the door swung open, revealing an entire audience that she hadn’t really prepped for. This was supposed to be a meeting strictly with Gojo, not Gojo and his goonsquad. Of course she knew Nanami, eyebrows cleaved together as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, almost looking through Tiana. She remembers her out of character heart-to-heart with Geto, the night of the gala he looked so elegant and calm, but right now he looked as if he were one twitch away from a physical altercation. Then there was Gojo, sitting as innocent as a doll, long white lashes blinking slowly as if his eyes were devouring the moment and simultaneously savoring it.

She recognized the woman with long brown hair, she had seen her hanging around Misha or smoking in the designated areas, under eyes dark and dotted with twin beauty marks, but wide-eyed as if baffled to see Tiana there. There was a gorgeous woman with threateningly bright silver hair, the only person out of the bunch who had their bearings together as she sat with a smile; probably a fake one but it seemed to calm Tiana. Then there was a black haired man with thin rectangular glasses, his eyes darting from Nanami, to Gojo, to Nanami, then back to Gojo as if wary one of them would leap across the table. It was so tense, the air stale with resentment, so much so it seeped into Tiana’s suit jacket, her arms beginning to sweat under her layers. She tugged at her brown cuffs, trying to reduce the clinginess of the fabric to her body.

“I’m sorry for the audience.” Gojo says, motioning towards everyone else at the table. “But this won’t be a problem, will it?”

Tiana’s eyes dart to everyone else, their expressions rigid as they practically devour the woman. And then there was Nanami, who’s eyes seemed to quiver with a sense of hurt as he trained them on her.

But Tiana had to do this. If anything, this might work in her favor. She would just have to apologize to Nanami later, along with the plethora of other things she had been preparing to say to him.

Tiana swallows her initial fear, slowing her breath through her nostrils. She had prepared for this, she had practiced nonstop. Studied and trained her vocabulary and response time from dusk till dawn. Replaced her usually lonely lunches and breaks with time spent practicing with Hana so that she could perfect her enunciation. Rehearsed over and over, committed so much effort that freezing up right now wasn’t an option.

She bows at the waist, not too deeply as Hana had corrected her multiple times, her folder neatly placed in her grasp as her curls fell past her face. The syllables exit her mouth with sharp precision.

“Not at all.” Tiana speaks, her voice pitched a bit higher than it normally would be if she had spoken in English. “I am glad that you took the time out of your busy schedule to speak with me. It is nice to formally meet you all.”

Tiana rises, straightening her waist as she gauges the general reactions now. Everyone’s taunt mouths seemed to loosen into something more astounded, Gojo’s brows raised to the middle of his forehead as he looked at her. But no one looked as surprised as Nanami.

Nanami wasn’t sure when Tiana was able to do this, it seemed to happen so fast, juxtaposed to their first initial meeting when she couldn’t even properly introduce herself. There were times Tiana had asked how to pronounce something, or Nanami would respond to her in Japanese out of habit. Tiana would refuse his English translation as she tried to formulate a proper response to him in a timely fashion, a game of sorts that bloomed between them. But she had never spoken so coherently before, she was almost a tone away from being a local. It was like looking at a completely different person compared to who he witnessed on New Year’s.

Gojo, who had been launched from his previous snub attitude, held his hand up as if to settle Tiana down.

“You can speak in English if you need to.” Gojo said.

“Are you sure?” Tiana tilted her head, looking at everyone to be granted permission. “Is that really alright?”

Shoko, after getting over her initial shock, leaned forward as she placed her elbows on the table.

“It’s fine. We’ll be able to understand. If need be, we’ll ask for further clarification.”

Nanami turns his head to Shoko, who lacked any sort of malice in her words. She seemed a bit more diligent, maybe even focused as her lips sat in a straight line, eyes studying the woman at the other end of the table. Nanami swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he turns to Tiana. Even though she didn’t ask for it, he gives her a small nod of encouragement.

Tiana exhales tightly through her lips, before placing her folder onto the table, nodding back. With a clear and concise voice, she commands the room with a simple sentence.

“I want to file an official report against my admin, on the grounds of producing a hostile work environment.”

Nanami’s insides knotted with each case that Tiana shared, with the evidence to back it up. Tiana passed around a manilla folder, and once it made its way to Nanami, he realized that it was the same one he had seen in her home. Tiana had been suffering so much right before his very eyes, and the evidence had literally been in the palm of his hands. With each statement, it unfurled more about Tiana’s dislike for Misha, not because of something so simple as a rivalry or even clashing affections, but because Misha had truly made Tiana’s life a living hell, and by the looks of it, for reasons that were simply inhumane. Nanami gripped his pen, tonguing the back of his teeth as Tiana explained her past few months here, providing emails, receipts, call logs, anything that seemed reputable.

Nanami felt sick, absolutely worthless that he couldn’t do something so simple with the power that he had. It wasn’t even about failing what Charlotte had initially begged him to do. He failed Tiana.

A deep frown resided on Shoko's face, her eyes darkening even more as she sucked in her cheeks. Ijichi’s palm covered his mouth in shock. Geto tapped his chin rhythmically as he listened, and even Mei Mei’s pristine smile faltered. The only one who seemed to be enjoying themself was Gojo, who looked as if he would sprout demonic horns and a pointed tail to match the smile curled on his lips.

God, Nanami wanted to smack that expression right off.

Once Tiana had started talking, the words flowed effortlessly from her mouth as she regaled all that she experienced. She spared no detail, hoping that those in front of her felt everything that she had; felt the same helplessness, the betrayal, the embarrassment, praying they had some sort of empathy for her story. That they could understand her to a certain extent.

Once she finished her spill, the room was so silent that Tiana mistook her pounding heart for a knock at the door, eyes darting to it briefly. Her mouth shut tight, nervousness washing over her like a chilling wave. Her evidence couldn’t be disputed, maybe ignored, but it couldn’t be denied. Especially with the plethora of voice recordings, jaws growing slack with each phrase that fuzzily spoke through her phone speaker. But even with all of that, everything was out of her hands. Before, she didn’t care if they fired her, as long as Misha went down with her for treating her like sh*t. She honestly never thought she’d make it past a simple internship, she hadn’t planned to stay forever. Just long enough to get back into the right headspace.

But now there was Nanami. Nanami who she shared her laughs with. Her meals, her days, her late night hours, her space, her time. Somehow, she had begun to share her life with him, and she couldn’t just turn back now. There was so much more to look forward to, so much more to say. He had become the callous of her desperation.

So she looks to him again, for guidance. She looks to him for light. She looks to him for strength.

She looks to him for help.

The look is utterly raw, and Nanami feels his resolve turn to mush. He immediately goes to speak on her behalf, to save her, when Mei Mei speaks up.

“I don’t mean this in a way to dismiss the issues at hand, but why did you wait until now to come forward?”

Tiana, expecting this question, straightened her back.

“Even though I don’t have much to show for it, I once owned a business of my own.” To Tiana’s surprise, her voice didn’t waver. “And I know from personal experience that it is much more beneficial to steadily build a case than filing a multitude of one-off complaints.”

There were more reasons than that, but that was strictly for Tiana’s enjoyment only.

Mei Mei’s face looked rather pleased, nodding her head as she sat back in her chair. Tiana wasn’t sure if it was because of her answer, or how confident in her answer that she sounded.

“Why…”

Tiana’s eyes darted to Shoko, having finally learned her name after a round of introductions earlier.

“Why didn’t you bring this to me?” Shoko asked, her head tilted. “I don’t mean to whine and complain, but Misha falls under my jurisdiction, along with formal HR complaints.” She looks around at everyone else in disbelief, as if searching for an answer among them. “I feel this is undermining me and my position here.”

Nanami looked at Shoko, her face tight and red, but it wasn’t out of anger. She looked embarrassed.

Tiana pursed her lips, keeping her tone in check as she responded with eloquence.

“If I were to be honest, I’ve seen you and Misha keep company quite a bit, and while it may be a petty and ridiculous reason, I became paranoid of who I could and couldn’t trust. I was scared that what I endured would have been swept under the rug, along with my presence here.”

Tiana bowed again, a lot deeper this time.

“I would like to sincerely apologize if this method seemed underhanded, but I didn’t know what other decisions I had left. This was the largest weapon in my arsenal.”

She raised herself, face etched with determination.

“Not only that, but I became privy to Mr. Gojo’s role here.”

Gojo pointed a long finger towards himself. “Me?”

“Yes.” Tiana nodded her head, continuing. “At the gala, I learned of Mr. Gojo’s credentials in the company’s database infrastructure and cyber-security accolades. In case Misha tried to disregard anything, Gojo would be able to trace the emails sent, documents released, anything that was done through the company’s emails would be revealed.”

Tiana looked towards Gojo, a sort of restraint about her as she spoke, for she felt she was giving more credit than what was actually due.

“He just seemed the most reliable at the time.”

“Relia-” Shoko was offended now, and even Nanami felt a sting in his chest, but Gojo butted in with a hearty laugh.

“No, no, I want to hear more.” Gojo smiled, and Nanami held up his hands to douse the conversation before it got too heated.

“That’s enough.” Despite not being so loud, his voice shook the room, the fury residing in him lashing out to everyone, including Tiana. Her neck tensed, the temper of his voice searing itself into her brain.

Nanami looked at Tiana, and she couldn’t read the expression on his face. He looked a bit flushed, a dash of anger, a pinch of sadness; Tiana knew that this had probably shell-shocked Nanami’s world. She didn’t like that her truth would be broadcasted like this, but a stumble forward was better than ten steps backwards.

She would just apologize later.

Nanami's lips puckered slightly as he tongued the inside of his cheek. Finally, with a deep exhale, he shifts in his seat, setting the pen he had been gripping down. Tiana watched anxiously as he folded his hands neatly on the table, peering at her.

“Anything else you would like to note, Ms. Baker?”

Tiana doesn’t know why, but the way he said her name seemed to snatch her ability to speak. Air having escaped her lungs, she nods feverishly, her neck strained as she tries to keep her stature from waning.

“I’m sorry-” Shoko shoots out of her chair with a small handbag, swiftly passing by Tiana without looking her way, and excusing herself from the room as the door slams behind her. Then Getou grips Gojo’s suit, yanking him up and into the office next door. Ijichi sits with the pads of his fingers touching as he glares at the table, and Nanami continues to eye Tiana. Mei Mei is the only one who had the decency to conclude the meeting.

“You’re dismissed.” She said gently. “Thank you for bringing this to us.”

Tiana nods again, spinning on her heels quickly to escape him. But Nanami seems to have a degree in deducing Tiana’s movements, because he’s hot on her tail, pushing his chair abruptly and speed walking behind her and out the door.

Nanami couldn’t read her mind, no matter how hard he tried, and he often did. And every time he tried to navigate the enigma that was named Tiana, he found himself perplexed as to why he tried so hard to untangle the mess that resided in her mind. Despite her reluctance, despite how much she pushed, he pulled even harder. Each time he unraveled the wound up woman, he found himself intertwining with her. It was fascinating how easily he found himself coming back to her no matter how far she tried to run.

This meeting was all it took to confirm his infatuation for her. Once perplexed and confused, now mesmerized by her smarts, her wits, her tenacity. Her sense of professionalism that swept through the room with each word she spoke; Nanami’s need to do right by her and to make sure she never had to experience something so low ever again, to make up for his failures. But in the same breath he was pissed, angered that she had the audacity to withhold this sort of information from him for so long. She was so adamant on dealing with things on her own, and while she had her own reasons to justify her actions, it didn’t make him feel any less useless to her. How was he supposed to support her when she was so keen on dismissing him?

Nanami is one toe step away from nipping the back of Tiana’s heel when he grabs her wrists, pulling her into a vacant hallway free of prying eyes and listening ears.

Nanami’s back pressed against the wall, Tiana just below eye level as he finally let his face slip, frustration knitted into his brows. As Tiana looked up at him, she felt as if she had been consumed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Tiana felt herself get choked up. She couldn’t understand why looking at Nanami felt as if she had failed him in some way.

Brown skin, even bronzer eyes that shined with the same grace as the lonely moon on a sullen night. Hair in tight kinks and coils as they bounced around her shoulders as she slowly shook her head, lips in a slight frown, but not as deep as when she first arrived.

Tiana took a shaky exhale, mouthing something intelligible, mouth gaping as she prayed a semblance of an excuse escaped her lips.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nanami asked again, demanding as his face inched closer, hoping to find an answer behind her eyes.

Tiana’s voice croaks as she tries to twists her arm gently out of his grasp, but he doesn’t let go.

“I…I needed time-”

“Enough is enough.”

Nanami readjusted his hand so that it slipped into hers instead, their fingers barely grazing each other. He had his stance, and he was sticking to it, betting everything he had on it.

It was time for Tiana to stop being so afraid.

The sound of approaching footsteps cause the two to snatch apart, Tiana leaning to the wall parallel to Nanami, hugging herself as he stood there curling and uncurling his fists.

Tiana dabs the moisture from her eyes as Shoko turns the corner, a deep frown etched into her features. Shoko doesn’t seem to realize the energy that filled the space, her dark eyes glancing up at Tiana in shame. Then she bows softly, almost scaring Tiana with how suddenly she lurched over.

“I want to apologize.” Shoko said, her long hair falling over her face, her sudden movement fanning a sudden scent of tar to Tiana’s nose. She scrunched it as Shoko continued.

“I misjudged you, and didn’t use my role to discern the situation properly. If I had been more diligent with my job, this wouldn’t have happened. As your senior, it is absolutely shameful.”

Tiana holds her hands up, waving them erratically.

“Ms. Shoko, there’s really no need for all that.” Tiana quickly spoke. “This is my fault.”

“Nonsense.” Shoko said, adjusting her hair behind her ear as she straightened herself. “This is my burden to bear, so don’t you worry your pretty little head about a thing.”

Tiana clutched her suit jacket, an air of bashfulness fogging her brain.

Shoko turned her attention to Nanami, nodding her head in the opposite direction.

“Come on, Mr. CEO. We’ve got work to do.”

And with a quick pivot, she strutted back to the meeting room. Nanami didn’t budge, didn’t even dare to blink incase Tiana bolted in the millisecond that his eyes were closed.

“You should go.” Tiana muttered. He should go, but she knew Nanami didn’t want to. Tiana didn’t want him to either.

But Nanami didn’t have time to argue, neither was this the appropriate environment. There was so much to be said, so much to be done. There just weren’t enough hours in the day for those two.

“We’re not done.” Nanami firmly stated along with a motion of his hand, leaving after Shoko. Though his back was to her, Tiana gave a swift nod, her voice returning now that they weren’t sharing the same air.

“We’ll talk. Soon.” She throws in, hoping that will be enough to satisfy the persistent man. But it wasn’t.

“Tonight.” He says it more as an instruction rather than an option, leaving Tiana no room to refute as he turned the corner.

Nanami swung the door open, everyone seemingly resituating themselves in their respective seats, low murmurs and eyes glued to the table rather than each other. With a deep exhale, Nanami shuffles to unbutton his suit jacket, hastily making his way to his seat. A solution to this predicament needed to be solved. Immediately.

Gojo was the first to break the silence.

“She was very particular in the way she drove us into a corner.”

“You think so?” Ijichi timidly asks, and Gojo shrugs as he shares the details with his train of thought.

“Because of her ties with our competitor, this could be a ploy to tarnish our rep.”

“A spy, maybe? It’s a bit overkill if you ask me…” Mei Mei leans into her palm, shaking her head.

“She wouldn’t do that.” Nanami detests, his emotions lashing out before he could restrain them.

Everyone gives him a quizzical look, the room going silent momentarily at his sudden outburst.

“How would you know?” Ijichi asks, not out of ridicule but out of genuine curiosity. Nanami waves the question away, pulling an excuse out of his ass that had enough credibility to be fact instead of fiction.

“She doesn’t have any ties with his family, remember?” Nanami asked the group. “Neither of them would benefit from a ploy such as this.”

This time, Getou shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. Even without Maldonia’s influence, Tiana still benefits greatly from this situation.”

Nanami clenches his jaw. He didn’t like how almost everyone here saw Tiana as some sort of devious woman with a hidden agenda to tear the company down when Misha was right there. There had to be something else, something he was missing that would explain these complications away.

Nanami turns to Gojo, elbows on the table as he folds his arms.

“What do you know?” He asks the smug man.

Gojo does that infamous shrug, eyes closed. “The original plan was to use this little favor as a trump card down the road, but Tiana’s move was too intricate to be a simple game of checkers.”

“Tiana deliberately saved this information for something else other than what she admitted to us. She waited until after one of the most important and prestigious promotional events of this company, which means it will embolden the company’s negligence if this were to get out to the press or other citizens.”

“That something like this happened right under our noses and the assailant was promoted without being properly reprimanded.” Getou drummed his nails on the table. “Allowing the cycle to be perpetuated with other employees without consequences and creating a toxic work environment for interns. It could damage our relationship with our foreign investors and sponsors. We’d lose future interns. We’d lose money. We’d lose our reputation, and the company would tank.”

“And we can’t outright fire Misha after such a huge step up the ladder, it’d paint us to be negligent.” Mei Mei says. “And demoting her under the guise of her ‘stepping down’ is just too unbelievable after the little performance she put on.”

“Whatever her main motive, it’s clear she wants our compliance.” Ijichi drags the folder Tiana had given them to himself, shuffling through the papers inside. “If we don’t act accordingly, this folder could be the death of us.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Shoko speaks, her voice firm. “We are negligent. And I’m the worst of us all.”

Her eyes droop in a tired fashion, and she seems to age as she balls her fist on the table.

“Shoko, you can’t solely blame yourself…” Nanami attempts to soothe her, but Shoko shakes her head instead. “We’re all accountable.”

“This happened in my domain. In my jurisdiction.” Shoko continued. “The reason I joined HR was to keep something as vile as this from happening ever again. And I failed.” Her voice seemed to catch, but she pushed through her words. “I forgot myself on my way to the top. Forgot my motives. I’ve stepped on so many people that I forgot where I came from, who I’m doing this for.”

Shoko’s expression was tight as she turned to Nanami, frustration boiling to her neck. But under that burning foil was determination.

“Let me handle this.”

Misha entered with an exaggerated bounce, but it soon faltered into a nervous jitter as she gazed upon the stone cold faces of her superiors. She swallowed, eyes darting to Nanami momentarily. He couldn’t have…

“W-What’s with the long faces?” Misha tries to joke, but it doesn’t land, not even earning any fake smiles from the ring. She chewed on her tongue, clearing her throat as she awaited some sort of response.

But when Shoko opened her mouth, she didn’t expect her past transgressions to come tumbling out, seeping into her like venom and causing her bones to chatter beneath her skin. Her eyes widened as Shoko tossed Tiana’s folder, holding all the evidence against her. And when Misha tried to dispute it, Gojo spoke up saying that he was able to trace and confirm all of their shared emails, even a few that Tiana had missed. He even joked about tapping into his phone, but his voice was far from light, it was a malicious threat decorated to be appealing.

“Let’s cut to the chase.” Shoko said, leaning forward with her palms flat on the table. “You’ve got two options. You can transfer to our sister location in the states. Or, you can pack up your things.”

Misha’s jaw drops, and she quite literally chokes, a small drop of spit flying from between her hovering teeth. “That- That’s not fair! How are those my only options?”

Nanami then steps in, eyes glaring into the table for he was too repulsed by the being in front of him pretending to be a human.

“A new start for you would be best. Even though you’ve sullied your ethics, you still worked a good portion of your career to get here.”

“We won’t demote you, that way we can at least save face. We also know your pride wouldn’t be able to handle a fall so great after receiving so many accolades.” Geto says with a frown. “I advise that you take this opportunity and bow out gracefully; take this relocation. It’s not going to end up good for you if you don’t.”

Misha grows more and more flustered, hands shaking so bad her body seemed to shudder. She kept blinking back tears as her jaw tightened, the thin skin on her temple thumping so loudly as she watched her life flush down the drain. Tiana really went this far over a little joke on the phone? It wasn’t even this serious.

“I-I was just joking. Hell, it wasn’t even just me!” Misha clawed her way to an explanation, but her grip ended up fruitless. “It was just a little hazin-”

“You think this is funny?” Nanami grunted, his sense of professionalism sliding down a steep slope. Tiana had been suffering so much with her personal life, then Misha had to go out of her way and make her job miserable as well? Jesus f*cking Christ, the woman just couldn’t catch a break, and she had the audacity to think this sh*t was a joke? That Tiana’s suffering was something to chuckle at?

“You f-”

“We have a strict policy against hazing,” Geto spoke, saving Misha from Nanami’s onslaught of insults that were itching at the back of his throat. “If you’re trying to save your own hide, then you should have come up with a more believable excuse.”

“I should have come up with a believable excuse?” Misha’s vocal chords begin to tear in her throat. “At least I came up with something! All you corporate heads care about is your f*cking paycheck, and some damn stocks.”

Mei Mei’s brows jolted, her lips dramatically frowned as she tried to hold back a laugh. Everyone at the table seemed to have their lips snagged between their teeth, unable to deny her accusations, because it was true to a certain extent. But Shoko saved their hides once again.

“Honestly, I don’t give a sh*t about this damn company. If I could, I’d let it burn with me inside. Maybe then I would be able to atone.” She spoke with a grim expression. “But hiim-”

She pointed to Nanami, and even he was caught off guard by what she said next.

“He is probably the most virtuous person here. He worked his ass off to get here, and I’d be damned to see it destroyed when he just reached his goal. It’s the least I, and his fellow team could do.”

Nanami swallowed thickly.

“He clawed his way to the top, and it may not be the prettiest job, and we may not like it, but we must prop him up from the bottom. And I’ll be damned if you f*cked this up for him.”

The room was vacuumed tight, no one daring to even swallow too hard. Misha stood there, quivering like a leaf, eyes melting down her cheeks as she attempted to come to terms with her circ*mstances. But she just couldn’t. This was one of her worst nightmares coming to fruition. Her life in Japan, her life with Nanami, her career. It was pulled from under her with a grand swiftness, and she wanted to blame someone so badly. She wanted to pin the fault on anyone. Her superiors for being greedy. Nanami for showing her an ounce of kindness. Tiana for being the woman that she couldn’t be,

But no matter which way she directed her hatred, she ended up loathing herself even more.

“So choose.” Shoko sat back in her chair with her arms folded. “Even though it's clearly obvious what the better choice is.”

And even with that, Misha continued to grasp at straws.

“I can’t…” Her voice deteriorated in her throat, despite her continuously swallowing lumps of saliva to coat it in some sort of moisture. “I can’t leave…this is my home.” She clawed at her chest, praying the cold sets of eyes displayed before her would produce a molecular sized glimmer of sympathy for her. She had been working here since she was a senior in highschool, for God’s sake. They couldn’t just throw her away.

“Please…I don’t even know English that well…”

Nanami, who had been fiddling with Tiana’s phone that held a bulk of her evidence, clicked play on one of the voice memos lined on the screen, Misha’s garbled voice grating through the room.

“Get to learning.”

The short clip ended just as abruptly as it started, Misha’s breath catching in her throat. She looked at Nanami, shaking her head slowly as if to beg him not to go through with this. It was a mistake. She was human. Humans are bound to f*ck up.

“Nn…Nanami…” Misha’s voice was low, speaking directly to him now. The man she had looked up to since she had started here. The man who she had longed for since she had met him. The man who couldn’t even spare her a second glance without it being filled with unadulterated disgust. When did he start looking at her this way? When did he become so displeased?

“Please…” She tried one more time, eyes boring into his skull, but he refused to look at her. His eyes downcast, lips downturned as he spun the phone on one of its corners.

“Maybe you should take your own advice.”

The meeting ended on a sour note as Misha trotted out of the room choking on her sobs. If this had been anyone else, Nanami and the others would have returned to business as usual. But because this was Tiana who he was dealing with, Nanami found himself agitated, his mood stuffing up the entire room with his foul attitude, unable to compose himself. So one by one, everyone scurried off, silently agreeing that they would continue their original meeting after they cleaned this situation up. The only person who stayed was Shoko, sitting next to Nanami. Finally, she spoke.

“How could I forget?” She asked Nanami, and while it may seem like a cryptic message to outsiders, those two knew exactly what they meant.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Nanami responded. “Like you said, the higher you climb, the more people you step on. You lose your sense of self as you unbind from the ground; from reality.”

“f*ck…” Shoke swears, digging into her handbag. Nanami watches her from the corner of her eye; her fingers dancing around a cigarette before grabbing a sucker. She unwraps it quickly, and pops it between her lips.

“At least you made your goal. You made Haibara proud.” Shoko’s voice waned as the lollipop wiggled between her teeth. “I can’t even stop smoking.”

“Hey…” Nanami tried to protest, but Shoko held her hand up.

“I know you want to retire early, but I don’t want you to go out like this. It’s undignifying. It would have stained his name, and yours.” Shoko says. “You still have time. Don’t go and throw it away so soon.”

“You do too.” Nanami’s brows raise. “It’s never too late to change. So don’t let Riko watch you give up so soon.”

Shoko scoffs, dropping her head, the stick of the treat snagged between her canines. The two fall silent for a moment, until Shoko asks a question that Nanami had been terrified to ask himself.

“If Tiana hadn’t passed her internship…” She treads carefully, eyes downcast. “And she had to move back to the states, would you have gone with her?”

Nanami swallows, slouching in his chair slightly.

“As ridiculous as it sounds, I can’t see a future where I don’t follow her to the ends of the earth. And though I don’t want to admit it, I’d rearrange my whole life if it meant getting to get a glimpse of her every day.”

“Jesus f*ck, Mr. Logic has become Mr. Delusional.” Shoko chuckles, turning to Nanami with a raised brow. “Have you two-?”

“No.” Nanami felt blush creep up from the balls of his feet, but he tried to keep his face as serious as possible. Had those ideas of intimacy crossed his mind before? Of course, even though he rebuked them as if they were demons coming to steal his soul. There was no use in indulging in those fantasies when the two had such a strained friendship right now.

Maybe it was because of the quickness of his answer, but Shoko tilted her head down, as if to call Nanami’s claim bullsh*t. There was no way Tiana had this once stoic man withering at his roots without doing anything to him besides existing

Nanami frowned, his brows lowering as he got a bit defensive. “We haven’t.”

“Alright, alright.” Shoko puts her hands up in defeat, biting down on the lollipop with a loud crunch.

“But seriously, if I was where I was supposed to be, you could have gone off and done whatever. It wouldn’t have been an issue.” Shoko’s teeth grind on the candy pieces. “Yes, you got where you got this position you’ve been aching for years for, but this can’t be the end all be all. There’s more out there for you.”

Nanami is touched, a shiver of appreciation running down his spine. His lips press into a tight line as he tries to find something to say.

“Next time.” Shoko’s voice is controlled as she speaks with assurance. “I’ll be ready next time.”

Nanami’s eyes do a quick glance to Shoko, whose face is hidden behind her curtain of brown hair, but Nanami can see a few drops of water splattering on the table in thick circles. He raises his hand, gently placing it on her shoulder.

“We’ll be ready next time.”

The day trickled on painfully, Nanami unable to focus on his personal work and instead worried about his personal life. After retrieving all the voice memos from Tiana’s phone, he had it delivered to her but another staff member; he knew that if he went down there it would probably cause a scene. Gossip traveled fast in the office, and just in case Misha had run her mouth the wrong way, Nanami didn’t want to cause anymore issues for Tiana.

But as Nanami leaves the office for the night to seek out Tiana, he passes Misha’s office that she had barely gotten acquainted with before it was taken from her. There were a few unopened boxes in the corner with labels, and a shelf that looked as though it were waiting to be used. He wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there, observing the personal touches that would soon be stripped from this room, when he heard Misha’s voice behind him.

“What are you doing here?”

Nanami turned around to see Misha, eyes swollen and cheeks flushed, and a dark crate rested on her hip. A light sheen laid on her forehead, and she looked older. When Nanami didn’t immediately answer, she skirted past him through the doorway, cringing back so she wouldn’t even brush against him. Nanami watched as she began tossing things into the crate carelessly, decorations, encased photos, books. It didn’t matter if it was plastic or glass, and Misha didn’t seem to care if anything shattered or not. Her life was already in pieces and being discarded to the wind.

“I’m sorry it had to go this way.” Nanami’s voice seemed to speak without properly examining what he was going to say. He wasn’t sorry at all. If anything, he was apologetic for Tiana experiencing something like this.

Misha blows air through her nose, then mutters under her breath.

“No you’re not.”

And even with the truth glaring at him in the face, he still found himself standing there, soaking in Misha’s misery as if he were doing a victory lap.

“Did you and Tiana team up against me because I knew your secret?”

“Tiana never told me about this.” Nanami immediately goes to her defense, hating the way Misha spoke her name as if it were some sort of vulgar swear.

“Well, at least you finally admitted it. Even if you had a roundabout way of doing so.”

Misha tosses a notebook into her crate, the items filling the container to the brim. She turns back to Nanami, eyes squinted slightly.

“Do you talk to her in the same roundabout way?”

Nanami doesn’t respond, so Misha continues with a dry laugh.

“Maybe that’s a good thing. Loving someone like that seems tiring.”

Nanami wasn’t sure if she was referring to himself or Tiana, but before he could fix his mouth to protest, she shot her mouth off again.

“Maybe I’m asking too many questions. A form of closure, perhaps?” Misha seems to giggle to herself as she continues, looking at her items that had piled up. “I always knew I was one of the little things to you, if anything at all since you found me unenjoyable.” Misha says, picking at the corners of a photograph that peaked out of her things. “And I was so f*cking jealous of her; she just seems bigger than the world itself in your eyes.”

“I just didn’t stand a chance.” Misha gives a painful laugh, eyes welling with tears again as she tries to swat them from her eyes. “I had been insignificant to you for years, and the only time I ever mattered to you was when I was tied to her. The only time you ever looked at me was because of her.”

Her teeth were clamped together as she hissed out her words in rushed frustration, veins popping in her neck as she glared at Nanami.

“No matter how many asses I kissed, personalities I adopted, hands I shook, scrapes and bruises I got from crawling on my hands and knees to this summit, you didn't see it, didn’t see me until she came around. And that f*cking hurts more than leaving this hell whole, because my significance was only mattered to you when she started working here.”

“And now…” Misha took a deep breath, her lungs jolting in her chest. “Now you can see me. The real me, and it’s still by her hand. Ain’t that something?”

Nanami could only frown as Misha went on her rant, her final words being a vent of all the sh*t she procured while being here, and for a moment, Nanami felt a sliver of sympathy. But it wasn't enough to move him.

“It wouldn’t have worked, would it?”

Nanami didn’t think Misha deserved an answer to her question when the answer was clearly evident after today. So with a solemn bow, his final goodbye to this woman, he bids her a silent farewell. He didn’t want to waste anymore energy on her; he needed to go see Tiana. He turns on his heels, heading out.

“Nanami.”

He stops, only momentarily, but he wishes he had kept walking.

“I hope you get the life you deserve.”

Like a stone being dropped in his stomach, he feels his soul weighed down. What he deserved.

What did he deserve?

And with a few staggering steps, he speeds to the exit.

Nanami finds himself standing outside of Tiana’s front door, shivering as he dialed her number for the umpteenth time, and heard her decline his call from the other side of the door. Losing his patience, he raps on the door quickly, causing Tiana to jump in her skin. She runs from her office to check the peephole, and sure enough, Nanami was there with a bright blush brushed across his face, and a few snowflakes melting on his clothes. How long had he been out there?

Her heart raced as she fidgeted with her robe, trying to decide on what to do. She wanted to see him, she wanted to converse with him so badly, but she was unsure of what to say. Her brain and her heart refused to cooperate with her as she held the door handle lightly.

Then her phone rings again from across the house, causing her to jump out of her thoughts.

“Tiana.” Nanami’s voice was muffled and strained on the other side, as if he were out of breath. Tiana couldn’t help but compare his tone now to how he spoke to her earlier, her brain doing a complete 180. “Come on, Tiana. I can hear your phone.”

She shifts her weight on the balls of her bare feet repetitively, every time her toes pattering as they stuck and unstuck themselves from the glossy wood. Blowing air through her lips quickly, she unlatches the door and opens it, trying to feign annoyance, but it falls flat.

“Don’t you understand the concept of space at-uhf!”

Nanami immediately engulfs Tiana in a hug, knocking the wind out of her words as one hand cradles her head and the other rests around the middle of her back.

“No.” Nanami mutters into her hair, his pained exhales tickling her scalp.

Tiana goes rigid at first, not because of the sudden proximity, but because of the warmth that flooded from her chest and into her fingers and toes. The feeling was so surprising, so comforting, and the way her stomach tugged hurt so good. Slowly but sure, she found herself burying her face into his chest, his heart thumping loudly against her flushed skin. Her hands steadily traced up his back before clasping the fabric of his shirt, the further she sunk into his arms the tighter she seemed to hold.

Tiana never thought a hug could cause her to feel so obsessive. Something so simple, a gesture so small made her feel such big emotions within her gut.

She caught herself inhaling the faded scent of his cologne, having faded from his day at work, but she missed that scent. How it mingled with the earthy tones and vanilla bean smell that encased her living area. She missed how it complimented her empty home, and God, her home hadn’t felt that empty since Naveen’s passing. Restraining herself from being with Nanami was like forcing the sea to reside in the sky and make it it’s new domain. Having Nanami in her life was like filling up a deep hole, once she put up that wall it was like everything Nanami had poured into her had been excavated out, leaving her womb empty yet again. It was strange, because it wasn’t even romantic at the time. She needed him, no, she wanted him around. His company. She enjoyed every moment they spent together, every time they’re laughs synced, every time they seemed to read each other’s minds. The sarcastic remarks. The stray touches. It was just hard coming to terms with her own desires, afraid she felt this way for the wrong reasons.

Even though she grew more limp in his grasp, her heart seemed to beat triplets, straining behind her ribcage. She missed him so much. She missed this so much.

And the way Nanami held her was enough to let her know that he felt the same.

“We can talk now.” Tiana mumbled, the vibrations tickling Nanami’s chest. He inhaled the scent of her hair, his finger’s twirling around a few stray ringlets as they tangled around his pointer finger.

“I wouldn't let go otherwise.”

Tiana ended up throwing on some sweats and her coat, pulling her hood up as they walked the trail of the townhouses, the orange and white bulbs humming in the cold night. Tiana had suggested the walk, the tug in her stomach pulling so hard that she felt nauseous, and the room becoming unbearably stuffy. Now that her face had significantly cooled and the movement gave her brain something to do, she could move forward with this conversation that was long overdue.

Or at least try to.

They walked in silence, bumping into each other’s sides every few steps as their feet shuffled through the snow. There was so much to say from both of them, but neither knew where to start, or who should start. Together, they sigh, their breath white in the moonlight.

“I’m sorry.” They both apologize at once, and the timing causes them both to stop in their tracks. They face each other, Nanami’s chin angled down slightly as he watches the beams of the moon catch in her eyes. Tiana’s lips were jutted out in embarrassment, glaring up at the man as one of the orange bulbs caused his irises to look like a reservoir of dark amber.

“Go ahead.” Nanami says gently. Tiana takes a deep breath, the winter air hitting the back of her throat sharply as she reveals herself to him.

“I want to apologize for how I acted…” Her voice dropped into a mumble as her eyes dropped with shame. She couldn’t bear going into greater details than that. “For today... For everything at the lodge back then. What I said…I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing for how you felt?” Nanami sounded distressed. “You didn’t say anything wrong. Now that I got a better picture after today…” He teases gently, and Tiana shrinks into her coat. “It makes a lot more sense. I didn’t get it then, but I’m starting to understand now.”

He pauses for a moment.

“I should be the one apologizing.” His eyes felt a bit heavy as he spoke. “That night, I tried to project my feelings onto you, and that wasn’t fair of me.”

Tiana is quick to cut him off, as if he had insulted her.

“Nanami…” Her face is in a deep frown. “You didn’t force your feelings onto me. It wasn’t like that.”

“It doesn’t matter, you weren't ready for me to dump that onto you.”

“It’s not that.” She interrupts him again, shaking her head. “It was just…too damn easy.”

Nanami tilts his head, his own face faltering.

“Isn’t easy good?”

“I don’t know anymore.”

Tiana turns slowly and begins to walk down the trail again, Nanami taking a long stride to catch up to her. They walk in silence momentarily before Tiana speaks up. Now would be the best time to be honest, to lay out all her worries before this man who she couldn’t seem to shake.

“I’ve always rejected the easy things.” Tiana seems to mumble, as if sharing a secret. “I’ve always been so gung-ho on doing things on my own, figuring things out on my own, even if it meant making it a thousand times harder for myself. I think a part of me likes the challenge.”

“But one of the easiest things for me that I wholeheartedly embraced was loving others. My ma, my pa,” She slipped into her southern accent a bit, which caused Nanami to smile, “My nana Odie, even him. The act of loving was always easy. But being loved was always so damn hard.”

“I could never find comfort in it.” Tiana shoved her hands deep into her pockets popping her knuckles to give her hands something to do. “And as much as I loved him, it caused so much strain on our union because I couldn’t let him love me the way he wanted to. I felt like…like…” Tiana stuttered, trying to find the right phrase. “Ah, shoot…”

“Like you had to prove yourself…” Nanami murmured his thoughts, finding yet another common thread between them. Tiana glanced at him momentarily, then nodded her head, continuing her trek through the snow.

“Y-Yeah…” She said, “Like I was undeserving. I just couldn’t sit still. I always had to do more than what he asked of me, and he literally asked for nothing. Said he’d take care of everything. Spoil me.” Tiana lets out a dry scoff. “And finally, all those times where he told me to relax caught up to us.”

She pauses in the snow, feet planted firmly as she looks up at the night sky. Nanami swore her eyes were lined with stars, but they were simply tears that she was trying to blink back into her skull.

“It cost him his life.”

Nanami doesn’t know what to say after that, or if it would be appropriate to say anything at all. As badly as he wanted to embrace her, he knew she probably needed this moment alone, to properly arrange her thoughts. Sharing something like that could take a toll on the body, and he would be here when the weight on her heart became too great to bear.

Tiana sniffles, turning to Nanami as she uses her sleeve to wipe her eyes. She is the one to break the silence once more.

“Nanami.” Her voice wavered. “I’m so confused.”

“Then I’ll help you make it clear.”

“I have so many problems-”

“And we can solve them together.”

Tiana grew flustered, of course Nanami would have a response for everything, never hesitating or voicing any doubt in them. Even though she was skirting around a proper confession and making excuses on why they wouldn’t work, Nanami didn’t wane or whine. She flopped her arms down in frustration, cheeks puffed.

“Nanami, we work in the same building, for Christ’s sake.”

Nanami pondered for a moment, then shrugged as if that was as solvable as one plus one.

“Then I’ll move buildings.” He seemed to chuckle when he said that, but there was nothing humorous about his words. He was definitely being serious about that one.

“Kento…” Tiana ridiculed, shaking her head. The lengths that this man would go was astounding, and her face began to steam.

“Tiana…” He returned the sentiment, his shoes crunching in the snow as he took a small step forward. “I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries, but…you have to feel something.”

Tiana’s heart seemed to stop before giving a painful squeeze, and her hand flung to her chest as if to stop it from escaping.

“Even if you can’t find the words right now, tomorrow, or even next month.” His voice trickled into her ear like calm water down a stream. “You may feel alone, but you’re not alone in what you're feeling. I promise you. Is it so wrong to feel that way again?”

Nanami skated around that word, but Tiana knew exactly what he was talking about. Before, she told herself that it was impossible to feel that way about anyone else, especially Nanami. She doesn'r remember why she was so against it being him, but the idea seemed intangible. She truly saw Nanami as a crutch she leaned on to feel better, to simply fill in that spot that was previously designed for someone else. But at this moment, the tug in her lower abdomen was undeniable, even if she didn’t want to acknowledge it properly. Somehow, that Naveen shaped hole molded into the man in front of her.

And she wasn’t sure if that was the right way to go about this.

“It’s not feeling that way that’s the problem. I’m human. I can’t help it.” Tiana’s voice was small. “I just want to make sure I’m feeling this way for the right reason. I don’t want to hurt you, Nanami. I can’t go through that a second time.”

She frowned, a serious look etched into her face.

“I’d much rather die.”

She began walking away, but Nanami staggered in his steps.

“Don’t…” Nanami became breathless. Why would she say something like that? “Don’t talk like that…”

“Why not? Isn’t this what you wanted? My honesty?” Tiana asked as Nanami caught up with her steps. “You have it now, and I won’t hide anything else. Not like I could anyway because you’ll pry it out of me regardless…”

Tiana laughs gently, and Nanami joins, a harmonious sound escaping them. But his laugh falls silent soon after.

“What about you? You hidin’ something?”

Tiana didn’t expect an actual answer, but she didn’t expect utter silence either, their feet crunching rhythmically in the snow. She didn’t understand why Nanami hesitated, and when she turned to get a good look at his face, he quickly said,

“No.” He lied, face returning to its stoic manner. Guilt clogged up his throat, he felt like a fraud. How could he beg for Tiana’s honesty when he couldn’t even honor her and offer up the same sentiments?

Tiana shrugged his demeanor off, shaking his head as they kept treading along.

“You gave me your heart.” Her voice sends a shudder down his spine. “And I may not be able to return mine at this moment, but the least I could give you is the truth. That's all I have right now.”

Nanami wants to say something chivalrous in return, something selfless like “you don’t have to give me anything”, but he’d be lying if he did. He wanted this. He wanted her. He needed her.

So instead, his brows knit together, brown eyes wavering with his lips slightly apart. The expression was unexpected, a total contradiction to the usual confident face he held. His sharp features seemed to have softened, his cheeks tinged pink, and his nose as bright as a button. Feeling overwhelmed, an awkward giggle bubbles from Tiana’s throat, and she continues her walk, the image of Nanami so whipped imprinted in her mind forever. He finds himself chasing after her again, meeting her strides.

Their individual versions of the truth were laid out barren and naked, and the two felt antsy as if electricity were crawling through their veins. Tiana bit the inside of her cheek, smoothening her hair. She felt so giddy, as if she had made the latest discovery, or like receiving something shiny and new. She couldn’t help the way the words awkwardly tumbled out of her curled lips.

“So, what are we?”

Nanami makes a strange sound, something between a cough and a snort, and Tiana feels her ears burn. Her pace begins to quicken involuntarily, but Nanami keeps with her using elongated steps.

“I thought you weren’t returning my feelings yet?” Nanami slyly spoke, and Tiana felt herself shrink even farther into her coat hood.

“I’m not, I just-”

She clams up, hiding her mouth behind her zipper as white wisps spill from her nose. This area of gray seemed to excite her, yet caused tension behind her eyes. It felt like her head and heart were in some sort of battle of what was right and what was wrong.

Nanami, watching her cower away, sweeps a strand of blonde past his face.

“Whatever you want us to be.” Nanami answers. “The title doesn’t matter to me, and I feel like it’s already stressing you out.”

“That just sounds unfair to you.” Tiana mutters behind the fabric.

“I don’t care about that. I care about you.”

“So your care for me trumps how I feel about you?” Tiana stops as she tilts her head, her eyes shining. “Now that doesn’t sound fair to me.”

“Then you can choose.” Nanami stops with her, his hand brushing a curl behind her ear. “When you’re ready. How’s that sound?”

The dulcet tone of his voice made Tiana’s stomach roll, one of her hands pausing over her abdomen. Nanami’s hands were freezing, but it cooled her burning flesh.

“Are you going to keep invading my space like this?” She changed the subject, leaning into his hand with her eyes fluttering shut.

“Unless you command me otherwise.” His thumb finds solace in her plump cheeks, massaging the area right below her eye. “All you have to do is say the word. Do you want me to stop?”

Tiana hesitates, but a soft “no” fades past her lips. Nanami couldn’t help how his eyes flickered to them; the two-toned colored flesh sitting pretty on her face.

“Then until that moment, I guess you’re stuck with me.”

Tiana giggled, a childish sound erupting from her as she leaned into him, her teeth a pearly gleam.

“I think it’s the other way around.”

Chapter 9: show me how

Chapter Text

“So it is with a heavy heart that I must bid you all farewell.”

The office space erupts into a flurry of cries and whines, questions and concerns. Tiana stands amidst the murmuring people, questions bubbling from her colleagues throats.

Well, the proper word now would be subordinates.

Even though no one dared to eye her in the face, she could feel everyone’s eyes flitting to her every few seconds to make sure they were seeing things correctly. Tiana was now the new admin, and the person who barely nestled into the admin position they received during the gala was bumped up to the managerial position. They looked absolutely mortified at the notion of being thrust into a higher position without proper training.

“But-” Someone’s voice rang behind Tiana, but she was too nervous to turn around. Instead she took a long swallow, unable to look to those around her in truth.

“But why are you leaving now? We’ve barely settled into the new year!”

Someone hollers a brisk “yeah”, and Tiana almost jumps out of her skin. Tiana’s lips flatten into a thin line as she looks upon Misha, who somehow wore a mask of delight and pride as if her whole life hadn’t been snatched from under her feet. Misha tilted her head with a smile, eyes squinting closed.

“Well, I applied for the position a while back because my opportunities would increase tremendously if I continued my work internationally.” Misha’s voice sounded calm, but Tiana could sense that this answer had been well rehearsed. “It could have been better timing, but I don’t want to miss this chance...”

Misha pauses, tonguing the inside of her cheek. Tiana could see her mind reeling, her mouth fighting to speak the truth. But she took a hard swallow before looking up confidently.

“This chance to live my dream.”

The answer may not have been the most satisfying, but it definitely touched a few of the softer hearts.

Of course this was a lie carefully weaved between Tiana and Misha so that it could bear back the weight of the truth.

Tiana knew that her out of the blue promotion was nothing less than compensation. When the board summoned her once more for a meeting, Nanami the CEO explained in great detail the arrangements being made. While Tiana held her tongue in front of company, Kento the [redacted] received quite an earful once they were alone. Tiana threw quite a fit about how it was unfair, how she was unfit, and how nonsensical this had become. Nanami couldn’t give her any sort of justification besides this simply being business, and it pissed Tiana off even more.

“You knew I would hate this.” She frowned, eyes tearing into him. Nanami couldn’t deny her accusations, so he bowed his head with a slight nod.

“I did.”

“And yet you still-”

“This wasn’t my sole decision to make, Tiana…” Nanami felt his chest squeeze as he tried to defend himself.

“Aren’t you literally the boss?” Tiana raised a brow, shaking her head as her face tightened. “Kento, I can’t do this…”

“You have to.” Nanami matched her somber expression. “We can’t go back on it now. Why didn’t you say anything in front of everyone else?”

“I didn’t want to seem ungrateful!” Tiana’s voice pitched. “Why didn’t you warn me beforehand? Or refuse in my stead?”

Nanami felt something bitter dance on his palette.

I knew you’d fight me on it.

Tiana takes a deep breath, blowing air from her rounded lips at a low whistle.

“Ken…” Her voice lowered a decibel. “I’m sorry, but this is too much. I even get a house?”

“It more or less comes with the proposal…” Nanami mutters, picking at a loose thread on her couch.

“Nanami.” The sternness returns. “I’m taking someone's dream job. Someone who actually wants to do this for a living. I can’t-”

She stops, pursing her lips in frustration. How could she say this without hurting his feelings? Without him being offended?

“You gave me the power to choose.” Tiana chews on the inside of her cheek. “This isn’t much of a choice.”

This felt permanent. No, it was permanent, no longer a short term internship. Tiana was scaling up a ladder she had no intention of climbing, and at a rate she deemed unrighteous. This is one of the many reasons why pursuing a romantic relationship with this man seemed to make her hair stand on end.

Yet Nanami was still able to uphold his fair and just persona by categorizing this misstep as just business. But going forward, he and Tiana would never be just business again, even if he tried to justify the way he held onto her so tightly.

A pang ran through Tiana’s heart, and she grimaced.

“Nanami…” Her head tilts downward, unable to look at him. “I don’t think this-”

“I’m sorry.” Nanami felt fatigue sweep through him, anticipating Tiana’s next words as he immediately gripped her hands into his. “I’m sorry, I am. Really.” His eyes searched for hers. “Please…just don’t…”

He sounded so pathetic, like a beggar on the chilly winter streets of Shibuya, and Tiana’s heart swayed like a nimble branch in the wind.

She knew there would be ramifications. She knew that there would be complications.

But deep down, she also acknowledged that it would all be worth it. It would amount to something. Throwing in the towel now would undoubtedly tear her apart.

“Ken…” Tiana’s voice sung in an endearing tone that made Nanami melt on the inside. “We’re going to have to be more careful with decisions like this.” She tilted her head. “You’re going to have to be more careful when I’m not around. If something were to slip, your ethics would be questioned. It would immediately be labeled as a conflict of interest, and it would jeopardize your image.”

And I don't want it ruined because of me.

Even though her chastisem*nts were spoken in such an airy tone, Nanami could sense her disappointment in each syllable. All he could do was nod and listen intently.

“No more special favors. Or treatments that may be interpreted as special favors. Treat me like everyone else.” Tiana squeezed his hands as reassurance that she wasn’t angry anymore. A bit cross if she were being completely honest, but she had a feeling he didn’t mean for this arrangement to be interpreted this way. She knew the company would do anything to save face, she just didn’t want Nanami to forget who they were when they were apart.

She was a bit torn. She wanted Nanami to care for her in his own way, that’s where she screwed up before. But even still, there were limitations and boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. This was one of them.

Everyone else, Nanami thought.

“Okay.” He spoke wistfully. He knew what he had done was questionable, or rather what he hadn’t done. Not once did he refuse the proposal when Shoko and the other’s brought it up as an option. He didn’t want to. And even though he can sit here and deny his influence, he was still complicit.

He needed to find his focus again. He needed to locate his logical side that was somehow swept away in a flurry of admiration. Yearning.

Dare he say, even love.

“And your honesty.” Tiana spoke quickly. She didn’t know why, but she felt like she was the only one bare here, while both of them were fully clothed. “I don’t want a career boost. I just want your honesty. Can you do that for me?”

Because it’s the only thing I can return in full right now.

Tiana doesn’t know why, but she swears Nanami’s face seems to reshape, but it’s only for a moment. His eyelids blink a bit too rapidly, and a muscle in his jaw ticks for a moment as he opens his mouth to speak, but his words are stalled. His brows lowered slightly, the sharpness in his face much more prominent for only a second, so quick that Tiana told herself that she had simply imagined the sudden shift in his face. But his hands told it all as they intertwined with her; she could feel the pace of his heart quicken in the palms of his hands, and his grip grew more tense. Tiana pursed her lips as she tried to wane off the knot forming in her stomach, deducing it to her irritation to the conversation at hand. She wanted those emotions dispersed immediately. If only he would say-

“Okay.” He said, his lips flattening. But he said nothing more after that.

And Tiana would forever wish that he had, the knot pulling taut in her abdomen, juxtaposed to the usual warmth that he brought.

It was a simple answer, straightforward to the point where it need not be questioned. But that’s not what she had wanted him to say.

That’s not what she expected to hear.

“Tiana.”

Her head snaps up back to the present, the swarm of people around her watching carefully at the interaction. She blinks as Misha makes a beckoning motion to her. Taking a hard swallow, she steps forward, joining Misha’s side as if the two couldn’t bear to be apart.

“So I expect each and everyone one of you to treat Tiana as you would treat me.” She gives a scoff under her breath. “I actually advise that you treat her even better.”

Tiana’s neck strains.

“Because the climb to the top is a hard one.” She turns her head to Tiana, but Tiana can only shift her eyes to her instead of her full body. “The pressure she must feel right now is immeasurable.”

“And it only gets heavier from here.”

Tiana tried to keep a blank stare as Misha extended her hand to shake. They clasped palms, and Tiana never felt so repulsed in her life. Her body recoiled each time their hands moved up and down at an irregular rhythm. When Tiana finally made eye contact, Misha’s eyes reflected a dark abyss, yet a tiny glint could be seen on the corners of her lips. As if she knew something that Tiana didn’t.

“So, good luck.”

“That’s what she said?” Nanami’s brows furrowed as Tiana recalled Misha’s going-away party a few days later. Tiana had been so busy playing catch up with her new position that she hadn’t seen Nanami in almost a week. Nanami had been preoccupied as well, getting Tiana’s arrangements in order, but luckily for them they needed to be in each other’s presence for the next step in her promotion: home shopping.

Not exactly how Nanami had imagined it would happen.

“I know she didn’t mean it. But the way she said it…” Tiana shuddered slightly, that same foreboding feeling creeping up on her as they walked the streets of Sendai.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about her anymore.” Nanami tried to reassure her, but Tiana threw him one of her infamous looks that said “really?”.

“Really?” Tiana said flatly as she looked up at him, and Nanami chuckled gently.

“I guarantee it.” He says.

Tiana pursed her lips, turning her nose upward as they continued to walk.

“I guess you’re right.” She harrumphs. “Because now I have to worry about finding a house.”

Nanami can only return a cheeky smile, a roll of sweat rolling down his back though it was still chilly outside.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

They walk in silence for a moment, Tiana’s steps a light click in her boots as Nanami’s have a solid thud. Tiana sighs, leaning into Nanami, their sides bumping into each other as her head rests on his shoulder for a moment.

“I’m just…happy I finally get to spend time with you.”

Nanami’s breath halts, the white mist that was steadily streaming from his mouth coming to an abrupt stop. But it was only for a moment. Relishing her sudden affection, he removes a gloved hand from his coat pocket, and instead reaches into Tiana’s pocket. Because of how close they were walking and the wideness of their coats, no one from the outside would ever be able to know how Nanami’s fingers delightfully found refuge in her grasp, or how gently his clothed thumb ran across her bare flesh. How deeply he sighed to allow the tension to roll through his body.

When Nanami’s breath tickled the tips of Tiana’s ear, scorching it, she suddenly realized where she was and who she was. As quick as a bullet, she straightened herself out, the back of her head butting into Nanami’s chin so hard that his neck was thrown backwards.

“Ah!” She grips the back of her head, looking up at him with throbbing vision. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

Nanami’s eyes are closed, his free hand rubbing his panging chin, but he’s laughing. A hearty laugh, one that fills the emptiest of souls with the same coziness as a burning hearth.

Blush swells into Tiana’s cheeks.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Nanami says, looking at Tiana’s embarrassed expression. Brows knitted in frustration and her thick lips pursed hard to hide her smile. Eyes wide and jittery, flitting across Nanami’s face as if to check to see if she smacked him anywhere else.

Yet through all that, not once did either of them let go.

Tiana found herself in predicaments like that more often as time progressed with Nanami.

She’d find herself initiating affection, yet short-circuiting whenever he returned the favor. And while she tried to blame Nanami every time something went awry, she soon realized that she was the clingiest out of the both of them, and would give Nanami a brief cold shoulder to punish him instead of facing the facts.

And not once did Nanami get upset. All he could do was laugh.

One night, when the two decided to watch a movie, Tiana leaned her body against his, letting her head rest on his shoulder in comfort. Things were fine, Tiana becoming more and more immersed in the story playing on her screen, until she felt his arm snake around her shoulders, pulling her closer. Tiana immediately tensed, sucking in her cheeks as her skin grew hot to the touch. She couldn’t understand why she felt so flustered, why it felt as if an engine were roaring in her body as his finger rhythmically padded against her skin. It felt like she couldn’t breathe. She could think, she couldn’t seem to focus on the movie anymore as the pixels blurred across the screen, and God she was parched. What she really needed was some-

“Water.” She practically yelled, causing Nanami to jolt.

“Water?” He repeats looking down at her.

“Water. I need it.” She said sitting up abruptly as Nanami’s arm limply fell back to his lap. “I’m kind of thirsty, are you thirsty?”

Nanami raised a brow, the corner of his lips threatening to curl upward. He picks up the remote to pause the film.

“I-I guess I’m a little thirs-”

“God, Kento!” Tiana exasperated, shooting up from the couch cushions and padding to her kitchen. “Did you even drink any water today? Gosh…”

Her voice trailed off as she fumbled and fumed around the kitchen, heat creeping up her neck.

Why was she blushing so much? Over physical contact that wasn’t necessarily anything to wow over? She was acting as if he were about to kiss her.

Kiss?

Tiana inelegantly drops the plastic cup on the tile of the kitchen, the sound echoing throughout her apartment louder than it should.

“Uh, Tiana?” Nanami calls cautiously, then she hears the shift of cushions.

“Nope, nope!” She calls back frantically, and Nanami halts his movements. “No, I’m okay, I got it! Stay…right there!” She laughs nervously, scooping the rolling cup off the ground.

Tiana tosses the soiled cup into the sink, muttering to herself as she grabs another one from her cabinet.

Damn it, she thought. Come on, Tiana.

After grabbing two cups of water, she nervously places them on her table, Nanami immediately grabbing the drink and taking a few quick sips. What Tiana doesn’t notice is him hiding his smile behind the dishware.

With Nanami leaning on the armrest on one side of the couch, Tiana sits crisscrossed in the middle, hugging a pillow to herself.

Even though the distance between them wasn’t incredibly far, Tiana was definitely further away than before. And she had undoubtedly acted strange.

I wonder if he noticed, Tiana thought, eyeing Nanami quickly.

Nanami’s face was stone cold as he glared at the TV trying to withhold his laughter, unbeknownst to Tiana of course.

Yep, her eyes snapped back to the television as her left hand dug into the pillow she was using as a shield. He definitely noticed.

Is he mad?

Tiana sighed in defeat, using her right hand to push herself further into the cushions. After a moment of eyeballing the TV without properly consuming the images being projected into her brain, she felt Nanami’s pinky finger latch onto her own, like a gentle hook sinking into her heart. She looks at Nanami, his face sincere as the colors of the television flashed across his features, his grin soft. No words needed to be spoken for Tiana to understand.

Small steps, she thought as she hugged her pillow tighter to hide her flushed cheeks. Small steps.

Her belly button felt as if it were being yanked into her abdomen as she bit the inside of her cheek to hide her impending smile.

Or during lunch, while the two found solace in a secluded booth towards the back of the restaurant drooling over their food after a long morning in the office. Tiana went with something a bit more light because she had to go back in: a simple dumpling soup that steamed white with a broth that glistened liquid gold. But Nanami, who had the wonderful privilege of getting off early, ordered a hefty serving of wagyu, decorated with beautifully verdant vegetables and a pile of fragrant rice. Tiana’s eyes glittered with stars as she eyed his hands that cut into the meat so meticulously, and used a fork to shove the cubed beef into his mouth with a satisfied sigh. Tiana eyed the muscles in his face, the way his jaw flexed as he chewed in bliss.

“That…” Tiana felt her own jaw ache from how slack it hung on her face from Nanami selling the food’s taste so well, “looks so good…”

“I told you to order what you wanted.” Nanami hums as he takes another bite.

“I know, I know, but…” She pouted a bit, eying her soup. Suddenly, it didn’t seem as appetizing. It looked inferior.

“Just…one bite…” She leans forward, inching closer to his plate.

Nanami looks at her with feigned indignation.

“A little one!” She defends.

“Tiana…”

“Kento!” She practically whines. “Please, just one…” Her brown eyes enlarge into a pleading look, and Nanami has to look elsewhere.

“Oh, come on, don’t give me that look…” Nanami chuckles as a rosy shade pricks the apple of his cheeks. It was already difficult for him to say no to her.

She continues to stare him down with those large, deer-like eyes until he finally caves with a sigh, slicing a piece of the meat with the shake of his head.

“You always do this.” He yields, and Tiana’s face brightens, her feet tapping on the ground in a merry rhythm. But when she picks up her fork to take a piece, she’s met with the slice of beef already in front of her face, hanging off the end of Nanami’s fork.

“Er-” Tiana paused, eyes flitting from the food to the coy man sitting across from her.

“What?” He jests, the utensil hanging lazily in his hand as he props his elbow on the table and his chin into the palm of his hand. “You don’t want it anymore?”

His voice was tantalizing, almost luring her to eat. Her body flushed with embarrassment as he sat there like this was like any other normal interaction they’ve ever had.

I guess this will become our new norm, Tiana thought as she leaned in to take a bite from the large slice. The beef practically melted on her tongue as she bit into it, her mouth erupting with flavor as she chewed on the tender piece of meat. Having left a bit still on the fork, Nanami pops the rest between his teeth, twirling the fork on his bottom lip briefly while eying Tiana. He had such a content look on his face, yet his eyes seemed to slice through her. She felt as if she had been struck by lightning. And instead of showing her embarrassment further, she shifted quietly in her seat, hiding her face in the palm of her hand as she looked out towards the restaurant, eyebrows pulled tight as if she were upset.

“How’d it taste?” His voice was like silk tied around Tiana’s heart, and each work he spoke tightened the muscle.

“It was fine.” She harrumphs, frowning to keep herself from melting into a puddle. And there it was, that tug in her stomach that she kept swatting away. Nanami chuckled.

Or that early Saturday morning when the two were out shopping for groceries for their respective households, splitting off momentarily because Tiana forgot to grab an item right before they entered the checkout line. Tiana didn’t consider herself to be short, she was a clear cut 5’8 woman that cleared the average height for both America and Japan respectively. But there were moments when her wingspan betrayed her, and top shelf items would still be a bit out of reach if they weren’t placed dangerously on the edge.

Normally she would ask for an attendee, but she didn’t have time to look for someone, Nanami was one person away from being at the front. She would just have to do it herself, quickly and carefully.

So she stood on her toes, balancing on the tips of her tennis shoes as her fingernails graced the product she needed, scooting it over millimeter by millimeter to the edge of the shelf where she could grasp the box. Her nails scraped at the box, a scratching sound erupting from the cardboard as she poked her tongue out in focus.

“Come on…” She muttered, using the pads of her fingers now to knock the box toward her.

“I got you.”

She suddenly feels a palm rest on her lower back, Nanami’s body lengthening above her as he grabs it with one swoop.

“Oh-” Tiana voices her surprise as Nanami hand’s her the box. She grabs it with both hands, looking at him with a smile as she leans into him. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” He says, slightly pressing into her lower back with a light pressure. With that, Tiana becomes hyper-aware of their points of contact. How his leg was positioned behind hers, causing her to feel his knee prodding her body. The way her butt pressed into his hip, narrowly missing the front of his body by a centimeters. How her shoulder rested on his chest, a steady rhythm coming from it, compared to hers which was threatening to erupt from her chest.

And that damned tug that seemed to pull her closer to him.

Her face grows sour, eyes squinted and eyebrows slanted as she hip bumps him gently, turning her nose upwards as she walks back to the line.

“You better not have lost our place in line…” She murmurs, the tips of her ears and her cheeks tingling. Nanami just laughs, trailing behind her.

“No ma’am, I didn’t.”

Tiana grips the box instead of whacking it into her fuming face.

Tiana sits on her couch, reliving all of these moments she just couldn’t cope with. It’s not that she didn’t like it, she loved these little interactions. She just couldn’t understand why she reacted this way instead of reveling in his affection. It was so infuriating that she couldn’t just be normal, so she grabbed a pillow from her couch, flinging herself onto the cushions as she biked her feet in the air. She screamed silently into her pillow, flailing about to relieve her inhibitions.

Today, she thought. Today I’ll be normal. I won’t be weird.

Her door clicks open, and she jolts as Nanami stands there with a raised brow.

“I kept calling your phone?” He said, his voice a bit concerned. “You still need more time?”

“No, no…” Tiana blushes, fixing her discarded throw pillows and then smoothing her hair which definitely looked wild from rolling around. She thanks the Lord above that he hadn’t come in a few seconds prior. “I’m ready, I just…”

“Needed a moment?” Nanami’s smile shines in his eyes, and Tiana releases a breath she hadn’t realized that she had been holding. How could this man be callous of her calmness and timidity at the same time.

“Yeah…I’m good now.” She smiles.

As they walk down the stairs of the apartments, Nanami notices that he’s still standing there. The groundskeeper. In the exact same spot he had been when Nanami pulled up 5 minutes ago. Lids low as he leaned against the wall of the opposing complex, eying the two carefully, just as he had been every time Nanami had come around to Tiana’s. He was always hanging around, and at first, Nanami thought nothing of it considering it’s his job. But it was always coincidentally around Tiana’s place, and it made Nanami uneasy. Tiana didn’t seem to notice anything, so Nanami tried his best to let it go, he didn’t want to overreact. So instead of causing a scene, Nanami helped Tiana into her passenger seat, and continued to glare the man down as he slid into the driver’s side.

“He’s strange…” Nanami muttered as he started his car. Tiana looked to him, then followed his gaze to the burly man a couple yards away from them.

“Who? Zenin?” Tiana asked.

Nanami frowned at the realization that his comment that was meant to be stored in his head, had now been broadcasted. “No…” He lied.

“Hm…” Tiana gave a knowing smile as she looked out the window.

“What?” Nanami asked. Tiana turns to him with a shine in her eyes.

“You’re strange.”

The last few days of February had crept up on the duo, and Tiana had finally agreed to view a few houses to move into during the summer. The agreement was that she would move out by the summer so the new slew of interns would be able to move in. Gojo also said that it wouldn’t look good for an admin to live amongst her subordinates.

Tiana wasn’t sure what agitated her more, looking for a brand new place to start from scratch again or the thin air around her that seemed much colder than usual, so she chose the latter, hugging herself as her and Nanami walked back to his car after viewing a home that differed from her usual taste so much it gave her a headache.

“Ken,” Her teeth chattered, “Isn’t your place close by? It’s colder than I thought it would be, and I’m slowly losing my patience.” She tried not to let the intonation of her voice change.

His face softens as he shuffles his jacket off, easing it over her shoulders with ease, but Tiana was too cold to act coy or throw a fit as she usually would.

“Yeah, yeah.” Nanami said softly, opening the passenger door. As he shut it, Tiana exhaled in relief, the tension leaving her temples as she wiggled into her seat. He immediately sets the heat on blasts as he settles in. “Do you want me to pick up something, or…?”

“That soup you made when I was sick that one time.” Tiana fidgeted with his coat for a moment before gazing at him. “Can we make that tonight?”

Nanami doesn’t know why, but the way she says “we” causes him to melt.

“Yes, we can.”

As they drive to Nanami’s home, Tiana recounts that early New Year’s morning as she was riding along these same streets, except her surroundings were a lot clearer because it was still daylight out and she wasn’t drunk. She noticed how they passed a few places that they previously looked at that day, and Tiana began to put the pieces together.

“Nanami…” Her voice is laced with admonishment, as she turns to Nanami.

“Hm?” He responds innocently.

“Have you only been showing me places near your house on purpose?”

Nanami hums a tune to deflect Tiana’s question, and she scoffs.

“I can’t believe you.” She mutters, but there’s a bit of humor in her voice. “Well, actually I can.”

“I’m just now realizing,” Nanami changes the subject jokingly, but still in truth. “You’ve never been to my house.”

“Yet you’ve slept over at mine multiple times.” Tiana jests. “What am I, a hussy?”

“Oh-” Nanami is taken aback by the observation, and the sound that escapes his mouth initiates Tiana’s bout of laughter.

“I kid.” Tiana says, poking his shoulder. After regaining composure, she really thinks about his comment, and who Nanami is. You can tell a lot about a person in two scenarios, one being their homelife. She couldn’t help but wonder how a man like him lives. His preferred style, the cleanliness of his space; she would be unlocking a new level of Nanami Kento.

“I have wondered about your living style and what-not.” She admits.

“Aw, you wonder about me?” Nanami sings in a sardonic tone. Tiana gives him her infamous glare, which causes him to chuckle lowly in return.

“There’s nothing necessarily interesting, I can promise you that.” He says, running a hand through his hair.

“Hmmm…” Tiana’s sighs with a purr, thumbing her lip as her mind reels.

“I’m sure I can find something.”

They pull into his curved driveway, Tiana getting a full view of his house. It looked like a modern, two story home, taller than it was wide with a slanted roof and wooden pillars. The house was two shades of gray with wide glass windows, and was spaced away from the neighboring homes. Cleanly trimmed shrubs lined the walkway, and in the corner of the wide, front yard was a thick cherry blossom tree that was still bare. It was so quaint, yet pristine, and everything was sharp and placed with a strict sense of organization, and Tiana giggled.

“What?” Nanami asks as they walk to the front door.

“Nothing.” Tiana says, waving away his question.

Nanami eyed her suspiciously, but took out a bronze key and opened the door with ease.

“Excuse me.” Nanami mumbles as he enters, walking onto the hardwood floors at the entrance. Tiana is slammed with a scent of cedarwood, her eyebrows jolting slightly, because the smell no longer seemed like its own entity. It strictly reminded her of Nanami, it was Nanami. Tiana follows behind him, watching him slide his shoes off, and she imitates him quickly. Nanami takes their shoes and places them by the front door, and Tiana stares at them for a moment; her ankle boots paired next to his long sneakers. She smiles to herself momentarily.

“You comin’?” Nanami calls to her as he trails into his home. Tiana snaps out of her trance, and walks into his home. Her curiosity would finally be abated.

She wondered how he decorated his living room, or maybe even his kitchen. The color scheme of the walls, whether one was an accent. The type of lighting he used. She wondered how it compared to her own taste.

But when Nanami flipped the hospital lights on, she twisted her lips.

Everything was gray.

The walls? Gray. The furniture? Gray. The counters of his kitchen? Granite. The only other color was the accents of black; picture frames, nobs, handles, and some floating shelves that had books with spines that were…gray.

Maybe her expectations were a bit high.

Mama would say something about needing a woman’s touch, Tiana thought. The gray was fine, but maybe some plants to spruce up the place and make it feel less like an office and more like a home? Or maybe…

Tiana shakes her head. What was she thinking right now?

“Find anything worth your interest?” Nanami asked. He sounded nervous. Tiana wondered if she’d let her judgmental expression show.

“It’s…gray.” Tiana says, trying to sound as nice as possible. Come on, Tia. This isn’t your house, she thought.

Nanami blushed. “What an astute observation.” He removed his scarf, tossing it on the couch, feeling a bit bashful. Was his living space really that boring? He had never been so self-conscious about it before. Compared to Tiana’s lively space filled with warmth, his home felt like a freezer.

“I-It’s nice!” Tiana said, walking across the dark floors, taking his coat and placing it next to the discarded scarf. “How long have you been here?” Tiana quickly changed the subject.

“This has been my family’s home since I was a child.” Nanami takes the bait, walking to his kitchen. “I inherited it.”

“Oh, so it’s always looked like this?” Tiana attempts to compliment, but Nanami’s lips purse slightly, his cheeks still pink.

“I renovated it.”

“Oh!” Tiana balls her fists. Jesus, what was wrong with her today? Can’t reciprocate his feelings, and now she’s judging his style. She just kept putting her own foot in her mouth. “Oh, there’s nothing wrong with having a minimalistic style.”

Nanami looks around his home momentarily. “I guess our styles do differ a lot.” He admits. “It’s not the most homely place, but a roof is all I need.”

Tiana chuckles. Mr. Logic can’t help it.

“It just needs a pop of color.” She says. “When you get off of work, you don’t want to come to work.”

Nanami rubs the back of his neck. “I did get a penthouse with the promotion. It is closer to my new office, and both are a ways out…”

“Then let’s switch it up!” Tiana says excitedly, the decor expert in her unveiling. “We can make your penthouse your office space, and spruce this place up a bit! We’re already searching for stuff for me, we can find some things for you as well. My treat!”

A small smile etches on Nanami lips. “You don’t have to-”

“I want to.” Tiana says immediately, placing a hand on Nanami’s shoulder. “Let me return the favor.”

Nanami feels his heart twinge a bit. Was Tiana only doing this out of a sense of debt? Even so, he couldn’t say no to her eager face.

“Okay, fine. We’ll look together.” He caves, and the smile that spread across her face washed away any feelings of affliction.

“I have a few dishes to wash. I know how much you hate cleaning in a dirty kitchen, so feel free to look around.” Nanami says, rolling up his sleeves as he marches to his metallic sink.

“Damn straight!” Tiana says, sliding out of the kitchen with her socks. Nanami chuckles, finding it adorable that Tiana seemed to be enjoying her exploration.

Tiana growing up was labeled as a nosy child, a little girl who was always in the midst of grown folks conversations. But even now after being given permission to snoop, she tried to keep it in check. She was still a lady after all, and this was her partner’s home. She didn’t want to intrude on his privacy too much, even though he didn’t give her any limitations on where she was and wasn’t allowed to travel to. It was odd, yet refreshing how open Nanami was.

Almost too open.

Tiana started on the ground floor, passing the living room since she had already seen that, and instead becoming fascinated with his shelf of plaques and awards that he had earned over the years, including the one he just received this past Christmas.

She passes the kitchen momentarily, Nanami watching her with bright eyes as she looks out to the large backyard, a pond lined with beautiful stones in the middle of it. It was absolutely serene.

She found the laundry room, which had a pile of clothes waiting patiently on the ironing board. This was probably as messy as his home would get.

As she walked to the stairs, she passed a room that seemed to glow gold compared to the cold white lights in the living room, the light streaming out of a slightly ajar door. She caught a whiff of incense, and it tickled her nose. She hesitated, tiptoeing closer. She didn’t know why, but something told her not to disturb that place, so she trotted up the stairs after a moment.

Upstairs was his bedroom, Tiana peaking in momentarily with flushed cheeks. It had the same gray color scheme, and his wide bed was crisply made. Only two pillows decorated his headboard. There were two night stands, an alarm clock and lamp decorating the left one which Tiana assumed was the side he predominantly slept on.

I sleep on the right, Tiana noted before closing the door with a soft click.

Next was an office space with a large desktop and a weighted gray chair. The top of the desk was stacked high with folders, and there were a few more on the floor. Tiana also noted that this was the only room with carpet so far.

Finally she came upon an empty room, which she assumed was a guest room, which had a wide window that overlooked the backyard. The room was bare, nothing but a ceiling fan for decoration and a few boxes. Tiana couldn’t help but wonder if Nanami ever had any guest, or any family to be his guest.

After her adolescent curiosity had its fill, she barreled back down the stairs as Nanami was drying the last dish.

“Found what you were looking for?” Nanami laughed as he reached into his fridge, grabbing a few ingredients.

“The pile of laundry sure adds…character.” Tiana teases, washing her hands in the sink, and Nanami laughs. After a moment of silence, Tiana asks the question that had been gnawing in the back of her mind since she had seen it.

“I didn’t go in there because it seemed private,” She begins, turning the sink off. “But what’s that side room downstairs?”

Nanami pauses for a second, and Tiana takes note of his hesitation, before he shakes it off and closes the fridge.

He decides to feign ignorance.

“The laundry room?” He says.

Tiana picks up on his wavering, and begins to backtrack.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to…” Her voice falters. “I promise, I didn’t look-”

“It's a shrine.” Nanami speaks so quickly that Tiana barely catches it.

“A shrine?” Tiana repeats, unsure.

“For the deceased.” His response is quiet, and it sucks the warmth the two had produced out of the room.

Tiana freezes, blinking hard. All she can manage is a quiet,

“Oh.”

She begins rinsing the vegetables that Nanami placed on the counter to busy her hands and her mind.

Nanami watches her from the corner of his eye as he fills a pot with water. He lets the sound of the crackling gas on the stover fill the silence, a light blue flame flickering under the pot. He then sighs deeply, the wind being pulled from the back of his chest. It almost resembles defeat. He should have expected her to ask. He would just have to alter a few things.

“It’s to pay respects, an act of commemoration and honor.” He says with a roll of his shoulders to absolve some tension.

“Mm.” Tiana responds, her lips pursed slightly. “Then shouldn’t I?”

“You don’t have to, really.” Nanami says a bit too quickly.

“I know…” Tiana says. “But I feel like I should. No, I want to.” She quickly changed her sentence. I want to be a part of your life.

Tiana and Nanami have a silent battle of wills, an intense stare shared between the two that crackles some emotions that neither wanted to confront. But Nanami was used to losing when it came to her.

“The room’s a little messy, though.” Nanami says, standing hip to hip with the bronze woman, his face as soft as his voice. “I’ll straighten it up after dinner, and you can do so before you leave.”

Tiana’s eyebrows twinge.

He doesn’t want me to stay?

No, she thought. It’s my first time here. I don’t want to seem like I'm going too fast.

So Tiana brushes her thoughts off with a joke, hoping Nanami couldn’t sense her disappointment.

“If it’s anything like your living room, I’m sure I’ll manage.”

The two whisk around the kitchen in a strange harmony, as if Tiana had lived there before, chatting about this and that. The two danced around the topics of family because it was still a bit sensitive, instead talking about Tiana’s big move.

“You can’t be too mad at me anymore.” Nanami says, stirring at his soup as they sit at the dining room table. “There has to be a bit of excitement, right?”

Tiana hums, her nose doing a slight scrunch as she thinks on his words. What did she feel?

“Excitement is one word, I guess.” She chuckles. “But I’m more nervous than anything. It’s a pretty big deal.”

“Mhm.” Nanami listened with intent.

“It kind of sucks that I’m so far from the office.” Tiana sighs, thinking about her long walks to and from the building that ended up being a great stress relief to vent. Also, a good bit of time with Nanami. “But I’m not too worried.”

“Oh?” Nanami raises a brow. “Well, how do you plan on commuting to work?”

Tiana titters with discomfort, her teeth flashing but her brows narrowed in distress. “Isn’t it obvious? That company bus you mentioned a while back, I’ll just take that since it will be easier. I don’t really understand the station or the regular bus routes yet…” She trails off in thought, and Nanami frowns.

“The company bus only goes to the family compounds. You’d have to travel there to catch it.” Nanami states plainly.

“Ah.” Tiana’s voice squeaks a bit, as her mind reels to another solution. “Then, maybe the company bikes? It’ll take a while, though.”

Nanami shakes his head. “They are secluded to those areas as well.”

Now, Tiana’s the one frowning.

“Um…” She laughs nervously, breathless as she tries to come up with ideas but falls short. Except for one, but it would be too much of a bother.

“What if…” She stirred at her soup that was definitely growing cold. “What if you…took me? If it’s not too much…”

“I can take you when I’m on this side of town, but-” Nanami tongues his cheek, the conversation growing tense as Tiana’s face grows more and more mortified. “But my new office is almost an hour out.”

Tiana scoffs, dropping her spoon with a loud clatter, droplets of stock landing on the table. “Did you actually change offices for us to work?”

Nanami gives a slight chuckle to lighten the mood. “No, no, it came with the job. I’ll be around, but unfortunately, not as much.”

Tiana scrunches her face. “Isn’t that why you kept looking for places close to you? So you could be around? So I could be around?”

“Well, sort of…” Nanami reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a sage colored key with a skeletal design. He places it gently on the table, and slides it to Tiana. Tiana stares at it for a second, then back up to him.

“What’s that?” She asks bluntly.

“A key to my place.” Nanami exhales a cloud of nerves that he hoped Tiana couldn’t sense. “It’s only fair; I could get into your place, now you can get into mine.”

Before Nanami could finish his statement, Tiana gives a dry scoff, still a bit irritated that her current problem at hand had yet to be solved.

“Wow, thanks.” She says, a bit sarcastically as she trailed her fingertips on the intricate designs and swirls.

Nanami purses her lips and breathes through his nose. “Well, that interaction went a lot better in my head.”

“I’m sorry, I sound so ungrateful.” Tiana huffs, placing a hand on her forehead. “Thank you, really. I just- I need to figure out how to get to work. I may just have to learn the subway routes, or just take a cab.”

“Not the worst option, but learning the subway won’t happen overnight.” Nanami says. “Cabs can get a bit pricey, so you’ll need to put it in your new budget if that’s what you want to go with. But you don’t know what idiot could be behind the wheel.”

Tiana lets in a sharp inhale, her face downcast as an answer stares her in the face that she doesn’t want to see. Nanami tilts his head to Tiana in a sympathetic way, and it almost gouges out her stomach despite how soft he looks.

“Tiana-”

“No.” She cuts him off immediately, but he leans toward her more.

“Tiana…”

“No!” She says again, with a laugh deprived of anything humorous.

Nanami purses his lips, but keeps his voice calm. “Tiana.”

“No.” She’s still quick to shut him down. She doesn’t want to hear it. “No, I know what you’re going to say and I can’t, no.”

“Tiana.” He coaxes her, his hand sliding across the table to take hers. “You might just have to-”

“I can’t and I won’t.” She shakes her head aggressively, her breathing picking up slightly as she snatched her hand away.

“But why.” His voice almost begs for an explanation, an explanation that Tiana was terrified to share. Terrified that it would change how she looked in his eyes. She didn’t want to see the light leave his irises once she said it, she didn’t want to feel his warmth recede once she confessed such a sin. She knew it was coming, but it was so soon. Were they really doing this right now? “Why? What happened to him had nothing to do with you-”

“I was the idiot behind the wheel.”

Her voice sliced through the air, the tension yanking something out of the both of them as it threatened to erupt between the two. But, seeing the regret dancing on Nanami’s lips, Tiana reeled herself back in. She didn’t want to argue, the first time had been so unpleasant she thought a part of her died. She didn’t want either of them to leave angry. She slowed her breathing as best she could, wiping at her face before the tears were able to spur.

“So it has everything to do with me.”

Of course. Of f*cking course that’s why. It wasn’t just the fact that Naveen had passed during an accident. She had experienced it. Caused it, even. The guilt of sitting in the driver’s side and causing the love of her life’s demise, undergoing the physical and mental trauma of the accident, the pain. A survivor’s ballad.

Nanami felt dumb. He felt like a total ass. He had gone too far this time, pushed her too hard. She should have been able to come to him about this on her own terms, but he ended up forcing it out of her as he always did. He swore he had her best interest at heart, though he never seemed to do what was best for her heart. He always seemed to be responsible for demolishing it instead of repairing it, the exact opposite of what he meant to do. But who cared what his intentions were when this was the outcome?

“I’m sorry.” He quickly apologies. “I shouldn’t have-”

“Nanami.” His apology almost goes unheard as Tiana deflects his words. “It’s one thing to regain trust in my heart. But trusting my body again?” Tiana’s hand clutches her shirt as if to tame her own flesh. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

Nanami feels his own heart twist, but instead of palming at the muscle, he grips Tiana’s hand into his, his own immediate reaction catching him off guard as well as her. But he realizes that he can help her. He could aid her in relinquishing her fear.

He could atone.

“That’s it.” He says as if he had made a discovery.

“W-” Tiana stutters, her face switching from agony to confusion. “What’s it?”

“You don’t know. It’s not that you can’t.” He reassures her, thumbing her fingers to calm her. He can almost count the beats of her rapid pulse. “That’s why I’m here. So you can know. So we can figure it out together. So that you may move forward.”

Move forward even if it’s without me, he thinks.

“What do you think about driving lessons?” Nanami asks, pulling her hands closer to his body as he leans in intently. Tiana’s eyes widened with bewilderment.

“Driving lessons?” She parrots.

“Yeah.” Nanami nods his head. “I said I would help you solve things, didn’t I?”

Tiana’s head drops, unable to look Nanami in the eye. His honesty burned more intensely than the sun. “I don’t know, Nanami. That’s a lot to ask of you.”

“You don’t have to ask me.” He says with resolve. “I want to.”

Tiana sinks in her chair, a weight of exhaustion being placed onto her. It felt like she spent more energy than she should have, yet there Nanami was ready to hold her up. And she appreciated him so much at that moment.

She leans forward, placing her forehead on their conjoined hands as she sighs heavily, her eyes closed. She said she would move forward. Maybe it was time to take another step.

“I’ll…sleep on it.”

Nanami exhales, pressing his forehead to hers, the pressure providing comfort to them both. For a moment, Nanami wished he knew what Tiana was thinking. That he would be able to read her mind because of a simple touch of their foreheads, but that’s not how it worked. He would just have to continue communicating with her.

“Come on.” He nudges her slightly before pulling away. “I’ll take you home.”

“Mm…” Is all Tiana can manage. But she lamented letting him go.

Tiana goes back to the living room, grabbing Nanami’s coat, and throwing it back over her shoulders. The sun had begun to set, and it would no doubt be cold out. But she also found herself wanting to be surrounded by him for some reason. The smell of cedarwood comforted her.

As she walked past the kitchen, the glowing light from that side room caught her eye once more, and she wiped her eyes.

“I still need to…” Her voice gets caught in her throat, but Nanami hears her as he silently stands behind her.

Tiana didn’t know why, but she felt the sudden urge to say hello to an old friend.

Nanami nods, returning the sentiment. He goes into the room, closing the door slightly with a low “Give me a moment.”

Tiana hears a bit of shuffling outside the room, followed by a swift apology. He then opens the door, the golden light flooding into the hall and basking her in a strange warmth. The room is small, and the wooden planks glistened an amber brown. Just above eye level was something like a large cabinet, photos of the deceased in black frames and mantles with Japanese characters inscribed into the wood. Little trinkets that hung on the cabinet doors, the incense she smelled early. It reminded Tiana of an altar.

Tiana swallowed hard, nervous on how she should carry herself, and wondering if her presence alluded to anything respectful. She looks at Nanami, who has his hands shoved deep in his pockets. When she takes note of a slip of paper sticking out that wasn’t there before, he shoves his hands in deeper. She rolls her shoulders, adjusting her stance back to the shrine. She takes a slight step closer, examining the photos.

“Are they your parents?” Tiana asks gently, motioning to a photo with a blonde man and a brown haired woman with the same facial structure as Nanami.

Nanami’s jaw tightens. “Yes.” He answers. “They passed when I was around ten. I lived with my grandparents until I was 17, which is when my full inheritance kicked in. It’s when I finally secured this house.”

Tiana hums, staring at the photo. There was something about the man that looked familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger on it at the moment. Not only that, she couldn’t help but wonder why his grandparents weren’t present on the altar. Maybe that’s who was in his pockets. If they were the ones that raised him, it was obviously a subject to heavy to discuss right now.

“Well, I know where you got your blonde from.” She reaches up to ruffle his hair, and pink tinges his cheeks. “And your…face.”

She redacted the word “handsome”.

She turns away from the sheepish man, back to the shrine that showed another stranger.

“Who’s that?”

The boy in the photo looked to be about a teen. Dark hair in a fraying bowl cut, and dark brown eyes that shined with his wide smile. He sprouted some sort of school uniform.

“That.” Nanami’s voice seems to tighten. “Was someone I lost before I could fully figure it out. Haibara.”

Tiana swears she had heard him say that before, but Nanami doesn’t clarify past that, so she doesn’t push him. The air had something sentimental about it, filled with a type of grief she was all too familiar with. She didn’t want either of them to succumb to these overwhelming emotions, so she took another hard swallow.

“What should I do?” Tiana asks gently, not sure how to proceed.

“I’ve never been a religious person.” Nanami sighs. “The one thing everyone who has ever lived has in common is that we will all eventually meet our end. Death doesn’t play favorites when it comes to that, and he can’t be cheated. He doesn’t favor a specific denomination, so it’s shed along with the flesh. We can’t hold onto either in death.”

Nanami hopes that Tiana will find consolation in his words. He prays that they aren’t taken harshly. But these thoughts are what saved him after losing those he was close to time and time again.

“Just pray the way you would in faith.” Nanami bows his head as his eyes shut. “Or simply talk. I’m sure they’ll listen. Not much else they can do.”

Tiana gives an airy laugh through her nose before bowing her head. Those words seemed to strum a specific chord within her that was way too nostalgic to ignore. She searched for something that sounded politically correct, or even poetic, but it seemed forced and dishonest. So she spoke from the heart, matching the rhythmic tune echoing from her soul.

“Um…it’s nice to finally meet those who Nanami holds dear.” She tries to lessen the stiffness in her voice, and Nanami’s head shoots up to look at her. “He has been taking good care of me, and I hope to return his kindness.” She pauses for a second.

“And much more.”

As the two slip their shoes on, Tiana catches a glimpse of Nanami’s face, which he deliberately hides in his scarf.

“You didn’t have to say it out loud.” His voice trembles to mirror the bashfulness clear on his face. Tiana feels herself imitating his emotions, but refuses to back down.

“But it’s the truth.” She states, as strong as an oak. “I mean it.”

Nanami drove the car steadily down the road, soft snores coming from Tiana, who sat curled over with his coat draped over her. Her body steadily rises and falls in a leisurely rhythm, a slight fog coating on the window everytime she exhales. Nanami hums in satisfaction, rubbing his mouth. Every now and then, his eyes would dart to the woman next to him, checking on her while simultaneously taking her in. The way her lips were parted slightly, her eyebrows straining every once and a while due to whatever imagery was flashing behind her lids.

Such a beautiful image that he could live in forever. But even the most beautiful things deteriorate over time.

“What am I going to do with you?” He mutters with a slight prick in his heart, and the photos in his pocket seemed to burn through the fabric and onto his flesh. His guilt was becoming immeasurable.

He pulls into the apartment lot, and his phone chimes. He opens his phone to see a message from Charlotte.

We need to talk.

Nanami exhales, tossing his head back onto his seat. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows a thick wad, turning over to look at Tiana.

“When you find out…what are you going to do with me?”

Tiana feels a gentle shake on her shoulder, becoming aware that the vehicle had halted its movements. She shuffles to sit up, Nanami’s jacket sliding down her body. As she turns her head, she finds herself almost nose to nose with Nanami. In her half-asleep state, all she can do is blink owlishly, Nanami’s face is just as surprised.

“What?” Tiana groggily breaks the silence, her voice strained. “Is there drool on my face?”

Nanami’s face softens, a low laugh rumbling through his chest. He lets a hand come up to Tiana’s face, thumbing the apple of her cheeks that had marks of sleep. Tiana felt warmth spread through her face paired with that slight tug in her stomach, but even in soft moments such as this, she noticed something hiding behind his eyes. As if there were another face hidden behind his skin. In her state of delirium, Tiana found herself pointing it out.

“You’re so weird.” She whispers.

Nanami lets an airy laugh pass through his nose, almost as if it hurts.

“I thought I was soft.” He matches the decibel of her voice, his eyes flitting to her lips before meeting her gaze again.

“You can be both.” She says. “Softly weird. Weirdly soft. Still working on it.”

Is he gonna kiss me? Right now?

Tiana’s thoughts whirled in her head, her body going rigid as she waited for him to move, but he didn’t. He didn’t dare inch closer, and Tiana was somehow grateful and scorned.

So to salvage her own pride, she pulled away with a somber laugh. She wanted to, the pull between the two was almost palatable. But she just couldn’t bring herself to do it yet. To close that gap.

“It’s getting late.” Tiana said, opening her door without waiting for Nanami as she usually would. She shuts the door a bit abrasively, leaving Nanami to his devices. His thoughts. His iniquities.

Pulling himself together, he joins her, walking her up the stairs as she rambles on.

“I really enjoyed spending time with you today. It’s been a while since we’ve spent an entire day together.” Tiana prattled on as they climbed the stairs two at a time. She talked to distract Nanami from her hesitation, while Nanami listened intently to cover up the weight of his burdens. “We have to do it again soon, so don’t get too busy. I’ll make sure to clear up my schedule anytime, so make sure you make time for me, okay?”

He doesn’t answer, and Tiana’s temples pulse.

“Okay, Nanami?” She looks up at him to make sure he was paying attention, and there's a manner of longing around him.

“Always.” He says.

Tiana nods, the night stalling to end as the two stand on her doorstep. What should she do now? Hug him goodbye? It just seemed too anticlimactic. But anything more would be…

“Well…” Tiana mutters, swatting that tug away. “I…guess this is goodnight.”

Nanami rocked on the balls of his feet momentarily, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Goodnight, Tiana.”

Tiana closes the door, pressing her back against the solid wood, her eyes squeezed shut. Sometimes, she wished that Nanami would take the reigns when it came to moments like this. When she froze, or hesitated, or thought way too much to have a good time. All she can do is sigh, her mind traveling back to the way Nanami held her. His fingers trailing delicately across her face with suppressed assertion. The way his lips looked in the light of the moon, and how she was so close to him that her face reflected in his brown eyes. The gentle whisper of his breath, stealing hers away every time she exhaled, in its place a soul ablaze. All she could do is rub her palms across her face, kneading her fingers into her skin.

“So much for being normal.” She muttered.

“Tia…” Charlotte’s voice turns into softened butter as she listens to Tiana’s plights over the phone. “It’s only you and him in this relationship. You don’t have to impress him, or prove anything to him. What’s important is that you go at your own pace, and that you are comfortable.”

“I know, I know…” Tiana placed her balled fist onto her forehead. “I know, I just. I can’t stop…”

Charlotte gave a knowing smile on the other line. “What? Thinking about him?”

Even though Charlotte couldn’t see her, she knew that Tiana’s face bloomed with color by the intonation of her voice.

“This is stupid.” She finally said.

“No, this is just how feelings develop.” Charlotte rebuttals. “That’s dating.”

Tiana runs her tongue across her teeth, the word resonating within her. Dating.

“You know,” She starts, “Naveen and I didn’t have a lot of this. This…waiting around. The hesitation. He always took charge.” Tiana chuckles at the memories flooding through her brain, but pain wasn't attached to it this time around. “He didn’t do anything against my will of course, but he was all I had. My first…everything.”

Tiana sinks into her couch, wrapping her free arm around her stomach as a guard.

“We moved so fast. Maybe if we took our time…”

Things would be different, Tiana thought. I wouldn’t be hurting so much right now. I wouldn’t be alone.

I wouldn’t have lost him.

I wouldn’t have found him.

“Well, don’t think too hard about it right now.” Charlotte tries to pick up the somber mood. “Don’t want you down and out before your date.”

The color returned to Tiana’s cheeks. “It’s not a date!” She defended. “He’s just helping me regain courage behind the wheel, s’all.”

“Uh huh.” Charlotte said.

“Enough about me.” Tiana fanned the air, changing the subject quickly. “What about you? How’s work at the boutique? You haven’t mentioned it lately.”

Charlotte’s throat locked for a moment, and she felt a sharp pain roll through her stomach. Gritting her teeth, she forces a lie out of her pink lips.

“Oh, nothing much.” Charlotte messaged her stomach, kneading the guilt away. “I, uh…took some time off to help daddy.”

“Oh no.” Tiana’s voice ripples with concern as she sits up. “Is he alright?”

“You know daddy, he’s getting up there in age and doesn’t know how to slow down.” Charlotte sprinkled a bit of truth into her story. “I’m just making sure he relaxes properly.”

“Ya sure you ain't stressing him out more?” Tiana laughs, but Charlotte doesn’t join in. Instead, she chews on the skin around her nail, gnawing at her flesh until she tastes a bit of metal.

“How’s your promotion coming along?” Charlotte's voice is muffled behind her teeth, deterring the conversation.

“Oh!” Tiana seems to brighten. “So much better than before. I’m also in charge of scouting interns for the next quarter and building my teams based on their resume submissions. It’s crazy how I was in their position almost a year ago.” Tiana said dreamily. But one thing that stuck out was how early these resumes seemed to flood in compared to how late she sent her and got the job.

Everything up until now must have purely been luck.

“I’m respected and more or less brown nosed every time I walk into a room, but all in all, it reminds me of…” She pauses, her eyes fogging over as she sinks into visages of cutlery, the sounds of a full dining room, and the scent of spices. “Of being in the kitchen. Except my apron is replaced with pencil skirts.” She giggles. “And even though it’s not my preferred career path, it feels like I’m getting my bearings, you know?”

Charlotte swallowed hard.

“Tia…” She mutters, her finger throbbing to the bet of her heart.. “I’m glad everything is going well with you. You seem…brighter.”

Which is why I can’t tell you.

“T-Thank you.” Tiana blushed. Is it really that obvious?

Tiana’s phone buzzes in her hand, and her heartbeat triples when she reads a text from Nanami saying that he was outside.

“Oh, girl I have to go!” Tiana’s voice perks up as she scrambles off the couch. “I’ll tell you how it went, okay, gottagobye-!”

And the line dies.

Charlotte grips the phone and places it onto her bathroom counter as she looks at the state of her body in the mirror. Her limbs had swollen, and her neck had gained a bit of girth. If Tiana were to see her now, she’d think Charlotte overdid it with the processed sweets while she was gone. But the most obvious reason was her swollen stomach that seemed to pull her forward; the size of an inflated basketball but holding the weight of a growing child and her immeasurable guilt.

“Three months.” She whispered, dabbing at her eyes.

“Just three more months.”

When Tiana stepped outside, she noticed how the car Nanami was driving in wasn’t his car, nor was it a standard vehicle you would find in the States. Because the steering wheel seemed to be on the right side of the car.

“What, didn’t trust me enough to drive yours?” Tiana joked as Nanami stepped out of the car, but in all honesty she was trembling with nerves.

“On the contrary.” Nanami said, folding his arms. “Because of your…” He pauses, being sure to be as careful as possible. “Past experiences, I feel like this would be the least traumatic for you.”

Tiana stares at him, utterly dumbfounded.

“So you think because the driver’s side is switched that I won’t keel over due to panic behind the wheel.”

Nanami’s brows furrowed as he stared at Tiana, who’s lids are low with her two-toned lips slightly agape.

“Yes?” He replies nervously.

Tiana lets out a sigh, and at first, Nanami immediately goes to explain himself; how he wanted to make sure she was comfortable, how he was trying to keep the situation as light as possible because of the morbid circ*mstances. But when she looks up with the corner of her lips upturned despite her knitted brows, he realizes it was out of humor. She was just nervous.

“Oh, Kento.” Tiana says, rubbing her face. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“We’ll start easy, just sitting in the driver’s side first. We’ll go to my place so it’s just you and me.” He spoke softly to her as if not to startle her.

Despite her anxieties, her heart still pounded behind her ribs.

“Okay.”

Nanami’s driving bootcamp was a task to behold, more so on her mental health than anything even with how gentle he spoke. Everyday for a little over two weeks, Tiana found herself in quite the conundrum.

On one hand, she was battling head on with her fear of simply being behind the wheel. Nanami started slowly, asking her to sit in the driver’s seat and hold the steering wheel. The first few times, Tiana’s hands jolted back from the leather as if it had scorched her. And once she was able to grip the wheel, images would blur pass so fast it made her sick. Stormy skies with clouds bleeding across the horizon. The sensation of being folded and bent at awkward angles, her joints twinging. The smell of blood and swamp water. The feeling of something being excavated out of her. The sensation of everything she loved slipping from her fingers.

But Nanami would hold her hands and simply tell her to breathe.

And this is where the confusion started.

Because when his hands graced over her, massaging her fingers to ease them off the wheel, her pain dulled immensely. When he spoke to her with direct eye contact, mumbling soft praises and words of affirmation, she could feel that empty hole within her be filled once more. It was more than just butterflies. It was like being hurled into space, straight towards the sun.

And when Tiana finally managed to press the gas gently without shuttling the car forward out of fear, he held her in his arms as she celebrated.

“Oh my god.” Tiana said in disbelief. It may have been an inch, but it felt like a mile. She slung the seatbelt off, jumping out of the car and Nanami followed. She paced around the vehicle, overwhelmed with her progress. She couldn't believe it. “I did it! Nanami, I did it- oof!”

He had engulfed her in a scoping embrace, twirling her around with a loud laugh.

“You did!” He sounded so overjoyed, and Tiana’s eye pricked with water as she got choked up. “I’m so proud of you! You did so well. I knew you could do it.”

When was the last time she heard someone lift her up like this? Both verbally or physically?

And she cried. She fell to her knees, sobbing into Nanami's chest as he held her tightly. She didn’t cry for the life that she had lost, nor was a single tear shed for Naveen for once. She cried for herself finally getting that sense of relief she had been praying for so long for.

She cried because for the first time in years, she could finally visualize a future for herself.

It felt good being held.

It felt even greater being loved.

But nothing could be grander than actively feeling growth.

So when she finally took her first drive around an empty parking garage, she almost cursed herself because she felt as if she had tumbled backwards once more, as if her previous growth meant sh*t and was nothing more than a fluke. She felt herself grow agitated, to the point where tears would well in frustration.

She’d shut her eyes every now and then, but the once dark skies that plagued her vision were replaced with the visage of Nanami’s smile. Her grip around the wheel would tense everytime Nanami’s fingers traced over her body to correct her posture of hand placement. And when he spoke in that rich tone, low and sentimental, she’d slam on the breaks so hard causing both of them to headbutt the dashboard or compartment box respectively.

“Are you still nervous?” Nanami said, rubbing his forehead, looking at Tiana in concern. But she couldn’t bring herself to face him, instead reaching out of the driver’s window to adjust her side view mirror to hide the heat creeping up her neck.

“No…” She muttered, fiddling with the mirror. “It’s something else.”

That damn tug that just wouldn’t seem to loosen. It kept pulling her closer and closer to him, no matter how much she ignored it or tried to wave it away. It was there, glaring her in the face and she just couldn't face it head on. She began to build up a resentment with herself, because dammit, why couldn't she just let things flow as they should? Why was she actively holding herself back?

Why was she afraid to be swallowed whole by this feeling?

So she tried to let it consume her, bit by bit. Allowing herself to relax in his touch instead of fighting its hold on her. Initiating romantic gestures without feeling shy to show her affection. And Nanami enjoyed every second of it. He loved when Tiana would hold her gaze with his so long that he would be the one to look away first. He was enamored when Tiana would use her hands to intricately trace the angles of his face, sometimes dancing around his lips painstakingly. His heart would thrash every time she uttered his name like a soft praise.

He fawned over every aspect of her, falling for her daily as the sun did for the moon.

The middle of March arrives, the snow beginning to melt along with Tiana’s exterior. Her driving isn’t perfect, and her attempts at remaining cool when receiving affection wasn’t always consistent, but she attempted nonetheless. Hugs grew longer as the patience between the two seemed to grow shorter, both trying to find out who would make the first move. The standard was set, but both were weary of how the other would react. Nanami hesitated in fear of pushing Tiana too far, and Tiana stalled in fear that she would push them too fast. This area here was comfortable, it was soft, but it seemed to avoid what would truly make them both vulnerable. They were teetering on an edge, one touch away from falling further into each other’s hearts. And while their actions were blatant, there was still something that needed to be said to be a confirmation. Something to be heard that would solidify the ground they stood on.

Slowly, the car rides became longer and longer, neither wanting their time together to end while also being fixated on shedding a new layer of Tiana’s fears everyday. Tiana pushed herself to bask in Nanami's presence, and Nanami selfishly allowed her to. Around the block turned into down the street. Then down the road and around the corner. Finally, working her way up to the main roads, but only when they weren't as busy.

Nanami’s methods weren’t an end all be all, he still suggested she seek help from others outside of him to completely heal her traumas. Nanami simply helped her be able to get where she needed to go, or wanted to go.

“It’s going to start warming up soon…” Tiana muttered, leaning on Nanami’s kitchen counter after her morning drive. They tried to squeeze in as much time before their shifts, a ploy to ride to work together if they were in the same building that day.

“I still wanted to see the snow monsters. We…never got to go back.” Tiana almost retracted her statement, remembering how well the trip went last time. She wondered if Nanami still mulled over it, or if he tried to forget about it all together.

Nanami, standing across from her, sipping a mug of coffee simply shrugged.

“Let’s go now, then.” He simply says, and Tiana does a double take.

“What?” She asks.

“Let’s go.” He says, putting the mug down onto the counter Tiana was leaning on, growing close. But Tiana didn’t shrink away. She tilted her head up, looking at him quizzically.

“Now?” She asks a bit too loudly, her brows almost touching her hairline. “You mean, right now?”

“Why not?” Nanami asks, his face growing a bit smug. “You have sick time, and I’m the boss.”

Tiana folds her arms as she chastises him. “Oh, ha-ha.” She titters, pushing past him and walking to the living room. Nanami follows with a chuckle.

“I’m serious.” He clasps his hand into hers and spins her around. His fingers squeeze as he looks deeply into her eyes, his face unwavering. “Come on. Let’s go. Right now.”

Tiana almost agrees immediately, but where’s the logic in that?

What was the logic in this?

This handsome man was up to something.

“What about clothes?” She rightfully asks, but Nanami refuses to back down.

“We can get everything we need when we get there.” He says.

“Mmm…” Tiana’s brows sink into her face as she squints. He seemed so eager, and Tiana would be lying if she said she wasn’t. The glint in his eyes mimicked the one in her own. But there was something about it that made her suspicious.

“Then we’re taking the bus again?” Tiana tilted her head. “We’ll need to leave now if we want to make it.”

And there it was, that mischievous smile that always told Tiana that this man was up to no good. The foxlike squint of his eyes, always calculating and observing things Tiana couldn’t see. He took his free hand, gently escorting some hair behind Tiana’s ear as if to make sure she hears him properly as he speaks with the smuggest smile.

“You'll be getting us there.”

Chapter 10: fool me once

Chapter Text

“Tiana…” Nanami's voice is tight while trying to retain his usual mellow attitude. He doesn’t want to panic, because that would cause Tiana to panic, which would in turn send them sliding off the side of the mountain at a snail’s pace of ten miles an hour. Despite driving so slow, she skidded and swerved too close for comfort to the road railings, knuckles ashen and arms bone straight as they extended in front of her. Teeth gritted with squinted eyes in an attempt to duck the scenery before her. The 60 minute drive had turned into almost five hours based on the map app because of their current pace, and quite a few cars blare their horns wildly before skirting around the slow vehicle in a hurry, replanting the seed of fear Nanami had tried so hard to help uproot.

“Tiana, I need you to relax a bit.”

Tiana’s breath began to shallow despite Nanami’s kind words of encouragement. They didn’t aid her not one bit.

“I am relaxed.” Tiana said through gritted teeth, another angry driver driving past them so fast that it seemed to be on two wheels. “I am.” She said, more so for herself.

“Tiana…” Nanami said in a more coaxing tone. They went around the bend, the railings disappearing and morphing into a clearing of thick, white snow that dipped and swelled into valleys, rising into distant moments that crossed and tangled like human thighs.

“I’m relaxed!” Tiana yelped, straightening her back against the seat. Nanami’s mouth snapped tight, swallowing in the silence.

“I am relaxed.” She said breathlessly. “I got it. I can do it.”

“I know you can.” Nanami cautiously spoke. “You don’t have to prove anything to me-”

“This isn’t for you-!”

The tires skid across an iced spot on the road, tires scorching against the crunchy gravel at an acute angle. But because of the speed, the car slid off the road slightly, the back tire on the passenger side dipping into the slush. Panicked yelps emit from the two, almost indistinguishable from the other as the car comes to a stop, Tiana’s foot almost through the car floor as she jammed her floor into the break. As the car comes to a stop, Tiana throws her head forward in fear, her breathing quickening along with the low thrum of the vehicle, the engine purring in a mocking way as her body vibrates.

“I’m sorry.” She broke out in a tight gasp, the leather squeaking under her grasp. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m-”

“Tiana, it's okay.” Nanami’s voice punctured through in sighed reassurance, but she continued to apologize. Though he wanted to hold her, he wasn’t sure if it was an appropriate time. He didn’t want to spearhead her into more panic. She probably needed a moment.

So Nanami was surprised when she grasped him so tightly.

One hand digging into his skin despite having on such a thick sweater, and the other cradling his head as if to shield him from something he couldn’t see, or from something that could have happened.

“I pushed you too hard.” He muttered, returning the hug as he buried his nose into her neck. “I’m sorry.”

Tiana didn’t respond, just trembled harder as her hands tangled into his hair.

After a longing embrace and the driver behind them nice enough to check to see if they were okay, Tiana finally gathered her bearings enough to switch sides with Nanami. Nanami was thrown off by her expression as they traded seats, while she lacked tears she wore such a daunting expression. Nanami, once maneuvering back on the road, drove carefully down the road, taking the last event as some sort of warning.

There’s no rush, Nanami thought. We can take our time.

“I’m sorry.” Tiana voiced her sorrows again, curled up in the passenger seat and staring at the window while hiding her mouth behind a balled fist. Nanami shook his head.

“Stop apologizing. That wasn’t your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have said that.” She gives him a look of dejection before gazing back out the window. “I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

The air within the car is still.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“You were under pressure-” Nanami brushed the comment off. His feelings weren’t bruised at all by her sudden agitation, that was evident. But his heart ached every time Tiana was unnecessarily hard on herself.

“That’s not an excuse.” Tiana cut in again. Lashing out at the person who had extended so much grace and patience to her ate at her insides, but she swallowed her irritation down with each gulp of air she took to evaporate her tears. This was supposed to be a happy trip. A trip she had yearned so long for.

A do over from last time.

“I want them to know that I’m okay.” Tiana’s voice is soft as she speaks about a group of people Nanami isn’t necessarily familiar with, but he gets the general picture because of its relatability alone.

“I want you to know that I’m okay.” She turns back to him, water swelling at the corner of her eyes. “I want to know that I’m okay.”

Nanami can’t look at her for long, though he does every so often, having to tear his gaze away from her to avoid any mishaps. He removes a hand from the steering wheel, finding Tiana’s hand that was curled into a tight ball, slowly inching his fingers into the hollows of her hands.

He wished he could look at her when he said this. Just to make sure doubt didn’t hide in the shadows of her eyes.

“We all know you’re doing your best.” Nanami words seem to massage a knot in the lump of flesh residing between her ears. “We know you’re okay. You’re more than okay. We just want you to know that for yourself.”

Tiana stifles something in the back of her throat, tucking her chin into her knees as she whips back to the window, a glittering tear falling onto her knee.

She releases a shaky breath, releasing her inhibitions, and in turn inhales the artistic scenery before her. Glimmering clouds close enough to lay her sorrows. Mountain tops so sharp it’d put her kitchen blades to shame. Brightened snow as it reflected the sun's rays back to the heavens.

She wasn’t going to smear this moment a second time. She wasn’t going to tarnish this chance. She will prevail, even if she had to army crawl to a summit this beautiful to succeed.

“I’ll drive back.” She mutters, swiping at her nose. “I’ll be ready then.”

Nanami just smiles, shaking their hands with encouragement. Pride surges through him, his fingers drumming on the back of her rich skin.

“That’s my girl.”

Tiana’s confidence seemed to spike while skiing, especially when she moved up to a slightly taller slope than last time. Gliding through the snow a lot smoother, eating that same slush through her nose a lot less. Nanami found himself holding Tiana up a lot more than he needed to, and Tiana’s beaming smile could have melted the snowy side of the mountain. The lingering touches around her waist, on the small of her back, and on the base of her wrist; his fingertips seemed to itch to touch her bare skin. The gentle words gliding past his pink lips that often caused Tiana to swerve while being attacked with a fit of giggles. Nanami’s low laugh induced by her own, weighing in the pit of her stomach to anchor her to the earth so she wouldn't float away. And on the snow lift, the warmth brewing between them as they pressed side to side could have started a flame, and maybe it did. Because slowly but surely, Tiana found herself slowly being engulfed by a fiery presence. A feeling she thought had died and fizzled out with her first love. An emotion she believed was doused in that same water grave.

But there it was. At first the same brilliance as a flickering candle flame, but now seemingly taking on the form as the sun, the giant ball of light casting eerie shadows across the tall mounds of frosted trees as it set. Tiana and Nanami weaved through the structures, playing a strange game of cat and mouse as they chased each other through the snow, their footsteps crunching with delight as shrill laughter echoes off the mountain sides. For a moment, with the glittering moon puncturing the night, the laughter grows quiet. Tiana ducks around, grappling frosted branches, listening in the still night. Nanami had disappeared in the shadows.

“Nanami?” Tiana called, the sound of her boots sloshing into the ground responding to her. Tiana could hear the voices of people a bit further down and the sound of someone gliding across the ever-stretching bed of white. But not once did she hear Nanami. Not a single footstep, not a whisper of breath; he seemed to have disappeared into the cold brush. Even when Tiana turned her reddened nose up to the cold sky, she couldn’t even get a whiff of his cologne.

“Kento?” She could sense him. She could feel his eyes prying into her from the dark, but she just couldn’t pinpoint where. A shadow flits in the peripheral vision of her left side, and she whips around to expect Nanami there, but is instead met with a looming pile of snow. The same quick movement to her right, yet when she turns around she’s staring into a dimming path. She looks down and see’s footsteps heading in that direction, but they stop abruptly a few paces ahead of her. The hairs on the back of her neck spring up.

“Ken?”

A pair of arms lasso around her waist from behind, a terrifying shriek ripping her vocal chords as she’s lifted and spun around in the dark. But her flailing arms and legs tuck in when she feels that familiar thrum on her back and that mellow laugh in her ear that was always paired with it. Her scream melded into a roaring laugh, her head falling back on Nanami’s shoulder to reveal all her teeth.

After another turn, Nanami slowly places Tiana back into the snow with a soft crunch, his arms still around her, and her hands on top of his. Her head still on his shoulder, she stares up at him as he looks down at her. Tiana’s infectious giggles got caught in her throat. Neither moved nor breathed. Even the earth held its breath in anticipation. The wind was still.

All they could do was stare at each other and let their eyes talk. A million conversations being had at once every time their eyes flitted. But one thing was very loud and clear, though neither had the courage to voice it despite the intensity the feeling brought.

I need you.

The feeling was much past wanting. It was a craving, an innate desire. That tug had morphed into a full on yank. Yet still…

“It’s getting late.” Nanami's voice was subdued, and it pulled Tiana out of her trance.

“I-It is…” Tiana waned like the moon.

“Do you want to start heading back?”

“Back home?” Her voice almost shattered.

“Or we can stay the night?”

His voice was low, the offer as tantalizing as a deal with the devil. Nanami knew that Tiana wouldn’t have enough courage to ask, and he didn’t have the right to make the decisions for them. So he gave her the power to choose, and pleaded to the heaven’s above that she would say yes. He didn’t want to be without her tonight

But why was she hesitating so much? Was he pushing her too far? Nanami could see the gears in Tiana’s mind shift and shiver as she chewed on her response.

“Don’t think too hard.” Nanami encourages her. “What do you want to do?”

Stay because you want to, not because I asked.

“Be honest.” He whispers.

I don’t want this night to end, Tiana thought. I don’t want to go.

She wanted to drown in this feeling. So she tilted her head, a mousy smile on her lips as she recalled a line from the last time they danced this dance, except the temp had changed ever so slightly.

“The fun doesn’t have to end here.”

Tiana seemed to be swept away by deja vu. Traveling from store to store for some apparel. Snacking at different food stalls with eyes bigger than their stomachs. Walking hand and hand down the icy sidewalks to brace each other incase either of them took a tumble. Laughter had become a recurring melody. Maybe because Tiana was so jittery, and she couldn’t help but ramble, and Nanami couldn’t help but listen and laugh at her shyness. Tiana was just grateful that her initial fear the first time they visited had dissipated into that “something else” that she had been avoiding.

Nanami drove them to a grocery store, Tiana declaring that snacks were needed for the night despite the two having full bellies. She scooped boxes and bags of items in the shopping cart, Nanami taking note of the box of hot chocolate tumbling with the other items. Next, they found themselves in the spirits aisle to Nanami’s surprise. His almond eyes squinted, eying the glass bottles with a scowl as he recalled Tiana’s last encounter with alcohol.

“You wanted something from here?” Nanami sounded suspicious as Tiana rubbed her chin, turning one of the glass bottles around.

“I wanted the amaretto mix. I don’t know, it just feels like a special occasion.” Tiana said as she tapped her nails rhythmically on a dark bottle. “But I can’t seem to find it here. So I was thinking I’d make us some peppermint patties.”

Nanami raised a brow. “Peppermint patties?”

“Yeah.” Tiana’s voice filled with nostalgia. “My Ma and Pa used to drink it all the time. Spiked hot chocolate, basically.”

Tiana trailed down the aisle, reminiscing about her childhood.

“My ma would ban me from the kitchen when she made these for the adults, but I would peek around the kitchen and watch.” She tapped her temple with her pointer finger. “I can still recall the exact amount of everything she poured. No recipe is lost on me, even though I’m a little rusty.” She laughs lightly. “But one night, I took a sip from my daddy’s cup when he wasn’t around. Tasted awful. Absolutely rancid.”

Nanami laughs and Tiana comes to a halt, her face scrunched in distaste. She shakes her head almost shamefully as she recalls the taste.

“But I’ve changed…” Tiana says a bit somberly. “I guess I want to see if my palette has changed too.”

Tiana avoided cooking like the plague when her mother died. That had been the final straw for her, especially when Naveen had passed not too long before. She could only stare at the cooking equipment with empty eyes and an even emptier heart. It was as if her mother’s spirit haunted the items, and even grazing the pots and pans her mother once owned would send a wave of sorrow that she couldn’t bear to face. Touching her items was proof that she really was all alone.

But ever since she’s arrived, it has been a bit easier, especially when Nanami was around to watch or help her as of late. Her mother’s spirit guided her, helping to polish off the rust and rebuild those kitchen callouses. She could hear mother’s voice whispering when she was about to use too much of a specific spice, or her mother’s thick hands guiding her when she minced vegetables. It was as if working in the kitchen again conjured her mother’s presence which she missed so much, but was too afraid to bask in. And whenever Tiana broke out a childhood recipe, it felt as if mother Eudora was right there next to her. And like a child, Tiana yearned for her mother’s embrace.

So as childish as it seemed, she wanted to make this silly hot chocolate drink to feel close to her once more. So her mother could cheer on her attempts at moving forward. So her mother could see that for the first time in a long time, she was smiling a real smile. So her mother would witness that she was okay enough that her spirit could rest easy.

So maybe her mother could tell her what to do to make sure everything goes right this time, like asking for advice for a first date. She didn’t really get to ask about Naveen. They simply got hitched.

Tiana realized she lamented far too long, shaking herself out of her thoughts as she eyed another bottle. She couldn’t recognize all the characters yet.

“Ken, can you point out the characters for ‘peppermint’ for me? I don’t want to grab the wrong thing.”

“As long as you don’t lose it on me like on New Year’s.” Nanami chuckled, and Tiana blushed with sheer embarrassment.

“I don’t even remember everything that happened.” Tiana muttered as Nanami stood at her side, eying the different bottles.

“That makes me being the lone witness all the more enjoyable.” Nanami smirked, and Tiana began to fume.

They make it to a cottage similar to the one they stayed in the last time they were here, except everything seemed to be slightly flipped, and the layout a few square feet smaller. They both showered in their respective bathrooms and changed into their pajamas relatively quickly. Tiana immediately got to work afterwards, Nanami standing ready on the side in case she called him for help. The melanated drink looked absolutely delectable with a mountain of alcohol infused whip cream on top, Nanami’s personal idea. The drinks sat in two giant beer glass mugs, Tiana’s personal idea to see who could finish it all the fastest. The two sat on the couch, the lights off as Nanami looked for a movie, pausing when he took a sip of the sharp drink. It was as if a piece of minty dark chocolate had melted on his tongue, sliding down his throat. He smacked his lips happily, looking at his mug.

“I was a bit suspicious since I don’t care for sweets…” He said. “But this is really good.”

“Really?” Tiana raised a brow, looking at her own mug. She raised her lips and took a slight sip, the thick liquid kissing her top lip with warmth as the minty flavor hit her palette. She smacks her lips, lowering the mug, surveying the flavor.

She didn’t like it.

“Uh oh.” Nanami chuckles. “You don’t like it?”

He must have read her face.

“It’s okay.” Tiana said, taking a feverish gulp. She refused to let it go, even if it didn’t agree with her taste buds. The warmth of the cup felt as if her mother were holding her hand, and the heat spreading through her body felt like her embrace.

Tiana chuckles a bit, her cheeks growing warm. “I guess I haven’t changed at all.”

Sorry, Ma.

“Just because your palette didn’t change doesn’t mean you haven’t.” Nanami laughed, and it refreshed Tiana’s spirit.

“Yeah…” She said, taking another sip of her drink, appreciating the surge of warmth flooding through her. It tasted better. “You’re right.”

Tiana and Nanami had put on a movie to watch, but the two ended up tearing it to shreds as this strange buzz of excitement electrified the room. Tiana was able to ignore her detestable emotions about the drink and just have a good time. Alcohol and pure sugar, a combination sure to culminate a feast of loud chatter and wild guffaws, even with adults. Tiana’s face felt as if ants were crawling on her, and she kept messaging her cheeks, or opening her mouth as wide as possible while her skin vibrated. They loudly criticized the film, calling out loopholes and nonsensical lines with bad deliveries. It was pure, unadulterated fun, their commentary only dying down once the credits began to roll.

“That was God awful.” Tiana said, draining the rest of her drink with Nanami one gulp behind, both forgetting about their little race as they teetered between buzzed and tipsy, with a dash of hyper activeness.

“The check couldn’t have been that good.” Nanami said, flitting through the screen to find another film for them to tear apart. Tiana stood up, grabbing her mug, looking at Nanami’s.

“You want some more?” Tiana said with a stretching yawn. But she wasn’t necessarily tired.

“Yes, please.” He responds with a longer one. Tiana hums happily, slowly trailing into the kitchen as her head tilted slightly, pouring them both another serving of warm brew carefully.

“Home baked cookies would have been good with this.” She calls from the kitchen, doing a slight sway with her hips as she dances to a beat that only she could hear. She swirled the whipped cream so tall that it threatened to plop over on the counter.

“Let’s make sure to do that next time.” Nanami calls back, and Tiana feels like a blooming flower in April. There would be next times for them that she could look forward to. More times like this.

Tiana feels herself grow soft like a pile of mashed peas, swooning with sentimentality at such a simple sentence. She sat down, placing the mugs on the table, and curling into Nanami’s side as if he were her shield. There it was, the feeling of comfort and serenity that washed over her. That gravitational pull that she couldn’t pry herself from.

“I like this.” Her voice delicately nipped at Nanami’s ear. He looked down at her just to be swallowed in her gaze. It felt like he couldn’t breathe. How could someone be so enchanting?

Tiana’s mouth seemed to swell with words that she never thought she would say again. It must have been the alcohol talking, this strange boost of confidence causing her to want to run her mouth freely. But something deep down within her knew better than to do that.

“I lo-”

Her voice got lodged in her throat. Maybe it was too soon.

“I like-”